Jasper County Democrat, Volume 9, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 May 1906 — LITTLE VISIT WITH UNCLE BY [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

LITTLE VISIT WITH UNCLE BY

Dilatory Courting. (Charlie Binger went t& see hl« best girl Sunday evening.—Exchange.) Charlie went t* see his girl—Susan Grigsby is her name. Ever since th' world's fair year, Susan she's bin Charlie's flame. Wonder when he's goin’ t’ "pop?” All th' neighbors wonders, too. Fust thing Charlie Binger knows, sum one else will git his Sue. Ev’ry Sunday night he calls, sneakln’ shame-faced up the walk— Seems t’ me es 1 wuz Sue, I would make him toe th' chalk. Bln a biirnln' Grigsby's lie fer erbout ten years er more; Darn a feller thet can’t git courage an’ a wife in foWr! When I married Mary Bliss, 'twant no tenyear courtin' game. Fust time thet 1 seen thet girl, I Jest knowed her married name. 'Twas a spellin’ bee down thar in th’ Holler op-ry house— She. had driv tn from Squeeville, 'long With thet thar 1 Brain K rause 1 Well, somehow I seen her fust: Cheeks as blrishin’ as th' rose; - Ups wuz ripe an' mockin' red; voice like ripples as they flows! Spelled my way erlong th’ line, 'til I stood beside her there; "Don't you think," 1 whispered soft, “we would make a handsome pair?” Turned an’ slapped me on th'cheek! "Mind your bizness, 81 U,” She said. An' we run away thet day, Jest a week, by Jing, an' wed' Ain't we happy? What's th' sense in this courtin' girls fer life, Keepin' them In dire distress? Waitin’ never won a Wife! Can't a feller see his Fate when he reads Can't lie "pop" an' livealway Jlst in love and I’aradse? • • • Corpse Still Alive. One of the boys of the Chicago Press club is responsible for this story: The western part of Texas is noted as a panacea for consumptives, but a great many of the sufferers delay visiting the territory until in the last stages of the disease and die shortly after reaching there. An Irishman, who was a station agent at one of the small western towns, was applied to for a ticket for a consumptive who was expected to die within a few hours, and who hailed from the far east. As these smaller stations are not supplied with through tickets it was necessary for the agent to communicate with the general offices before the required transportation could be had. So he wired headquarters as follows: “Send ticket for corpse, first train.” It happened, however, that the consumptive lingered through the day. and improved so noticeably that hopes were entertained for his ultimate recovery. The agent was apprised of this and at once sent another telegram which read: "Don't send ticket; corpse not dead yet:” • • ♦ How It Happened. It was like this: I.ark. Park, Meet, Son t. Heat. Treat, Wine, Fine, 1 >rhtk, Kink. Whoop, Loop, Lop. Cop, Forty Dollars! • « • ? Yarns. The editor of the Granville (la.) Gazette wonders where the deceased expresident oi a ceriain life insurance company has gone, but says if he (the editor) were dead, he wouldn’t like to ht.ui the insurance man for fear ol get..ng his coat-tails burned.

A Chicago woman wants a divorce because her husband "sits around all day an.] r«ads ‘Three Fingered Ike’ and the like when he should be hustling <hu«k!" Chicago folks always did offer more encouragement to their butchers than to their literati! Now this sounds sincere and should be most interesting to the fair young ladies who read this paper: Editor Young of the Berwick (N. D.) Forum Is advertising thus for a feminine companion: "Who is willing to share my lot? It is a corner lot!” A Michigan man has been arrested because he had too much money on his person. To keep the record straight, it might tie said that this man seems to be the exception rather than the rule.

•'What would you do with the money if some one left you a million dollars?” asks A. Josh Hatcher, of Michigan I w >uld try and buy as much real joy w th it as I did when a kid and had a nickel to spend tor peanuts. If there was any money left. 1 think I’d buy a new ribbon for my typewriter—machine. Little Ethel was allowed all the worn-out rugs, second-hand turn tn-e and dilapidated utensils for her o aybo" ’e inti) the idea was firmly es‘ab1' h d In her young mind that she was to hove the worn things only, ,’he s'ir; ri.-ed mother one day by dutifully delivering to her a dead cat with this comment, "Why, mamma, some one Fas sone t nd thrown away a perfectly good cat!” * • • Perhaps He Might. Bings—Do you play the violin, Mr Emyrtaleck? Mr. Stnyrtaleck—Really, I dunno! 1 never tried! BYRON WILLIAMS.