Jasper County Democrat, Volume 9, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 May 1906 — LITTLE VISITS WITH "UNCLE BY" [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

LITTLE VISITS WITH "UNCLE BY"

Stubbie and Fatty and Billy and ME. Stubble and Fatty and Billy and ME, We bin a fishin’, fer catfish, b' gee! We bln a fishin’ where fishermen go, Up in ’’The Run” where the pickerels grow! We bln a fishin’ with hoppers an’ things—- " Spit on yer hook and yer lucky, b’ Jings!" Stub got a bite that was almost a whale! Fat caught a coal-scuttle right by the ball! Stubbie and Fatty and Billy and ME, We found a nest in a sllek’ry elm tree! Down by the bridge they’s a "whookWhacker’s” goa 1: “Whookwharker” gobbles the "fraidycats” whole! Dassen't touch toads er they’ll give ye their warts! We knows where gooseberries grows by the quarts! Stub caught a honey-bee right by its wings! 1 hooked a mud-turtle, too, once, b’ Jings! Stubble and Fattle and Billy and ME, We hun g our clothes on a thornannle tree: Anchored our poles in a crotch ter the “cat”— * "Last t’ git in is a nigger!” sez Fat. Skitln’ we Bkipped fer th’ ol’ swlmmln’ hole, "First one t’ duck gits a bite on his pole!” "C-come on out!” chatters slim Stubble Spear; * "It’s Just as wu-warm ns kin be way out here!” ■ "Lookee!” sez Stub, “Fatty’s got a whale bite!” "Hurry now, fellers, an’ tie it up tight! You take a arm and let Bill take the tall; I’ll pour the water on out of this pall!” Pickin’ up bottom is fun fer us guys Pa sez he guesses that’s what aUs my eyes! Ma sez that goose-grease if used in a stack Purty nigh cures where th’ sun burns yer back! Stubble and Fatty and Billy and ME, Shivers an’ shakes by the thornapple tree; Climb in our clothes an’ then kick out our cars— Noses is -blue, but there’s nobody keers! Goose pimples melt when th’ sunshine comes out — “Time t’ go in agin!” bawls Fatty Stout! Day’s awful short fer us kids and (airplay; Couldn't “go in” but TEN TIMES yesterday ! ... Rag Weed, This pure food bill Is all right so fat as it goes, but what we poets want ii a receipted bill for food already assimilated. The report is current that the Standard Oil company will make radical changes in its methods of doing business in Missouri and elsewhere It is to be hoped that the spirit of Missouri has not weakened one iota from the “show-me” standard.

Our esteemed friends, the Cherry Sisters as lowa, whose histrionic ability is too well known to need encomium In these columns, have once more taken to the spot-light and the powderpuff of the stage. Fresh from their farm in Hawkeyedotn they are besl 1 ';- ing the barracks of our most Intel 1 - gent and pleasure loving people in tl ■ m ‘tropoU.-es of this great enlighten'd country. Let us enjoy them while we may. Hegln to save your firecracker money for the Fourth. Loving another woman's husband Is fine business—for the tea party at Mrs. Grundy’s and lor the divorce lawyei over the First National bank. * * * Little Eva in Kentucky. The brightest and merriest little milkmaid in the country is Eva. daughter of Mr. and Mrs. D. H. Morgerson, of Ford. To watch little Eva milk a cow is a rare treat. Indeed. "Saw, now,” she says, as she gives old Hose a thump on the shin with her chubby little list. Rose backs her leg in regulation style and Eva begins with the grace and effectiveness of a veteran. Although only 3V4 years old Eva does a third of the milking for the family, while her father does the other twothlrds. —Winchester Sentinel. • • • A Woman’s Tact. They were seated on the shelving sand. Over them the curlews were curling. “I love the Hoa.” she said, a touch of pathos in her voice. Somehow, instinctively, he felt the touch, but he answered: "Yes?" “Yes; the waves are so prettily checked with flecks of foam!” Then he led her to the beer garden. She blew off the foam and he paid the check. As he sat there listening to "the story of her life" the merry breakers gave him the "ha. ha.” BYRON WILLIAM*

The gas bill Is seldom made light of.