Jasper County Democrat, Volume 9, Number 4, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 April 1906 — Page 5 Advertisements Column 5 [ADVERTISEMENT]

Taking Chances. I never tell ma, cause she’s awful ‘frald I’ll fall In som'eres thet’s too deep t' wade! She jist thinks, ma does, thet most evßry day I’m killed, er I’m cut, er I’m skinned some way! She’s afraid I'll drown'd er sustain a fall— I won’t, by cracky! Course I won't a fall! Onc’t I helped cut Ice—an* I slipped right In! “Hold on!” hollered Bill, “er repent yer sirs!” Then he hustled ’round an’ he fished me out, By Jlng, with a pole, where my pants waa stout! By th’ great gee whiz, but th’ wind waa sharp! “Next thing,” says Billy, ’’youTl be pickin’ a harp!” Then I sez t’ BUI, in a big, loud tone: “I’m hot! Jist as hot as a hot soap-stone!’* An' kep’ at work with th’ great, white ■ - - blocks, —— ' —— While Bill, he chuckled: “That’s th’ stuff ’at knocks!” But along t’wards night come a awful croup— I couldeMf say nothin’ but: “Whoopt Whoop! Whoop!” W'ell, to-morrow night—an’ there ain’t no fail— I hitch ma’s biler to our burro’s tail! Then I’ll clamber in an’ I’ll take a ride, A-ticklin’ th’ jack on his stern-wheel side! Jim-i-nee cracky! what a heap o’ fun, Fer that there burro is a son’s-a-gun! An’ maybe when I am at rest fer They’ll put up a sign fer th’ passerby: “Hie jacet— lie lies; an’ his name was ‘Bub’— He hitched a burro t’ his mother’s tub! And thus ends our tale\ Let us weep and drool, Far Bub an’ th’ biler, an’ likewise Ut* mule!” ... Sweet Goodnight. “Such songs have power te quiet The restless pulse of care, And come like the benediction That follows after prayer." How true are the words of Bailey: “Ah, nothing comes to us so soon &a sorrow!” Two tiny, motherless children la South Chicago cannot as yet realize the cruel ways of fate, but even their adolescent minds understand something of that sorrow which comes so soon! Every evening they sit on the knee of the heartbroken father, and listen to a phonograph as it sings a lullaby in their dead mother's voice. And then they say their prayers in lisping accents, and “God giveth His beloved sleep!” Three days before the mother died she sang into the phonograph, and the song was etched into the waxen blank. Now the graye is her shroud, and at night when drowsiness o'ertakes them, the babes, in solemn voices, ask for "mother’s song of sweet goodnight.” “Men die. but sorrow never dies; Tiie crowding years divide in vain. And the wide world is knit with ties Of common brotherhood in pain!” * • • Grumblings. Many a girl who has taken a thorough athletic training at college is too weak to help mother wash the dishes during vacation time. • The young man now thoroughly realizes how much she loves him. She doesn’t like onions, but has promised without reserve that he may eat the odorous vegetable as often as ha choses—and he will not be compelled to sleep under the bed for doing so, either.

There is no place like home — with a boy and a drum In It. But. after all. you may not appreciate good music. My wife says several of her relatives were Nonogenarlans, but all mine seems to have been Methodists * and Baptists. It’s nothing to quarrel about, anyhow. Playing the bucket shop Is not gambling. You cannot possibly win anything. Executive ability at this day and age might be defined as the faculty ot earning your bread by the sweat of other peoples’ brows. A little girl defines drawing as "thinking and then drawing lines around the think.” If Ham had been sick and Noah had given him sugar, wotild he hare been * "sugar cured Ham?" Pleasure Is of two kinds —the mushroom and the toadstool. One Is sustenance; the othor, poison. BYRON WILLIAMS. >