Jasper County Democrat, Volume 7, Number 47, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 February 1905 — HUMOR OF THE HOUR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HUMOR OF THE HOUR

The Coming Woman. “Oh, miinunn!" exclaimed little Alice, rushing in from school. “Ethel Talbot has got the loveliest mother that ever was! She is such a beautiful mother! I do wish you could see her!” “Tell me about her, Alice,” said her mother. “Why is she so lovely?” “Why,” said Alice, “she lets Ethel say ‘By golly!’ all she wants to!” Somerville Journal, Feminine instinct in colors and their utilities as well as harmony effects is developed very early in life, as a man who hasn’t any children of his own discovered while showing the five-year-old daughter of a friend around the city of Seattle on the trip to meet the Minnesota. The Infant had exhausted the energies of her parent by her exploitations and when she found a new escort started to do the ship all over again. Finally site wanted to climb upon a dingy elevation, and her beau objected, urging that she would get her clothes soiled. “No, I won’t,” responded the small maid. “I’ve got on a gray dress.”—Seattle Post-Intelligencer. KlTective. The Banffshire barber who received a certificate from a man of high position for his “lotion” expects to make a fortune. The following is a copy of the certificate: “I have much pleasure in certifying that, having used Mr. ’s hair lotion, my head is growing thicker than ever.” —London Tit-Bits. Tuken Literally. Johnnie Paw, is Mr. Greonbag a barber? I’aw—Of course not. He’s a lawyer. What made you think he was a barber? Johnnie—’Cause I heard you talking about his boys, and you called them little shavers.—Dallas News. Looking Ahead. Grimes—The papers are full of the great Mockelburg-Smitz wedding. It’s positively disgusting. Graham—lt is a little out of taste, but it will give to the divorce proceedings a year or two hence a delicious flavor.—Boston Transcript. Ontdone. Mother—Nellie, why don’t you practice your piano lesson since I said I'd pay you 5 cents an hour for it? Nellie—Because papa gives me 10 cents an hour for whirling around on the stool without making any noise.— Detroit Free Press.

A Wine Child.

“Rliggins’ youngster is even brighter than his father gives him credit for being.” “What makes you say that?” “He positively refused to sing or recite when they tried to make him show off before company.” Wisdom of Little Fritz. “It’s 7 o’clock, Fritz! We must run home.” “No; if I go home now I shall be whipped for being so late. I’m going to stay till 1), and then I ll get bonbons and kisses because I’m not drowned.”— Lustige Blatter. 3 Many Like Him. “He claims to be blind to the faults of his friends.” “He may be blind to them, but his tongue and ears are getting long talking and listening to gossip about them.”—Philadelphia Ledger. Tryln* to Be Charitable. “Mr. Bliggins means well, but he doesn't stop to think.” “Ferhaps,” answered Miss Cayenne, “he feels that time is too valuable to be trifled away in hopeless undertakings.” —Washington Star. A Good Gaeoa. “Now,” said the cooking school teacher, “can any young lady tell me what the pieplant is?" “I suppose that’s just another name for pumpkin,” said the bright girl.— Boston Herald. All the Comfort!, “But isn't it hard to get things done in a country town ?” “Dear me, no. Why, our plumber comes round first thing in the morning after every cold snap.”—Brooklyn Life. Uaefal Hasband. There is one argument in favor of a woman marrying a Chinaman. Her husband naturally will do the washing. —Puck. Ar Ever New Old Game. Come on out. fellers, an’ let us play A griddy old game called pollyticks, A risky old, dodgy old, foolish old game, A game chock full of funny old tricks. Now let all th' candidates stand in a row, An’ we'll say th’ old rhyme that th’ kids all know— Eenie, meenle, mlney mo. Catch a nigger by th’ toe. Es he hollers let him go— Eenie. meenle, mlney mo. That’s th' way we must find out Who is IL —Chicago Chronicle.