Jasper County Democrat, Volume 7, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 May 1904 — When Binning “Did the Elegant” [ARTICLE]

When Binning “Did the Elegant”

By W. BERT POSTER

...Copyright, 1903, by D. C. McClure...

It was a fierce ptay. But there sat Binning, with a beautiful smile on bis face and applauding harder than the ushers. I turned upon him when the curtain went down and said crossly, “Did yon ever see such rot?” "Is it? I didn’t naOoB,” he replied, Still smiling. "Pact was I was thinking of the first time I ever came to this old ranch. And, oddly enough, I sat in this very seat My goodneaa, how time does flyP he added, with the air of a man discovering a heretofore unknown fact “Tempos certainty fugtta,” I remarked, settling back to hear. "Bat go sn with the tale." “Ah, and it is a tal»—a tale of woe,” he returned. "It happened a good bit ago, too; not long after I came down here to the city, believing in my greenness that I could cpt a swath in law that would lay over anything I could do in the plow making line. "Dad got me a chance with a good firm and then paid no further attention to me—financial attention, I mean. I was as lonely as a strange cat at first but after a few months one of the boys In the office introduced me to a rather nice family up town. “There were three girls in the family, and as I had hardly spoken to a girt since leaving home this in trod notion seemed a godsend to me. But I’ve wondered since If my fellow clerk did not introduce me simply to make his own escape from matrimonial toils the easier. As my visits increased his decreased. "It came to me finally that I could not continue to accept the hospitality they showed me without in some way returning it. I couldn’t invite one of the girls out without taking the mother along, and in that case it would have been equal to a declaration of love in the eyes of the family. Germans are mighty careful \that way. “So it was up to xoer to treat everybody alike. And I was determined to do the elegant I invited the bunch, daughters and mamma and papa, to go to the theater; bang hi six seats right in this very row. "It pretty nearly ctcan«l me out Six dollars was two-thirds of a week's s*i»ry, and after mentally figuring it up I decided that I would excuse myself after the show and let my guests go home alone. I could not afford even another round of car fares. “Well, we rustled into our seats like a flock of pigeons, papa at one end and myself here on the aisle. After the first two or throe numbers on the programme the waiters got extremely busy. To tell you the truth, I had not taken into consideration the fact that liquid refreshments were served, but I figured that I cor,kl stand one round for the crowd, even if I had to walk from the office to my lodgings several evenings to pay for it. “So I suggested a drink to the girl next to me. She took me up with positively frightful alacrity and passed oh the proposition to the others. I turned to beckon the waiter, intending to order six of those foaming glasses in an offhand manner, hound to impress the observer with the fact that I was the real thing. “ ‘Oh, Mr. Binning,’ said the daughter next to me, 1 think I’ll take a lemonade f " ‘And so will I, Mr. Binning,’ said the second sister. The third and mamma followed suit Whew! In those few seconds my collar wilted. “Even the old man, evidently considering that I would be offended if he ordered beer, asked for something in the line of mixed poison that I knew plaguey well he’d never tasted. Then the waiter, with increasing affability, looked at me. “It’s a terrible thing to be a coward. Jack. I wanted to blurt out ??ot with my money? But I didn’t dare, so I ordered the same mysterious drink that /the old man had spoken for and saw the waiter hurry away with a feeling that be might as well bring the house officer back with him when he returned with the refreshments. “Those six drinks would amount to SI.BO, and I had Just X 5 cents in my pocket “All the Impossible means of getting mrt of the entanglement raced throuj) my mind. I couldn’t even see what was going on upon the stage The falling of the curtain and a hurst of applause roused me "That waiter would be back soon. But there would be rather a long wait between the last and the next act 1 most get away where I could think. My guests were chattering about the show, and I broke in on them. " ’Do yon know what I’ve done? I snM to them with an air of candor. Tve forgotten my keys, and my landlady locks np at 11 o’clock sharp. " 'While this waft to on I’ll ran over to the boose and get them—l Vs luckily only a few blocks arway. She’s a peppery tempered oM lady, and if I should ring her up late she might put me out ip the morning.’ • That to too had, Ma. Binning;’ snys nrnmmiL Her heart was opened. We can pat you up overnight.’ T had a dogen reasons why I ®nM got accept the hospitality offered. And all the time I (feared that waiter would heave hi sight with bte tray at fancy drinks! T gcabbe&my hat 1 dared at* take my overcoat. Til be back before the next trim*’ k <torlar«d and nahed up the si«jfl "As I left my seat (ha stags mans

ger came from behind the scenes and signaled tbfe orchestra leader to stop. Ts Dr. Harrtty is In the audience,’ I heard him say, There to a telegram at the box office for him*’ “As I got into the corridor I sow a tall man in a tall hat make a break tor the corridor too. I accepted a return check, but I didn’t behove I should have any use for, it for where I was to find the balance of that tL£SQ I did not know. “When I reached the sidewalk there was the man in the tall hat with a policeman, shouting for a cab. There Was one standing across (he street but the driver was missing. Tie’s In some saloon along here,’ I heahd the policeman say. TTI look for titm, doctor.’ “ 'Find him, or I’ll take the cab myself. I’ve got to get to Forty-third street instantly? the physician cried‘l’d give $5 to get them in ten minutes? The cop disappeared end the doctor ran across the street to be near the cab when the driver appeased. And I was right by his side. “Five dollars! Why, at the minute. Jack, rd have commitUATfighway robbery for that sum! “ ‘You Jump in,’, said I to the doctor. T’U get you there. What's the number 7 "He gave me a look which assured me he knew I was not Jthe driver of the cab, but be told me the number. ‘l’ll give you $5 if yaxtßk there in ten minutes,’ be said. “I expected to bear the. officer or the driver of the turnout yCffing at me to stop. Bat the doctor wasn’t In the cab any quicker than I was tup on the high scat. And I woke that Cab horse up. "Inside of the ten minutes we stopped before the ntnUher Dr. Harrity gave me. He was out and op the steps ringing the bell In -a flash. For a second I thought the promised $5 was getting away from me ajffi I had made a criminal of myself for nothing. "I leaped down Just as the door of the house opened. A man let the doctor in, but I seized his coat taito before he could disappear. “The doctor tried to Jen envoy, but I hung on. ‘Johnson,’ he shouted to the serving man, ‘give this fool $5 and kick Mm out!’ But I dkfiPt wait to be kicked after getting my grip on the fiver. “You can bet that I wasn't to be hired to drive that cab bark to the theater. I took a car the avenue and walked calmly Into the lobby Just as the orchestra began to play the Introduction for the first number after the Intermission. “As I passed in there were the officer and an excited cabman Jawing each other, with a curious crowd about them. Evidently cabby Warned the policeman for the disapQßUKince of bis rig. “I slid into this seat- Jfack, Just as the curtain went up. There were the glasses on the shelf in front of ray guests, and I saw the waiter, rather anxious by now. hoverir® about. " ‘Oh, I forgot to pay for these drinks,’ I remarked and passed over the fiver with an air which evidently impressed the old genfteman at the other end of the row wiflkmy financial stability. “ne looked vastly relteved. mamma smiled again benignly, the girls gabbled, and I—well you can bet I never tried again to do the elegant on $9 per week.”