Jasper County Democrat, Volume 6, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 January 1904 — The Comic Side of The News [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The Comic Side of The News

Panama sleeps as soundly as a man with a big dog in his yard. Russia should take off its skates and 6top sliding down the map. Eggs cannot be classed as mere luxuries now. They are tantalizing dreams. Hereafter, it is believed, the fireproof drop curtains in Chicago will be fireproof nndL will drop. In the matter of musical farewell tours the balance of trade is always heavily against the United States. Second-class nations should keep on hand a few warships to sell to larger uatious at boom prices when u war cloud bobs up. Chicago union picscts feel greatly inclined to throw old shoes or anything else that is handy at the bride if she rides in a non-union carriage. The case of F. C. Andrews, who acquired $1,600,000 at a cost of only sixteen months in the penitentiary, shows what a thrifty young man may accomplish by watching his opportunities. Those latest airship navigators may have surpassed Prof. Langley in making their machine fly, but the professor is still a few laps ahead so far as concerns his ability to make Uncle Sam's money do so