Jasper County Democrat, Volume 6, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 October 1903 — The Comic Side of The News [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The Comic Side of The News

Perhaps Beirut is tbe Breathitt County of Turkey. In time the sublime ports may come to be known as the ridiculous porte. Uncle Sam may yet be able to Claris the north pole by right of discovery. King Peter would be happy if he had the sheriff of Danville to handle the mob for him. Those American farmers who rushed to Canada have gathered a lot of experience. - Those who are predicting war in Turkey are Lll line to get a reputation as great prophets. - Sir Thomas I.ipton has just about made up his mind that it is impossible to do the impossible. As May Goelet is wor.h $40,000,000 it is lucky that May is good looking, but it is not essential. Rear Admiral Gotten may get to be a front admiral if the Turks keep giving him excuses to advance.

While at the pole will Commander Peary kindly see whether Pat Crowe is not hanging around there? It looks as though the Turks would insist on presenting Admiral Cotton with the opportunity of his life. It will be several days before tbe mob goes out of its way to tell the Danville officials how to do business. Steel trust stoek may only be seeking its level, but U’s hard on those employes who were let in on the grouad floor. That Wisconsin minister who thinks he will put a stop to courting is given another week to think more about it. Before advancing on Kentucky has the Salyatipn army taken treatment that make itiuuymne from the feud germ? Emperor Wuuam’s new war minister cuts his whiskers like the Emperor, but perhaps he has to do it to hold his job. International yacht races may not be useful, but they are at least less homicidal than international automobile races. It is pretty well established that the Turk will quit massacring Christians when there are no more Christians left. - During his years of plenty was the Turk -thoughtful enough to set aside a large preserve of woods that he might flee to on such an occasion as the present? i Those Pennsylvania convicts who were making counterfeit coin may have needed some amusement and they should be forgiven, as they were not playing polities to pass away the time. If it is true that we have lost tbs Sultan of Suln no reward will be offered and the government will be about as sorry as the owner of a white elephant Is when his I*t strays away.