Jasper County Democrat, Volume 5, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 November 1902 — A LITTLE NONSENSE. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A LITTLE NONSENSE.

Haw Josiah Henpeck Gave a Conduct* or a Calling Down. “Josiah,” exclaimed Mrs. Henpeek, who had endeavored without success to convince the conductor that their Charley, who has been shaving regularly twice a week since last April, was only six years old “Josiah Henpeck, are you going to set there and let this man talk back to me this way? Why don’t you spunk up ?” Suddenly arousing himself as if from a trance, Mr. Henpeck said: “Stop addressing your insulting remarks to my wife, sir. I want you to understand, sir, that if any member of this family is to be talked down it is me, sir. Do you understand ? Me! There, Maria, how do you like that for spunking up, eh ?” —Chicago Record-Herald. Only Medium. “He’s a good friend of yours, isn’t he?” “Oh, only medium.” “What do you mean by medium?” “Oh, he listens while I tell him all of my troubles, but he also wants me to listen while he tells me all of his.”—Chicago Post. A Lesson. “Dey am one good trait erbout er mewl dat I sure do like,” said Charcoal Eph as he turned the plow back, “an’ dat am dat de mewl know he am cut by nature fo’t’ bray an’ don’t try t’ sing. In dis respec’, Mistah Jackson, de mewl am er superiah animal.”—Baltimore News. Why They No Longer Bpeak.

She (romantically)—What would you do if we should meet in the hereafter ? He (earnestly)—l’d go through fire for you. Brinkner’s Boast. “Silas Brinkner says he stayed under water fer nigh a minit an’ a half one day las’ summer.” “Indeed! He must be amphibious.” “Eh! Waal, if that’s the Greek for liar you’ve hit it right fust time.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. So That It Will Be Been. “He says he has taken up science.” “Nonsense.” “Well, he claims he has arranged a signal for Mars anyway.” “How did he do it?” “He painted the town red last night.”—Chicago Post. Drew the Line at Pingpong. “Here’s a letter from Mirandy at college. She says she’s in love with pingpong.” “She is, hey? Well, she’s better give him up. We ain’t goin’ ter stand fer no Chinaman marrying inter this family.”—Woman's Home Companion. A Bad Fit. “What’s the matter, dear V* asked the goat of his wife. “Oh, dear,” replied Mrs. Goat, “I ate an old dress waist found in the back yard this morning, and it does not set well.”—Philadelphia Bulletin. • » Repudiates It. “Where did that child get her manners ?” “Not from my side of the house.” ' “Why not?” “Because she hasn’t any.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. A Henpecked Husband, Hewitt—Do you believe in the equality of the sexes ? Jewett—l’d like to, but my wifo won’t let me.—Smart Set. Yearning. It may be that the eklus are clear And that the aun Is shining bright; To some the outlook may be gay. But life to ua looks dark aa night. Thore'a little comfort In our home. And all our housohold'a In a whirl, Tor Hannah quit ua yesterday. And now, aloa, wo have no girl. ’Tla true we did not love her much; Bhe was not beautiful to see; Her work waa seldom rightly done, And with her tongue ahe waa too fra* But, oh, we miss her from our lives; Her absence leave* an aching void. And now ahe’a gone, we do not think How frequently her faults annoyed. She waa the flfty-aeventh girl We’ve hired since the glad new year, And now we’re waiting sadly for The fifty-eighth girl to appear. Fate, send her soon, and may ahe be A diamond, a priceless pearl. One who will stay at least a week. For what la life without a girl! —Somerville (Mass.) Journal.