Jasper County Democrat, Volume 5, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 October 1902 — CONDENSED STORIES. [ARTICLE]

CONDENSED STORIES.

John W. Griggs' Story of tho Climbing Up of Hooley. Among his other accomplishments —fishing, shooting, riding, chess and golf—John W. Griggs, former attorney general of the United States, is a story teller of an unusual and decidedly pleasant sort. No matter what the situation, he always has a little yarn quite to the point, and he relates it in a way that is worth fully as much as the story itself, especially if it calls for a brogue. One of his latest runs something like this: “When Terence Hooley reached America, he had 27 cents, jine muscles and a big heart full of hope. He started work in a trench in Hie streets and ended up as alderman. He says it’s easy. “ ‘ Tis the (idlin’ of ye thot surproised me most/ he told me. ‘Whin Oi furst took up the pick, nt was “Terry, mon/’ or just “Hi, ye.” Whin Oi got to Bossin’ the job, ut was niver worse thin “Tirence.” Whin Oi went into business an’ starthed me saloon, ut was always “Hooley,” an' whin Oi was controllin' a vote or two the b’ys niver failed of the “Mister.” Wanee Oi was dieted, ut was no less thin the “Hon’rable Tirence Hooley”-thot was handed me. “ ‘But the best uv all was yit to cum/ he continued, laughing. ‘Oi wint to a bit uv a chapel the viry mamin’ thot the b’ys had been afther fillin' up me silly head with idees of Albany. ’Tis foolish, Oi thought, but no wan guesses, Oi thought, an’ Oi wint in an’ sot dune. Whot do vez think, now? Thot minute the little lads up in the chancle got on their feet, an’ whot did they start singin' but “Hooley, Hooley, Hooley, Lard God Almighty!” Oi put tin dollars in the plate.’*”

Witty Lord North. Lord North, the British premie* of the eighteenth century who caused the American colonies to rebel, was a witty person. “I am obliged to you for introducing me to some old acquaintances,” he said to his physician after an illness which had reduced his corpulence. “Who are they, my lord?” asked the doctor, and the prime minister replied, “lily ribs, which I have not felt for many years until now.” Lord North had no love for music. A friend who begged him to subscribe for a season of concerts urged as a reason the fact that Lord North’s brother did so. “Yes,” said North, “and if I were as deaf as my brother I would subscribe too.” George 111. once asked the premier the character of a well known officeseeker. “He is, your majesty,” said North, “secretary of state for Ireland, a man on whom, if your majesty were pleased to bestow the United Kingdom, he would ask for the Isle of Man ns a potato garden.”

Proving the Rule. The following tale is told of Captain Lindsay, a British officer who was killed at Brakenloagte. The story illustrates ut once the courage and ignorance of the men who went to South Africa to fight the Boers. It was at Magersfontein that the young officer was walking up and down encouraging the men. He had just said laughingly: “You mustn’t mind these fellows. You know they never hit any one,” when he was himself hit by a bullet and seriously wounded. As the bearers came up to take him off, he was able to turn round to his men and sav, with a smile, “Well, that’s the exception that proves the rule.”—Chicago News.

A “Common Platform." The . happiness of nations may fcang upon tne correct translation of a statesman’s speech, and accuracy of language has become of the highest importance. An English commissioner, (Sir Charles Warren, recently witnessed five dangers which may result from the mistranslation of a speech. Sir Charles had been called upon to lay tho foundation stone of a new Wesleyan church iu Mafeking. Ho said what countless other gentlemen have said on similar occasions—how phased he was to see so many people of different opinions mooting on a common platform. The official interpreter of tlic oecasion struggled bravely to get the idea before his Kaffir auditors. Then ho informed them that Pir Charles Warren complained of the “common platform,” and declared that it ought to have had green or red baize for a covering.

A Prlza Winner. She (proudly)—Oh, Henry, I got the prize at our women’s club] lie—Good! She—Yes. I blackballed more members during the past year than any other member. Ohio State Journal.

Connoisseur., Estello Ah, his proposal was just like a dream! Agnes—Well, you ought to know, dear. You’ve been dreaming of that proposal for years.—Brooklyn Life.