Jasper County Democrat, Volume 5, Number 9, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 June 1902 — A LITTLE NONSENSE. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A LITTLE NONSENSE.

Just a Few Springtime Smiles at the Passing Show. Mrs. Crimsonbeak—Scientists tell us that fish feel little pain. Mr, Crimsonbeak—Then it does not make any difference how much we lie about them. Bacon—lt is always a sign of life in a horse when he rears. Egbert—Yes, certainly. “And yet he looks as if he were on his last legs.” Stella The landlady says she will not have meat while it‘s so high. Bella—What does she give you, then? “Hash.” Willie was telling about his cat and young kittens, and said he, “The mother cat sleeps all the time.” “And don’t the kittens sleep, too ?” he was asked. “Oh, no; the kittens can’t go to sleep yet; they haven’t got their eyes opened.”—Yonkers Statesman. A False Lover.

“Darling,” pleaded Algernon—“darling, be mine! I will shield and protect you from all dangers all your life. It will be my pride and privilege—

—“to face unflinchingly and unfalteringly every foe that shall stand in our path or dare to attack my own sweet girl!”

But when Algernon saw this thing starting up before him he thought it must tie another March hare gone mad and thought he’d better go too. The New Regime. Proud American Father—l want you to meet my family, sir. This is Ella Wheeler, aged six, who writes the poems of passion for The Rubadub Magazine. This is Kipling, aged nine, who now has four plays running simultaneously in New York, and this is Hortense, aged fourteen, whose recent historical novel, “The Cheeseparera,” is in its four hundred and eighty-nine thousandth.” Guest—And this little fellow? “Oh, he’s only eleven months old. He’s learning to use the typewriter.”—Detroit Free Press. A Definition. The boy looked up from his book, puzzled. “What’s a dyspeptic, father?” he asked. “A dyspeptic, my boy,” was the reply, “is a man with a hypercritical stomach.”—Chicago Post. This Comes Annually. “Well, old boy, I hope you’ve had a swell time abroad.” “Ought to have one. I’ve mailed enough steamship labels ahead of me to Podunk Corners to plaster seventeen trunks.” Baltimore News. • Got Even. Mrs. A.—That woman next door bought a hat exactly like mine. Mrs. B.—Didn’t it make you mad? Mrs. A.—Not a bit; I gave mine to the cook.—New York Journal. Paying the Teacher. He—There is nothing like experience, after all. She is our greatest teacher. She—And there is no holding back her salary either.—Brooklyn Life. Tipping the Gueet. Waiter Beg pardon, sir, but haven’t you forgotten something ? Guest Forgotten something ? Ah, yes; a toothpick. Thanks. — Chicago News. Soft. Chilly Blaine—Wot’s the softest snap yer ever struck ? Frozen Foot A toothless bulldog.—Leslie’s Weekly.