Jasper County Democrat, Volume 5, Number 2, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 April 1902 — Grievance of the Soprano. [ARTICLE]

Grievance of the Soprano.

There won’t be nary singin’ in the meetin’ honse to-day, Which come about, from what I hear, in somethin’ this here way: James Hopkins, who’s the teaor, sung a solo Sunday night. Which them as heard him sing it says was just about all right. Of course. Miss Smith, sopranner, heard ’em sounding James’es praise. An’ practiced up a sole for the next succeedin’ days. She says: “This tenor singin’ may be fine, but I’d admire To have the congregation know who’a star ol this here choir."

Now, Hopkins, he gits skeery of the fair sopranner’s song, Fearin’ fur his repitation if Miss Smith's should git too strong. So he gits the bass an’ alto, an' he says to ’em, says he: “If she’s the hull ding choir, what, I says, is, who be we?" Then they nil go in together, an’ consider this an’ that. An’ finally tell the parson that Miss Smith is singln’ flat. "As long’s she sings with us,” tiiey say, “it won’t be gen’ly knows, But in the church’s int'rest, please don’t let her sing alone."

The parson, he loves musle, an’ not wantin’ nothin’ wrong. He fixes up the program so’s to leave out Miss Smith’s song. And then there starts a rumpus like a m, person never sees, Exceptin’ in a choir on occasions such as these. Miss Smith, she says the tenor’s got a voice that’s like a file, An’ the alto's style o’ singin’ would convulse a crocodile, An’ the bass is mighty lucky, so she tells ’em all, if he Manages by feelin’ ’round him once a week to hit the key.

’Course that kind o’ conversation sort o’ mixes matters some. Hopkins says that Miss Smith’s singin's suited fur the deef an’ dumb. Then she claims that just exceptin’ her and p’r'haps the organist, All the choir could quit singin’ without ever bein’ missed. Well, the upshot is the parson tries to set the matter right, An’ gits all the congregation mixed up in a gen’ral fight, Which becomes so comprehensive that along the last the week There ain’t left in the whole milin* no two members that will speak. —Portland Oregonian.