Jasper County Democrat, Volume 4, Number 35, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 December 1901 — A LITTLE NONSENSE. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A LITTLE NONSENSE.

All He Asked Was to Have a Grave Rigged Up For Him. “There are funny incidents in the life of a photographer,” said a well known artist. “A man came in the other day and looked over all the samples, asking the price of each. “ ‘Do you want a sitting ?’ I asked. ‘“I don’t .see nothin* like what I want,* he replied. “I told him if he would indicate what he wanted that I might arrange it. , “ ‘I don’t know as you kin,’ he said, ‘for I don’t see nothin’ at all like what I want.’ •. “I repeated what I had already said. He asked me to sit while he told me. “ ‘You see, it’s like this,’ he began. ‘I had a girl that I loved, and we was goin’ to git married. She had her things made up, and as we was all but ready she was taken ill and died. And what I wanted was a picture of me sittin’ on her grave weepin’.* “I was touched at the homely story of grief and told him I could send a man with him to the grave and have the picture taken as he desired. “ ‘lt’s some distance,’ he said. ‘lt’s over in Ireland. I expect it ’ud cost a lot to send over your traps for what I want?* “I said it would. ‘“I thought,’ he answered, ‘that mebbe you could rig up a grave here in your shop, and I would weep on it, and it would do just as well. It’s no trouble for me to weep anywhere.’ ”

Obeying Orders.

Mabel—What on earth are you doing there, Pat ? Pat—Faith, Miss Mabel, yer mother tould me to see how high the thermometer was, and I’m just after measurin’ to see.

Gave Him an Idea. “Well, of all things!” exclaimed Mrs. Henry Peck. “This paper tells of a man who was declared insane, and his wife got a divorce, and now he gets the courts to declare him sane again! Now, what do you”— But Mr. Peck was out of the room and walking swiftly through the hall, murmuring: “I wonder where they give short time rates on padded cells.”—Baltimore American. Cool. Mrs. Klose—Good morning, madam, you’ll pardon my calling so early, but I saw your advertisement for a cook. Mrs. Hiram Offen—Surely you are not after the place! Mrs. Klose—Oh, no. I need a cook myself, and I thought you might send to me all the applicants you reject.—Philadelphia Press.

No Heroics. She (eagerly)—And what did papa say when you asked him for me ? He —Consented at once. She—Glorious! He—Oh, I don’t know. He might at least have given me an opportunity to tell him that I’d marry you even though we had to elope.— Ohio State Journal. Preparing For Ma*s Visit. Mrs. Todd—Dear me, why did yon buy all those hideous things to fill up our only spare room? It’s like a bear’s den. Mr. Todd—You know, dear, your mother is sure to visit us some time end I wanted to make her feel at home.—Chelsea (Mass.) Gazette. Cause For Grief. Mr. Binks—Why so unhappy ? Mrs. Binks—l hate that Mrs. Nexdoor with a deadly hate, and I’m perfectly miserable over it. Mr. Binks—She doesn’t know it. Mrs. Binks—That’s why I’m unhappy.—New York Weekly. Figuring on His Average. “How long has Graphter been in politics ?” “Well, let me see. He’s worth now about half a million. He must have been in politics ten years.”— Chicago Tribune. A Luxury. Elderly Spinster (coyly)—l think there should be a tax on the “single state,” don’t you, colonel ? Ungallant Bachelor—Yes, as on all other luxuries.—Detroit Free Press.