Jasper County Democrat, Volume 4, Number 24, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 September 1901 — BREVITIES OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

BREVITIES OF FUN.

A man never objects to having his hair cut at cut rfetes, but he draws the line at a cutr&te shave. Chicago Daily News. Summer Boarder “You didn’t mention having so many mosquitoes.” Uncle Exra—“No, I knowed it wuzn’t no use, euz yu’d find thet out soon aa y’ got here.”—Ohio State Journal. “Say, Weary, I see de doctors is advisin’ people againßt de dangers of moonlight bathing.” “But why do dey put in de word ‘moonlight,* Limpy ?”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Benner—“l suppose it requires a splendid memory to be a successful bookkeeper.” Penner “Quite the contrary. The idea iB to borrow the book, and then to be able to forget all about it.”—Philadelphia Times. The Objection.—“No,” said MrIloltite, “I don’t object to the time a man takes for a reasonable vacation.” “To what is it that you object, then ?” “The long rest he invariably needs after he gets back.”—Boston Traveler.

“Oh, ma!” cried the little mosquito, “brother’s just too mean for anything.” “What’s the matter?” inquired the mamma mosquito. ? ‘Why, he’s found a hole in the mosquito netting over that baby and he won’t tell me where it is.”—Philadelphia Press. “Gracious!” cried the night-sing-ing tom-cat, dodging the professor’s bootjack, “how inconsistent you are 1” “How am I inconsistent?” inquired the learned man. “Why, you teach the beauties of poetry every day, yet now you would discourage my mews.” —Philadelphia Record. “Your highness,” suggested the shipwrecked captive, “is there not some position on your staff that I could fill?” “M’m—well—there is a vacancy, hut you might not be able to tili it. I need a torturer.” “Just the thing. I used to be a painlcssdentist.”—Baltimore American.