Jasper County Democrat, Volume 3, Number 47, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 March 1901 — BOW HE TIMED THE TUHHEX. [ARTICLE]

BOW HE TIMED THE TUHHEX.

Stmt Mas ani aa latarwtlag Ofaprlag la a Railway Car. When the train had been out of the atation about five minute* the porter passed through the ears with a long stick, with which he poked at the little windows in the ceiling so that they closed. Then he cast suspecting glances at the seat windows, as though he feared some extra muscular passenger had succeeded in forcing the sash a couple of inches. As a matter of fact, says the New York Herald, he didn’t really think anything of the kind, for he was an old porter on the road and had seen a long line of travelers humiliated by the windows, and no traveler triumphant. But he looked aa if he suspected underhand work of some kind. He satisfied himself that the apartment was almost hermetically sealed, and allowed the gas jets to flicker in a feeble, apologetic sort of fashion. Then it grew dark outside. Tbe train was in the tunnel.

It was at this point that the stout man in the aisle seat received his cue. The interesting offspring of the pretty woman in front made the discovery. , You never saw an interesting offspring on a car seated like a civilized being. This i. o. was no exception. He stood on the red plush seat, with his face turned in the direction opposite to-that in which the train ran. His knees were doubled under him in some mysterious way and his head was on a line with the top of the seat. Suddenly his eyes gathered in the full significance of the stout man. The interesting offspring gave an im fan tile howl, clntched the collar of the pretty woman and turned around. “Look, oh, look, mamma!” he cried. Mamma looked. So did the passengers in the next seat. So did all the other people in the car. They saw the stout gentleman with one hand holding a handkerchief pressed firmly against his face and the other hand grasping an open-faced watch, at which he stared with painful solemnity. When the crowd accorded its interest the stout man reddened perceptibly, hut he still regarded the watch with dogged persistence. The passengers began to make pointed aad would-be facetious remarks to one another, but the fat man stuck it out. When the end of the tunnel was reached the perspiration was dripping from his face—and the day was oold. He put the handkerchief in one pocket and the watch in another, and remarked to the man opposite: “Four fifteen. Gee! I got embarrassed with all those folks staring at me. I’d never make an actor. Get stage fright or buck fever or something.” “May I ask what you were doing?” inquired the other. “Timing the train while it was in the tunnel;” “Ah! And how long did it take us to go through?” ( The fat man started violently. “Why why,” he stammered. “Hanged if I didn’t forget to notice what time it was when we went in.”