Jasper County Democrat, Volume 3, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 February 1901 — VIRGIE. [ARTICLE]

VIRGIE.

Virgie still booms; We have no doctor's, consequently no deaths; No politicians, hence we are very truthful; No saloons, hence we are very thirsty; No matrimonial agency, hence very few marriages; We have no lawyers, hence no divorce cases or rascals; We have but one store, hence no competition aud there is no need to be, as they sell four lbs. of cheese for 15c; We have no widows, hence ncr‘>ood choppings and Peter has plepty of time to haul Corn and crack jokes with the boys; We have no church or Sunday schools, and no need, of any, as we have not money enough to pay a high-salaried preacher nor have any of our ladies any finery to show; We are all very pious, hence the vain and ungodly are compelled to go away out into the country to Wm. Nelson’s when they want to trip the light fantastic toe; We have several scientific gentlemen in our midst, among whom we would mention the Prof, in our high school, and they have figured out, after careful observation, that the reason it is hotter in summer than winter is because the earth is nearer the sun in the summer season, Lo! what us old cranks missed, as we were,taught the contrary when we’uns were young, Scott Cooper, being a stanch democrat, bought a stand of bees and went into the business. Henry Hochbaum still limps and explains the fact by saying he came in contact with the business end of a rail, and as Henry isa tolerable square fellow, the general public is disposed to believe his explanation.