Jasper County Democrat, Volume 3, Number 43, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 February 1901 — BREVITIES OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

BREVITIES OF FUN.

“Higbee made a record on bis first trip across the ocean.” “How was that?” “He didn’t lose a meal.”— Town Topics. Vaneglory—“l hope Swainaton said nothing about me the other night, old chap?” Cecil Swarve — “Not a word, old man. In fact, we had quite an interesting little chat.” —Judy. Prescriptions Carefully Compounded.—“ What’s the cause of so many deaths in your suburb recently?” “Well, you see, our druggist has hired a new clerk who is able to make out ' the blindest handwriting.”—Detroit i Journal. Mike (opening his pay envelope)— i “Faith, that’s the stingiest man I ever ! worked for.” Pat—“Phwat’s the matther wid ye; didn’t ye git as much as ye ixpicted?” Mike—“Yis, but I was countin’ on gittin’ more than I ixpicted.”—Philadelphia Press. A Good Start.—“Evalina, if we are going to elope, don’t you think we would better be off before your father awakens and follows us?” “Oh, no, Algernon, there’s no great hurry. Pa said he’d be sure to give us a good two hours’ start.”—Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.

Pupil—“l don’t see how it is, professor. You find a great deal of fault with my French, but never with Miss Silvergilt’s, and I know that mine is ever and ever so much better than hers.” The Professor—“ That may be, mademoiselle; but Miss Sil vergilt pays more for her tuition.”—Boston Transcript. The current conception of a society girl cried softly to herself: “Now that the automobile has done away with the coachman,” she was moaning, “whom am I to elope with?” Naturally the future looked very dreary, holding as nothing for her but respectable marriage or a career.—Detroit Journal.