Jasper County Democrat, Volume 3, Number 29, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 October 1900 — Mark Hanna’s Appeal. [ARTICLE]

Mark Hanna’s Appeal.

Friends, rum 'uns, Jerseymen, lend me your ears. And from them pick the gum that you may hear! I come not here to talk. You know full well I keep hired hands to do such work as that. And, as in further evidence that I Come not to warm you with my hot-air pipe. You will observe I’ve laid aside my hat. I come to plead with you, to touch your hearts. Likewise your pockets, with a cry for aid Tosave our country from the clutches of A horde of wild fanatics who would wrest With impious hands and armor-plated gall, From us the offices to which we cling! Oft when 1 iay me down inched at night And pinch myself lest I should fall asleep And struggle in a maze of frightful dreams Of William 1., the great, the wise, the good. Being ousted from tbe throne of kingly power, And in the wide expansion of my thoughts I see the land whose cash we love so well Clutching at empty air and tot'ring on The crumbling brink of Democratic bell. My heart bleeds with such copious discharge I sometimes fear 'tis hemorrhage of tbe lungs! It must be saved from ruin, and ’tis we To whom it cries for help In its distress! Friends, talk is cheap, but well you are aware It takes hard cash to buy the dew of corn— That potent power in winning doubtful votes. We have no weakling enemy to tight. And, as cur sword of Merit is all hacked And battered till it wouldn’t cut a cheese. We must the one remaining weapon grasp By which alone we can the battle win— The pow'r cooped in the bowels of the bar’l. To you 1 come, not as a pompous lord With angry brow drawn down in threatening folds Until it curtains half my kingly face, But as a suppliant, who to you would kneel Were’t not I have a du mined rheumatic leg. And beg of you in deep, falsetto tones. All dewed with dampness of appealing tear*. To ope your hearts and ope your pocketbooks, To cough up cash to aid our holy cause Until your coughings and the jingling sound Of dollar flying from financial lungs Sound as the coughings of ten thousand steeds All covered o'er with aleigbbella sweet of tone. Shall we allow these Democratic swine To stick their snouta into tbe trough and eat The office swill on which we've waxed so fat? To kill our goose that lays the golden egga Because, forsooth, we feel reluctant to Unbelt our pocketbooks with willing hand* And pungle up the needed caah to buy The place for William I. again? Nit! Nit! And nit yet once again, and thrice times nit! Ol friends sweet friends, of this proud aov. ereign state. Where trusts are bom and nursed t > aetve life. The tire is lit. the frying pan is hot And I, king regent of the realm, in tills Third year of my vicarious reign tin Ih-w To fry the fat and spread the grease to wlkoc T* ill do most good to our imperiled can>t The ushers now will pass the yawnuit bat, Which • ’rves us on occasions such as this As well as meter for our campaign gas! —Denver Post.