Jasper County Democrat, Volume 2, Number 36, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 December 1899 — Mr. Josh Simkins on Etiquette. [ARTICLE]

Mr. Josh Simkins on Etiquette.

I’ve studied np on etiquette, Read every book that I could get. And yet There isn't one in all the lot That tells a feller it is not De rigger to eat pia For breakfast, hence why shouldn’t I? ' And, furthermore, I cannot find In all the books I call to mind A single line That gives a reason worth a whoop Against a second plate of soup When fellers dine. And as for eating marrowfats Without a spoon, I think that that’s A foolish sort of rnle. When I eat peas I*ll do as I darn please! And what is more, till I’m a snob HI eat any core straight off the cob; And sparrergrass I’ll eat as I Have always done in days gone by— A sort of dangling from the aky; A sort of gift from heaven come. Held ’twixt my finger and my thumb. And as for those peculiar things Called finger-bowls, I vow, by jings! 1 will not nse ’em as they say The bon-toas uses ’em to-day. If say hands ain’t both good and dean, The pomp is where it’s always been; And ter as ever I could see, It’s plenty good enough for me. 1 don’t stand much on etiquette. And yet ■ l*m too polite to wash my paws At table spite of social laws. —Harper's Baxar.