Jasper County Democrat, Volume 2, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 October 1899 — APPLICATION OF MARY JONES. [ARTICLE]

APPLICATION OF MARY JONES.

To Dear Director Mentun of the Census: I want to take the census down in Mattagumpus. Maine. I can give you good credentials And I know the full essentials Of making up a census that win please and j entertain. I’m a spinster and I'm proud to say I've! reached the proper age; i* It's an age of good discretion— That, perhaps, is a confession: But it shows I'll takf the census so's to 'liven : every page - For I understand my neighbors mighty weU j —mighty well; I can give you every detail that is really fit to tell. I have had a good occasion to examine every case; For I’ve neighbored pretty steady since I've j lived here in the place. I can give you lota of items that you'd get • no other way. Not a lot of musty fodder and statistics dry as hay, But some spicy information that is strictly up to date, And the best of all. you'll get it as I get it-: fresh and straight. I’ve a notion of a census that will make the volumes sell; But you've got to pick your people if yon want it taken well. For a fool enumerator will go browsing round ! the towns And he'll never think to question any women on their gowns. He may sit around and gossip for an hour in a * place And forget to note the curtains are of imitation lace; And he'll never get the story of how Mary ; Barker’s Am Has run away to Boston with a wicked mar-" tied man. And I’ll bet he won't discover if be hunts a solid week How it happens Mrs. Atkins and her husband do not speak. But I've got it—you can have it- if youTl pay me well to tell. j And gracious, Mr. Meniam. how your census books will sell. Now 1 want to take the census down in Mattagumpus, Maine. I am strong on education And I've lots of penetration And I’il guarantee you plenty in a very lively strain. It will be the kind of census that will stir the dusty hones: "Twill go ringing down the ages. Folks will pore above the pages. And you're welcome, dear Director, to the j tip. Yours. Mart Jones. jj —Lewiston Journal.