Jasper County Democrat, Volume 2, Number 6, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 May 1899 — The Comic Side OF The News. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The Comic Side OF The News.

What State will have the first taws called Funstonia? The fruit raisers would like to know what the cold waves are saying. Unlike most aspirants, Aguinaldo did his running after he got the office. The Twentieth Kansas regiment is first in swim, first in push and first in pull Luna has no ships, but he appears to be making a large number of fleet movements. « It is surprising that Aguinaldo's forces succeeded in escaping a stuffy death io the Bag-bag river. The operation of the new bankruptcy law is having the effect of showing how much some people owe, at any rate. All previous records of heroic self-sac-rifice are cast in the shade since Wisconsin solons enacted an anti-pass law. An exchange says Aguinaldo wants to catch his breath. If his breath is ahead of him it must be a swift institution. “Throne Makers” is the title of a new book by William Roscoe Thayer, Perhaps a copy should be sent Admiral Kautz. The Dreyfus case is said to be nearing the end. It will be surprising to observers if it closes during the life of Dreyfus. The capture of Aguinaldo might be hastened materially by setting the United States secret service department after him. *Straw hats are shy,” says the Pittsburg Telegraph. The summer girl, though, is not thought to be more bashful than of yore. “The crisis in Jamaica is over.” says the Philadelphia Ledger. The crisis in yammaking, however, will not be encountered for some months. A New York judge has decided that young people may kiss in public. It is hoped that Gdfham’s young men will not miss cars tp take a buss. An exchange says the Gen. Wheeler marriage rumor has taken a fresh start. Perhaps marriage rumors will ultimately be required to obtain a license. This Is enlistment season fa Spain, but the army is not filling up very rapidly. The majority of the Spaniards have about concluded that they are not a fighting people. This issuing of proclamations to the flying Filipinos is on the assumption that those who run may read. One of the members of the Connecticut Legislature introduced a resolution to provide that the General Assembly shall finally adjourn on Thursday. April G, at 2 p. m„ “this act to take effect upon its passage.” Wisconsin has passed a marriage Bcease law and placed prohibitory measures about juvenile matrimony, but a great assay young people will manage to prt the opportunity of repenting at leisure just ths