Jasper County Democrat, Volume 2, Number 2, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 April 1899 — HOMESPUN PHILOSOPHY. [ARTICLE]

HOMESPUN PHILOSOPHY.

FVtow4 by th. A young man would rather be funny than wise. Every man occasionally feels like unf tying his heart strings. The etiquette that controls a funeral Is becoming more complicated every day. People have learned nothing from experience if they have not learned to be patient. After a woman sells her cow she gets the yearning again inside of • few months. An Atehison man is working himself to death trying to keep up his life Insurance. The girls should give frequent mint, strel shows; it gives them opportunity to roast the men. If a man does not invest in a lot of little swindles he is very apt to be caught by one big one. An Atchison family is so poor that their home looks like the home of the poor family seen on the stage. The poorer a workman the more apt he is to take up with some foolish fad and neglect his work still more. A pie is not well made unless it begins to make trouble within fifteen minutes after reaching the stomach. Every time a woman cooks saur kraut to please her husband, her grown daughters complain for a week of the smell. Don’t get in the habit of going where you are not invited; don’t imagine that you are always welcome anywhere. As soon as a man buys a new cyclopedia his wife and daughters begin agitating the necessity of organizing a literary club. One of the rules of the Don’t Worry Club is that ♦o-day furnishes enough trouble, without anyone worrying over the Holy Grail. An Atchison church which recently gave the pastor a present of $5 to buy books for his library, owed the janitor S3O. An Atchison girl feels that she is now competent to go on the stage; she has a pink accordion plaited skirt, and can recite all of “I Am Dying, Egypt, Dying.” The illness of some persons is mentioned oftener and more promptly than that of others, not because they are prominent, but because they are' Christian Scientists. Investigate any town family, and you will find that moat of its trouble originates with buying or selling milk. The fiercest quarrels women have are ever their milk accounts.