Jasper County Democrat, Volume 1, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 December 1898 — BREVITIES OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

BREVITIES OF FUN.

“I wonder why artists are always so careful to sign their pictures?” “Possibly so the public can tell the top from the bottom.”—Tit-Bits. “Do those people next door say they are from Boston?” “Yes.” “Well, they’re not. Jimmy showed their little boy his bean-shooter, and the ignoramus didn’t know what it was.”—Chicago Record. Little Mary was discovered one day by her mother vigorously applying the oil can to the kitten’s mouth. On being reproved, she replied: “Why, mamma, kitty squeaks so awfully when I pull her tail.”—Tit-Bits. “I wonder how much money Billipers makes in a year?” “About $3,000. At least, I heard' him talking very eloquently in favor of putting a war tax on all incomes above that amount.”—lndianapolis Journal. Miss Molly—“I suppose, colonel, you were glad of any sort of a job when you first went west?” Col. Straightflush—“Yes, indeed, Miss Molly. Why, seriously, the first hundred dollars I made out there I got bv picking up chips!”—llarlem Life. Early Ryser—“Why don’t you leave the match safe in one place two consecutive times? Every morning I waste five minutes groping for it.” Mrs. Ryser (sleepily from under the bed clothes) —“Ilow do you expect to find anything in the dark? Why don’t you strike a light?”—Philadelphia Call. “What is the matter with young Hankin-ou and Mabel Garlinghorn? I thought they were growing fond of each other.” “They were until they found out their mothers were forming plans to bring them together ofteher, and them they quit. They said they didn’t want any board of strategy business in theirs.”—Chicago Tribune. Security.—The tariff baron’s chief retainer entered and bowed reverentially, “The monetary commission,” the menial announced, “wishes your lordship to tell them what you would do with the government’s unsecured currency.” “First,” replied the baron, promptly, “I would secure it; and after that it would be nobody’s business what I did with it.”—Puck.