Jasper County Democrat, Volume 1, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 September 1898 — MR. DOOLEY. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

MR. DOOLEY.

The Dreyfua Case. “I see be th’ pa-apers,” said Mr. Dooley, “that Col. Hinnery, th’ man that sint me frind Cap. Dhry-fuss to th’ cage, haa moved on. I sup-pose they’ll give th’ Cap a new thrile now.” “I hope they won’t,” said Mr. Hennessy. “I don’t know annything about it, but I think he’s guilty. He’s a Jew.” “Well,” said Mr. Dooley, “ye’er thoughts on this subject is inthrestin’, but not conclusive, as Darsey said to th’ Pollack that thought he cud lick him. Ye have a r-right to ye’er opinyon an’ ye’ll hold it aanyhow,. whether ye have a r-right to it or not. Like most iv ye’er fellow citizens, ye start impartial. Ye don’t know annything about th’ case. If ye knew annything ye’d not have an optayon wan way or th’ other. They’se niver been a matther come up in my time that th’ American people was so sure about*as they or-re about th’ Dhry-fuss case. ’JCh’ Frincb ar-re not so sure, but they’se not a polismgn in this couuthry that cia r t tell ye jus’ where Dhry-fuss was whin th’ .remains iv th’ poor girl was found. That’s beeause tli’ thrile was secret. If ’twasmn open thrile an’ ye heord the tisti-mqpy an’ knew th’ language an’ saw th’ safe afther ’twas,blown open, ye’d be puztnbd an’ not care a rush whether was naked in a cage or takin’ tay with jpis uncle at th’ Benny Brit Club. haven’t made up me mind whe%er th’ Cap done th’ shootin’ or not. He was certainly in th’ neighborhood whin th’ Sre started, an*’ th’ polis dug up quite a lof dv lead pipe in his back'yard. But it’s wan thing to sus-pict a man iv doin’ a job an’ another thing to proye that he didn’t. Me frind Zola thinks he’s innocint, nn’J»e raised th’ divvle at th’ thrile, I’ve heetd. Wbto th* judge rmtte tip on-th’ bench Sra’ opined th’ coort, Zola was settin’ down itelow with th’ lawyers. ‘Let us pro-ceed,’ says th’ impartial an’ fair-minded judge, ‘to th ’thrile iv th’ hayuious monsther Dhry-fuss,’ he says. Up jumps Zola an’ says he in Frinch: ‘Jaekuse,’ he says, which is a hell of a mane thing to say to msiny man. |a|’ they thrun him out. ‘Judge,* says* In’ attorney fr th’ difinise, ‘an’ gintlemen iv th’ jury,’ he says. ‘Ye’er a liar,’ says th’ judge. ‘Cap, ye’er guflty an’ ye know it,’ he says. ‘Th’ decision iv th’ coort is that ye be put in a cage an’ sint to th’ Divvle’s own island fr the r-rest iv ye’er life,’ he says. ‘Let us proceed to heariu’ th’ testi-mony,’ he says. ‘Call all th’ witnesses at wanst,’ he says, thim have it out on th’ flure,’ he says. Be this time Zola had come back, ah’ he jumps up an’, says he: ‘Jaekuse,’ he says. An’ they thrun him out. “ ‘Befure we go anny farther,’ says th’ lawyer fr th-* difti*, ‘f wish *° aarve notice that Whin this thrile is over I intind,’ he "says, *to wait untside,’ he says, ‘an’ hammer th’ hpn’rable coort into an omelet,’ he says. ‘With these few remarks I will close,’ he says. ‘Th’ coort,’ says th’ judge, ‘is always r-ready to defind th’ honor iv France,’ he says, ‘an’ if larned counsel will eon-sint,’ he says, ‘to step up here f’r a miayit,’ he says, ‘th’ eoort’ll put a sthrangle hold on him that’ll not do him a bit iv good,’ he says. ‘Ah,’ he says. ‘Here’s me ol’ frind Pat th’ Clam,’ he says. ‘Pat, what d’ye know about this case?’ he says. ‘None iv ye’er business,’ says Pat. ‘Answered like a man an’ a sojer,’ says th’ coort. ‘Jaekuse,’ says Zola fr’m th’ dureway. An’ they thrua him out. ‘Call Col. Hinnery,’ says th’ coort. ‘He ray-fuses to answer.’ ‘Goo3. Th’ case is clear. Cap forged th’ will. Th’ coort will now adjourn f’r dools, an’ all ladin’ officers iv th* ar-rrny not in disgrace alrendy will assimble in jail an’ com-mit suicide,’ he says. ‘Jaekuse,’ says Zola, an’ started f’r th’ woods, purslied be his fellow editors. He’s off somewhere in a three now hollerin’ ‘Jaekuse’ at ivry wan that passes, sufferin’ martyrdom f’r his eounthry an’ writin’ now an’ thin about it all. “That’s all I know about Cap Dhryfuss’ ease, an’ that’s all anny man knows. Ye didn’t know as much, Hiunissy, till I told ye. I don’t know whether Cap stole th’ dog or not.” “What’s he charged with?” Mr. Hennessy asked in bewilderment. “I’ll niver tell ye,” said Mr. Dooley. “It’s too much to ask.” /‘Well, nnnyhow,” said Mr. Hennessy, “he’s guilty, ye cau bet on that.”—Chicago Journal.