Jasper County Democrat, Volume 1, Number 19, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 August 1898 — MR.DOOLEY. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

MR.DOOLEY.

Milas’ “Moonlight Excursion.” “Dew, oh, <jear,” said Mr. Dooley, ‘‘l’d* give five dollars If I was down with Gin’ral Miles’ gran’ picnic an’ moonlight excursion in Porther Ricky. ’Tis no comfort in beifi’ a covrird whin ye think iv thim br-rave la-ads facin’ death be suffication in bokays an* dyin’ iv waltzin’ withth’ pretty girls iv Porther Ricky. “I dinnaw whether Gin’ral Miles picked: out th’ job or whether ’twas picked out f’r him. But annyhow, whin he got toSan dago de Cubia an’ looked ar-roanffi him, he sayß to his frind Gin’ral Shatter: ‘Gin’ral,’ says he, ‘ye have done well so* far,’ he says. ‘ ’Tis not fr me to take th’ lorls frim th’ steamin’ brow iv a throehero,’ he says. ’I lave ye here,’ he says,, ‘f r to complete th’ victhry ye have so* nobly begun,’ he says. ‘F’r you,’ he says,, ‘th’ wallop in th’ eye frim th’ newspaper rayporther, th’ r-round robbing an’ th’ sunsthroke,’ be says, ‘f’r me th’ hardship* iv th’ battle field, th’ late dinner, th’ thenyter party an’ th’ sickenin’ polky,’ be says. ‘Gather,* he says, ‘th’ fruits iv ye’er bravery,’ he says. ‘Rayturn,’ hesays, ‘to ye’er native land an’ rayceive anny gratichood th’ sicrety iv war canspare frim his own fanrily,’ he- says. ‘F’r me,’ he says, ‘there is no way hut fr to-tnr-rn me back upon this festive scene,’ he says, ‘an’ go where jooty calls me,’ he says. ‘Ordherly,’ he says, ‘put a bottleon th’ Ice an’ see that me goold pants that. I wear with th’ pale-blue vest with th.” di’mon buttons is irned out,’ he says. An’ haggard face be walkefl nboord th’ excursion sleamer an’ wint away.' “I’d hate to tell ye iv th’ thrites hr thi* expedition, Hinnissy. Whin th’ pieaic got: as far as Punch, on th’ southern coast iv Porther Ricky, Gin’ral Miles gazes out an’ says he: ‘This looks like a good place to hang th’ hammicks, an’ have lunch,* says he. ‘For-ward, brave men,’ says he, ‘where ye see me di’mon’s sparkle,’ says he. ‘For-ward an’ plant th’ crokay ar-rches iv our beloved counthry,’ he says.. An’ in they wint like intbrepid warryora that they ar-re. On th’ beach they was met be a diligation fr’m th’ town of Punch con-sistin’ iv th’ mayor, th’ common council, th’ poiis an’ fire departments, th’ Grrand Ar-rmy iv the Raypublic, an’ prominent citizens in carredges. Gin’ral Miles makin’ a hasty tielet, advanced ouflinchingly to meet thim. ’Gintlemen,' says he, ‘what can Ido fr ye?’ he says. ‘We come,' says th’ chairman iv th’ comity,, ‘f r to offer ye,’ he says, *th’ r-run iv th*' town,’ he says. ‘We have held out,’ he says, ‘as long as we cud,’ he says. ‘But,” he says, ‘they’se a limit to human endurance,’ he says. ’We can withstand ye nolonger,’ he says. ‘We surrinder. Take us prisoners an’ rayceive us into ye’er gloryous an’ well-fed raypublic,’ he says.. ‘Br-rave men,’ says Gin’ral Miles, T congratulate ye,’ he says, ‘on th’ heeroism iw ye’er definSe,’ he says. ‘Ye stuck mans lly to ye’er colors, whativer they ar-re,* he says. ‘I on’y wondher that ye waited f r me to come before surrindhrin’,’ hesays. ‘I welcome ye into th’ union,’ he says. ‘I don’t know’ how th’ union’ll feefc about it, but that’s no business iv mine,* he says. *Ye will get ye’er wur-rkin* cards fr’m th’ walkin’ diligate,’ he says,, ’an’ ye’ll be entitled,’ he says, ‘to pay ye’er share iv th’ taxes an’ to live awhilean’ die whin ye get r-ready,’ he says, ‘jus’ th’ same as if ye was bor-rn at home,’ he says. ‘I don’t know th’ names iv ye, but I’ll call ye all Casey fr short,’ he says. ‘Put ye’er bokays in th’ hammick,’ hesays, ‘an’ rayturn to Punch,’ he says, ’an* freeze somethin’ f’r me,’ he says, ‘fr me thrawt is parched with th’ labors iv th* day,’ he says. Th’ r-rest iv th’ avenin* was spint in dancin’, music, an’ boat r-ridin’, an’ an inj’yable time was had. “Th’ nex’ day th’ army moved on Punch an’ Gin’ral Miles mar-rched into th’ illfated city, preceded be flower girls sthrewln’ r-roses an’ geranyums befure him. In= th’ afthernoon they was a lawn tinnia party an’ at night th’ gin’ral attinded a banket at th’ Gran’ Palace hotel. At midnight he was serenaded be th’ Raymimber th’ Maine Banjo an’ Mandolin Club. Th’ entire popylace attinded, with pork chops in their buttonholes to show their pathreetism. Th’ nex’ day, afther breakfastin’ with Mayor Casey, he set out on, his weary march over th’ r-rough, flowerstrewn paths fr San Joon. He was in, gr-reat purl fr’m a witherin’ fire iv bekays, an’ he met an’ overpowered some iv th’ mos’ savage orators in Porther Ricky, but he pitched his tents an’ ice-cream, freezers near th’ innimy’s wall, an’ grajully silenced thim with proclamations.” “They'll kill him with kindness if he don’t look out,” said Mr. Hennessy. “I dinnaw about that,” said Mr. Dooley, “but I know this, that there’s th” makin’ iv gr-reat statesmen in Porther Ricky. A proud people that can switch, as quick as thim la-ads have nawthin’ to. lam in th’ way iv what Hogan calls th’ signs iv governmint, even frim the Supreme Court.” —Chicago Journal.