Indiana State Sentinel, Indianapolis, Marion County, 1 April 1891 — Page 11

THE INDIANA STATE SENTINEL. WEDNESDAY 1I011NING. APRIL 1. 1S91-TWELYE PAGES.

11

CHILDREN'S ROUND TABLE.

WASHING BABIES BY MACHINERY. The Ingenious Device of m Thrifty Tacoma Woman Uys AViU Ba Boye Speelmoa Kid Wisdom Somo Very Kaotty Problems. Mrs. Hannah Dober, the mother of five little Dobers, has invented tho most unique tol't apparatus oa record, says the Tacoma (Wash.) Xeus. It is a machine that bathes, rincs, drips, and dries the entire Doter brood simultaneously by the simple turning of a crank. The Dobers live on the water front near the old eal'.i oa cannery back of the old town. Like many of the old houses in that vicinity, the home of the Dobers is built on j'iltd. At high tide the back porch of thii humblo home extends over the water and this fact wag favorable to the idea which Mother Dober had worn concealed in her mind for some time. With the assistance of her husband the enterprising but overworked woman cut a hole in the back porch about four feet equare and then built a windlass like those in use in old-fashioned well curbs. Then ehe got a quantity of stout wire gauze orecreens and ma le a crate or basket that would easily all i through the hole in the lioor. The b. sket, which waa about three feet deep, was hunjr in blings fastened at the four corners andvthtn attached to tha drum of the windlass. The baby washer was now complete and ready to be put into operation. Bright and early every morning the five little Dobers are hustled out of bed. The eldest, a girl of nine, though unall of her age, is an extremely handy younjj miss and a great help to'her mother, fche peels the nifties on her little brothers and Biater?, likewise her own, and loads them into the wire basket. JS'ext she throws in a handful of wafered soap, and then joins the littl" band of candidates for itumtrtion. When everything is ready Mother Dob-r, who lias been attending to her hous' hold duties in the meantime, comes out and mans the windlas crank. he lowers her happy little flock down into the clear, cold water and gives them a thorough dousinc by working the crank backward and forward. This movement and the commotion made in the basket . by the children produces a lather from the poap and cleanses the kids in a manner eq'ia', if not superior, to the regulation hand bath. Unlike moat children, who kick and raise a fuss when being scrubbed, tho little Dobers nctual y enjoy their matutinal plunge bath. The cold water imparts a l.eadhy g'ow to their pink skin, and their eyes sparkle with de.ight as they duck and tumble over one another in the basket. The youngest, a laughing little younger only eighteen months old, fairly i-hrieks with delight at the prospect of a plunge, and cries w hen his mother thinks it too cold for him to go down in the basket. When Mrs. Dober thinks her brood is lean enough to last ti l the next morning ehr hauls the basket up flush with the platfonn, fa-tenes the crank, and lets them dry awhile. This operation, and the eentle zephyrs that blow in from liellingham bay, remove all traces of moisture, so that no towels are needed in drying the infants, which is an important saving of material as well as time. BOYS WIuL BE BOVS. A Fond Hotlier Who Mndf Herself iTrete.litl Ail for Jiutlunj. Ah me! boys will bo boys, and vouth, looking out upon a glorious world" with clear, bright eyes, can ev-e even through tears the brightness of life, says the tfan l'mr-cisco (:!,ro)iiclt Tears seem to thicken and grow opaque with the years that pus? over u.s. rho ha l taken her boy to school in Kur pe to one of tcse schools by a Swis3 lakt, margined with fruits of fold and whimpering ii. yrtle, and all that port of tiling. It was the first time they had real.; been parted, and she had to come back to far-oil California and leave bhn to the tender mercies cf strange teachers aDd bigger boys. Fhe saw the school gate close upon him, and he had a tear in his eye as he kissed her good-by. There were several other boys in that school, and on the lake rode at anchor a whole lot cf boats. One young aristocrat owned a yacht that baked in the Swiss funlight and rode over the shadows of hwiss mountains mirrored in th waer3 just rippled by a breeze. She wended her sad way to" the hotel. She had ciiosen a room from which she cou!d eee into the playground of the school and get, if possible, a last glimpse of her boy Le ore she wended her weary way to the far West. She sat at tier window, her eyes filled with tears, and thought of him'in there among t-trange boys, and, wretched and miserable, crying over th-ir parting. She fe t us if she must go there and take him back; that it was inhuman t leave him. And so the cried all to lierf-e'f and felt as if her heart would break, when ehe saw a lot of boys making for the hike, fchesaweome of "thetu get on board the yacht and weigh tne anchor and hoist the tails. f?he cried all the harder because ehe knew her boy had no yacht, find it seemed so hard on him. The yacht's canvas filled, and as it sailed past the wiudow through her tears she savr a boy alternately hau ing on a rope and waving his handkerchief. It was her beloved on. He had found out in ten minutes who owned the yacht, cottoned to him, and there they were sailing gayly over the lake. She dried her tears and felt that somehow she had mistaken her boy if bhe thought he didn't know how to g-t his share of all the fun that was going. Kil YV ixl ora. Jonny is a smart boy. When be was tked to d -fine mustache he instantly replied. "It's a bang on the mouth." lipimli. Little girl "Your papa has only got onw hg, hasn't he?" Veteran's little girl-,4Ves." Littla girl "Where's his ether or.e?" Veteran's little girl "flush, dear; its in heaven." ?. 'In what part of the body is the liver?" asked the teacher while examining the c iwa in physiology, and ehe was a good deal purpr.hed when the t ill boy replied: "South of the hint's." J'jxjrli. "What are you crying about, little man?" "I gutter Ftumijiich ache." "Does it hurt much?'1 "Oh, I don't mind that; but I on'y had one piece o! pie. Couldn't Lad more stummich ache if I'd eat two pieces boo boo boo 1" A minister of anoiher denomination cal ed one very warm day at a friend's house and making some reference to the great heat, a little girl pf the family paid: Yte, lean teethe presbyterian corning out all over your face." Christian AbocaU. SumJay-Scbool Teacher "What is the meaning of the admonition, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive?" Little Iioy "It means it's pleaantr." "Yes. Have you not, your? If, found it more tleasant to ifive than to receive?" 'Yes'm." "Of course. What was it yon gave?" '"Comic valentines." Xew York Weekly. She had done something naughty and iter mother had sent her oil to bed a littla

earlier than uual and told her she would punish her for it in the morning. The child knelt down to say her prayers ami she put in this interpolation: "Flease, God, won't you take mamma up to heaven; not altogether, but just for tomorrow?" A gentleman well known as a maker of recording gauzes has'a little son of an inquiring turn of mind. The other evening the boy said to his father: "Papa, where is Atoms?" Father "Athene, you mean, don't you. my dear?" Inquiring Son "No, . toms, the plaoe where people go to when the loiler explodes; because it always says they were blown to Atoms." Electrical Jit vine. KNOTTY PROBLEMS.

fOnr readers are Invited to taralsh orljtosl enlgmaa.charalss. rlllles, rsbuses. ari l other "Kaotty Problem," eddree-i ag all coram n nicatlons relatl ve to this department tuC R. Chaiboum. La wis too, Ai. Mo. 3,543 Central Acrostle. b I The middle letters of the names blonjtInr to the several numbers, arranup.l la regular ord-r, will name soiuetbiog held la luan j churches about this time. W. T. o. No. 3,513 Charade. MONOSYLLlELa. A bor who talks s!nt And "runs with the gang," Belated this tragic adventure. And I ftcarce could decide If more loudly it cried For sympathy, laughter or censure. "No school yesterday. Teacher had to ft 'way. And I thought 'twas a big streak of lack. One, tuo, to the parte I went for a lark. But you bet what I got was a due'e "Folks was out on the late, Fit to make your heart aehe. An' we hired an old tub of a boat Ms an' Uarrj an' Joe Couldn't none of i:s row, But we thought we could get In an' float. "Then them kids would tUnd ttco, Spite of all I could do, Till the bont gave a kiud of a roll. An' the first thii.g we knew f-he turned bottom two. One there we was, all in the whole." M. C. S. No. 3,541 TrnnspoaUion. The one addicted to the jirime Expects a tiro at any time, lie's Reversafefr. nl anxious fean; In debt, no doubt, up to bis ears; ftrlfiDg to make a show on naught; Kot knowing when he may be brought Unto the last resource he Know?; Ne'er thinking to pay what he owes; iy D) one trusted or believed; When Ihe fu-o come, by no one f rlered. ue!i Is the deot-e f on; A person honest people shun. Bitter Sweet. No. 3,545 Namtneiil A 1, 2, S, 4, southern looking man came down the st re toll small Tillsg , and nearly 2, 3, 4 of the :eople were won.ltrini; uo he night he. "4. '.'' aid one old lady. "5, C" aid another "5, C, 7:" laughed a young on "whoever he is he fi, 7,8, I purpose. 7, 6 much riKht to walk these streets as anv of u. N ler.n a pour 7, S, 9, with Its lieay loa l, can go through our streets without srnisinir the rtiri-s tr of sum who wish to know the particulars nf eerythin? they 9, 10. 11." Then she smiled and blushed as he said to herself, "They little know that he is my lover who has come ail the way from 1, 2, 3, 4. 5, 6, 7, f, 9, 10, 11 oa purpose to m rue." lErutL. "Sn. 3,546 Kntgmsu I'm popular on every band. In every clime, in every land; The gre&U-st cities of the earth To mo directly owe their birth. Yon find me under foot, 'tis said, Yon also find me overhead; I'm oft avoided, often sought; I stop decay, I alio rot Sometimes I kill both iian and wife. At other times I give new life. I'm full of life while dealing death, I'm full of death while giving breath. One mortal enemy have I, To work attaint me he doth try; But he to me -s like the child I curb him in his gambols wild. Another foe quite strikes me cold Whene'er I feci his chilling hold; A short while In his gra-p I eower, ADd then I ucderuiiue his power. C. L. E. No. 3,547 "y nropntlon. Tho latiot salvation is hard to make v o'4 To some rniods; the vsrious theories rife On the origin, deulny, aim of the soul, Make the mystcryhrJLma Tell In this life. IU0RIZO5. Xo, 3,548 Diamond. 1. A letter. 2. Apropos. 3. Stripped off. 4. A degree of honor. 9. Associated in business (Ous.) 6. Punning. 7. Any species of permanent property. 8. lo di3eoiuose. 9. The concluding clause of a writ. 10. A Pft3:rjkwiUf ipar Hon. 11. A letter. 1 IiWKSDOLmsi. 'o. 3,518 Anazrnm. "Odi troub t ; din; rash onset;' these Are what in who e one often sees. enational? Indeed they are; Their horrors almost niie the hair. -Odd trouble?" Yes; the aetors plod Their way throngh troubles very odd. "Din?" 1 should say so; constant din, Brsido portrayal of much sin ; And such Mraah onsets" and sueh strife As ne'er occur la r a! life. I really think such kind of fiction Should be suppressed by Jurl- diction. 'Tis la dime novels boys seek for It, Although their parents mty aShor It; H'Aoe's tenders Is all unchaste; TIs to prvf rt a better taste; For srAo.e corrupt the mind of youth And spoil all relish for sound truth. NELSOWIA.X. No. 3,550 Cortnllmsnt. All was the aet omnipotent. All the divine esUbllshment Of families here below; "For, without prm for lore and care, The heart wou'd be unfurnished bare, A desert place would show. Fathers and mothers, grandparents. Sisters snd brothers, uneles, auats, Iear to the heart should be; niest is the one with lusny cousins, Who counts his pi imal by the dozens, For rich In love Is he Bitter Sweet. Tho Frizes. Puzzle-makers are' cautions 1 to ue obselete words and definitions as sparingly as poshle, as their unnecessary employment will be rettsrded as a defect and will count against the work of competitors for tto prUes. The twenty prizes are: A valuable gold watch, 8l, aad fourteen Cnebooks for the best inui-n lots of thr-e origlnsl puzzles of any kind ; h and 22 fur the tx-st two lots oi ttire original diamonds, squares, or other ",'orras." and S and il for th best two lots of three orliDl picture puzzles. There wi lb- twenty win ers, as bo person will recelvo a second award. The competition will elose June 20. Answers. 3, MJ House-cleaning time. 3 5 A Telegrams. S .i4 -1 i-r, resl. ,$) Pitcher, eiialrs (shares), check, tsblos, stand, ranges, butter-dish (but a dtsb), side-board, urns (ems). i 80 Peripatetic, precipitate. 3 6-17 Lowell, lo, low, owe we, well, elL 8.3:;s 'Two hea ls are lietur tbaa one." I is'J Datura stramonium. ,40 Puzz e column. ' S.tl Oeer, e'er, Deo

AN EXPRESS IDYLL Scene, . York Station. Time, 3 p. m. Tho South express, known commonly ag 'The Flying Scotchman," is at the platform, steam engine attached, and on the point of starting. lie has taken his eeat, and is snugly ensconced in the far end of a first clas? compartment. He ia6traight from the moors the "dittos," deerstalker cap, guncase in rack, show that; a eentleman, young, well-born, well-to-do all these are indicated by his bright, handsome face, aristocratic features, and altogether prosperous, Felf-satisfied air. He "There 3:05! Safe to be alone as far as Grantham. I think I may smoke." (Takes out cigarette case and lights up. Suddenly the carriage door is thrown open.) Guard (frantically) "In with you, miss train is moving! All right!" (to engine driver. Whittles.) She (falling into her place like a bundle of old clothes) "Ah! (hysterically.) Oh. what a fool I've been!" (Hursts into a paroxysm of tears.) He (mentally, interested at once) "My word! Here's a rum go! Poor dear, how ehe sobs! (Examines her attentively.) Quite the little lady, too. Xeat turn-out; good lit. That jacket is Paris built, I'm eure, and those littlo broznes whoever made them was an artist ! They'd do for a Chinese! "Wish I could see her faee." Hie (raising her head, and with a quick gesture tearing at her hat, which she throws olT as though it hurt her) "Oh the cur! To think I should have believed in him. trusted him! The coward! the cur!" IIo (mentally) "There's a him in it, then. A bad lot, too, I should take it, to have ill-used so sweet a 'her.' Clear skin, nice face ; and what eyes ! Tho tears improve them, I thick. (Their eyes meet.) llopo you do not mind (aloud, with an almost imperceptible wave of the ciarrette.)" She (absently) "Mind what? You? (abruptly.) Not in the least!" lie (meekly) "I meant the emnke. I never presumed to think yoa would object to me or my presence here. Besides, its not my fauit quite. I'd leave the carriage if I could." Hie "Oh, I'm sure I don't care! Why should I care for anything? I'm far tob mi-erable." ( A tierce sob. ) He (seriously) "I am sorry for vou! You eem in terrible trouble. Is there anything I can do for you? I hardly like to intrude, but no man no gentleman could see a lady in such distress without ollering his help." She (gratefully, but with fresh tears) "You are very good, very kind : but if you would please leave me alone leave me to my own thoughts " He "They cannot be pleasant thoughts, I'm sure. Far better look at the papers. "Will you have I'unrh,oT this week's World'! They're both here." Hiej "I -ould not eee to read them, thank vou." He "Then let me talk to you." (Rises and moves a seat nearer.) She "No, no; you must not talk to me! I don't know who you are. I've never seen yon ; never met you before." He "Let me" introduce myself then. My name is Fiiz-IIugh." She "That's not enough. Some one else must introduce you." He (raising his hand to the commxinicator) "Hiall I stop the train and get the gunrd to introduce me? He knows me." She (laughine, in spite of herself! "Xo, plecse. That would make us both look ridiculous. I will accept the inevitable. I know some Fitz-Huahs (a pause) but I don't like them." lie "A bad lookout for me! Hope they're no relations of mine. Whai part of the country?" She "Oh. near us ; near . But I have hardly met them ; only I hear such things about them from ray guardian; it is he who is always abusing them. They are euch disagreeable neighbors, he says ;the mother gives herself such airs, and the sons are so stuck up." He "That must be painful for them. Ara there manv of them, and are thev all likettiat?" Hie "Three or four are. I don't know about the eldest; I've never seen him at all. No one has much. He owns the estates, has the title, but he's always away, shooting or traveling about the world. He's half a wi d man, I believe." He "What a curious person ! I should be very sorry to resemble him. And I don't think I'm at all stuck up. So your guardian hates the Fitz-Hughs? Perhaps it is a little his fault." She "I daresay. He's horrid 1 I can't bear him !" He "Won't let you do foolish things, perhaps?" She (blushes crimson) "What do you mean?" He You've just been doing something foolish, haven't you? I don't want to presume I would not force your confidence for the world but, you know, confession is good for the soul." Hie (still ecarlet) "I certainly shall tell you nothing! I wonder how you dare to ask 1 You are taking a vry great liberty. I think you are exceedingly rude." lie "No, indeed, no! Nothing was turther from my intentions. I only thoucht I might be able to help you. I should be eo glad to be of use. I mean it. Won't you trust me?" She "Oh, I can't. I can't talk of it 1 I think (breaks and sobs outright) I think I am the most wretched, miserable girl alive!" IIo (soothinglv, tenderly) "Y"ou poor, dear child! What is it, then? What has vexed you? Don't cry. Come and tell me a1! about it; youM be ever eo much belter then. What did he do?" She (quickly looking up at him through her tears) "He? How do vou know? Were you at Scarborough? I never told you about Capt. Bell." He "Yet I knew. Of course, I was certain there must be a he ; what else would make a littlo woman cry ? But he's not worth it, I assure you. Treat him with the contempt he deserves. He's a low snob." She "How do you know that? Where have you met hini?" He--"I never met him in all my life, and yet I know exactiy what he has done. I consider him an utter cad, and I hate him!" She "Why, what has he done to you?" IIo "Nothing to me. It'a what he's dono to you. He has treated you most infamously! I know that." Hie "I never told you bo." . He "You said well, you implied something of the sort at any rate I can make a shrewd guess.' Shall I tell you what I think occurred?" She "You may talk any nonsense you plenHe." He "It is not so bad to talk as to art nonsensically. But listen. Is this right? You met Capt. Bell at Scarborough, he paid you great attention, yon fancied yourself in love with him don't interrupt me, f lease. Then he humbugged you Intobeieving that he was desperately in love with you and he persuaded you to meet bini at York station so that you might run away. Shall I go on?" She (with hanging head, her ungloved forefinger following the pattern of her cloth skirt) "I cannot prevent you." He "But you'd rather not hear? I am

not such a brute, I hope, as to insist. I only wanted to show you that I knew what I was talking. about and to prove the interest I take in you." She (shyly) "You are very good. I'm sure. I don't understand why you should be so kind. You are a perfect stranger " He "Don't be too eure of that. I know you and have known you at any rate of you all your life, Miss Brignolles." She (starts and blushes de p y; "Who are you? At any rate, 1 don't know you." lie "Your nearest neighbor at home, Lord Fitz-Hugh the half wild man." She (stammering and in great confusion) "Dear, dear, how stupid I've been. You are not annoyed, I hope? But you see I could not know, could I? And and " IIo "1 did not look half wild enough?" We.l, I'll forgive you, but only on condition that you teil "me, honestly, what you think of me." She "Oh I could not, really! It's quite impossible. Y'ou eee, I, I I have not come to any decided opinion; it'a far too soon. I hardly know you at all. Why, we have not been together, in this carriage I mean, more than five or tea minutes. He (taking out his watch) "One hour and three-quarters, Miss Brignolles, that's all." She "I could not have believed it. The time has positively flown." He "P.easant company, perhaps? Or have I no claim to that compliment? Anyway, I am afraid we have just a quarter of an hour before we reach Grantham you won't enjoy that last quarter of an hour so much as the rest." She "Why not? Why should it be

ditlerent?" He "Because you i'd angry, I boie I ain going not be very to road you a lecture; to speak to you very seriously. Don't frown; what 1 am going to say is entirely !or your good. I am going to take you seriously to task." She (stiffly) "By what right, Lord FitzHuch, do you presume to interfere in my allaira?' He "I have no right; I make no claim to it, but I shall do it all the same, and before we gtt to Grantham.. After that I will change carriages," and I will Dot inllict myself ou j-ou farther, if you so wish. But now you must, you 6hall listen to me." Slio (coloring," but with a brave, rather angrv voice) "Is this generous, Lord i itzllugh? 13 it gentleman- ike?" He (in a grave, solemn voice) "It is my duty to point out to you " She (hotly) "How so? Y'ou have no authority over me. What you call duty I cail impertinence." He (stolidly continuing) "My duty as an o!d friend" She "Not of mine." He "Of vour family, your father and mother. I knew them both, and owe both many kindnesses your mother especially, for I was, like vou, motherless when quite young. What would your mo: her have said. Miss Brignolles, to this escapade? Would you have put her to such pain? Or your" father, so strict and honorable?" She (rather nervously) "Don't, don't, please; say no more. It's too cruel." He "You might have made a most terrib e. irreparable mistake. Y'ou rashly, foolishly, put yourse lf, all you possess, ail you hold most dear, entirely at the mercy of a seifish, designing scoundrel." She (looking at him bravely, but with tearful eyes and quivering lips) "Is it necessary, is it kind, is it chivalrous, to go on like this? I was wrong, I know I was wrong, but I am so miserable. Oh oh " (breaking down completely and sobbing hysterically, hides her face in the cushions.) He (quite concerned) "I had no idea. I am so sorry. I have gone too far but nevermind. Don't think of it again; I will make it all riht, only do not cry so bitterly. What on earth shall I do with her?" (Finding his words have no effect, takes her ung oved hand and pats it hard, then, with a sudden impulse, lifts it to his lips and kisses it.) (Now the train begins to slacken speed, and just as it runs in. at Grantham platform, she recovers herself.) She (faintly) "Where am I? What has happened?" (Then finding her hand in his, draws it qu ckly away.) "Oh, Lord Fitz-Hugh, bow wicked, how unfair!" H(much confused) "I thought you had fainted. I did not know what to do. Let me get you something a cup of hot tea." (Jumps hastily from the carriage, which is nearly the last of the train, and runs up the platform to the refreshment room.) One Railway Official (to another) "That's them ; vou may take your oath." The Other ,rSure enough. I siw him kissing of her, right ouposite the window, as bold as brass just when the train ran in." First Official-'Teet call Mr. Terks; I'll stay by the compartment." Second Ollicial "And I'll watch my gentleman." (Lord Fitz-Hugh returns, followed by a page boy, with tea, fruit, cakes.) Lord F. (entering the carriage) "Here, hand it all over pay with that and keep the rest. What do you want? You can't come in here" (to a station superintendent in uniform.) 'This compartment is engaged. We wish to be alone." Mr. Perks (coolly, and rather insolently.) "That is why I am coming in." Lord F. (haughtily) "We'll soon see about that. CaU tho station " Mr. P. "The stationuiaster himself cave me my orders. 1 am traveling up to London with this young lady and her her her at a loss that don't matter much. Tho ofiicers of the court shall Fettle that when we get to King's Cross. So make way, please, or you'll both be detained." (The train moves on. I)rd F. looks in utter amasement at Mies Brignolles, who by this time has quite recovered. St.e in drinking her tea with great relish, her race most demure, but there is a merry twinkle in her violet eyes. ) . Miss B (looking up suddenly and meeting his bewildered gaze) "I'm afraid it's rather serious. The court won't be trilled wilh " Mr. Perks "As you will find." Lord F. (turning) on him hotlv "Look here, leave us alone, or I'll pitch you out of the window. You've no statienrnaster now at your back." (To Mi' a Brignolles, in a whisper) "What does it all mean? What court?" MissB. (also whimpering) "The court of chancery. I'm a ward." Mr. Perks "Whispering ain't allowed." Lord F. (suddenly bursting into a goodhumored lau;di) "Come, come, my good fellow, let's make friends, I shan't have another chance, you know. I euppoeo thev'U separate us at Kinz's Cross." Mr. Perkajjaunti y) "No fear. You'll find your carriage waiting Black Maria, and attendants, a couple of 'em, who will give vou every assistance to Holloway Gaol.'" Lord F. (who has taken out his purse) "You're married ? I though t so. Do you remember when you wen courting? Ah I Well, then, do a friendly thing. Let's have our talk all to ourselves." Mr. Perks (grinning and fingering a fi vo-pound note) "I can't find it in my heart to say no. A real pair of turtledoves." Lord F. "You know I shall be shut up fcr ever so long; I may not eee my sweetheart again lor months." Miss B. (protesting eotto voice) "You are getting on too fast, Lord Fitz " Lord F. (in a quick whisper) "Hush, hush. Not that name, please, or you'll epoil all. I am playing a part that of Capt. I'elL I don't know his Christian name, but call me Freddie, dearest Freddie, if you don't mind. (Aside) I shall

; not. And vou must let me call you Erameline. isn't it? or my love, my owndarlj ing love, my sweetest pet, just to keep up the pretense." I MissB. (with a heightened color, but laughing) "You must have played the I part before, Ixrd Fredenck, I mean it j comes so pat." j Lord F "But you must play it, too we l must pn-tend (mentally ) handed if there's ' much pretense on my part pretend that we are in love with each other." Miss B. (with a coquettish shake of her I head) "Oh, i cou dn't, really! It would ' be reallv too absurd, and altogether too , difficult"." Lord F. "Not for me. (Tries to take her j hand, but she resists.) I assure vou it's j in the part. True lovers always hold each

other s hands. Di.ln t C apt. Bell ever do it? Lucky dog, how I wih I was he; that is, if you will care for him." Miss B. (emphatically) "I don't, I never did, I believe; only he was so persevering, and I thought him b tter less hateful, I mean, than the other." Lord F. (deeply interested) "'Thre was some one else, eh ? Tell me all about it. It will be a relief perhaps; at any rate, it will help you to pass away the timo prevent you from feeling bored." Mis- B. "I'm not easily bored, but I will tell you, if you like. It was my guardian's son, Archie Quibble, a lawyer like hU father not nice at all like hia father in that, too. They had him down with them at Scarborough, and did all they could to bring us together. I saw it directlv, but I couldn't bear him not a little bit." Ixird F. "An eye to the main chance the Quibbles." Miss B. "They wanted me to engage myself, but keep it quiet till after I was twenty-one next year. And thev bothered me so I fell back on Capt. Bell. He was very kind and I thought I liked him and what was I to do? I seemed to be quite friendless." Lord F. "You don't feel like that now, I hope? (Looking at her earnestly, and again taking her hand, this time without opposition, although presently she withdraws it). Have I oh'ende l you? I shouid bo sorry to do that. I want you to look npon mo as a friend, as your very best friend. Do you believe that? 1 will prove it yet." Miss B. (dropping her eyes, alter one eloquent glance at hisi "1 think you ere very kind to m, too kind, kinder than I denerve, Lord Fitz " Lord F. "Freddy, please. Y'ou needn't mind. It's my real name. Do you like it as well as Capt. Bell's? Whit "was his?" Miss B. "Something horrid. What does it matier? I never want to hear it or sea him ugain." Lord F. "Y'ou will have to hear the name of Boll once or twice more. Remember, I am Capt. Bell. 1 shall presently answer to it, be taken into custody as Capt. Bell, and spend the night in prison." MissB. (excitedly) "Oh, no.no, no! Y'ou must not sutJer that ignominy. Y'ou must s ty who you ore. If you don't I shall. 1 should never forgive myself if you were punished, so awfuily punished, for so r.e one eWs fault." Lord F. "It won't hurt me, my dear child; I have gone through far worse. A night in jail I shall have a b.-d is luxury to what I've ensured on the prair.es or in the desert cr on the African veldt. Besides, even if it is far w orso, it is necessary, indispensable. It is the only way to save appearances, to put you quito right with the court and before the world." Miss B. (in a frightened, timid voice) "How? What do you mean? What shall you do?" Lord F. "Go to jail like a Iamb as Capt. Bell. Tomorrow they'll drag me before one of the vice-chancellors as Capt. BelJ. His lord? hip will read me a severe lecture, and, still as Capt. Bell sentence me to six month", a year, perhaps, for contempt of court." Miss B. "That is the awful part of it, and I I mean we I mean your friends will not see you for all that time." Lord F. "And you would be sorry for tint, wouldn't you? Well. I can promise you shall s.e me again within three days, for I shall laugh in the judge's face and point out the mistake he has made. They'll soon let me go you may depend. Even if they were inc ined to be disagreeable, and the jud?e might sav " Miss B. (anxiously) "Whit?" Lord F. "That the whole thing was planned ; that Capt. Bell was a man of straw; that you came really to meet me at York station." Miss B. (blushing crimson) "Oh, Lord Fitz-Hugh I" I3rd F. "Freddy, if you please. Why are you so shocked? Would it te very much against Iho grain if I tried to supplant Capt. Bell? What would you say to me if I asked you?" Miss B. (almost inarticulate) "Oh, don't; please don't!" Lord F. "Well, if I asked the vicechancellor, I don't think he would say 'No' provided I tell him that you agree. Miss B. (in a low voic;-) "But 6tippose he did say 'No'; he is very stern, very hard to pleass. That is why Mr. Quibble wished to wait till I was twenty-one." Lord F. (complacently) "I think I can eatisfy him I am an eligible parti. I have no fears of him. But you, may I hope, wid give me what I wn'nt? This. (Once more taking her hand and kissing it as he draws her toward himself.)" Miss B. "Oh, oh, you mu-m't " Mr. Perks (gruftly, becoming very official i "Come, drop that; 'tain't in the contract. Besides, we're just running into King's Cross. Maybe the lord chancellor himself's on the platform. What would he eay if he caught vcu at it?" (The train glides slowly in ; porters accompany it, running alongside; there is a crowd, expectant, cabs and carriages in the distance, and somo excitement.) Mr. Perks "You'll just keep your places, please, while I mako my report." (Leaves carriages, which be locks behind him, and s'an!s there till he is joined by a small posse of people, the stationmaster, followed by two tips'aves of the court of chancery ; last ol all, a fuesy, plethoric-locking old g-ntleman.) Mr. Perks (pointing his thumb over his shoulder) "There they are." Old Gentleman 'Take him. Handcuff him if he resists. Y'ou have vour warrant." Lord F. "Mr. Quihble. I think?" Old Gentleman "Lord Fitz-Hugh!" Lord F. "At your service. The young lady let me hand her over to you ; my duty is done. I have escorted her safely to town. And these gentlemen friends of yours? What do you want?" (to the tipstaves.) First Tipstaff "Wo arrest you, Capt. Bell." Mr. Quibble (hat tily interposing) "No, no; it's all a mistake. This is Lord Fitzlliich. Don't touch him; an action would lie for falso imprisonment." Lord F. "So I should think (haughtily.) Who dares to interfere with me? Stand aside! Good day, Mr. Perks. I will present your service to the directors. Au revoir, Miss Brignoiles. I shall do myself the p.easura of calling on you tomorrow, at " Miss B. "Mr. Quibble's, Bryanston square. Come early and (gayly looking at Mr. Quibb'e) stay lunci." Mr. Q. (hesitatingly) "Oh, I should be delighted, honored, but my wife is out of town, and all my establishment. I fear it will be hardly possible " Lord F. "Never mind; don't apologize. I'll take her out to lunch instead. We'll ask th vice-chancellor. He shall do propriety. Good-by. I Bee my brougham over there." (Exit after shaking hands warmly with

Miss Prignolles, leaving Mr. Quibble, Perks and the tipetaves looking at each other in breathless, speechless, hopeless amazement, while Miss Brignolles laughs aloud in childish glee). (After many more scenes, various as in every love-suit, the curtain tills to a tableau ; interior of St. Georges, Hanover Square fashionable wedding in progress). Bishop o- X. "And wilt you, tmmeline, take this man, Frederick," etc. HOW TO COURT A WIFE.

It le Not the Sam Thing sta Courting- av SI aid. Pohlhemus Diltz set his lira firmly together, buttoned his coat and started for home. "It was as much my fault as hers," he muttered, "that when 1 went home the other day with the idea of courting my wife I didn't seem to succeed. I ought to have known bet er than to bother her when 6he was picking the pin-feathers off an old hen and Bridget was taking an afternoon off. I won't make a blunder like that again." About half an hour afterward Mr. Diltz entered the family mansion. He foui?d Mrs. Diltz in the "sitting room. Merely remarking that it was a chilly day he threw a package carelessly into the fire that burned brightly in the grate. "What is that Polhoinus?" inquired Mrs. Diltz, somewhat sharply. "Nothing but my pipe and cigar case." he replied with a yawn. "I've sworn off from smoking." Mrs. Diltz looked pleased, buteaid nothing. "It will save mT.t least SlOOayear, Mary Jane," observed Poihemus with another yawn, as he walked aimlessly about the rooin with his hands in his pockets, "and the h'.bit's a nuisance anyhow." "It certainly is," assented Mrs. Diltz, "I'm tlad you've quit if vou'il onlv stay quit." Mr. Diltz continued his aimless walk a'lout the room. Presently he brought up in front of a small closet that he had beeu in the habit of hanging h:s smoking cap and smoking jacket iu. He opened it, took tho.e garments out, and inspected them. "WIiiIa I am alHJUt it," he said, "I'll makeacleuti job of it. I'll hargtluso things in tho wood-shed and th next tramp that comes along can have them. You can use this closet for anything you like. St ems to iiio." continued Mr. Diltz, resuming his nonchalant wall: about tho room pud extending his s'roll into tho room adjoining, 'e don't have more than about half enough closets in I hia house. If I were building a hous for human beings to live in I'd put in fifty of 'em. Now, here's a place under this str.irway where I could have a good larg? closet made. I suppose vou'd object to it, though," "No, 1 'wouldn't," responded Mrs. Diltz, warmly. "It would just suit me, Folhemu." "Well, 1 11 have it done." And Poihemus kept on yawning and strolling leisurely through the rooms. "There are haif a dozen other places," ventured his wife, somewhat timidly, "where I should like to have closets built or shelves put up. while you're about it." "All riih. Y'ou can have all you want.'' Mrs. Diltz went behind a door and hugged h rself. Mr. Diltz continued to w alk about unconcernedly. "What what will you" like for dinner this evening, Poihemus?" "Anything, Mary June i.nything. I don't know but I'd like some hot biscuit?. Onlv " "Only what?" "Bridget doesn't know how to make good biscuit." "Whv, Poihemus! . Do vou like my biscuits better than Bridget's ?" '! never eat anybody's biscuits but vours if I can help it." "Oh. Poihemus!" Mis. Didz came nearer to her husband. For the first timo iu eleven years she threw her arms about his neck but nobody has any business to be intruding here. Please retire. "It isn't such a thundering hard job, even for a married rhinoceros of eleven vears standing, to court his wile if he only knows how to go at it right." said Mr. Diltz to himself as he went about the house tho same evening at a late hour locking up things for the night. ANIMALS AS SMOKERS. Experiments TFLIch Prove th Lntror Ortler of Creations WouM i: .joy Tobacco. London Telegraph.) In the Berlan zoological gardens Prof. Paul Meyerheim, painter of animal life, has been trying the effects of the fragrant weed on various denizens of the gardens, with results which are as novel as they are undoubtedly amusing. Chief among the subjects of his experiments was the brown bear. He declares that the "common brown bears" are genuine enthusiasts for tobacco. "When I puff my cigar smoke into their cage," he remarks, "they rush to the front, rubbing their noHi s and backs against the bar through which the smoke Impenetrated." The professor, with some temerity, once experimented on the lion. The creature was aslec p, an I this was the moment selected for pulling a volume of tobacco smoke in his face. Did he at once wake up with a savage growl, lash his tail, and, springing at the ba:s, bhake the massive iron? Not at all. lie awoke and "stood on Ids leg," which seems a natural enough attitude to adopt, an 1 "neczed powerfully." Then heqnietly lay down on his side and "elevated his nose, as if c-kincr for a second dose." It may be tivws to some naturalists to hear that goati, stag, and llamas all devour tobacco and cigars with remarkable satisfaction. It is oertainly somewhat of a waste of the material to let a prime Havana be "bolt-d' in one gulp by an antelope, but the professor was actuated by a praiseworthy desire to discover scientific facts, and also by a wih lo get on good terms with creatures that it was his business to sketch. "1 made a personal fri?nd," he writer, "of an exceedingly malicious guannco, or wild raina, by simply feeding him again and again with tobacco." m tli Kbony Club. Puck. Mr. Coonz 'I move, Mi&tah Chairman, dat Sam Blackio bo expelled from ue club." Chairman "Degen'leman will state the nature ob hi charge." Mr. Coonz "Breakin' into a feather shop. sah. Kf a man wants feathers he ehouid take 'em in de traditional way, sah, on de live bird." A IiRt1nct on. ruck. Parkay "Do you remember Mrs. de la Ware who was divorced last spring? She is going on the stage this winter." Jay "Becoming an actress, eh?" Parkay "Oh, no I She is simply going ou the stage." A I'opninr Impiossiun. Pock "There is only one hope for you," said the attorney to the murderer. "What's that?" "Ketain Mr. Evarts to sum up for you." "But that means a life sentence anvhow." A Li barn I Visrloij. fPnak.1 Guest "Waiter, a piece of mince pie." Wa ter "Yes, sir. With or without?" : Guest "With or without what?" Waiter "Nightmare,"

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