Indiana State Sentinel, Volume 33, Number 38, Indianapolis, Marion County, 26 October 1887 — Page 7

THE INDIANA STATE .SENTINEL. WEDNESDAY. OCTOBER 20 1887.

NUGGETS OF HUMOR.

Tan From the Pen of ths GjeIxI Humorist Robsrt J. SarietU. A Sesilsbeessa Egss Tax. Ti3ta & Llttla Ej.y Tii9 Cofoandsi Duco3. A Maliter Who F-Us Only Wim Hi is Temptel Tus Tnap. "Sot i Last Week's Joke Some Notes on Insomnia Htnt for Sleepless Men. Etc.. Kto. (Specially written for the Sentinel.) (CopjngMed, ISiT.) KEMISI.-iCESCK. 'What is that, mother?" "Ths rink, my child: The year It was bnilt all the people went wild. They crowded lu valls, anl to music' glad sound On furniture castors they sll I themselves round : But the Fool-killer carre, witli his two handed club. And he smote all the sliders, from graybeard to cud: And the building so silent is used, a? you see, Uy the Mourner' Embalming and Shroud Company. TOO WELL RK( OKCILED. "My brother," eaid the pastor layin? his hand tenderly upon the shoulder ot the reepin man, "I know not how to comfort' yon. Yon have lost the beat and dearest friend in all thia world, ba. the Bible teaches you resignation " "Never!" howled the stricken postmaster, springing to his feet "never! I'll hold on to the end of my term, and you haven't 0t enough influence in your whole party to pat me out! Don't come around talking: resignation to me!" EGOS THAT TASTI A LITTLE "EGGY." 'Fresh eggs are heavier than stale oneV remarked a poultry journal. Not on the human stomach they ain't. We don't proiess to know much about hens, and a mm who buys his eggs in town isn't supposed to know anything about eggs, but we do know that after eating an egg that was born some time during the war, a man is apt to lie down and dream something like Ur. Jekyli and Henry Hyde, whereas if he confines his hen. fruit to the vintage of '37, he ha3 a clear, approving conscience, and wants to an at a sunny window and sing hjmn3. THE CO 2f FOUNDED HEACOX. Iast Sunday morning Reverend Melchior "Wunwordmor, in his aermon, alluded to 'the condemned anarchists," when Deaoa Yeaanay got up and walked right out Of the church. He said he had no more sympathy for the anarchists than anyone lse, bot he wasn't goin' to sit still and liear a minister swear about them in the pulpit." PRODUCED BY EVAPORATION. 'George Gulp," said his friend warmly, "is one of theialtof the earth." "I believe yon," replied the other man; 4ihe's dry enough to be all of it." LURED Oa TO RCIK. Mr. I'eadaloud picked up his morning paper, glanced at the headlines, and gasped, "Great Scotland ! look at this 'Ano:her Holocaust! A Rotten Bridge! From Sleep to Death! Thousands of Haman' " He turned pale, sank into a chair, and whispered, "That is the train the children were coming home on! Head, read, I cansot see!" His wife staggered across the room, picked up the paper, looked down the column for names, and seeing that of Xybia Drinkham, sole proprietor of ßstt's Blood Remedv, smiled faintly, and fell down dead on the floor. And the next day the Daily lie poser lost one of its oldest Subscribers and a good advertiser. STASI'3 05 ITS HEAD. Dr. Leuf, in the Medical News, says the liOimal position of the stomach is vertical and not horizontal. It is always vertical while at sen, we know; the only trouble is that it is vertical with the wrong end up, "What shall it profit a man it he eat a seventy-five cent dinner and then gets seaSick? TOWSS THAT KEPT THE TROPHET3 ECY. A minister Down-East took far his text B few Sue days a?o Isaiah li:3, and then preached on " What I saw in Omaha." Do you know, we always thought that Isaiah had Omaha right in his mind about alt the time he was prophesyinj? This i3 hard lines on Council Bluffs and Sioux City, but mayle some commentators may oe found who will favor . those cities, unless, indeed. Dakota should get onto the lieTision rst. HE FALLS OXt-Y WHEX HE IS TEMPTED. Rev. Hugh O. Pentecost, of Newark, is the the minister who says, "When I wist a drink I take it." For the soul of me I can't see anything very remarkable in that, even in a preacher. He would be a fool to tke a drink when he didn't want it. Bat raen he does want it, that's the time to take it. Even a donkey does that: and the donkey can't be compelled to drink when he doesn't want to. So you see, my son, there is the difference between the man and the donkey. Any man, parson or layman, can do as the donkey, and take a drink when he wants it, or even refuse to take a drink when he doesn't want one, J3at it takes a man, my boy, to refuse a drink when he wants it And when he has thi3 control over himself he can practise louder and more in a day than the Reverend Pentecost can preach in a year. 2?RATCHE3, SKATCUEO ASI PATCHED. "The barbed-wire feica,' ' remarked the tramp in the orchard, as he ceased from swearing for the purpose of inspecting the seat of wore, "is a cussed 'em more dishonored in the breeches than the observance." K030DY GETS Hl'RT THERE. "Where is the safest piacs during a cyclone? ' asks Herbert La wson, of Hiawatha. "Well, we should say a Mississippi duelling ground, Herbert. That seems to bs abaut the safest place in the world all the rest of the year, and we don't see why a eye'one Bhouiddlsturb it any more than the duel. POT A LAST WEEK'S JOKE. A cucumber four feet long wh on ex"hibltion at the Maine State Fair. It the Democratic party can only secure this cucumber, it can carry Maine at the next election without a struggle. How so, thou silly one? Because it can double itsHello? Managing editor? Well, what do you want? Hey? Had this same joke in last week? Not much? another joke; entirely diüerent; last week I said "Republican party." Don't want it anyhow? All Tight, then, she'a dead. Never did know a ananasln editor who had as much sense cf humor as a cow, anyhow. Play ball, there, will you? KOTES OH IKS0M5IA. What please me, when I am tormented With sleeplessness, is a Little health book of my own, in which I have jotted down a few- yery few-of the "infallible remedies" for sleeplessness which had been tried la thousands or perhaps It was millions Of cases, most of which were In the preecriber'a own immediate family, or, at the farthest, circle of Intimate friends, and had never once failed to effect a permanent ind, it is needless to say, instant curt. All of these casea collectively and each one by itself individually, were,and was exactly like my own in cause, duration and opera lion. The simplicity of the combined Tsmedy appeals at once to haman confl0uce: Eat nothing within three hoars before retiring. Eat ft Ushtbnt substantial luncheon just

before going to bed. Nature abhors a vacuum. (This is one of the prescriptions I like.) Read light literature before going to bed. Read nothing after supper. Walk a mile in the open air just before bed-time. Go to your room an hour before retiring, and read until bed-time. Give up smoking altogether. If you are a smoker, a cigar juet before retiring will soothe and tranquilizs your nerves until you raa't keep awake. Don't think about sleeping; you scare away Blomber by wooing the drowsy god. Resolutely resolve as yon lie down that you will go to sleep, and sleep will come naturally. Take a warm bath, and go fromthe tub Id to bed. Take a cold sponge bath, jump into bed, and you'll be asleep before your head touches the pillow. Walk slowly about your room halt an hocr. Lie on your right side, with your cheek on your hand. Lie on your left 6ide, with yoar head resting on your arm. Count np to one thousand. (I tried this inhuman bit of idiocy one night I came very near falling asleep two or three times, but was startled wide awake by suddenly becoming conscious that I had lost my count, and had to begin over again. This cure kept me awake one whale night, when I was 0 sleepy I could scarcely bold my eyes open. The friend who gave me this prescription is not living now. She was a woman, and I could not, as a gentleman, offer her violence. So I dosed a box of marshm allows with Rough on Rats.aai sent tbem to her.) Drink milk, (This, according to my experience, is the best prescription in the lot It will make you sleep better than all the bromides going, which are snares and delusions. But milk diet not only makes you sleep at night, but you want to sleep all the next day. It makes you intolerably stupid all the time. It is a very pleasant, ba)f awake feeling, if you have nothing else to do but to enjoy falling asleep at any time and in ail manner of places, like Col-villi-in the best-told story of these tiraei. "Indian Summer;" but if you have any wjrk to do it is embarrassing.) So, what is a sleepless man who want3 to sleep going to do? If he eats a light lnncbeon, smokes a mild cigar, reads Bun. rer an hour, walks a mile in the air, comes back and walks another mile about his room, takes a sponge bath, cold, followed by a tub bath, warm, drinks a pint of milk, jumps into bed and lies on both sides, with his head on one arm and one hand, and counts a thousand, it will be time to get ud, anyhow, and he can have a few nervous fits during the day. It is a fact, however, that even men who think they suffer from sleeplessness do not lie awake half so ioDgas they imagine they do. When a man says to me, "I did not close my eyes once all night," I know he las. Not intentionally, of course; he thinks be was awake all night; the probability is that he did not Ret to sleep nntll two hours alter bis regular time, and it seemed an age to him. It-ally, it isn't often that a man lies awake the whole night through. I am not a physician, and cannot speak by the book, but I believe that men fib about their sleepless nights more than any other ill to which our weak humanity is Heir. Now, take your own case; you remember the last time yoi lay awake all night, don't you? Yes, I see yon do. Well, don't you remfmber that same night you heard the clock strike two, and then the next time you heard it, it struck seven? Yes, I see you do. Well, that's one of the mysteries about insomnia that is dliliculs to explain. Robert J. Bi rdette.

THE TALLEST MAN. Kiley Smith, of BloomlBgton, Discounts Jacob William, of Clark County. New Albany Ledger. The ledger throws up the sponge on its tall man, Jacob Williams, near New Providence, Clark countr, who stands seven feet two inches in his stocking feet and wears a No.12 thoe. New comes a Bloom tngton corre$iondent and demands a bearing. Heays: "There Is no greater curiosity in human form in this section of Indiana than Riley Smith, who for years has wandered about Blcomington the most of the time dependent upon the township for a livelihood. He is remarkable as being tne tallest man, the smallest about the waist, and having the largest feet of any j eraon in the whole county. He is seven feet six and one-half inches in height, measures twelve inches about the waist, and wears a No 17 shoe that by actual measurement holds one-fourth peck of corn. He weighs 1 15 pounds. No shoe is made by the trade large enough by four numbers, and when a pair of shoes is demoded Smith's order is sent to a Louisville Xy., firm, where the shoes are made according to a m eas,urement kept by them. Once a year a pair of plough shoes are ordered. They weigh almost ten pounds and are made of heavy leather, and hay e broad heels. The shoes are sixteen inches long, the heel measure is 13J 2' inches, the instep 10,lj inches and the ball 10 inches, smith is a native of North Carolina, is 40 years old, emigrated to Indiana in 1S0. He is raarried and has two children. The Penalty of a Barkeeper' Sobriety, The Macon (Ga.) Telegraph. There is an odd pen ins engaged in the railroad business who has worked on every foot of the freight trains from the foot rest of the pilot as risgman to the caboose as conductor. He is of a fidgety, restless nature, and a job of more than six months' duration grows monotonous. When he gives np one position he hops on another road and takes any position offered him, whether it be train band or engineer, brakeman or conductor. If he starts at the lowest round he soon works his way np, as he is one of the best railroad men in the country. It sometimes happened that when be couldn't get a job on the railroad he would do something else. Ina Texas town he took a position as bartender. He kept on an average drunk for three months, and pleased his boss until a Baptist preacher came along. The bartender and the preacher became fast friends, until one day he won all the preacher's money and he sought to get even by preaching a sermon to his congregation of one, and by picturing the loneliness of the congregation's old anther in Georgia, who had none but the fondest wishes for her erring son in far away Texas. This sermon deeply impressed the railroad bartender, and he kept sober for five days on a stretch. At the end of this time the owner of the bar called him up and told him he had no further use for him. "By the way," said the bartender, "if yoa don't mind telling it, I'd like to know what you turned me off for." The proprietor replied : -onve been drunk for the last tive days, and I don't want any drunken men around me." He had mistaken the conduct of his bartender when sober. Letting Well Enough Alone. New York Bun. 1 Wife (to husband)-! caught Bridget starting the lire with kerosene, Jonn. Husband How much do we owe her? Wife Four months' wages. Husband-Well, let her go on with the kerosene. I Not Yet Wholly Depraved. Tbe Epoch. Visitor (to convict). "What are you In for. mv friand?" Convict. "Sneak-thieving and picking pock eta, air. I am very clad yon asked mi" Visitor. "Why?" ...... OonvieL "I waa afra'i V01 müht takl

& me for one of h poodia AU jrui v;

ODDS AND ENDS.

San Diego's richest Chinamen is dead . name was Sow Kee, and his estate is worth $300,000. A society in Detroit of men sworn not to swear, numbers nearly one thousand persons, it is said. At a point in a deer ravine, two miles from Wallingford, N. Y. iceit is said, forms the year around. Gounod has earned 200,000 francs during the hut three years, and has sold his "Joan of Arc" mass for 20,000 francs. A prominent hotel steward In Chicago is said to make a good income by teaching wealthy but inexperienced epicures the art of dining. 1 1 An official list just published shows there are thirty-five widows of revolutionary soldiers still drawing peasions from the government Sawdust has succeeded straw for horse bedding in several of the street railway stables in Boston, and it is said to be about one-half less costly. F. K. Crawsbay, a Glamorganshire, Wales, magistrate, was recently fined $2 and costs for spearing a salmon in the Ewenny river In July last. The potato famine in Maine is becoming a serious matter with the farmers. One farmer says that two men will dig all day to get nine bushels, and many of these will be too small for the table. The American, of Ellsworth, Me., tells a sad story of the life of tbe waiter girls in the Bar Harbor hotels. It says that the life there is very demoralizing, and that many an innocent country girl falls into fast company and is ruined there. Aunt Katie Shelby, an agednegress, who died a few days ago in Shawneetown, HI., claimed to be 12" years old, and good judges tbought that she was certainly 115. She was a middle-aged woman when Lafayette stopped in Shawneetown over sixty years ago. Less than a year ago a Home of Rest for Horses was established by certain merciful persons in London, and since then more than fifty horses belonging to tradesmen and others in moderate circumstances have had rest and recreation at Neasden and Sudbury. The oldest postmaster in Connecticut is Richard Chadwick, of South Lyme, who received his first appointment from President Van Buren, and has been in office for forty-eight consecutive years. He has f een postage reduced from twenty-live to two cents. In its mention of the arrival in Washingten of tbe famous Pat nam Phalanx of Connecticut, a paper of that city got it "Phantom Phalanx " This, however, wss not eo bad as making Boston's Ancient and Honorable Artillery the "Antique and Horrible." Joeiah Gras ton is the pride of Beltoa, Texas, because he is 100 years old, having been born in North Carolina in 1778. Mr. Graston's pride is in tbe fact that his first vote was cast for Taoraai Jefferson, and that he has always voted the Democratic ticket. The members of tbe Moyamensins Hook and Ladder Company of Cheater, Pa., are mourning the death of Badd, the dog of the company. He was buried in a neat coffin, wrapped in the Stats and Stripes, and the truck has been handsomely draped in black and white in his memory. Hiram Smith, of V.'aver y, Mich., has had his share of accidents. He pat oat one eye, fell into a well hf ry feet deep, fell forty feet out of a tree, tell into a cistern and was nearly drownel, and, a short time ago. while engaged in blasting stumps, he was blown ten feet into the air, fracturing one of his feet A Hartford man has invented an apparatus for timing hordes. A clock with three bands minute, second and quarter second is started by the official timer. When the winning house touches the wire the clock is stopped by elf etneity. At the same instant the current opens a camera, which photographs the horse and the clock f ice. "Heart disease due to tight lacln" was the cause of death p'ven by the coroner's lury in the case of xJertha Uppenheimer, of Philadelphia, who fell back with a cry of pain while laughing at a comedian's joke in a theatre during a recent matinee. louDg ladies tightly enclosed in corsets should never venture beyond a gentle smile. At the ball at Oldtown. Me., recently given by the Governor of the Main Indians, one badsonie young sonaw was fairly dazzling in a very becoming costasae of blue satin and old gold plush, with an elaborately embroidered front to the skirt, and another wore a dreai of combined bright tcarlet and bright blue. A pail filled with fresh mortar fell from the top of the new court house in Macon, Ga., and struck squarely on its bottom on the head of a colored worxman who was standing on the ground. The bottom was split into hinders and the pail and the mortar completely encased his face, bo that he was in great danger of smothering until relieved by a fellow workraan. To make children have pretty teeth, a French authority says begin witii the second dentition to pre-s back with the finger every morning the teeth which have a tendency to press forward those which turn backward. As a wash boil in a tum blerful of water a pinch of quassia wood with a pincb of pulverised cacao. It strengthens the sums and whitens the teeth. Wash the mouth after each meal with lukewarm boiled water. KNOTTY PROBLEMS. fOur readers Tare Invited to furnish original enigmas, charades, riddles, rebuses, and other 'Knotty Problems," addressing all communications re'atire to this department to K. B. Chadbourn, Lewiston, Maine. No. 2130 A Familiar Saying. No. 2137 a. Numerical Purrle. Tangle of thread lu 7, a.6 fingers, I'utker on forehead lair. Patiently Naa over the Ittnl lingers, With such a mature hiue air. 10, 3, 8, 9. 10 to make lace, Leamiug to 1 to 7, is fche; But f moot li tbe wrinkles from (lira pled faoe For frowns and dimples ao not agrea. A, L, N. 31:;k. A Metagrraiu. Ol letters four I am compbseJ, A man of wisdom great; And sometimes also 1 am used A kind of plant to state. But now, if you will change ray hevl, Part of a book am I; And likewise an attendant rounx In me you will descry. Change once again, and then you will A furious passion see; And I sincerely hope, mj friends. You'll ne'er get into me. Another change will plainly show I am. remuneration. Earn'd by aU grade of working me a Througaout the British nation. Senew my bead once more, and then A prison I appear. 7rom which sweet sounds oft Issue forth That pleuant are to hear. Ukesows Author. Ho, 8139 Arithmetical Qoluea. 1. Show la how maay different ways eightyone caa. be divided, lavo thrjs akaies, aa tlat

a - -fl it m

mm fif

the first may be divisible by three, the second by four, and the third bv Ave in all cases without leaving a remainder. The first share is never to exceed half tbe second, the second is to be less than the third, and no share is to bs under six. The sum of nine figures a number will make, from which, it just -fifty' you will please to take, One-third of that number remains still behind. The solution of this you're requested to find. 3. Two boys, A and B. with walnuts to sell, find that B s stock was oue-thirteenth more than A's: they agreed to sell on exactly the same terms; afterellins; all accordingly, they fiad that A has taken tbe same amonut of money as B. What was this amount? How many walnuts had each boy at first, and how much did they charge tor them? No. 2,10 A Transposition, O, why does "Jas. Tancake" look Bo very much like a spook? A coxcomb yon m'ght call aim, He's an ape, and that's a fact: For who but a monkey like him, Would eo'like a monkey act? A. B. GlXSER. No. 2,141. Citrtnihneat. Complete a privilege I am: Curtaii'd I on the altar stand; Curtail'd sain, I am a head: Once more, and I am in Ireland; A last curtailment being made, A parent then is near at hand. U.n known Author. N. 2,lta. A I'rogrcstire Square. 1. Pure from barbarous words. 2. A tin meat screen to reflect the heat for baking. (Wor.) 3. Backward. 4- An Fnglish humorist (1713-17GS). 5. A dealer's term for roofing tins (Wor. sup.). 6. A male name. Hazfxton. No. 2143. An Enigma. What the prolic waves are saying. And the wind through pine boughs plaving. Or their mirth mad melody, Piping in tbe shrouds at sea. What tbe love-sick Philomel Tells his pafsion in the well. And the lesser birds that be. When they swell the symphony. What tbe men of genius brine, When they with strange Carolin?. Make dumb sood aad ivory rings! J. A. A in wer v 2120. . Elipbay (Job iv : 13-17;. 2121 em-auy. Chantauqua Literary ail Scientific 6 21 2i Circle 212", Weaves. V124 . A-ver-age. 'J125, U A A D M B I N c A 8 3 T E R c o R D O It M U K O b i: o c. 1 N V A S F. C K TROD Tntemperaace. Plan-t. K D E T K DEN 3127. THE POET'S CORNER. A Bude Awakening, Journal ol Education. She bad a face surpassing fair; All men admired her beauty rare And I ? Well, I adored her, nola'nar less; To be with her was happiness Three-ply. Of course she knew; s.he was not blind; She saw my- piignt. aad she was kind An ! rnxxl : For when I asked her if she'd wed A chap like me. she blushotd, and saM Site would. Oh, then the summer quickly new Till the time came to &&y adieu One nightShe promised wnen I went away That every single blessed day She'd write. Bnt her first letter drove me mad Almost, with wild despair, for sad To tell, This lovely maid, tor whom I yearned So longingly, had never learned! lo peil. Toll'ver's Ne!I. Tii-Bita. She's a leet'.emite o' creet ir, Har'ly knee hit;h to a duck. But ter bigot a cuter, sweeter Fare has never been my luck, lia r a mlddlrY sorrel color, Kres that make the say look duller; Thet'a her style an' suits me well Ez the rest o' Toll'ver's Nell. Laws! she wonldn' rach my shoulder Boosted up on tipsy-toes! Veti feel er right smart bolder W'en she ain't so ve y close. Cur'us thot a gel sh'u' daze me, W en no man er beat kin faze met 'Pears like it's a kind o spell .No one hez 'cept Toll'ver's Nell. 1 am not much use' ter takin' Any word on any man; But 1 set plumb scart an' shakiu W'eu she 'casion'lv ser, "Dan ! How lorjg 'fore ye'll 'low it's true Thet I hevno use for you ?" She's a master hand to tell i'uttiu' thiols, is Toll'ver's Nell.7, Thar be mon 'ud giterfended Bv seen plain-out talk, ye say? Weil, it 'pears e- if I m leaded Strcn'th ler slan It this-a-way; Fer I'm bf un' ter stick till she Takes me ter grit shet er me: Ve klu wear out snv gel, Tho' she's tot as Toll'ver's Nell! A Vacation Incident. From the Bston Courier, It was not hor natty suit. Jvor her pretty little boot. Which encased a tiny foot. Nor her hat with ribbons blue, Whic.'i so jauntily was bet Over tresses black- as jet With a receut bath still wet, My attention to her drew. It was not hersparkling eyes, Krightas stars in winter skie, Nor her ripe lips coral dyes. Nor htr cheeks like roses fair, Xor her rounded dimpled chin, hhapely uose, of satin skin, (('barms that lovers always win) That my step-i arrested tiiere. It was none of these, I lay, My attention dre that day, W here the merry wavelets play l'p and down the pebbled strand. No! her Dutle. woman's pride, By some means became uatled. Dr.wn her baca I taw it slide: Drop and fall upon thesaud. I'ed her cheek i began to g:ow, Then became ai wuite as snow, Aod her tears began to flow, While her bixoui rose and fell, As I poadered what to do, (None was present save us two), l'p the sands she wildly newVanished in a beach hotel. October. McMillan's Magazine. A fitful wind about theeavea. That sways tne creaktng door; The stadowsof the failing leaves Flit past me on the tioor. The Autumn sites are clear above, But silent is their song; Oh spirit of the changeless lore Keep back my Autumn long. In vain with goM tbe forest weaves Its sylvan greenues o'er; The shadows of the falling leaves Flit pst me ou the noor. It means the world is growing old, It means no birds to sing; Oli. not lor all the Antumn's gold Would I forego my Spring! Hard Lock, From Puck. Your eyes slowed on me, and your dancing bair Flew backward from a damp and lofty brow; Wy eyes drooped low before your fond blue sure. The music shriek and moaned I hear It now; I btar the measured steps, the swishing trains Tnat auch aure pifialls make for thoughtless peed, Surging beneath the soles of headlong swains, And bringing them, too oft, tu griei indeed! I hear your heart, wild throbbing on the curve Of my bare arm, as you uphold my weight Through that swift vortex with a toaa'i fine nerve. The calm and glorious strength that mocks at Fte. ... Not so ! For down with blinding crash we go, A passing beel has rent my flounce la twain, The fall baa burst apart my satin shoe. Our waits Is doae. I saall not dance again.

The Old Class Boom. Youth's Companion. The light is warm on Bonan's hills, W ith halls of learning crowned ; The sunset shadow, lenzthening, fills Hie memory haunied ground. 0 bowery heights! O sunlit peaks! My eye to you once more Is turned, and dim witu feeling, seeks What once it sought with glowing cheeksOid class room Number Four. 1 walk the upward path a'one Tbatooce I walked with frien.ls; A pilgrim to the halls, alooe My halting step ascends. I see the p.ne-plumed hill tops rise Around me as of yore: Below, the weir, cloud-sha lowed, lies; Above, tbe blue lake? of tue skies; The silent halls, before. 0 shaded window that I tee. By pilgrim years endeared, Whoie oU I dreamel, and fair to me The future's light appeared: Lswdi, where I used to sport and play With classmates seen no more. Bpnngless and sammeriess to-day 1 wend alona life's autumn way To class room Number Four. Where are they now, where are they now, The friends who gathered there. And oft, with faith-illnmioed brow, Bpoae of tt.e future fair? Where aie the ardent hands that met Each evening at the door? My life is green in memory yet, But uever can my heart forget Old class room Number Four. One sleeps beside the mobile seas, Where his young life began: And one beneath you crimsoned trees, Who died for Aracan. Kind nature spreads the grass and fern Tbe graves of others o'er; The f amed-tipped leave? above them burn, Their feet, alas! will ne'er return To class loom Number Four. We toil and sow, but only gain Ibe harvests of ourprajers; Our hopes in (rod alone remain Of all our auxious cares. To these, as only helps, appear The all of learning's stor, The classic lore, the thoughts of seers. I gathered in those early years 1 spent in Number Four. The light ! low, the sunset's glow tcarce hides the evening star, Afd winds throogh dreamy shades below The silver Charles at"r. Farewell! O shadow-manlled halls! 1 ne'er may 6ee you more; Afar the voice of duty calls. As somber niht around me calls And class room Numasr Four.

Consumption Cared. An old physician, retired from practice, having had placed in his hands by an Fast India missionary tbe formula of a simple vegetable remedy for the speedy and p rmanent cure of Consumption, Bronchitis, C atarrh, Asthma and all Throat and Lung affections, also a positive and radical cure for Nervous Debility and all nervous Complaints, afterhaving tested its wonderful curative powers in thousands of cases, has felt it his duly to make it known to his suffenrg fellows. Actuated by this motive and a desire to relieve human Buffering, I will send free of charge, to all who desire it, this recipe in German, French or Kaglish, with fall directions for preparing and nsirifc. Bent by mail by addressing with stamp, naming th's paper, W. A. Noyes, W Power's Block, Rochester, N. Y. A gentleman well known and largely engazed in the drug trade remarked: "Pond's Extract is a priceless remedy for piles. I bave been fifteen years a martyr to tbem. I suQerea everything but death. I tried all the most celebrated doctors; and look here," Baid he, as he opened a closet coDtainins; hundreds of empty bottles and boxes, "I took and applied ail that cupboard of trash without benefit Nothing helped me until I fonnd Pond'a Extract, and that cured me. I have now been well for j ears, but I keep that closetful of all the bottles to show how much a man may sutler and take," Like other good things, l'ond's Extract has been imitated. Avoid these worthless imitations. FITS. All fits stopped free by Dr. Kline's Great Nerve Restorer. No Fits after first day's use. Marvelous cure. Treatise and S2 trial bote free to Fit cases. Bend to Dr. Kline, 931 Arch street Philadelphia. Pi. Save the pieces! 10c ROYAL gluesceum. H aVeo a- delicate CoTjL TAKING J a ?73 subjecT- to $ ?you Will prD' iH: ; Allen's Lung Balsam' A SAFE A ISO SURZJ 7n'7gs it within reacTi cf all ALL DRUGGISTS ALLENS LUNG BALSAM AMouiii lor3 Reliable, Live Young M)Jlu or X..oir, in eath county. P. W. ZILdLtRA. CO , 113 Adam St., Cb'cago, 111. (ir funny selections. Scrap Pictures, cU, )"U and nice Sample Cards tor 2c, Uiu fub. Co., Cadi, Ohio. SURECURC DISCOVERED FOR - ATÄRRM Lauisrbach's German Catarrh Rtcnady. 11 il fKOmJimiI.lt i net Iii difcvovtry cf Uiu method vf Irfalrafni, fevcrr mail brinf-w lectori tram fTwrui pfKHl LUiUiA. aa utuHutu m t.. . sT.aiawm, sm. . f., i;.sVw tYtm RlUKD r.uxiR aWhlasas.Vst. lrl l-.ca. TU I ktKlrHT cn bs quickly learnml I cm duales at werk. Ws will teach yeu t bor. uHtily. sod put yn nt work in either (' rnrrrisl mr Kuilrvnd Trlraraphr. Tb Urea Wust i t b country to er. p in. Wnt foroorcircalars. VALt.vriNli UUO-j.i JA.NLaULLLi .V.

PAINLESS CHUBBIRTH KOWA()MFLISllin. Kverv Lady should know. W.nd tmr. 1W. H. I . H AK KK.WoX 1Q4, BurrAto.N.X i -J

KataJ

hsMMafeCM

for Infants and Children.

"Caster la Is so weU adapted to children that t recommend it aa Bupcrior to any prescription known to me." n. A. Archio, II. D.. Ill Bo. Oxford St., Brooklyn, N. T. TffiS E. C. ATKINS & CO. EE o Wholly nnlike artificial ystem. Aim hook learned in one rendiiiff. t?rt?omin.Tui It- Makk Twain. RirH ari IMsOTOTl. th, S-int wt, Hons. W. V. Astor, Jiiah P. Rrvj.. ,".IIS, Dr. Minor, Ac. Claxsof VXIOolumlua Law Mudenfs; twot lnsM-sOt 'nftesoh at Yale; 4uU at University of Penn. Phils. ,4!at Wellt-sloy Cullf, and thrwlsre clWMit Cb.'yilBa.iua University. Ao. Prospectus Pi.ST HU troux 1'KOi: . lXHakCl K. 21 h aiU Ave.. N. V. PARKER'S 1 HAIR BALSAM leansei and beautifies the hair. Promote a luxuriant growth. Never Fails to Rsstors Gray Hair to its Youthful Color. Cures scalp diseasesand hair falling mm FLORESTON COLOGNE. Most i ragraut and Lasting of IVlfumtts. fclc. Lrujrgist3. USIiiESS UI1IVERSITW INDIANAPOLIS. IND. J . iuir ,'!,-,- ;;iv i thoroughly pnu-tHTil ami hsiihI I!hmiio nixl Sliorthaml E'hirution. " Catalogue and llisiiiiH-n'iiil Current. 1 rtKJ. LADIES Wbv will you remain invalids froiii Uterine Aikuputs when the locfil use of IIA .KL BALM will restore you to H KALT II. One months HOMK TKKATMEXT by mail $l.O0. iJoolc HlKHon mentioning this papor. Asents wanted. Standard lteniedy Co.7 1 Kandolph bt-Culcaso, I1L NOTICE OF APPOINTMENT. Notice Is bereby given that the undersigned has duly Qualified as administrator of the estate ol Minerva Hickman, lateol Marion Co , Indiana, docease-1. Baid estate is supposed to be solvent GEO, w. Hickman, Administrator. A. V. Brown, Attorney. $65 A MONTH nnd BOIKI) for bright Young Men or Lnliea in each county, P.W.ZIEGLEK & CO., 1 : Adams bt., Chicago, lu. i in nwANTi.T&s U Ks 9 WfM BssaBSarSaBRBa na tart a n, T 1 B "J hiit tui'i viky lu.-.nif!t in their own I I mm tm 'town-i; the work ran be done quietly jpnasBBaB at home in dartinie or evening ; H i i-laiiii( or traveling nwesry ; is Ktri-tly honorable, and will positively bring in mow money in thirty days than anything ever advertised. You can easily makex'o. to Sä an hour, or $1. to $ a day, if you start right. ' Tha secret revealed," What we want you to do," and twenty-one valuable samples to commen.-e work, by return nuul. FStE. Send We. for postat'e.etc.and ddress, ' ' H . C Ko w KU. CO.. Kutland, VI rPAIWT y o1nr f 0IT A CO OVEOi T BFCCI PATTT Paint Iriday, run it to Church Sunday. Eight Fashionable Shades: J'lack. Maroon. Vermiuon Blue. Yellow, Olive I-ake. Brewtter and W.ion Greens, No Varnishir.g necessary. Irries hmr4 with a "lain." One Coat and job is done. YOUR BUGGY Tip t"p for Chairs, Lawn Scats, Sash, Flower Prts, Bby Carriages. Curtain Poles, humihire. Front Doors Store-fronts, Screen Door. Boats. Man'les, Iron Fence, in (act everything. Just the thing fot the ladies to use about the house FOR OHE DOLLAR HI o kW so cc CS LU CO QZ ud L&J "Id !:ti SC c CO CD CO ui CO COST'S HONEST Are yoa goinj to Paint this year? If so, dont buy a paint containing water or benzine when for the same tnmiey (or nearly so) yoa can procure (OIT AttrS PIKK P1M that is warranted to bean HOM8T, 4.LM1K UNSKLU-OIL PAIM and free front water and benzine. Drau tkl. hrsns as4 tak as etser. Merchants handling t are our ajents and authorized by us, in writing, U warraat It t weir S llARS with S tOATS or VE4KS with 1 COATS. Our Shades are the Latest Style UGed in th9 East now becoming so popular in the West, and op with the times Try this brand of IIONLST Pal XT and you dl never regret it. This to tho U ts Suf&cient HOUSE PAINT w 4 - A U A 3 j o a 55 3 äI-3 "-5 VA COIT'S FLOOR PAINTED Paint that never dried bevrmd the sticky point, waste a week, spoil the job, and then sweart Next time call for COI t it tO3 IXOUK PAlM 4 popular and suitable shades, warrmate4 is try hard as a rock sver alfku No trouble. No bSWDilT DRY STICKY GOOD PAY FARMERS' YTonorn Me. TTäful HuMnnMM. All Of Hull 1 HUB. I fl II S I I I SSI I S w Jiorii" or j rj..w nun S Mllllll lill ii f eliug. CUAKANIEECO..U'-,Ui,luebt.T. LüllB.üU. "II" ANTED Three honest- pushing men in If your Ticlnilj; special lndacementi now; fast-selling specialties. Don't delay. Salary Irom start. Brown Brothers, Kurserjmen, Chicago. III. 81 SUBSCRIBE for "The Farm and Lire Ftock " An excellent paper; 50 cents a year. K handt-onie &o cent shawl given to each subscriber, C. M. Walker, Indianapolis, Ind , Publisher. 'H . P Officers pay, etc, procured, daferters relieved. 21 year practice Success or no lee. Write for circulars ar-d new laws. A. v. UCCOrmica & Son. Washington. D.C.. Cinolnnatl.O. npivo To sea onr Bobber Bump. Frei lAIü CaUloriie to Agents. caALIx & riäaot, Cleveland, a

P fei 1 , vi f

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Castorf eures Colle. Constlpatiofi. Rour Stomach, Diarrhoea, ExuctAtion. K'H Worms, gives sleep, &i pruitS restion. Without injurious medication. CKfTAUa C0XPiJT, ISi Fulton Eliret, N, T. ESTABLISHED 1357. 33 YEARS' BUSINEtt. Manufacturer of Ilish G tide Atkins' tvlebrated Pilver-Ptecl Paws will hold an ci-'e longer and da more work without filing thn auy other t-aw ma l?.

FINE SAWS A SPECIALTY. Made from the finest selected Stfcl ; bed mfthfvl used, and the most skillful workmen, ctui.loyed in their manufacture. 'REPAIRING PROMPTLY DONE Br export worVmon. Wo loop in sto-k S full lin of LEATHER, RUBBER AND COTTON BELTIN3 AN3 WILL SUPPuEi. Write for rke-lK aad our low qiintatioas. INDIANAPOLIS, IND. MEMPHIS. TEW.

wtot-js',?3 Gcifi A:oca:, s-arisv io?s, 1 un S Tie Favorite Koabcn, 303, 404, 6 ii.

351, 170, and his other stieis. Sold throughout the World. NOTICE OF APPOINTMENT. Notice is hereby given that the nnder-iine4 has duly qualified as administrator of the esate ol Micnael K. rinield. late of Marion county. Indians, da eased. Ball etateic sunpoJ to be solvent WILLIAM . TAYLOR. Adniiaistritor. NOTICE OF APPOINTMENT. Notice is hereby given tnat tue adersi&oe has (inly qualified as administrator of the es'ata of William Keddingtoo late of Marion Oouaty. Indiana, deceased. Said estate is supposed, to be solvent. James kexihan,Afmiaistrator. NOTICE OF APPOINTMENT. Notice Is hereby given that the uaders:eBd t has dulv qualified as administrator de bonis non, with the will annexed, of the estate oC Preston Aoams, late of Marlon County, Indiana, deceased. Said estate is supposed to be solvent. J. NEWTON' TOUO. Administrator. Carson fc Thompson, Attorney. . f vv- v.ah v THIS is the top of the genuine "Pearl Top". Lamp Chimney, all others similar are imitations. ThIs thc exact label on each one of the Pearl Top Chimeys. The dealer may say and think he has as good, but he has not. Insist upon the exact label and top. GEO. A. MACBETH & CO Pittsburgh, Pa. S6UUtoS3,000sS team. Sellin; the Mi--vir Kiram Weyher. CM ft hkatku i:vi:i:"viiki;k. s.i;.'.;.i.otium. Part ion Urs free- J. Worth. St Im. J!n urn ica n rkvi U Pnce.Sl .00. i he CeiUiemen's r r;er.l. l 0T Ottr Prrfertion rinjr ff trttt rr'rp tf .it. Hvery litt!c cures lc of teniO.-rii.ra and Cli-et. A J. ) jorl dru"i t for it. Scrt on wcipt of pr,.-- tu nny a I Ireji. I MALYDOU MT't.. '.. Spring'icld. O-l K3LER BROS Most practical Post invented CTintUTfl Adti)ted for barbed or V 1 liUil II rift wire, plauli or flUfsTl Picket fencing. Unrifll C-nuotbf.rn mill TIT Tl rot. Can rirtnhrib afaTho-e driven in hard- desiring posts est fiil by a &ye lJ ordr liiiirj or direct from 0 W ii. i. r.as-e no asrtrma. e aavo you the af.vu is profit. Tküiiitout Ff'Tt f Al.R. 1 for fttmir. lenticD hls paper CTiTf.r.t'KiHV. JOI'MIRV. t n.,l-lwr-T. 17 a- hi- tKoiAnaroiuA. tin RUPTURE retained and enred. or your money refunded;! r.u rmr WntimtMl Holt fad and Buptnre Solution cures the bad cases of direct and scrotal hernia lihnnt knlfanr timvIIa- Hvdrnoplll. treated at Office or by correspondeno. For circulars, rule, of mcisurenent and lalHrutmo tlon, call on or address eANITA&ICM, 77, Xaat Varkat strsrat. IndlanaTKilLt. Ind. 7 UNDEVELOPED r Hll I W of the body enlarged and strengthened. Foil parti ular (sealed) free. SttlK MKÜ. CO UusaiO. A. l. 1 1 iTmS f Tl vTÄVU ioAWM5K and Y ( ) K K expenses raid. Outfit worin l nl parUtuiar. free, 1. O. Vicksry, Augusta., Me, $230 A MOXTTI. Aa-wjYrafifr(f. 90 beat sa, In article in the world. I Batnp4e rw.