Indianapolis Times, Indianapolis, Marion County, 8 April 1952 — Page 11

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By Ed Sovola

IT ISN'T hard to learn to ride a two-wheeled bicycle. A one-wheeler, unicycle, should be easier. That's the kind of thinking that leads to trouble. I watched the Theron Family perform in the Shrine Circus at the Murat. A former champion rider of Johnson St, who could ride his bike without touching the” hanglebars for distances of three and four feet anytime a girl was watching, sat still for the Theron wizardy until 2-year-old Jermaine pedaled on stage. Everyone knows boys can ride bicycles better than girls, put fish worms on hooks better, are more adept at catching frogs. Jermaine rode well for a girl but I didn't see her riding a unicycle like her father, Guy. Ah, ah. What a fine ending to a ripsnortin’ afternoon at the eircus if I could ride the unicycle and give Jermaine the fat eye while . riding past. Guy didn't have to know why 1 wanted to use his equipment. “Can I ride your unicycie, Guy?” “Certainly,” Jermaine’'s dad said, in an accent that would make Charles Boyer sit up and take a refresher course in French. “You can ride?” “With a little help, if you don’t mind. I never rode a one-wheeler.” > + &

THERE WAS a short pause for bicycle identification, Guy immediately (after a three-minute laughing jag) explained he would have to have another strong man to help him hold me on the bicycle, Otherwise it was impossible. He was rubbing my spokes the wrong way. Frenchman, just give me the unicycle and show me how to sit, never mind the unnecessary details. Tres bien and jambon on the side. Do I make myself clear or shall I write a letter to Charles Brownson attacking foreign aid? Sometimes it is wise to take a firm stand. Guy responded with alacrity (speed. Guy) and pulled out a 24-inch unicycle from the Theron pile of pedal machines. He said to put one foot

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It Happened Last Night

By Earl Wilson

NEW YORK, Apr. 8—Everybody says the average woman has a better sense of humor than the average man, At least everybody in show business says so. For years I've been waiting for somebody to prove it. Finally, now, the Gag Writers Institute says it has clinched it. . Jimmy Durante also says women have a hetter sense of humor, and so does the playwright, Fred F. Finkelhoffe, but let's look at the Gag Writers’ findings, Incidentally, you need a sense of humor to look at them.

The gag fellows—who have very funny filing cabinets—stood some pretty gals up and tickled them with a feather. « Then they tickled some gents with a feather. The gals laughed heartier. And that was supposed to be one evidence. Personally, we don’t think it proved a thing about a sense of humor. It may have proved that gals have more delicate skin than men. > oS THEN they had some comedians test out jokes. One was “the Spitalny telephone joke.” A: comic goes to a phone, : “Is this Phil Spitalny?” the comic asks. Spitalny on the other end admits that he is Spitalny. “Have you a mesthe comic asks, Spitalny says he does. “Let’s have it,” says the comic—whereupon a stream of seltzer water squirts through the phone into the comedian’s kisser. 7 We don’t think that y = proves anything, either. Jimmy Durante While slapstick is a fundamental of humor, it isn’t the whole story. On the Milton Berle TV show, seltzer and custard pies have at last been barred.

> & 9» SOMEBODY decided they were no longer. "funny. We hope that they were put on a pension for their years of faithful service to Uncle Miltie. “I think there was a sex appeal angle involved,” I argued with the gagsters, “It may be that women laugh mote at comediang than men because the comics are mostly men. And_women are more sympathetic to men than men are sympathetic to other men.” “Oh, but I wore a very low-cut shirt,” said comic Artie Mann, > { LAE TE PLAYWRIGHT Finkelhoffe says it's well ‘known that women have better appreciation of ‘blue” jokes—men are a little timid, a bit inhibited. “All I know is that women scream louder than men,” says Jimmy Durante. “And look at the

Voice Test By Elizabeth Toomey

NEW YORK, Apr. 8 — Tony Martin nearly broke up a panel of opera experts meeting to test whether or not they could identify correctly the voices of 10 of the world’s most famous tenors,

The tenors, from Enrico Caruso to Ferruccio Tagliavini, are included in a new RCA Victor album called “Ten Tenors—Ten Arias.” The test was conducted by the record company after one music critic commented that he had trouble telling one tenor from another in the album: Seems tenors are tougher to recognize than baritones.

Everything was very relaxed in the sunny room high above Manhattan where panel members Rise Stevens, Margaret Roggero, Paula Lenchner, Marguerite Piazza, Regina Resnik, Elaine Malbin (all gopranos) Basso Nicola Moscona, Violinigt Mischa Fiman and Conductor Renato Cellini sat with pencils poised, listening to the unidentified golden tenor tones coming from a record player, ‘*Set Svanholm singing the prize song from Die Meistersinger was a breeze. Italian Tenor Beniamino Gigli didn't fool 'em for a minute, o. &% bh

"’ "'

THEN an appealing voice laugched into the prologue from Pagliacci. Miss Stevens, best known for her fiery interpretation of “Carmen,” looked inquiringly at Miss Lenchner, who gave an expressive shrug and looked toward where Miss Piazza was absently stroking her silverblue mink stole. » Mr, Cellini, who has conducted the orchestra for most of the Met stars, cleared his throat. Beside him, chubby, white-haired Violinist Mischa ©lman suddenly leaped up and paced excitedly up and down the crowded room.

“They asked me to make a record with that °

fellow onge . , . he is very famous ... my son listens to him all the time . .. but his name it escapes me,” he said in staccato tones, Ld SE ALAN KAYES, the RCA representative who conducted the test, looked smug, “This is a ringer,” he volunteered. “He {isn’t in the album.” : First Miss Piazza, then four oher panel members recognized the voice as that of Tony Martin, who generally. is regarded as a baritone.

a In the final tally, only four had perfect scores

=.Mr. Cellini, Mr. Moscona, Miss Lepchner and

Miss Resnik.

"They correctly identified Jussi Bjoerlifg, Ca-

!

5

Feats on Unicycle Bring the Jitters

on the pedal, plunk the avoirdupois comfortably

on the seat, stretch one arm out for“balance and push off. That was more like it. I listened to the second lesson from the floor of the Murat. stage. The unicycle was four feet away. Guy expressed a wish that I be more careful of his equipment. “It is verree deefeecult to rides ‘dees way” explained Guy. “You mos have four-way baaal-

aaance, forward, backward, from side to. side. Voila, odderwise—pppffffmmmifff."” Re -ae oly

WHILE I cleaned the pppfffmmmfff off my

trousers, Guy said in “one mons” he could ‘have.

me riding a unicycle. To begin with, however, two men, one at each side, would be required. “Let's try one. Say, does Jermaine ride a unicycle?” Jermaine was not ready for the one-wheeler yet. Her sister, Esmeralda, rode a unicycle at the age of 3. Perhaps Jermaine will be equally proficient. Time will tell. Just as I thought. The proper position was taken again. Guy gripped my left arm in a vise-like grip. Ready . +. balance . , ."up and push, Sorry. Ready... balance . . . up and push. Ooof. ®? “You mos expect ze bruise and scratch in dees beeziness, bon ami. Eet ees deefeecult.” There is a limit to stick-to-it-tiveness. Especially when the time you're sticking to the floor increases. It's impossible to ride one of those. + + « If only you could get started. . OS GUY WAS hesitant but finally agreed to give me a shove to start the unicycle going. At least you hit the floor quicker. Guy leaned the unicycle against the wall after he was satisfied no damage was done, End of lesson. While leaning against another wall, I learned that Guy beiieves the unicycle is more practical (for some people) than the bicycle. As a soldier in the French army, Guy used to deliver mail on the unicycle. They're easier to park, lighter than the bicycle and both hands are free to sort mail on the go. I'm glad. The unicycle isn't here to stay, not under me, anyway. cycle you've ridden them all , , , pppffffmmmfff,

Sense of Humor?

late Tom Brenneman. He put on funny hats out in California on that breakfast program and the women died laughing.”

But a last word is forthcoming rom the gag writers’ gag writer, Coleman Jacoby. “Men have 2 better sense of humor,” says he. “You can prove that merely by looking at their wives,” Gb

THE MIDNIGHT EARL . . The Duke of Windsor —recently friendly with Toots Shor in Palm Beach—went golfing yesterday with Sid Cuft, Judy Garland’s beau . . . Eleanor Roosevelt will take a little rest now—by writing a book. 1 ¢ Some of the anti-malarial compounds which seem to have some effect on cancer will offer a slightly hopeful note at the American Cancer Assn. meeting here Apr. 11.

. What network must cut close to $1 million in salaries—on two weeks’ notice? . . . Sophie Tucker’s off to Europe with loads of 1ew Florence Lustig creations. She’ll wind up in Israel.

Lindy’s and some other B'way spots cut some prices . . Lee Mortimer says suits against ‘U. 8. A. Confidential” won’t reach the courts for years . . Lionel Stander gave an autograph to an _old chum, Turned out he was actually signing a $2500 promissory note, and it's fust fallen due . . Diana, the goddess of the air, stars at the Palisades Park opening, Apr. 12. eB ob LARRY ADLER will do a Town Hall concert in May, his first hereabouts since the trial. . . . Lee Shubert and Yvonne De Carlo discussed doing aN. Y. “Folies Bergere.” . . . Hollywood stars offered big salaries for playing cafes are now asking Cadillacs and other “merchandise” instead. The Ezzard Charleses, it turns out, are expecting. Also the Ray (NY Giants) Nobles. , .. Arthur Krim collected 50 per cent of the United Artists stock promised by Chas. Chaplin and Mary Pickford as a reward for putting the company in thy black in one year. ; wo ob EARL'S PEARLS . . . Willie (the Actor) Sutton can be sure now, says Hank Sylvern, that he'll always, from now on, be playing to a “big house.”

5

> HB

TODAY'S BEST LAUGH: Tony Canzoneri's wife, Rita, who's going to Europe, told him, “I'll go shopping and buy you some gloves, What size do you wear?” . . . Replied Tony: “Eight ounces.” 8

. . *, ow oe oe

WISH I'D SAID THAT: On hearing that comedy writer Charles Isaacs had brought the script for the Jimmy Durante show cross-country to show Jimmy, Seaman Jacobs said: “That's carrying a joke too far.” : TAFFY TUTTLE, the showgal, told Mort Mencher, “They're putting chlorophyll in so many things, next thing they'll be putting it in plants.” + +» +» That's Earl, brother. .

Tony Martin Throws Experts for a Loss

ruso, James Melton, John McCormack, Jan Peerce, Giuseppe De Stefano, Tagliavini, Svanholm, Giovanni Martinelli {not in the albym), Mario Lanza, Gigli, and Martin. b> + @ MR. KAYES decided the test proved that a professional could tell one tenor from another, even though Elman confused Caruso and James Melton. Mr, Cellini, one of the 100 percenters, gave this wdvice for non professionals: “Look first for quality, then for vocal technique, then for pronunciation. Technique is for instance the way they open on an F sharp or close on a G.” . Oh.

Dishing the Dirt By Marguerite Smith

¢Q/ Could you tell me the value of rahhit manure for flower beds and lawn fertilizer? Mrs. Myrtle Towner, 338 W. 30th. i A. Rabbit manure is in the class with chicken manure — excellent sources of leaf-stimulating

nitrogen. Like all manures, it is chiefly bene ficial as a wonderful soil conditioner. It loosens hard ground, encourages helpful small organisms in the ground that make it easy to work

Read Marguerite Smith's Garden Column in The Sunday Times

and easy for roots to penetrate. Whenever you use animal manures on general garden and flower areas be sure to balance the nitrogen they supply with the other plant foods that make up a good health diet for plants. That means

especlally phosphates where you want good

flowers or fruit crops (as tomatoes) and potash where you want well-developed root systems (carrots, beets, for example). You can add this fh the. form of a high phosphate, high potash chemical fertilizer such as the bulb fertilizers now on the market. Or you can use all-organic materials such as bone meal (3 to 5 lbs. to a 100 sq. ft.) and wood ashes’ saved rog a fireplace (4 to 6 lbs. to 100 sq. ft.). <

After all, you ride one uni- -

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‘LET THE DUST SETTLE'—

TUESDAY, APRIL 8, 1952

No. 2 By KERMIT McFARLAND Scripps-Heward Staff Writer WASHINGTON, Apr. 8—American foreign policy, in the seven years of Harry Truman, has been a sometime thing. Sometimes bold and aggressive, sometimes a mere drift, sometimes a virtual vacuum.

A recent book, "Mr. President,” includes a letter written to Secretary of State James F. Byrnes in Janua.y, 1946, In this letter, as now revealed, Mr. Truman says that at the Big Three meeting in Potsdam—the new President's first major diplomatic venture he was ‘forced by circumstances” and the Yalta Agreement to hand over part of Poland to Russia. “It was a high-handed outrage,” he says in this letter. <= But when he came home from Potsdam in August, 1945, Mr, Truman gave no sign of such feelings. “The action taken at Berlin (Potsdam),” he said in a radio address, Swill help carry out the basic policy of the United Nations toward Poland —— to create a strong, independent and prosperous nation on a government to be selected by the people themselves.” And he reported that the Yalta agreement, despite provisions he shortly afterward denounced, had been “reaffirmed.” In his diary under date of Oct. 19, 1945, President Truman records a meeting with General Albert C. Wedemeyer, an old China hand, and General Pat Hurley, then Ambassador to China. *“I told them my policy is to support Chiang Kal-gshek,” he wrote, » » » IN HIS letter to Secretary Byrnes the following January, Mr, Truman, according to his book, said: “We should rehabilitate China and create a strong central government there. We should do the same for Korea.” In the same letter (which Mr, Byrnes says he never saw or heard about) the President demands an “iron fist” and “strong language” policy toward Russia and adds: “I do not think we should play compromise any longer.” But what happened? Even before he had written this letter, he had dispatched General Marshall to China to seek a “coalition” government of Communists and Nationalists. The next year when Gen, Wedemeyer was sent to China to report on the situation there, he wrote a report recommending a United Nations trusteeship over Manchuria and more aid to China. But the State Department squelched the report. ” ” ~ THE TRUMAN policy toward China and the so-called “Truman Doctrine” in Greece and Turkey had the United States moving in opposite directions at the same time. The President withdrew support from Chiang Kai-shek because the Nationalist chief was fighting communism. Then he put U, 8S. money behind the Greek government to fight communism there. A few ‘weeks later, when the Marshall Plan for Europe was

Message

By AUSTIN PARDUE Bishop of the Diocese of Pittsburgh

THERE are several ways during the Lenten season and on all other days by which one can understand the thoughts ‘of the heart:

ONE: By private self-ex-amination and constantly keeping watch over our

thoughts and deeds with the help of God. & TWO: By counsel with a trusted friend of great wisdom, impersonal judgment, and deep spiritual perception, together with the help of God. THREE: By conference or confession to a minister or priest with the help of God.

Obviously, the “thoughts of the heart” have practical consequences, either mentally,

spiritually, or in overt action. Therefore, we must watch our thoughts, words and deeds, and

‘A Boy at Calvary

announced, American ance was offered to Communists and non-Communists alike. These conflicting policies were sold to Mr, Truman in separate packages and _ apparently no one around him made any ef-

“fort to reconcile the contradic-

tions. In December, 1948, the President boasted that when war surplus material was trans ferred to China, ho weapons were included “which could be used in fighting a civil war” But three months later, in recommending aid to Greece for the civil war there, he said “it must be the policy of the United States to support free peoples who are resisting attempted subjugation by armed minorities or by outside pressure.”

» ~ ” THINGS looked dark for Greece when Mr. Truman intervened with cash, supplies, weapons and technical assistance, and turned the tide. Communism was put down. But when things looked dark in China, Mr, Truman's State Department issued a long “White Paper” which said Nationalist China was a lost cause and merely expressed a plous hope that some day the Chinese people would throw off their Communist masters, Secretary of State Acheson summed it up at a press conference when he sald U. 8. policy was to “let the dust settle” in China. On another occasion, he and Foreign Min-

ister Ernest Bevin of Great:

Britain, meeting in Washington, wrote off further aid to the Nationalists as futile and gave up Formosa as lost. (Formosa is still in Nationalist hands.) we

” » ” AFTER China went down the Communist drain and Chiang Kai-shek had fled to Formosa, the State Department sponsored a resolution which the United Nations adopted, urging “respect” for China's integrity -already smashed, A month later, the British recognized the Communist government of China and Mr. Acheson “warned” the Chinese people not to let the Russians trick them into any “aggressive and subversive adventures.” The helpless Chinese didn’t—not for all of 10 months, until Chinese Communist armies invaded Tibet and. joined the Korean War. The switch in Chinese policy, from the strong attitude Mr. Truman expressed in the letter he says he wrote to Byrnes to a “let - the - dust - settle” indifference, was _engineered by a leftist clique in the State Department headed by Owen Lattimore, a Baltimore professor, and an assortment of likeminded consultants. It was backgrounded by such things as the Amerasia case. Amerasia was a New York magazine of 1700 circulation, edited by Philip Jaffe, a Communist., :

assists

CHIANG KAILSHEK lost

U. S. support because he was fighting the Reds, even though Mr. Truman said he told , , .

In June, 1945, while the United Nations was being chartered in Ban Francisco, the offices of Amerasia were raided by the FBI and 1700 confidential government documents were recovered. When the FBI laid its evidence before the Justice Department the arrest of Jaffe and six others was ordered. Included were two State Department ‘“experts” on China. But when this action failed to materialize, Mr. Truman stepped personally into the case. He gave new orders for the arrests and also directed that if there were any more interference with the case he be notified. Gren The Justice Department promptly presented the case to a grand jury, but midway in the presentation mysteriously took it away again, Later in the summer, another grand jury cleared three of the six, including John Stewart Service, foreign service

hd

hina issue and . .

JAMES F. BYRNES he de-

manded : “iron Ft and “strong language” policy ftoward ussia, Later, he called the , , ,

officer in the State Department. In the end, by a strange sequence of circumstances, all the accused were let off acot-free or with. mild fines. Mr, Truman's strict orders for vigorous action were ignored, n » » SUBSEQUENTLY, Mr. Service was cleared six times by the State Department's own loyalty probing agency, but just last December the Civil Service Commission's Loyalty Review Board found “réasonable doubt” of his loyalty and he was fired—more than six years and six months after the Amerasia case first came to light, The President's handsprings on foreign policy have been no more baffling than his attitude toward the evidence of Communist influence and “pink” thinking in government office. His Justice Department, which watered down the Amerasia case, later successfully prosecuted the 11 top Communists of

's

PRESIDENT TRUMAN'S first major diplomatic venture was fo hand over part of Poland fo Russia at Potsdam. He said the Yalta agreement made between Churchill, Roosevelt and Stalin forced him to do it. Latér he faced the

the country, Alger Hiss. Judith Coplon and others. The FBI

has nalled countiess more, ° But when the Hiss in tion began in , Mr, Truman called it a “red herring.” In 1948, he vetoed a bill requiring the FBI to check the loyalties of employees on the top secret atomic energy projects as an * en-

croachment” on his arm of the

‘government. In 1950, Congress had to pass over his veto, which scorched the bill in 5500

words, the present Internal

Becurity Law. i FE a j OF SUCH stuff has the for. eign policy of the United States government been made, This is the foreign policy which the next President will inherit—the embarkation point from which America’s future diplomacy must travel,

—_—

NEXT: Fadeaway In Korea.

ey

EDITOR'S NOTE: This is the eighth of a series of inspirational Lenten messages. They are from Bishop Pardue’s recent book, CREATE AND MAKE MEN, published by Harper & Brothers,

also our feelings tiénal reactions. » » ~ SOMETIMES we do not have clearly defined thoughts, but we have feelings of good or evil that may lead us blindly either to good or evil actions, If that action is evil then we have committed sin and must quickly seek forgiveness and the establishment of new and positive attitudes in the heart. First we must know what to look for, We can generally di vide our sins of thought, word or deed into three categories; (1) against God, (2) against others, (3) against ourselves, Here are some questions: Against God: Have we been

and emo-

omey Of

ashamed, or afraid to stand up for what we. know is right? Have we neglected our friendship with worship of or gratitude toward God? Have we heen irreverent, or disrespectful to God? Do we trust Him or do we worry? Are we reasonably good witnesses for God and His Church, or are we just about the same, outwardly, as most pagan Americans? Are we generous with our possessions and our time for the work of God and the Church ~ " ~

AGAINST OTHERS: Are we considerate? Do we think evil

of them? Are we guilty of anger? Grudges? Revenge” Jealously or envy? Do we freely forgive? Do we give hack evil for evil? Are we petty or small? Are we easily provoked, or ready to pick fights? Do we tell lies? -~Are we impolite, curt, short, or do we

anub others” Do we gossip or ridicule people behind their

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backs? Have we ‘talked too much, or told confidences? Have we encouraged others to sin by. word or deed? ” » r AGAINST OURSELVES: Have we been too self-centered? Have we been conceited, proud, unwilling to face the truth about our shortcomings? Do we always make excuses and offer alibis? Have we been guilty of intellectual, social, personal, ancestral or financial pride? Selfrighteous pride? Religious or" ecclesiastical pride

~ " » HAVE we been vain? Have we looked down on others because of race, color or creed? Have we been guilty of selfishness, of putting ourselves first, of self-pity, and self-sympathy? Are we envious? Have we indulged in impure thoughts, words or deeds, used obscene language, or told dirty stories?” Have we sought out indecent places and people for

By Jay Heavilin and Walt Scott

our own pleasure? Have We eaten or drunk too much? Do we abuse ‘our physical health, overwork without proper reat, relaxation and recreation? What are our principal weaknesses”? Are we truly sorry for them as we face Christ? » ” » ¢ IN FACING the truth about questions such as these we will begin to know ourselves. Yet, we must not fail to realize that it is possible to answer them routinely and still be a Pharisee who feels self-righteous over his penitence and who refuses to face his pride. It is so easy to be fooled by pride 'and self-esteem, No set of questions, in themselves, are foolproof. However, a question form is a good beginning. But above all, we must pray to see our real motives clearly, and at all times,

(Copyright, 1952: by Harper & Rrothets) EXT: On Overcoming Your

Weaknesses,

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Though Sakron winced with-each whistling lash of the whip, Jesus’ face betrayed no emotion. When at lost He wan scarcely wble tv yond; the soldiers dressed Him in a purple and crown of thorns, mocking Him os King.

sport quickly grew tiresome. Some inner grace seemed

To: ™™ - -

separate Jesus from His tormentors; Returning His own robe, the Romans 0 huge wooden ross upon the Nozarene's shoulders, A She 2veats of Jévmstiomn, toward Calvary,

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