Indianapolis Times, Indianapolis, Marion County, 10 February 1952 — Page 19

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. 10,1952

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Inside Indianapolis

By Ed Sovela

ASK AN owner ofa televiffon set’ what he did before the one-eyed: monster came to his

home, and nine times out of 10, answer intelligently.

«what did 1 do evenings before TV?" Invariably the question will be repeated a couple of

times and over the subject's face will come a look - similar to the one a person gets watching an unexplainable Milton Berle antic. Blotto. A typical reaction was noted: for a dear friend who has been chained to his TV set for the past two years. I noticed his eyes were mere slits © compared to what they used to be. I also thought they were closer together. (Don’t be surprised if 10,000 years from now

people sport one 12-inch eye in the middle of theirs

foreheads.)

“Whad-I-do before?” My friend was mentally

groping for words. There was a tongue was as sharp and loose as

His hands made grasping movements and guttural noises rippled his Adam's apple.

. ’ 2, oe ow oe

I WAS GLAD he wasn't in the

of televisionitis when all power of speech Is Jost, He was lucky and there was still time to regain

the art of conversation, “Think man, think,” I urged.

“I'm trying but nothing happens. Why don't vou ask my wife. She'll remember, I know, 1 tell vou, I know I used to do something hesides watch

television,” my friend cackled,

speaking 28 words at one time was a strain,

By carefully interpreting several of his parting remarks, I gathered that he “used to do some

work around the house.”

A call to his wife verified the veracity of the statement. She didn’t throw more light on the problem, however. My friend's wife remembered few things around the house.”

The impression after the extremely uninformneither member of anything needed fixing

and cared less as long as the TV functioned.

ened Last Night

he “fixed a

ative conversation was that the family would know if

it Hap By Earl ilson

NEW YORK, showgal friend, put it this way: be enough around.” )

o ». *e < oe oe x

"THEY WERE RAUGHING al

at a practical joke pulled by Nicky Blair once. cafes were almost

empty, he phoned a friend’s night club and dis-

On a very slow night when

guised his voice.

“It's awfully late” he ‘apologized, ‘but can party of 60 for dinner?" _ “Certainly!” boomed the other cafe operator enthusiastically. Nicky told him everything was {no be the best-and no expense was to be spared. Shortly thereafter a lone man walked into the .afe and said, “Well, here I am for my dinner.

you handle a

[ turned 60 today.” » bh 9

IF YOU ean stand kid stories, you might enjoy the fact that TV Star Herb Polesie’s son Bobby asked his pop the other day: “Daddy, haven't I any money in the bank

that isn’t for college?”

Incidentally, my son Slugger’s neutral in the revival of the Civil War by stores that sell kids Slug has two caps. Ine day he wears a Confederate cap and answers Next day he wears a

‘onfederate and Union caps.

o Gen. Robert E. Lee. {Inion cap and is no less than Frant. pronounce Ulysses.

“Hello, Goodman,” somebody said to Goodman. Ace, the crack writer and performer who

scornfully replied: “Name-dropper.”

KIDS NOWADAYS spend fantastic amounts of money, Humorist Sam Levenson told the Baseball Writers’ dinner. “Pennies!” scoffed Sam.

“They have no place to spend them to their fathers.”

“A kid goes to camp and he sends his parents a wire saying, ‘Send me $200. I'm going on an

overnight hike. : o% THE MIDNIGHT EARL.

Feb. 9—Taffy Tuttle, my blonde

husbands to go arourid—but they go

Only he says U. 8. Grant, as he can't

4 4 . . Comedian Jackie Gleason's all broken up over his inability to perform with his friend, Frank Sinatra, at the Paramount Theater in April. Jackie needs three weeks

*Life Began When

¢ . TV Came Along’

“1 USED TO do a lot more reading,” answered -

- :

£3

another gentleman. “You know, sometimes I get mad at mysé&lf for spending so much time watching the darn stuff, Some of the shows stink.” With absolute surety my head nodded in agreement. About a week ago I was personally responsible for presenting a malformed turkey which died at birth and I didn’t know fit until the show was over, 15 grueling minutes later. “One thing you can say for TV, it saves you money. My wife and 1 geldom go out anymore so we don’t need baby-sitters,” chuckled another TV owner, “1 started living when TV came along. Before there was always something to fix, paint and

the guy can't

stuff. Now my wife doesn't bother me and 1 don't bother her, the kids are happy. We're getting culture with programs like ‘Suspense,

‘Danger,’ ‘The Web’ and ‘Mystery “Theater. A respected member of his community and a der (before TV) in his neighborhood laughed about “the silly things I used to do around the house.” This included tasks such as tacking down linoleum, varnishing woodwork, cleaning out the furnace and the basement, fixing bathroom spigots, patching the wall in the shower time when his anq washing windows. Groucho Marx’, oa SWITH THIS new station in Bloomington things sure are rough at home,” he moaned. “You know John Cameron Swayze comes on at 6.45 on WITV. Boy, I rush home, my wife and 1 gobble our supper, throw the dishes in the sink so we can catch Swayze. Sometimes it's 11 o'clock before we move again.” An officer in a local banking institution admitted he doesn't do a fourth of the work he used to do at home. He thinks TV is the greatest excuse for goofing off ever invented for homemakers. - “When the wife is wasting her time right along with you, she can’t very well nag, can she?” Frankly and sincerely, the future fas me worried. If we're not careful we're going to be a nation of performers and viewers, big mouths and no mouths, balls-of-fire and indolent slaves of the modern Cyclops, possessors of bloodshot eyes and bug-eyes. - When folks can't remember what they did before they got TV, the situation is serious. Almost as bad as a man saying he doesn't remember what he did before he was married, What can we do, slaves?

advanced stage

The effort of

Gags and Humor: Maybe Some Rumor

Dagmar just finished her cafe act in Las Vegas the other night, when all the lights blew out. “I was so torrid,” said Dag, “I blew a fuse.” _.. Judy Garland, the biggest hit in America, was visited by Joe Frisco, who isn't quite that. Joe suggested he join her act when she goes to California. “Honest, it w-wouldn’t,” stuttered Joe,

“There may not

the Blair House

“hurt me n-none.” ‘ Frankie and Ava are now reported tby a ‘best friend’) to be expecting in August. . . . Sonja

for years—brings her new big show into Kingsbridge Armory in the Bronx for 10 days, starting Mar. 26. . .. Jack Stirling, CBS ‘disc’ jockey, now at Lenox Hill Hospital, announces he'll broadcast from bed. Marianne Reynolds, lovely wife of Dick, the tobacco hear, mother of a polio victim, flew up from Miami to solicit money for the March of “Dimes. She may do something drastic here about her husband's recent overtures toward a divorce . . . Eddie Cantor introduced .protege Robert Clary, French ginger-comedian, at La Vie En Rose—and was on 45 minutes himself. The show was, -naturally a hit . . . Ex-Copa gal Judy Hall of the inflammable sweater, makes her stage debut in ‘Collector's Item’ Friday. The Max (Village Vanguard) Gordons are expecting . .. The price of cream will go up in a few days, even though the price of milk’s going down . Navy Sec'y Dan Kimball expects to resign next month, to run for the Senate from Missouri . . . W. Stuart Symington is being strongly recommended to President Truman for his Vice Presidential candidate . . . Ralph Watkins,. of the Embers Cafe, was asked if he'd seen the new Dave Garroway 7 a.m. _¢how for early-risers. He spoke as any cafe owner might: “I've tried, but I can’t seem to stay up that late” . . . Roberta Quinlan will try a stage act in Washington.

Gen. Ulysses 8.

- Roberta Quinlan

them. They give

or a month to prepare an act. Frank, due to his . a

planned trip to Korea with Ava Gardner, can't do that much rehearsing here. Regretfully, Jacks told Frank he wouldn't be able to go on with

him—but they're still friends.

Americana

By Robert C. Ruark

CHICAGO, Feb. 8 — I dont know how the

death of the good king, George,

here in the town that devoted passionately its 1920's to keeping Bertie Windsor's Papa in his place, it is possible to feel real sad, Not so much i for the monarch himself, a sick man who died

easy and I expect content, since he saw his kids grow up, his daughter married and the succession assured by a lusty male grandson. But George VI was the last of the major “leaguers in the king business, and it is entirely possible that he was the last real first-chop King we will see. My generation was raised in an era when royalty was big stuff, and even Marie of Roumania was a hot celebrity. I have

already lived long enough to see the king business go bankrupt, and the divine-right concept largely by new times and new forces. It is very possible. there will be no such thing as kings or kingdoms by the time Bonnie Prince Charlie is of age to take the scepter from the Queen who

swept away

was only yesterday a child. : » Sb

oe . oe oe

TODAY'S BEST DAFFYNITION: “Ham — A man who gets married just so he'll have some. body to talk to about himself.”—Merv Griffin.

That King Business Is On the Way Out

from their own peasants gdne political. As a figurehead monarch, paralyzed by Parliament, George was secure in his own people's ‘love, but even he couldn't say for how long.

5 *. * eo oe oe

THE PLUSHY panoplies of royalty, even figurehead royalty, have small place in the shifting world as we know it today. A King may be God's divine representative on Monday and strung up from a high pole on Thursday. People have a way of cherishing rulers so long as they bow to rulers as superhuman—so long as the people feel strengthened by an earthly godhead of monarchy. But when the awe of monarchy diminishes before political agitation, unrest and. dissatisfaction—pfft. His majesty went thataway. I personally bemoan the passing of any era in: which aristocracy is no longer respected; and “equality” of all is the goal. Equality for all generally turns out to be nothing much for a great many people, because the sad fact of life is that while people may be born equal, they do not wind up equal. Enforced, “equality” means draging down the topmost to the level of the inept, instead of ypgrading the inept to competition with the top. :

hit you, but even

», *, 2 oe oe o_o

I AM SAD. too, that kings, like so many old standards, don't count for much, alive or dead,

IT IS A PITY, really, that so few medern in the brave new world of apathetic anarchy and

kings have been able fo stand

_tics.. George was one

firm before pcli- ‘free false teeth. I admired the old-fashioned

who sweated out a span loyalties that clothed royalty with admiration

of Socialist government, and saw his own prefer- and a sense of responsibility of rank and duty,

ence returned to power, if only by a slim margin. But there is no real room in a Socialist world by blood and heritage, are not as other men. They are supposed symbols he will. and in socialism and its two-

for kings, because Kings,

of superiority,

headed brother, communism, there room for hereditarily superior beings. Royalty out of line, and they fire 'em over the border with a poke full of dismantled gems and *

géts grandpa’s portrait.

‘Kings have not really amounted to much gince they became confused with people. Even George VI, lacked the im- and especially blooming of amaryllis bulbs? My due, to the purely human bulbs have always grown well but never bloom.

the model monarch, pact of true royalty,

WHEN BIG brother—Prince Charming, David enough readers would like them. When amaryllis-

Windsor, the long-time Prince

“accident that created him Rex ‘Imperator. . > *

and grieved a little at its sudden collapse. I hope little Charlie, the grandson, makes fullfledged king a score of years from now, but doubt I think the little prince is in an oldfashioned business which has already seen its is no official best day.

Dishing the Dirt By Marguerite Smith

Q—Do ‘you have any leaflets on the growing

Mrs. Earl G. Hamant, Rt. 3..

A—No aemaryllis leaflets. Maybe later if

of Wales—tossed fail to bloom I always suspect two things first

away a throne for a commoner and a twice-di- of ‘all. For they're really easy. Do you store the voreed Yankes commoner, at that, a lot of divine. bulbs during their early winter resting period in dampened the king-can-do-no-wrong depart- a place that is not too cold? Fifty degrees. is

ment. George ascended via manticism, ° arehy, which generates on denly became old hat. . Also, a king-emperor emperor unless, he i the seas who

ain't

. at the k at the mention of his name. It right fn the ground. at the foreloc see his empire ‘go : bust from granny's span to his own—to see.the when you want to tuck it back to bed in a dark

was George VI's sorrow to far-flung subjects howling and ing the Union Jack under his ‘

—r

and. the old, inflexible habits of monhad even condoned idiots the thrones of many countries, sud-

unshod feet. He saw Be sure the fertilizer you kinry in office on the hurried lam, fugitive phate type flower garden fertilizen, -

ETE Reh > v

his brother's ro- about right. Do you keep them growing on after

and de- ? Garden lore says an amaryllis bulb produces a flower for every seven leaves. That means you can’t neglect it once the flower has faded. Keep

much of a King- poking plant” food and sunshine at: it: When

has a flock of loyal subjects weather warms up plunge the pot outdoors in the drop to one knee and tug garden in a sunny .8 ot. Or you can set it

out 3ut in that case you'll probably have a terrible time taking ft up in the fall

the basement for its early winter nap.

rioting and spurn- corner : give it is a high phos-

iy -

wl : ; 4 ee AE Ba a a Hated Sr

— on as nk el \

Henie—whose ice show appeared at the Garden

their normal bloom period so a lot of leaves come"

‘Look Before

By CARL HENN - IT'S A LONG JUMP from Julius Caesar to today-—but Leap Year made. it with room to spare. In fact, Leap Year will spring right along with us until the end of time because it's a mathematical necessity. The matrimonial antics associated with Leap Year are not mathematically necessary. But they have more justification than skeptical moderns realize. This battered globe staggers around. the sun once every 365.242199 days—actually 8765 hours, 48 minutes and 46 sec onds. But we limit our: year to the nearest even point for purposes of neatness, calling it 365 days flat. That leaves approxi: mately a quarter-day hanging over, which is made up once every four years to keep the calendar manufacturer from committing suicide. n nu ~ CALCULATING readers (we have all kinds) will immediately narrow their eyes and ask: “Whaddya mean ‘approximately’ a quarter-day” When does that extra .007801 of a day catch up with us?” Well, it caught up the first: time about the 16th Century, long after bald-headed Mr. Caesar first decreed there must be» a Leap Year (eirca 45 B.C.). Pope Gregory XIII was displeased to find the world 10 days behind itself. Single-hand-ed, he yanked it up to daté by skipping 10 days in 1582. The calendar went from Thursday, Oct. 4, to Friday, Oct. 15. . The world acknowledged his feat by calling our present calender the Gregorian calendar, What's more, Gregory XIII, announced only years divisible . by 400 were to be Leap Years from thence onward. This ingenious device scratched the vears 1700, 1800 and 1900 from the leap Year race and will scratch more in the future, to take care of that pesky .007801 of a day. While not perfect, the Gregorian calendar can run for about 3000 vears before adjustments is needed. Somebody may still be around then to worry about it,

~ = 5 THE PRIVILEGES accorded man-hungry girls during Leap Year are based on legislation enacted in four countries several hundred years ago. According to\ legend, St. Patrick started the whole thing. An Irish guide-book sums it up thus:

~The Indianapolis Tim

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 1952

You Leap’ Year

The missioner to Ireland lived in a distant era when celibacy was not always re-. quired of religious Jroups. Having driven the frogs out of the bogs and the snakes out of the grass, he was once walking along the shores of Loch Neagh when he was accosted by the lovely St. Bridget, in tears. Sobbing, St. Bridget told him a mutiny had broken out in the girls’ school over which she presided, because the girls wanted the privilege of popping the question. Nt, Patrick, deeply touched, said he would accord them the right to do so every seventh vear., St. Bridget threw her arms around his neck, crying: “Arrah, Pat my jewel, I daurn't go back to the girls wid such an answer, Make it one year in four.” St. Patrick yielded. “Bridget, acushia,” he exclaimed, “squeeze me that way again, and I'll give ye Leap Year, the longest of the jot!" And she did and he did.

While that was 2arly in the fifth century, Leap Year didn't become law until 1288, when the - Scottish Parliament voted that “it i= statut and ordaint that for ilk yeare known as lepe yeare, ilk maiden ladle, of baith high and iowe estait, shall have liberties to bespeke ye man she likes.” 5 8-8 : A SIMILAR law was passed in France a few years later, The tradition was.legalized in Italy in the 15th century, and became part of the common law in England by 1600, to wit: “As oft as lepe. yeare doth return, ye ladyes have ® ye privileg of making love to ye

men, which they doe either by °

wordes or bv lookes, as to them seemeth proper.” . Women of the United States, never have inspired such legislation, possibly because they were in such short supply for more than 200 years after the Pilgrims scraped their feet on Plymouth Rock and stepped across the threshold of America.

But husband-seeking females

in the U. 8. claimed the Leap

“ Year right to look their man in

the eye and dema an answer, nevertheless, and no male had the courage to deny that right. ” = ~ a SOCIETY FOLK in New York still observe Feb. 29 with a Leap-Year Assembly, in which

. supply them with

the stag line. is composed of . girls wha take men to dinner, lapel buds and cut in for dancing: Topsy-turvy parties of this kind are common in England and Holland on Leap Day.

It's not generally known that

our playing cards are probably

To Women, Valentine's

By OPAL CROCKETT

IT'S THE MAN who is sentimental. He. buys the romantic Valentines with sachet: scented hearts, jewels and perfumed flowers, a trip to card counters revealed. He may spend up to $5 for the lush’ cards with satin hearts, lacy frills and loving verses. With the woman it's different. She turns wit, heads for the cards with a laugh and a sting, for husband, boy friend and women friends. She doesn't spend much, either, to mark the day set apart for those dear to the heart.’ : She remembers the night she kept rewarming dinner on the stove, and she looks for a card to express herself. It's one time when men aren't ba&hful about romance, card clerks said. They're shy about buying sentimental cards for other occasions,. but Valentine Day brings them out. 5 = ” ! ONE GENTLEMAN made seven trips -to the Valentine card counter. The first cardwas unmistakably for his wife. It read:

“I know I don't tell you as often as I should, And I don't often let you know in little ways I could.

But I know that stand, Somehow you always do, How much your love has meant to me, And how much I love you.

you under-

He returned-—-for other types. Asked if so many cards wouldn't land him in trouble, he said, “No, I'm true to all my women.” One man commented, sheepishly, “Of course I don't mean it, but buying a Valentine card keeps me out of the doghouse.”

The card read:

“Somehow words: can't say How near and dear you are, Through each passing day.” A talking card was a sellout.

‘It says “Hello, sweetheart.” Directions say to squeeze it into shape of a box, manipulate the tape attached, listen closely, ‘and (after some practice) you ' hear the loving words. There are cards for practi_cally every state of romance. There's a safe card, with love not mentioned. It reads: “The woman I married.”

~ d x #8 w CARD MAKERS didn't 'ignore leap Year. They offer cards of intrigue and open in-

“I may be just a lemon, “But remember, if you please: “You can do lots with a lemon, “If you just hold tight and squeeze.”

“I'm the old-fashioned kind. “Two old-fashioned cocktails and I am very kind.”

One Man’s Mead Is Another Man’s Potion

By Scripps-Howard Newspapers

WASHINGTON, Feb. 9—The British have figured out a new way to snag an ‘occasional dollar. They're sending us over some mead to drink. Mead is a kind of wine made out of honey and water fer. mented with yeast. Up to a couple of years ago, not much of it had been made since the 17th century. But an outfit named Mead Makers Ltd. is now prepared to offer it to the

world, meaning, mostly, Americans. You can pick up a bottle or two now in New York, Within the next several months there'll be supplies in other big U. 8. cities. . > Lig Mead doesn't taste like honey,

but. like wine, only much stro . Although it's been out of fashion for three centuries,

it's one of the oldest tipples in history—in ancient times no

vitation to the altar, such as:* *Greek or Roman was without

rough and tough and

a beaker of the stuff.

Lamm,

It was mead, in fast, that the Greeks meant when

: a Ho # Ty - i 53 « “ , fay ii v ’

a direct development of small, one - week Egyptian calendars. The weekly cards were combined into a pack of 52, to make a complete calendar for the year, The 53d card, now the joker, was provided. to take care of the odd 385th: day. It also rep-

True—Falsified—Be My Valentine

“To get me for your Valentine, “You only have to wink.

“And you'd better start in winking, “'Cause it's .later than you think.”

Laughed at, but passed up, by the romantics, are such verses as:

talked about “nectar,” supposed tb be the top gargle of their day. In England, the drink was

popularized by the - Druids,

‘“Me_Thinketh, “Thee Stinketh.” . One man looked long and thoughtfully at a. “sweater

girl” card. Then he, apparently decided to. purge all evil ‘doubt from “his*mind and headéd toward the sentimental section. “Your chassis sure is classy. The sweater girl card read:

mead, Mead Makers Ltd. is making six varieties, First there is ordinary mead, which tastes something like a Hock or Moselle wine, but stronger. Sack mead is a dessert type, reminiscent of tokay.Sack Metheglin is the vermouth of mead; it's flavored with herbs.

» n - THEN THERE is a cyseg, a mead made with apple juice in-

- stead of water, It's the sherry

those old machiné bosses and

.medicire men who went.around selling mistletoe. and burning

people alive in wicker cages.

torians, “very relaxing” after a hard day over 3 Dot cues.

4 v v

3 ures

_ They found it, say the" his-

of the mead family. Pyment is a light red wine made from grape-juice and honey, and tastes something like Madéria. The all-purpose mead is called

‘melomel, and is pretty good

when mixed with gin. - The British think it's romantic that the art of mead-mak-ing should have been revived, but they're wistful about the fact that most of the stuff is* going to be shipped to America.

- As the Shields Gazette re-

marked: “The irony may be

in the ser that the Americans will, be- TEA RE les, i

‘coms better connoisseurs mead than "h Whe Prodvol

. peared

PAGE 19

"YOU MEAN ME?—Edgy Ed Blackwell and pleading Laura Ray (of the Civic Theater) enact the Leap : Year theme of "Girl Chases Boyy'" 2

resented the 366th day in Leap Year. Many a man to whom the question was popped, and who found himself suddenly tooken down with marriage as a result, figured there was a joker somewhere in this arrangement. He was right.

Is Mostly Comic

“Your. charms you don't conceal. : ; “I'd like you for my Valentine, “But gosh, are you real?”

The cover pictured a voluptuous creature. Inside, she ape scantily clad. Scate tered on her dressing table were makeup, wig, perfume and —uh-—figure-flatterers. Ban

far more chance of appreciate ing good ‘Scotch’ than the parched throats north of the border, where it is made, , or south of the border, where it used to be sold.”—A. T,-.-

le Ya

A thousand to one odds . 4! for death. Sd These were faced by Chuckie Andrews, stricken by polio. 18 months ago. Doctors said he would die , . . He didn't. "A father's story of ho brave little son wc Alpe Bin,

wl?

The

Ey as