Indianapolis Times, Indianapolis, Marion County, 11 July 1951 — Page 13
rork day nportant nagging ger with to such
ritations
nam Sue =6
AAR
In By Ei Ear ilson NEW YORK, July
Laugh Chafr,
The mere mention of Dagmar’s name was as sure-fire as the mention of Brooklyn a few years
ago.
“The Brooklyn Dodgers are as far out in front as Dagmar,” a crack by Television Comic Jackie Gleason, was a sample of the references to Dagmar's famous proportions, but no gag was really necessary, You just had to say “Dagmar.” “Rita. Hayworth’s the first woman who ever ran into an Aly and came out with $3 million,” said by Harry Richman, was one of the best in the Rita group. ' The MacArthur jokes had a cruel sting in them. So did the outstanding one
about Truman, to wit:
“Washington couldn't tell a lie, Stalin couldn't tell the truth, and Truman couldn't tell the dif-
ference." - apd
FRED ALLEN wag getting off more yaks on his occasional radio and TV appearance® than
those with regular shows.
“1 quit television because of ill health,” Fred “I made people sick.” When - Tallulah Bankhead became a new national sensation on her own “Big Show" on radio, Fred said her voice “sounds like a fellow pulling his foot out of a bucket of yogurt.” thought in view of the dope scandals that the three R's are now “Reedin’, Ritin’ and Reefers.” . &Herbert Hoover was credited with saying when asked what he thought of
said on one show.
has the best mind in the U. makes it up.” Bob Hope said, “Errol Flynn's resting—he’s making a picture.” “Russia's the land of decree and the home of the slave,” said Gentleman Georgie Solotaire. “She’s the kind of a girl you could take home to mother—if you could trust father,” suggested Cafe Comic Joe E. Lewis. The first half of 1951 brought out for the first time that many top radio and TV quiz funny men engaged “ad lib writers” to compose their hilarious questions and answers. Nearly every quizzer had some ad lib composers toiling over the “impromptu” toss off on their shows. db BUT NOBODY originated.
Tallulah, at the Newspaper Guild Ball, Celeste Holm,
Gloria Swanson and
Americana
11--Looking back over the Bést Laughs for the first half of '51, it appears that Dagmar, Rita Hayworth and Gen. MacArthur have replaced President Truman as
S. Senate—until he
lines
cared much where the smiles
pened Last Night i.
Truman Replaced As Laugh Chali
3A.
night I'm traveling in very fast "company’-and I hope you won't take that the way I mean it.” They said that when a wolf wanted to put his head on Dorothy Shay's shoulder, she said,
“Why? Does it come off?”
In “Make a Wish,” Abe Burrows wrote this line: “A mistress is like a wife except you don't
have to do the dishes.”
for Rabbit.”
for governor of
“Bugs” see Mistinguette:
Best Headline:
“Father of 10 Shot; Mistaken
Price Stabilizer DiSalle, asked about running
Ohio, said: “When I get done
with this job, I won't be able to carry a majority in my own family.” somebody heckled him- about his policies, saying, “You got to show me, I'm from Missouri.” Mr. DiSalle answered: Washington is from Missouri.” Baer explained why he didn't go to
At a Cleveland meeting “Everybddy 1 meet in
“Why should I go to see a pair
of 83-year-old legs when I have a 60-year-old
pair of legs of my own I can't bear to look at?”
at 507"
friends: “Call me
And he —ijt’s me.”
Sen. Taft—“He
Big Bookmaker Harry Gross had a good an- | swer for a woman grand juror who asked him: | “Leading a life like yours, what will you be dving -|
“Time, lady,” he said.
a
SINGER GINNIE POWELL, who stammers, especially when trying to answer the phone, told
any time, but if nobody answers
Bragging how they'd got Jim Farley, Tom Murphy and Gene Buck at the Jewish Theatrical "Guild dinner, Harry Hershfield said: “We're certainly a bunch of goy-gatters.” Grouch Marx left a note for Abel Green: “Was
in to see you. Glad I missed you.”
Wynn defined a
replied:
Tallulah Bankhead
the first three.
they would
Of a pretentious but not very tuneful B'way production, somebody said, you walk out whistling the costumes.” Ben Blue said a playboy is a fellow who gets up every day at the crack of ice and Keenan
“It's the kind of show,
straight man as an actor who
lives on the wrong side of the cracks. But some people thought the best reflection of our time wag the story that a man asked a beaustiful model if he could take her home,
and she
“Sure! Where d'you live?”
2. s, * oo oo oe X
WISH I'D SAID THAT: Fran Warren reminds us that many race horses are given peculiar names. Especially if they don't finish in
*. oo oe oe
TODAY'S BEST LAUGH: Peter Donald, recalling when he once dined with W. C. Fields,
said Fields was handed a highball and asked,
“What would you like to drink to?” Fields re-
with
said, "To- Farl, brother.
By Robert C. Ruark
NEW YORK, July 11—The malevolence of the inanimate object toward the human being, on a day when the stars are crossed and the planets spin backward, has always appalled me.
seen a mantelpiece deliberately strike an innocent bystander on
The eggs burn, plumbing goes on the bum, and
booby trap. You bust your knuckles on the icetray, and all the fuses give a tired wheeze and
blow. When 1 got up, the other day,
the bed did was bite me on the shin. have told you then that' I would slash a rasher off my upper lip shaving, and that the. coffee
would scald my tongue.
That was She day I missed the airplane by off without keys and forgot Had I attempted suicide,
one minute, my wallet. would have snapped. ao xe A eC
SOME PEOPLE seem especially tailored for catastrophe at the spiteful hands. of the machine, sng a big ol’ beautiful gob
- nother.
the baleful bric-a-brac.
Rugs leap at her legs and trip her. The first time she ever met her husband, she stumbled, trod his corns and buried her snubby nose in the carpet at his feet, Peggy is the girl who afflicted us with a song called “Manana,” and who sings as pretty as she She may be the opium of the jukebox addicts, but to her friends she is just a menace to
on a .chair, it collapses.
looks.
the furniture. Once, in a vital stalked down a flight of stairs, dress and walked right through
was singing with Benny Goodman,
a musician snaked a-chair
stand.
Outside Indianapolis
By Ed Sovola
the stove catches fire, the
‘Miss Lee canndtcross a pe “without sprawling full length: into
public appearance,
from under her. She toppled in the bassdrum and wrecked the band-
I have reach out and the temple.
every rug is a y ne off the juice and
the first thing
I could 1 know whose innately
18 soap operas.
Sayles eX
1 she Sits Woodpecker,’
the hair curlers, dore. Only into tearful
Peggy stepped on her the dress. She one time, and
round tables,
room,
ROME, July 11—The distance from Paris to Rome by rail is roughly, and I do mean roughly, about the same as it is from Chicago to New York.
I left Paris at 12:20 in the afternoon.
Twenty-six
hours and tons of soot later, I was in Rome. At first glance, the second-class compartment ap-
pears quite comfortable and clean. All the windows in
the car-are open because
it’ hot. I took my coat off and sat next to the window.
Something toid me to remove the elbow from the window sill. I did. It was black. I slapped the cushion on the seat and immediately there was a dust storm in the compartment, An Italian joined me. In broken English he informed me he was to have the upper bunk. In broken Italian I answered, ‘‘Benvenuto,” which means, “Have it your own | way, Mac, and welcome.”
Ed Sovola
BN +8 ” THE GUY'S luggage was plastered with stickers from all over the Continent. He had two large bags with strong-looking locks. Not at all like the flimsy things American luggage is fitted. We pulled out of the station on the nose and in a matter of
minutes I knew what my job would be, Every 10 minutes I blew the soot and dust off my white nylon shirt. I wanted to keep it reasonably white.
European railway cars are di-
vided into compartments and a
long corridor runs on one side. I stood in the corridor and sat in the seat for seven hours. The Italian sat in the seat and kept an eye on his luggage. When the supper bell was mung by a little man who must the entire length of the train, went for the diner right now. for a change.
» » ” SUPPER consisted of wide noodles with a thin sauce, chicken, potatoes, peas, salad, hottle of wine and fresh strawberries, I was in a pretty mellow mood when I returned to the compartment. The Italian was standing in the corridor, staring glumly out the window. The porter was making up the beds. He informed us the customs people would not disturb us during the night and- if we would hand over our passports with the two cards we were required to fill out, our sleep would be pleasant and uninterrupted. He would return them in the morning. My mysterious friend retired immediately. I was feeling just good enough to see what could be doné with the evening. Surely there would be adventure on the Night Train to Rome. There wasn't. At midnight I turned in. The Italian was on his right side. He could have been sound asleep. Anyway, he was in a position to watch his luggage.
» ~ un I DON'T know how long 1 had been ‘sleeping when the compartment was invaded by two customs officials. One guy had my passport in his hand. He looked at the picture and then at me. He didn't say a word. They talked to the Italian. They went through his luggage. When they left I heard him muttering in his bunk. ‘For a long time, it seemed long, I was awake. Suddenly there were voices in the compartment. This time a woman official and a man were talking to the Italian. Again he opened his luggage. The search through his things was longer and more thorough. Nothing happened except a lot of fast conversation. In 30 minutes the original two officials were back in the compatrment., They didn't open the ~
plied, “About three in the morning.”
SHE HAS BEEN bitten by straps and was almost fatally injured by an eiectric reducing horse, until a kindly electrician shut
pose Miss Lee is clumsy, which is not true. just that chairs sneak snidely into her path and stairs quiver beneath her feet like quicksand. On purpose. Malice aforethought. another sweet somewhat curdled by the manufacture of about Miss Borden is hysterically susseptible to sabotage by nonbreathing objects. She is fond of cooking, but when Ruth is
MISS BORDEN, when cowardly ari by a gin rummy Jabs has, Been Known to consign Event, rand & pai of eyebrow tweez-erg-into the Gulf of Me "She is a lady of breeding, but when dinner tables collapse in her
lap and the percolator starts to play
. » That's
You Can't Trust
Inanimate Objects
She fell over a footstool at a radio broadcast, von another occasion, and presented the audience with a delightful view of Lee's face buried in a tuberous begonia.
* ”. *. le oe oe xX
her own ankle-
saved her life. You would supIt is
named Ruth Barden, have. been
lady, nature may
the rope chef, a devil crawls into the barbecue grill. He : ; .throws the hamburger into the sand, burns the wa "UT Tegrn and sets the house afire. t
4, Wa Xd oe oe
“Woody
while simultaneously shorting out Miss Borden turns into a stevewhen her incoherence do you her with the butterfly net. After years of self-inflicted mayhem. by traitorous shower taps,
colorful abates
dare approach /
comment
caused which suddenly scald
, and the sundry hazards of living in an ordinary house, I think I've finally figured a way to lick the conspiracy. I am hoarding my pennies to build a perfectly which will no doorsteps—nothing ‘at all “but me, 1 intend to spend most of my time in ‘it. be hard and chilly, down there on the floor, but by golly it's safe.
contain no chairs. no
It may
Paris to Rome Train Ain't No Super Chief
Italian's luggage. The three went into a heart-to-heart talk at the tops of their voices. Keystone Comedy stuff. Oh, to travel on the Chief or the Empire State express again.
” ” » THE FUMING 1talian got off in Genoa. What the trouble was I didn't find out. thing, the ‘customs people know him. An American tourist seldom has any difficulty. Waiting in lines and producing your passport is a nuisance, but on the whole, the customs officials are all right. From Genoa to Rome the train went through tunnel after tunnel. In some it rattled for five minutes, Every think you're going to get a fine glimpse of the blue Mediterranean—wham, another tunnel. What I did see was beautiful in spite of the heat and dirt in the train. On short stretches of beach, people played or sunned themselves. Small boats
bounced around on the clear |
water, Many waved to the train, I didn't have the strength to wave back.
AS WEF, APPROACHED Pisa, the conductor told me to be on the lookout for the Leaning Tower of Pisa. I saw it. The tower was leaning. “In America you do not have such things,” remarked the conductot, “Beautiful, eh?” “In America we build them straight,” was my answer. That was the wrong thing to say. The train finally arrived at
the Terminal Station in Rome. |
Mussolini began the work before the war. The (finishing touches have yet to be applied. Quanto, porter, quamto?
One sure |
time you |
he Indianapolis
Times
WEDNESDAY, JULY 11, 1951
PAGE
Across the Street From the Brickyard— \
Success Goes Round 'N
PARTNERS—C. B..Smith, treasurer; president, ahd” Harold: Koehler, vice president (top row, left to’ wi Fight), Arthur Losche, director; Karl Koehler, director, and Waltey
Randall W. Mitchel,
| Loman, director (bottom, left $0 right] and their new business, the
| “Indianapalis West Josh Street Midget Speedway, By Jnr SMITH
ot
ANY BUSINESS success stories have been witten but perhaps none so strange as this. . For this is the story of six Indianapolis businessmen
representing six totally
unallied
business fields, who
banded together to enter another business field totally | foreign to any of the other six.
The six men are the Koehler brothers, Harold
and Karl, wholesale cers: Arthur Losche, wholesale | commission house; C. B. Smith, real estate; Walter Lohman, wholesale building supplies, and Randall Mitchell, tavern owner. Their new or additional busness . . . racing and sports promotion.
gro-
»n ¥ un THESE six men actually had only one thing in common when, in 1945, they decided to enter a new field. They all lived “out Kast” in Indianapolis. It was fall when they decided to buy 27 acres of land containing 1500 feet frontage at 4501 West 16th St. In 1946 the land was purchased from the Bosart Estate and the "In- | dianapolis 16th Street Midget Speedway, Inc., was born. Prior to that date the land had contained a now aban
doned softball stadium. But the year of the purchase, in March to be exact, the land
began to take on a new look. By May 1 of the same year a rather astounding transformation had taken place. In three months time there had been built one of the finest asphalt race tracks in the country. A {full quarter-mile on the pole, it was 55 feet wide | on the straightaways and 65 feet on the turns. Modern rest rooms had ‘been erected along with 24 concession stands and room was made to care for the parking of 4000 carg. The grandstands boast 7000 comfortable seats.
u ” n
AND SO the plant. was ready. Now to the business at hand, racing. It was decided by the officers of the corporation that Mr. Mitchell should take charge of the actual promotion of events at the track. He, along
with his partners, didn't know a thing about sports promotion, but it didn't take them long to learn The first race at the track was the pre-500 extravaganza, three races run the night before the big grind at the brickyard across the street. That night 23,000 fans pushed their way through the turnstiles to witness what was then a B-midget race, for this was an unsanctioned track. Several associations were to sanction races at the track during 1947, but in 1948, due largely to Mr. Mitchell's efforts, a radical change was brought about in midget car racing. In that vear there was formed the
National Midget Auto Racing Circuit. It was approved and sanctioned by the Ameri-
can Automobile Association, the governing body of racing in the United States. " o ” THE NMARC named Mr. Mitchell as president and included tracks at Kokomo, Anderson, Chicago, St. Louis, Springfield and Rockford, TIL Detroit, Moline and Milwaukee, in addition to West 16th Street, That association is now headed by Frank Hall, Cincinnati businessman.
With business booming and its success virtually assured, it became necessary for the seating capacity to be increased to 10,000, but on May 2 a record crowd of 11,347 was on hand to witness the first running of an AAA midget feature event. Success looked certain. But suddenly in 1949 midget racing started to decline. Mr. Mitchell as promoter looked around and decided to try hot-rods. They
didn't work. The fans didn't like the show. On a trip to Chicago, looking for new ideas,
the promoter saw a stock car, or hard-top race, and decided to
High Cost of High Flying—
\
Round
ON HIS HEAD—This isn't the way to drive a car but it often happens.
bring that show to Indianapolis His judgment paid off The fans liked it. still like it and many of the smaller tracks in the country have followed the pace set here. The championship Stock Car Club. now
runs there every Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. n n u BECAUSE OF its phenomenal success in the racing field, man of the other tracks in the circuit look to the plant here for ideas Many of the other promoters have been known to call Mr Mitchell to get his opinion about a racing program. And these
were men who had been con nected with racing all their , lives. He's been in it five short years. As an example, Mr. Mitchell
long a midget race fan was convinced the little cars weren't dead. To prove his point, in 1950, he promoted a special 100 lap championship race. He drew 6300 fans, That was enough for him. Quickly getting together with the other members of the NMARC he presented his plan, Fach track was to run just one 100-lap midget championship race a month They were to be sanctioned by
Complexities Of Modern Air War
By DOUGLAS LARSEN
If You Miss
Your Paper . . .
The Times and its carriers endeavor to maintain uninterrupted home delivery service, but occasionally a subscriber might fail to receive his copy. Should your carrier miss you, call RI ley 5551 before 7 p. m. weekdays or 11 a. m. on Sundays, and your paper will be delivered by special mes-
| WASHINGTON, July 11 | There's more than inflation to blame for the high cost of the modern arms Uncle Sam | 48 buying’ in great numbers | today. | War, especially in the air, has become infinitely more complex | than it was during World War II. And so have the tools with { which to wage it. [* The difference hetween the | Innards of a modern, sleek, | super-speed fighter plane and one of World War II vintage | of the same type, gives a con-
vincing reason why taxes are going up. One of the “hottest’”” planes the Air Force is buying today is the Northrop all-weather jet fighter, the F-89 Scorpion. It's one of the fastest operational planes the Air Force flies, with speeds nudging the 700-mile-per-hour bracket. Its World War II counterpart was the famed P-61 Black Widow fighter, ” » ~
A COMPARISON of the two
planes starts with an approx-
imate cost of each. The F-89 is
being sold to the Air Force for about $880,000. The P-61 was bought for a little over $220,000, or about one-fourth. Some of
the present jet fighters cost fivey
to six times as much as the older models which were built to do the same type job.
The equipment on the F-89 which did not exist when the P-61 was made includes: Sperry Zero Reader, a navigating aid; a new type of electronic automatic pilot: an Instrument landing system such as used by commercial planes; an electronic fuel quantity system,
the AAA, and points gained by the drivers would go to their national point standing u n zy The other members of the association agreed and the rest is history. In two races here this scason the championship event has drawn 7100 and 7333 fans respec-
tively, both times in the face of threatening weather. The
next. champienship race is scheduled July 27th. And so once again the West 16th
St. track is showing the way for the small tracks in the the country.
un n " THE turnstiles tell the real story. In 1948, 158,074 persons
witnessed 26 events; in 1949, 187,514 saw 34 events; in 1950; 241,265 saw 48 events. This
year, with but one-third of the
season gone, 115000 people have seen 28 races and the seagon 18 only five months long. The track .is certainly
living up to its reputation as the busiest quarter-mile racing plant in the country. But auto racing is far from being the only sports event put on -there, bicycle racing, football, too. And the Ringling
"heeled for it
Brothers Barnum and Bailey circus uses the facilities of the track once a vear for its show, that
There is no doubt
these six businessmen. have made a success in a field they knew nothing about, In
their five vears of operation, they have grossed well over $1 million. Nearly a half million dollars has been paid out as prize money. Every night a race is run, it takes 100 people to operate the plant exclusive of drivers and mechanics. The advertising bill for a five months season runs over $30,000.
= un un IT IS hard to estimate what the racing plant might be worth today, but if you're thinking of buying it, go well would take at least a quarter of a million dollars. And this successful venture of six successful Indianapolis businessmen was built on a very common business precept: Give the people what they want and always strive to ime
Increase Costs
afterburner control, fuel valve control system and fuel flow system; an electronic yaw stabilizer; a marker beacon radio; an interservice cockpit lighting system; a 120-volt generating system; electronic windshield de-fog and de-ice controls.
" o ” EACH ONE of those devices
- took ' years to develop and is
extremely expensive to manu-
facture. Yet they are now all essential to modern military - fiving.
In addition to those highly .
complex electronic devices the F-80 requires approximately
$
prove their comfort and safety. 33,000 ' feet (61; miles) of
various kinds of electrical wire. The P-61 required .18,000 feet (312 miles). The extremely high speed of
the F-89 makes necessary seve:
eral other expensive features, All antenna for the various radio and radar sets have to be built inside the plane or made flush with the plane's surfaces, The high altitude with the high speed require pressurized cockpits with a complicated air conditioning system built into the plane. It must provide in stant hot air as well as fast
Teftigeation,