Indianapolis Times, Indianapolis, Marion County, 13 April 1951 — Page 22
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Inside I : By Ed udiauapelis
WHEN A GIFT horse bears having his mouth please,
examined, examine ‘it. Open wide, 8ylvania Electric Products, Inc.
Many of you televiewers are familiar, no doubt (It's on CBS and what else can you get?), with the “Beat the Clock” program. Party stunts are It's an audience participation show
featured. where “everyone has fun,” win or lose.
The Sylvania people, not satisfied with confining this fun to a studio, are willing to send
you, for a dime, a booklet containing detailed
instructions on how to perform 40 stunts and a few schlonggs. (S8chlongg is a word ‘of vague They can
origin and the property of Sylvania. keep it.) For a reason known only to a certain Jackie Tschenn, who i¢ handling the booklets, a free copy appeared on my desk. A routine examination
of the booklet followed. Suddenly it occurred to
me that the Sylvania outfit was guilty of two important. omissions.
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THE BOOKLET, treating in detail 40 parlor stunts and six schlongg stunts (tomfoolery where “things are apt to drip. splash, plop, smear or gush”), fails to even casually refer to spin-the-bottle and post office. Stunt No. 20, “The Wayward Buss,” is the nearest. thing to the two famous, time-honored, all-American games. we have known and loved. Stunt No. 20 is objectionable because too much effort is required to exécute it. And, in my way of thinking, the emphasis isn't on the buss. it's on transferring a pencil from under the nose of a male to a similar location on a female who in turn sets the pencil on a table. Oh, gingerpeachy, isn’t that fun? To “Beat the Clock,” a couple must handle two pencils in this fashion in 40 seconds. Why or to what purpose, the booklet doesn’t say. I assume if a couple can do the stunt in 40 seconds they're supposed to try for 35 seconds and eventually announce themselves as World Champion Pencil-Under-the-Nose Carriers.
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MAYBE I'M old fashioned or too much age has settled on my shoulders but a parlor to me is a place of quiet repose and gentle activity. It is not a room where you carry on activities of violent exercise and spirited chase. Fluttering eyelashes, yes. Fast-beating heart, yes. Sweet words, yes. The “Bait Your Mate” parlor stunt is a good one to examine. The booklet instructs you to procure two fishing poles, and lines, two marshmallows and an opened-mouth couple. The man and woman sit six feet away. from each other and cast the marshmallow and attempt to get it in the partner's mouth. Time limit: 33 seconds. What a parlor that would have to be. > “Stay on the Ball” is another cute stunt re-
It Hap By Earl Wilson
NEW YORK. Apr. 13—Rita Hayworth's dtr. Yasmine is using the only high chair the Hotel Plaza has-—a 40-year-old model they have to tie her into so she won't fall out on her royal snoot. + oo
WHEN THE Duchess of Windsor and her Duke went to see “The King & 1,” the Duchess wore what one fashion expert said was “white mink trimmed with sable.” A dazzled spectator sald, “There go his book royalties!” * 4 SALESMAN’S LAMENT If T sold shrouds, no one would die— If I sold lamps, then in the sky The sun, for spite, Would shine by night. —Ed Hoffenstein. ® & COMIC JOE E. Lewis has been telling audiences at the Hollywood Mocambo, “A drunk is a fellow who's had a high stool education.” > ¢ 9 THE “DAFFY DEFINITION" Game is growing. H. A. Casey of Atlanta picked up these: Thongs — What Bing things. Moron — Censors think girls should have. Galahad — Former sweetheart. Dogwood—Any tree. Licorice—Ice cubes. Winesap—Champagne lush. Auto-sugges-tion—What say we park a while, Babe? Scab-bard—Non-union poet. Le & ¢ IF IT isn't one shortage, it’s another. Now, notices Sang Werris, it's bookies. oo EDDIE DAVIS has been telling Leon & Eddie's audiences: “All the cops I ever knew had flat feet and matching wallets.” S > & FRED ALLEN, speaking to me of a comedian who tries too hard to be funny. said, “He should open a tailor shop—he's pressing.” > > o PRINCE IGOR Troubetzkoy's atty., Melvin Belli. of San Francisco, gave a party at which. I met State Senator James P. Mozingo of 8. Carolina who said “Women have an impediment in their speech. They can't stop talking.” > © & GUIDO ORLANDO, the international character who's now a Paris press agent, was trying to sell his services to a Parisian who said his old established firm didn’t need publicity.
A Character By Harman Nichols
FARMER CITY, Ill, Apr. 13—My home town hasn't been the same since old Harry Swigart went to his glory. Harry was a character. Until the day he faded out he wore a heard although at times it was a mite frizzed around the scallops. He loved to shock an outlander by setting it aflame with a lighted $20 bill. The lovable old woodsman grew fat and happy doing things his cronies were afraid to do. As a result, he spent half of his life a cripple. A bunch of the boys were whooping it up on crick water, or some other mild stuff when in came a stranger carrying a silver dollar;
+ ¢
THE HOE-DOWN was being pitched on the second floor, of a main street building. The atranger announced that he was going to pitch the hunk of silver out the window and it would be finders-keepers. The man pitched and there was a wild dash for the stairwell. Harry, being a good sport, gave the rest a head start. Then he opened the window and Jumped out. He broke both legs. Mr. Swigart maintained a large frame house up near the Illinois Central depot on North John ®t. it still stands, and remaining also-in the memory of old timers is the herd of wild deer .
pened Last Night
PARLOR STUNTS—A spin-the-bottle adve: cate disapproves of mayhem in the home.
quiring as props a basketball or volley ball, a candle and a box of matches. The object is to sit on the ball, take a match out. of the box and light the candle without falling off the ball. You lose and are not “on the ball” if you fail or burn the house down in exactly 35 seconds. For putting life in the party Stunt No. 19, “Balloon-Buster” offers endless possibilities for making shambles of your home. Get out a croquet mallet, six balloons, inflated and tightly tied and then in 20 seconds break the balloons. The booklet encourages you not to “worry about the nicks in the hardwood floor—they give a house that ‘lived-in’ look.” Oh, my. SS & THERE ARE many more stunts that could be mentioned. The fear of inciting wanton destruction in our American homes induces me to desist. Enough is enough. My fondest dreams for the future include a cozy palo a family circle. This dream has been inspi#d from pleasant, past experiences. Yes, facets of that dream shine with the memory of spin-the-bottle and post office. What boy can ever forget the thrill and the excitement of having the spinning bottle point to the most lovable, sleep-robbing damsel of his heart? What boy can forget that wonderful moment when he wrote a letter to the bushel-of-apples-in-his-eye? Life was never sweeter than when the postman rang twice. I'll take the simple things in life. I'd like to see the return of these pleasures of youth. I'd like to see the practice of reading out loud returned. There is no prettier picture than that of a father reading to his family gathered around him. Mr. Tschnen, the booklet you sent is the first edition. If you're planning a second edition, would you please include a chapter on the activities T have mentioned? I'll send you a dime then. Not before.
‘Daffy Definitions’ And Various Quotes
“How long.” replied Orlando, “has Notre Dame Cathedral been here?” “Over 600 years.” said the industrialist. “Well,” said Orlando, “they still ring the bell, don’t they?” & 9 THE MIDNIGHT EARL . .. Rita Hayworth's escorts at the Blue Angel: incurable bachelors Bob Sidney, the dance direé¢tor, and Jimmy Gardner, She's also visited La Zambra and Norden's. the Jericho Turnpike smorgasbordery . . . Eleanor Roosevelt stole attention from the society debs and dames at the Quo Vadis . . . Asst. Secy. of State Edward Barrett, arriving late at.a Hotel Astor function, explained to CBS exec. Helen Sioussat that he'd forgot his suspenders. He showed her he was holding his pants up with tape he'd whacked off the venetian blinds .. . Naturelover Frank Costello goes back to gardening at Sands Point next wk.-end. now that the heat's off temporarily . . . Milton Berle publicly sang torch songs to his ex, Joyce Mathews, at the Miami Beach Lord Tarleton, while the customers gaped at his apparent sincerity . .. ¢ @ * EARL’S PEARLS ... This is the time of year, says Alice (Blue Angel) Pearce, when a man reading about a murderer killing his wife with a golf club, wants to know, “How many strokes?” ® & @ WISH I'D SAID THAT: An actress walking into church in sunglasses infuriated Charlton Heston to say, “She probably thinks God wants her autograph.” > S ¢ B'WAY BULLETINS: Artist Paul Meltsner once “portraited” Martha Grahame over an old woman holding an American flag. Now it hangs in the Natl. Museum in Peronland Buenos Aires. The old painting has begun to show through; hence a U. 8. flag is now in a place of honor in hostile Argentina ... Copa Gal Donna Lee Hickey passed her MGM screen test sensationally , , , The USO is sending its first unit to Korea. “SS TODAY'S QUIZ: “Will a ‘fifth go into three?” “Yes, but there may be one to carry.”"—George Schindler.
Miss Pearce
= od THE NEW greeting around NBC television
| headquarters is. “Well. how are the wife and |
kinnies?” , , + That's Farl, brother.
Fires Beard With A Lighted $20 Bill
which he kept in the front acre that was his lawn. The old-timer loved to play jokes on his friends. but he loved more to make fools out of the city slickers who came out to his camp in the woods and paid him fat sums for an outing. Nb ONCE HE had a crowd in from Chicago and yanked all the stops to entertain them. The gentlemen from the Windy City expressed a desire to take a dip in the raw in Salt Creek, which winds through the old camp. Harry agreed that that was a capital idea. Up stream a way, he told his friends, was the -! deepest hole. He went to a shed behind the sprawling log cabin and hitched a spirited little gelding to a» buckboard. Through the underbrush the naked party rode. with the fully-dressed Harry giving the gelding the business on its<rump with the reins. About a mile from camp, the woodsman managed somehow to coax the horse into a tantrum. It lurched and the buckboard tipped over right in a field of waist high weeds, wearing burrs atop. Harry wheeled and headed back to ‘camp. The siickers were pretty sore all over. and j walked off without paying their tab. Harry always said it was worth it.
{ | |
"Operation Housing'
“Operation Housing” has been Operation Housing, Army Finance Center started by the officers of the Ft. Benjamin Harrison, Ind. | Army Finance Center at Ft. Har. There is a (permanent) (temporary) home for (tamily)
rison. [asanns + ...persons (group-women)
Public co-operation, in listing . all available temporary and hous- Address ........ ing facilities {s being recruited for This is the rapidly growing military (Military)
colony. Local residents are urged to fill Name
out and mail in the above form. Address .........euvieiaisrssssisscasenencs PHONG. sssiisiersss Many of the big companies are |
(apartment) (Permanent Civilian).
(group-men) at |
lup With satisfactory substitutes.
(house) (room) (share home).
erenry
.
Key Hints Offered On Parlor Stunts
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@
The Indianapolis Times.
Manpower Waste In Armed Services— : ha
FRIDAY, APRIL 13, 1951
PRO, Recruit
By JIM G. LUCAS Scripps-Howard staff ‘Writer " WASHINGTON, Apr. 13-—-The armed services have more than 15,000 officers and enlisted men on recruiting . and public information jobs. That's close to an infantry division. It's enough to ' man five big aircraft carriers or five B-36 groups. It's | enough for 10 jet-fighter groups. | It would be erroneous to | say there is no need for the { services these men perform,
| but the numbers could be
| questioned. {
Personnel Hope for Combat Jobs
Recruiting and press-agentry tie up thousands of. officers and enlisted men in jobs that could be given to civilians. Jim Lucas, World War II Marine and a veteran reporter who has covered the war in Korea, tells about it in this, the fifth of a series.
Approximately 600 publierelations officers and men are serving overseas. Some have been killed in Korea. The "Korean W daily briefing on the | |
it can be argued that competent help. Without it, you'd know Officers and men are holding jobs much less about what's going for which they were not intended, | on. and which could be filled just as : well by civilians. Take, for Instance, the case of H. D. Schooley head of the Defense Department's press section. Mr. Schooley took off a lieu-tenant-commander’s uniform to take the civilian job at approximately $8400 a year.. But serving under him are three full colonels. Their take-home pay is considerably more than their civilian boss gets.
. ” ” THERE is no doubt that most uniformed public-relations men would prefer to be somewhere
Korean War has beer a real
» » » IT WOULD be physically impossible to report or interpret anything as big as the Defense | establishment—37 per cent of the national budget last year— I without competent public-rela-tions men as contact points. | They are able to tell reporters where to go to get the desired information. Frequently they get it themselves and give it to the press. Last year, the armed forces { spent $8.4 million on public information. They used 706 civilians and 1789 officers and men. The Army had 600 public-in- 1¢ 4, | formation officers and enlisted | men, and 362 civilians. The { Navy, including the Marines, | had 418 military and 58 civil- { ians. The Air Force had 718 officers and men, and 217 civilians. The Defense Department itself used 53 military publicinformation people and 71 civil- | ians.
| x =z =
{| OF THAT NUMBER, 364 | Army public-information per- | sonnel were stationed outside | the United States. The Navy had 63 abroad, the Air Force | 157 and the Marine Corps one. {
| | | officer is unfortunate
enough to be assigned as a personal public-relations assistant to
one unfortunate publicity break. Much of the time they're torn between . loyalty to their bosses and the people they serve—the press and the public. Many generals, admirals and civilian officials expect their public-relations
favorable items. When they can't they're in trouble. And often reporters are not satisfied with the answers they get, no matter how The remainder were stationed much work it has involved. in this country. Most airmen on Pentagon pubThe military has been able to lic-relations duty — Navy, Air {cut its public-information rolls Force and Marine—spend their {slightly. In the last 12 months, free time pulling strings for a {it dismissed 142 civilians and genuine flying assignment. That's | transferred 69 officers and men. their real love. They manage to { Public relations is essential, but get in their four hours monthly
Man Without Fear— ° '
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Ridgway Is A *
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GEN. RIDGWAY-—New Supreme Commander, Far East.
Auto Makers Plan to Keep
Restrictions on Use of Razzle-Dazzle
Metals Won't Eliminate Glitter
By NORMAN NICHOLSON United Press Automotive Writer i DETROIT, Apr. 13-Auto makers will keep the trim on new
cars shining as brightly as possible despite restrictions on use of razzle-dazzle metals.
Ingenuity of engineers, chemists, paint and plating experts will make the so-called “blackout” or ‘‘dimout” Autos unnecessary in the foreseeable future, industry officials agree. To automobile stylists: and -—— een re ee salesmen, cars without glitter are of nickel, chrome flashing is like Sally Rand with too many turning out ¢hrome plated parts, fans. but with a difference. For lack Some people may prefer them plated directly over copper withboth that way, but the majority of out a nickel. undercoat. This car buyers want vehicles high- looks fine on a showroom floor, lighted to some degree by shiny hut the chrome is likely to chip, bumpers, grilles, windshield bord- rust or ‘pit” after exposure to ers and body strips. rain, salt, mud and flying gravel.
Working On Substitutes To protect the chrome, autoIn the face of shortages and motive experts are testing countlimitations on use of copper and less varieties of lacquer finishes nickel, the base for usual chrome to help cement the chrome in plating, industry researchers have place. In some cases, these finbeen working for months to come ishes are reported to hold up very well. Stainless steel. a good substitute
It's relatively easy to devise
1 prefer|alternate ways of making cars for chrome which has a- softer {attractive, {develop brightwork that will stay scarce. It usually contains about
The big problem is to luster than that finish, also is
hat way. 8 per cent of nickel content. . Wheel disks on most cars are,
A
Many Competent Officers, Enlisted
else. The job is a thankless one.
fa temperamental civilian superior his career can be jeopardized by,
men to prevent publication of un-
New Cars Looking Bright
. * {being made of stainless steel excellent substitutes for metal Social Security Law | where possible, {more of them are likely to be makers is reported very interested | painted.
ing Tie Up 15,000
.
| GIVING THE WORD—Two high-ranking officers assigned to public relations in the Pentagon. are shown here briefing the press on the Korean War. They are (from left) Brig. Gen. Sory Smith and Maj. Gen, Floyd L. Parks, Army information chief. :
to qualify for flying pay, but they) GEN. PARKS is a former standards are higher and they op feel they're merely marking time Berlin commandant, a fine ad- Pose any attempt again to make until they can do what they were ministrator and a top - fli them dependent on the draft. The trained to do. r a. P > int Army, on the other hand, convs soldier. He cou Sous a di- tends the other services get all IF A POLL were taken. prob- vision or a corps. And he would the best men first.
ably 80 per cent would volunteer like nothing better. It he weren't , ._ & « @ doubt, Bow for combat flying duty. Some who
ite so good, or if his conscience oop that the Defense Departnever had such jobs before frank- would let him goof off, he might ment could release thousands of ly admit they know little about pg transferred, but he's not that'good officers and enlisted mem— their current assignment and de- sort. now assigned to —10 pend entirely on their subordi- Working opposite these men are more essential jobs if it turned the nates. former newspaper reporters and task over to Selective Service. Nevertheless. all services have o4itorq to whom it's just another Currently, Selective Seryice. is some of their best men at public- jo5, fn their profession. Some operating with 299 officers and relations desks. The vast major- people feel many more military enlisted men borrowed from all ity are men who could make a pyplic- relations posts could be services. : : real contribution to the war ef- filled by civilians, freeing com-/ The three services have 1350 fort and only want a chance to petent line officers and enlisted on recruiting duty. A prove it. Maj. Gen. Floyd Parks, men for other work. {10 per cent are officers. Of the the Army’s public-relations chief, Recruiting is dnother matter. Army Air Force Recruiting is generally credited with being During World War II, it was vision’s 94486, approximately one of the best in the business.'suspended and all services got are WACs and WAFs. The Navy He's so g he’s probably stuck their manpower through the draft. has 168 officers and 2175 enlisted indefinitely in a job a job he The Navy, Marines and Air Force men, and the Marines 93 officers doesn’t particularly like. don’t like that system. Their and 1516 enlisted. :
Front Line General’
ES—Rid ‘trade- ' i SR kaD ORY ae USUALLY GRIM—But Ridgway has a smile for the wounded. 3 1
-
NEW BOSS—Lt. Gen. Matthew B. Ridgway, as successor to Gen. MacArthur, has taken over an impressive list of formal military titles—Supreme Commander, Allied Powers; Commander-in-Chief, United Nations Command, and others—but to the Gls under his command he's still the "Front Line General." It was characteristic that when sought for comment on the MacArthur firing he could net be reached because he was up at the front. Tha 55-year-old general is known as a man without fear, He has every U. S. decoration for heroism except the Congressional Medal — and some of them twice. The striking portrait, left, expresses his iron character and the photos show him in typical fighting front scenes.
Series to Explain
im. big three -auto, . but more and trim. One of the big DOLLARS IN
POCKET. You can find those added - dollars . . . money you probably didn't know belonged te : you. The money may be yours as a result of the new liberals ized Social Security law, How to get these extra dollars is told in a new series . of articles starting in The Times on Sunday. : “DOLLARS IN YOUR POCKET” by Henry Schin- | * dall, a certified public se--countant, gives the advane tages and disadvantages of the new law. “om
The author answers such questions as: Who is covered by Social Security? ... Will
YOUR -
in a new metallic paint that has Auto sources say the paint com- taken 1000 hours of salt erosion panies have come up with some tests without a mar, . - This method is said to use first 'one layer of a new type lacquer, on which powdered aluminum is
Real Estate in . ) sprayed, plus a final coat of the Big Demand, SELL! clear paint.
Some of the companies still are This Spring there is a big receiving chrome-plated parts demand: for homes .of all from suppliers who obtained suffikinds, and vou should be able
cient supplies of nickel.. Most to get a better price than ever producers have made subtle before, ‘— changes already. eliminating exFor these reasons, now is a
cess brightwork but keeping the good time to sell the home - :
‘iain highlights. that is no longer suitable for EE your family. To sell your home fast and at the best possible advantage to you LIST YOUR HOME WITH A CAPABLE REAL ESTATE BROKER.
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I's a Bad Sign for School - Zone. Speeders
BATTLE CREEK, Mich. Apr.’ 13 (UP)—Police today posted a warning to motorists what will
There are nearly 250 Ii- ; r widow or widower: be - ‘happen to persons who exceed, you ¢ % Saeed eal estate rere speed limits in school zones. covered? . . +» What about the the Classified Columns of The | On the back of convicted) ehlldren? .. . How much do. Tone po one of them wi ‘speeder Richard Albers’ ni Jou pay int « « +» How much " phve , ing area during : SELOT a lad ‘e vou free a parked in a park a oc A Be ororey he his two day jail term, officers Read “DOLLARS IN YOUR: a consultation entails NO OB- Placed a sign reading: POCKET"...
beginning Sum« “Driver jailed for speeding gavin The Sunday Times. ~~ /through school zone." : Mera
» 3 “ le ¥ 2 # 2
LIGATION