Indianapolis Times, Indianapolis, Marion County, 2 March 1951 — Page 11

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"A quarrel is constructive only between husband and wif The fact that there isa between husband and wife m be faced without shame. Ignoring the fact that it exists is worse. Many couple behave this way-— particularly in matters of sex. Martha and Ralph L. for example, started out with this attitude, and it almost broke up their marriage. She adored him but ‘his love-making left her cold. He sensed her-lack of response and couldn't understand why. 8he was too embarrassed to tell him that she'd appreciate a little more tenderness. He didn’t want to hurt her by telling her that she was frigid. They went along for six months, each pretending that the problem’

them mounted. It was only after Martha discussed it with the family doctor that she was encouraged to talk about it to,

-4Ralph. ~~ Ralph welcomed the|

chance to find out what was wrong. Today, physically and emotionally adjusted, they laugh over how foolish they were. 8.8 '® THE RIGHT tone of voice and manner are often the difference between a- constructive quarrel and a deadly fight. husbands and .wives snarl and

of caged animals.

and insults. If one had been calm, the other probably would have, been too, and they might have discovered the reason for their conflict. Instead, their fights ended in. bitterness and exhaustion, with nothing gained but| the memory of each other! 8. harsh] ness. | The one big meta: 15; on our paréiet’s AL

Awe).

Women, it must be admitted, are bigger “fault-finders” than men. Whenever Lucille T. disap-

of his shortcomings. There was no connection between his coming home late for dinner. and throwing wet towels on the bathroom floor—but that didn’t matter to Lucille. Everything she could think of at the moment was included in her quarrels. The result was a’ constant rehashing. of all their difficulties without any of them ever being solved. Part of quarreling “constructively” is the ability to save face

can be apologized for later but it can never be called back, Certain taunts dig deep into the other's mind and lodge. there permanently. Remarks like: “You'll never amount to anything’\or “I never should have married yoi1,” are not easily forgotten. If a husband and wife sense each other’s love during the most serious conflict,

forgiveness and peace follow much more quickly. ” ” ” ~ THE END of a “successful

quarrel” should be a decision. Vague promises which go unfulfilled lead to a more violent fight on the same subject. Tim and Gladys R. discovered this the hard way. He had one night a week off, on which he would go out drinking with some of the men in his office. Gladys wanted him to have fun with his friends but she felt that he drank too much. He generally had a hangover on the following day, and wasn't really fit to go to work. Whenever she asked him to drink less, he promised that he would. But that was as far as it went. Then Gladys had an idea. She asked Tim how many drinks he | usually had 6n his night off. He sald about five or six. She suggested that he limit himself to

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COEUR D'ALENE, Ida. (UP)— Police blamed three broken tie rods for three accidents, within a half mile of each other, in a 10day period on Highway 10 near | here.

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CHAPTER SIX : By LEE GRAHAM di MOMENTS COME in every marriage when a quarrel may clear

Bickering, nagging, shouting or going home to mother are not ed.

if it brings greater understanding four and take them more slowly,

t+ [He agreed that her ‘suggestion was

a good one and gave her a definite. promise.

It worked out nicely, For Tim had a clear idea about what would please his wife. It was something they both found acceptable and, once put into practice it settled a long-standing problem. What a lot of couples don't realize is the fact that differences are to be expected in marriage. Prof, Terman and his colleagues

of Stanford University have a list|

of nearly 60 “common grievances” hat husbands and wives have against each other. They begin with personal habits and end with mental attitudes. In fact, a marriage without any

didn’t exist. The tension between sonfiict should be investigated be-| jms

cause someone is not being quite: honest. An occasional row is normal and inevitable. - ” . OFTEN A quarrel arises from causes outside the situation at hand. It doesn’t take much it! (either the husband or the wife is “on edge”. This jumpiness may come from fatigue or hunger or poor health and the wise spouse learns Jo recognize this in his

Yet many partnen *

Husbands and wives often lash,

scream at each other like a pair'out at each other as a safety-valve {measure to release tensions. which That's what Jim and Lottie B.have been accumulating within did every time they disagreed. Nol them. That's what a man does] matter Row trivial the argument, | \when he comes home and argues'{ the ‘walls rang with their oaths with his wife after a tough day

|at business. If she understands him at all, she makes allowances for his grouchiness, knowing “that it actually isn’t directed at her. A

THE INDIAN APOLIS TIMES

’

Constructive Quarrels Helpful.

If Union Is Without Conflict,

be strong enough to take these variations in mood without propelling them into a fight, The fights should be reserved for serious conflicts. Ahd rather than fights, they should be constructive quarrels. Here's a test to see how “constructively” you quarrel: ONE: Do you lose your tem‘per quickly when you and your spouse disagree? (a).yes, (b) no. TWO: Do you offen talk in a loud, harsh voice? (a) yes, (b) no. THREE: ¥ you and your partner couldn't find a solu.«tlon to an annoying problem between you, would you (a) try to forg=t it, (b) discuss it with your best friend, (c) go to a marriage counselor? FOUR: Do you think your partner has more faults than you do? (a) yes, (b) no. Correst. Answers: 1, b; 2, b; 8, 0; 4 Db. If you have correct answers for three of the four questions, it Is an indication that your marital quarrels are “constructive.”

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North Side Club Elects Weddle

Julian H, Weddle, 6131 Carvel Ave, was elected president of the Exchange Club of North Side! Indianapolis atl & recent meeting. Other new of-| ficers are Jack Brown, vice president; Owen | K. Nye, secre-! tary, and Arlie! . J. Walls, treas- | s urer. Elected to the| board were] Ralph Prange, Virgil Snider] Victor L. Boyer, Richard P.| Brooks, Gilbert L. 8mall and Jo-| seph E, Brown, | The annual Charter meeting | will be held at 6:30 p. m. Apr. 6 in the main. ball room- of. the Marott Hotel.

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MEMPHIS, Tenn. (UP)—A. V. Allson of Grenada, Miss., checked | his watch the other day and de- | cided it was time to get it repaired. It had lost 30 séconds mn

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