Indianapolis Times, Indianapolis, Marion County, 18 September 1950 — Page 5

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MONDAY, SEPT. 18, 1950 _ Y HOW TO BE DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY . . . The Foible Gompkin Method

Tell Your Wife ‘I Am Not Inferior’ EDITOR'S NOTE: Please don’t take. the Foible Gompkin method seriously, gentle reader. “How to Be Deliriously Happy” is satire—broad and exuberant —intended only for chuckles plus horse laughs. It is a burlesque, in its own fashion, of all the “inspira- ~ tional” and “how to” books of

A CR Ihe literate humorist. He has written for the best magazines and is author of “The Horn and the Roses.” George Price, whose drawings illustrate the series, is the famous cartoonist of the New Yorker magazine. These articles are selected from the recent book, “HOW TO BE DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY,” published by Henry Schuman, New York.

CHAPTER TWO I AM TALLER THAN NAPOLEAN

By IRA WALLACH

Of itself, the number “9” is not -

very impressive. At most, it represents nine units, or posibly three groups of three units each. Yet square the: number “9”, multiply it by itself, and you have a result not twice as large, as might be expected, but nine times as large. The “9” has disappeared to give place to the “81”! Have you ever thought of squaring yourself? Have you ever considered that Self-Multi-| pication will give you nine times your present personality, will-

power, and animal magnetism?|

How do you square yourself? First, let us each inquire: Am I inferior? "another question: Am I going to let my inferiority get the best: of me? A New Personality Principle We begin to conquer inferiority |

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by calling upon a great power, the power of self-suggestion. It sounds simple, yet it is a truly miraculous device. When you get up in the morn/ing, simply say to yourself, “I am not inferior! I am not inferior!” Repeat it many times during the day. Surprise your wife by saying it to her. Write it on a |plece of paper and paste it on] your bathroom mirror. | Let me give you a simple pro|cedure to follow. Suppose you are la man of average stature. You get up in the morning. You say to yourself, "1 am not inferior.” | You have started the day right. | (Now, suppose you think in historical terms. All right now. You are of average height. In all history have there not been famous| men who were under average! height? Of course! Immediately the name: of Napoleon will come to your mind. Now what do you do? You say to yourself, firmly and with resolution, “I am taller than Napoleon! I am taller than Napoleon!”

You've Made a Start

You have already put your “averageness” in a new light. You go through your daily tasks “taller than Napoleon.” This gives you a new sense of mastery. You have begun to square yourself. I know of one young man who used precisely this technique. Having recognized that he was taller than Napoleon, he remarked as much to his wife. Unfortunately this man’s wife, forgetting that marriage is a matter of Person-ality-Pairing, muttered, “That may be so, but you are shorter than Josephine.” It is a mute testimony to the young man is still taller than) Napoleon.

Make use of the mirror. Look into a full-length mirror when

{ possible, use a mirror whose

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frame is carved with eagles and other noble birds. Jut your chin out at yourself in a pugnacious manner. Repeat the sentences which I have taught you. Declaim them in a strong, voice to your mirror image. You will be surprised to detect signs of determination and

| inner strength in your reflection.

Ask Yourself 53 Questions Think over these suggestions carefully. Read them again and again. Then ask yourself the followand write your

immediately beneath: ONE: Can I square myself?

(Write your answer here) TWO: Is the word “impossible” in my dictionary?

(Write your answer here)

"seen ‘in

Remember You're Taller Than Napoleon

> THREE: Do I have a fulllength mirror?

(Writé your answer here) FOUR: Am I taller than Napoleon?

(Write your answer here) FIVE: What am I going to do about it?

Temple of Joy .came to visit me. At Temple sessions I always found him quiet, and although he gave liberally during the collections, being a wellknown financier, his mind seemed to wander during the periods we set aside for silent meditation and power-tapping. hd Interesting Problem Finally he came to me and confessed, “I have heard the advice which you give. Now, I too, am inferior, but I am shorter than Napoleon.” Here was an interesting problem. Perhaps my advice was obvious yet I think that if you examine it carefully you will find that it contains a great truth. I said to him, “get up in the morning. Say to yourseif, ‘I am not inferior.” Draw yourself up before the mirror. Let pride ring in your voice as you proclaim, ‘Napoleon was not as short as I!” Today this man has been put in charge of his company’s entire territory east of the Mississippi! He squared himself. (Copywright, 1950, by Ira Wallach.) Tomorrow: The Art of “Zhloomphing.”

Cat Listens to Mouse

Broadcast Over Radio

MEMPHIS, Tenn. (UP)—Mrs. Billy M'Collum wondered why the cat kept watch at the small kitchen radio until she heard 2 faint sound -inside, and it wasn music. The cat had chased a mouse, into the cabinet.

'RESERVAT ATION AREAS In 1838 military reservations in|

Wyoming Territory included 119-

{177 acres. The Shoshone or Wind | River Indian reservation occupied 11,520,000 acres.

THE INDIANAPOLIS TIMES : ; Big Bust Story Turns Out Square Yourself’ to Tap Your Hidden Power To Be Year's Biggest Bust |

accidentally Adiseov efed a

James Holden's Wife

Didn't Get That Way

By Exercises; She's Going to Be a Mother By JOHN ROSENBURG, United Press Staff Correspondent

tened the bust story of the year. But good.

cast of * however. He was delighted.’

‘The Member of the Wedding,"

Mr. Holden, as several hundred women will have cause to re- |

member, created a mild sensation a month ago when he reported he sure-

about being wrong. Wanted to Be Strong Man Mr. Holden paved the way to his anatomical error last. winter,

make the Olympic weightlifting team. He installed $200 worth of equipment in his dressing room and went into training “Trouble was,” he said sorrowfully, “IT didn't" know anything about weightlifting and took the wrong exercises. I developed where least expected. And least desired. Of course, I had to stop. But my wife, who saw what was going on,

decided that the exercises were -

just the thing for her.” Mr. Holden explained that his wife, Actress Virginia McMahon, felt her career was hampered because she was slightly flatchested. However, in six months,

he said, she looked like a Jane Russell, having added six inches to her bust.

“News like that doesn't keep,” Mr. Holden said. “It spread like wildfire through the cast, along Broadway and finally the newspapers had it. Several girls borrowed the equipment and reported success. In no time I was flooded with entreating letters from wives, sweethearts and women's

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Come to 500 Board of Trade Building and get your $5 certificate without charge. Take it to any store in Marion County and it will be accepted as cash on the purchase of a new coal stove. You must

reside in Marion County. This offer good until October 31,

1950.

cl Coal Heating Service retailers salute the furniture and hard. ware decless of the community who are now displaying the

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clubs who wanted “to Know: ‘What's the formula?” M

-helping the girls.” “It looked as if I could make a million," he said, “But my the-

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“My wife's going to have 2 baby! Why, we never suspected a thing like that. We've been

Cleric Gets Diocese Of 20,000 Square Miles

Calling on all

to be consecrated a bish NEW YORK, Sept. 18—-Nature, it developed today, has flat- , assigned the diocese 5 Car'penteria in Australia. “It An actor who prompted it, handsome James ‘Holden of the in ‘a mere 20,000 square miles of Ill. Just one of hun wasn't a’ bit disconcerted, territory.” »

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