Indianapolis Times, Indianapolis, Marion County, 16 September 1948 — Page 21

Fos

pleas-

conve ‘LOOE . Freeman,” I said rather sharply” ¥I'@idn't come up here to be call screwball. Tm: a little

LOOK OUT<This is not an atom: smasher or a new ray gun so pat your hair back insplace. This thing is a cufflink especially designed for screwballs.. Wor se si

eggs—cheese and crack iz “Fiddle and sticks.” Rather snappy comeback, don't you think? And the best part about “fiddle” and “sticks,” I didn’t strain to say it. Mr. .Freehunk of repartee. was absolute silence on the seventh floor except for a little adding machine-typewriter-elevatdr door-three women! noise.

“Hey, the screws come out!” I shouted, shat-

‘ tering the absolute silence. I had to think on

that. While I did some thinking, Mr. Freeman dug up ball Cufflinks.” He wasn't kidding me. I knew! what the pitch was. x -

Cufflinks OK’d by Jerry Colonna

MR. FREEMAN interrupted a great deal my thinking by telling me how the cufflinks h been adopted as the official membership insignia for “Screwballs Synonymous,” a subsidiary of the Gag Writers’ Institute of America; how Jerry Colonna, Maxie Rosenbloom, Al Schacht, Benny Rubin and Jan Murray have put their OK's on

them; how a New York sports columnist will}

award a pair of the links to an athlete who makes the “Screwball Play of the Week,” etc. etc. All huckster stuff, : But, I couldn't help thinking what a smart cookie this D'Barfy character in New York is. He takes a couple of screws, a couple of balls, attaches them on a cufflink end, dips them into a silver or bronze dip of some kind to make them shiny and expects a screw like me to shell out $3.50. Makes me mad. Have to admit, though, they're clever. Still makes me mad. Why can’t I take an afternoon or an evening and figure out some gimmick like that? Why is it always some joker in New York? Why can’t this joker invent something that Jerry Colonna! will rave over? Something small, something expensive, something everyone Just has to have, something that breaks easy mand must be replaced and something that labels a man a Schmoe if he doesn’t have it? Boy, let other Buys write about my clever “Thing-a-ma-doodle.” Screwball Cufflinks. Doggone that makes me mad. They would have been a natural for me. And so simple. Just a couple of balls and screws. Screws and balls, - Balls and screws. “Good day, MY, Freeman.”

Ripe for the Ax?

NEW YORK, Sept. 16—You are seeing a reas onably rare thing in the American League today—two managers of two driving pennant contenders, the Yanks and Indians, being freely discussed as ripe for the ax. The Indians’ Mr. Boudreau, now hitting some .360, and scourging his. Tgibe along with a knout, ‘was frankly on the bargain board last spring, and would have been traded them, but for a popular revolt among the Cleveland fans: '. They scowled at the idea of losing the best infielder-hitter in the league, and said so rather forcefully. : If Mr. Boudreau's organiza gets pinched out of the big money, he will do ess be strive ing in a place where the lake br Jhowls less loudly, next year. : The papers have been full of talk of firing Bucky Harris of the Yankees, conjecture. which seems more than half substantiated by the assorted owners. Mr. Harris’ «in. so far as T'c¢dn make out, is

that he won the big casino last year, during his

first managerial session, with .a bunch of old crocks and young probabilities. This year, with the same old dogmeat and some more adolescent .maybes, he has stuck up there, or thereabouts, and is still a fairly even bet to finish no worse than first. That would represent perfection, but it’s a sin for which a man can be fired, in this new baseball business run by bizarre characters and cafe society types.

As Good as the Best

"1 HAVE known Mr. Harris for something like a dozen years, and for a time reported his migraine as he steered the mangiest bunch of ballplayers in the business, the Washington Senators. Mr. Harris has a great talent which simultaneously works him ill. He is much too hice a guy to be In the racket. That's to say, he is kind, polite, voluble, cultured, honest, reliable and optimistie. These traits make Stanley Harris the best personnel man in baseball, or at least they make him as good as the best. He can, hy exercising tryst and decency, milk superhuman effort from 80+80 guys, old pappy guys, raw young squirts, and ¢ven competent professionals,

By Robert C. Ruark

He won the pennant last ed windfall of George McQuinn’s hitting and Joe Page's vinch-pitching. during a season in which Joe DiMaggio was half-sick all the time and

Shari Keller was in and out with assorted miseries.

McQuinn, an age-corroded first baseman, had been set free by the then abysmal Athletics as finished; done, kapoot. His hitting over the first thrée-quarters of the season kept the floundering Yanks afloat. a

Page, a chronic funster, with a great disrespect for bed so long,K as another chorus of “Sweet Adeline” remained to be sung, was the money in the late-inning throwing crises of both season and series.

But, as I say, the sweetness of Mr. Harris’ personality breeds the virus for his current

criticism.

Silk Purses and Sow's Ears

WHEN Mr. Harris is high on a man that man is a good ball player. He is a good pitcher if they are driving tee-shots through his ears; he is a good batter if he is taking ‘strike three, called, and he is a good fielder if the opposition is raising knots on his skull with misplayed soft chances, If Mr. Harris likes him, he stays in there, This benevolent streak makes it difficult for Bucky to withdraw, or jerk, a thrower who has just yielded six straight hits. It influences his decision on whether to leave the fellow hit or replace him with a lustier swinger, he Mr. Harris has been known to blow ball games out of a desire not to injure the feelings of the men in whom he has faith. But he has also been known to win tight ones with hyperthyroid efforts from mediocrities, who were attempting to pay back trust. He has made more silk purses out of sows’ e than any manager I know. . It must be remembered that no radar beam from any manager can adequately substitute for pitching gkill. Mr. Harris’ pitching, this year, has largely been of the category best described as bloody awful. This inspires a reasonable managerial doubt as to whether one bum will be better than the next bum. - : In computing Mr. Harris actual status as a manager, his employers have a neat problem on their hands. Can you fire a guy for the same quality which makes him simultaneously a genius and a flop?

year on an unsuspect-

A Changed Ma

By Frederick C. Othman

WASHINGTON, Sept. 16—A. long-time member of the National Press Club, name of Herbert Hoover, dropped around for lunch. I never did see such a change in a man for the better. 1 guess the White House simply isn’t a healthy place to live. Too damp, maybe. Possibly those Pennsylvania Avenue ‘trolleys are too noisy. All I know is that today’s Herbert Hoover only vaguely resembles the President I knew years ago when it was my newspaper job to stay as close to him as the Secret Service would allow. He was a pale-faced man then, a little over weight, who was addicted to double-breasted blue suits with white edgings on the vests. He wore the highest collars ever to threaten a man with strangulation; his manner was like his collars: Stir. He was politc and. even courteous, but he seldom cracked a smile and never a joke. Now (and my eyes are good) he looks more like Winston Churchill than like the Herbert Hoover I used to know, His face is Sfdy, his paunch is gone, hig collars are as soft as mine and, so help me, his neckties are on the reddish side, with stripes.

Talks About New Federal Job

WHEN HE FINISHED with the beef and roasted potatoes, he made a little talk about his new job as boss of the commission that's working on ways to rid the government of uséless bureaus and, in particylar,-bureaucrats. The only former President peered at his fellow clubmen over his horn-rimmed eyeglasses and smiled wryly as he told of the mess in which the Bovernment finds itself. . “I might mentiqn,” he said, “that an adroit citizen can borrow something from 26 different agencies in the government at the present momen k

A bankrupt member wondered if he'd care to produce the list; Mr. Hoover laughed and passed that one off gracefully. For a year now he and about 250 leading citizens, chosen without regard for their politics, have been looking over what

others have called the idiocies of government. These include the 28 federal agencies in the social welfare business; the 65 which gather statistics; the 34 which buy land; the 17 or so that are involved in housing and the 10 that are engaged in government construction. They've studied the rivalries between the varfous federal students of bugs and beasts and all the over-lappings in authority which have wasted untold millions of taxpayers’ dollars. This winter the commission will make up fits report. Then, said Mr. Hoover with another laugh, it will be up to the new President, “whoever he turns out to be. Mr. Hoover, himself, as an acknowledged expert on the presidency, is in charge personally of the White House studies.

Set Up All Wrong, Hoover Says

THE WAY THAT place is set up the wonder is that the President ever gets to think about affairs of state. As Mr, Hoover put it: .

“There are somewhere between 60 and 80 independent agencies, according as to how you add ‘em up, that lead directly to the President. If he gave each one of 'em only an hour a week, he'd have a 70-hour work week and no time left for the 10 great departments.” ‘ Mr. Hoover didn’t exactly say that he'd urge the firing of federal workers by the 10's of thousands, but he did say they didn't need to do so many jobs twice and he added: “We're going to have to make some very bold and drastic decisions.” | 4 3 The chiefs of what he calléd “some small independent agencies running around loose” can expect, if the® Hoover Commission has its way, to find. themselves eliminated, consolidated, or at least carefully supervised. “We will include recommendations for the suppression of useless functions of government,” Mr. Hoover said. “And that's a hard knot, I want to tell you.” This--doesn’t sound like the Hoover I used to know. I am delighted to report that it sounds a . *

some publicity and pictures about “Screw-|

While Sanitary

down the open ditch. This was the mouth of

THESE ARE the

tances: : ch Begad the deWi velopment of ars Hill addition

during World War I constructed a, storm scwer from the community south to White River, two miles away. As the addition grew, residents connecting their sanitary facilities to the handy storm

Plan ‘Roadeo’ Here Sept. 3-14

Course Laid Out On Memorial Plaza

Plans for a. “Roadeo” to be staged on a course laid out on the World War Memorial Plaza on Sept. 23 and 24, were announced today. This will be the second such contest held by the Indiana Motor Truck Association since the war. A committee of 25 members, consisting of truck line executives, whowill be ‘asked to handle managerial details of the annual state-wide truck drivers “Roadeo” championship event in which the Hoosier State's best truck drivers will be selected, has been announced by James E. Nicholas, executive secretary of the Indi ana Motor Truck Association. Semi-final eliminations, consisting of both driving tests and written examinations on safety and truck operations, are being held today for truck drivers 0 qualified in preliminary contests in Evansville, Terre Haute, Logans-

Championship ro at 8 a. m. on Sept. 24. Winners in the various categories of the contests will go to the national contest in Washington, sponsored by the American Truck Asseciation in connection with its convention next month. Members of the committee from Indianapolis include Walter Eckert, Ellis Trucking Co., Ine; Don Harris, Foster Freight Lines; R. J. Magnus, Aero Mayflower Trangit Co.; James Allen, Columbia Transportation Co. Inc; Mort Martin, Martin Truck Co.; C. H. York, Carolina Motor Express Lines; D. G. Snyder, D. G. Snyder Insurance Co.;John Brennan, Commercial Freight, Inc. and O. L. Osburn, Federal Express, Inc.

Hedy | Lamarr Wins

Divorce From Loder HOLLYWOOD, Sept. 14 (UP)

got a final divorce decree from actor John Loder today in superfor court. The dark-haired screen beauty got her interlocutory decree, July 17, 1947. She charged Mr, Loder, her third husband, with being “indifferent to her and their children,” Denise, 3, and John Anthony, 20 months.

NEAT CONVERSION By far the largest part of the world's corn crop is converted by use as feed for cattle, hogs, sheep and poultry, into milk, cheese, butten, meat and eggs.

+ By BEST COLLIER, Written which all good Mississippi river

bla’s interior commerce. At its busy docks you see ancient stern wheelers splashed from New Orleans to St. Louis and beyond. The people of Barranquilla are glad to have these boats from the United States. But they would like to. have something else, too—people, . Faith in I, 8. Tourists Some of the little folk with whom things are not .going well currently are inclined to put more faith in American tourists than their own politicians, Dario, the taxi driver, speaking: . “Politicos! They are all alike, the politicos. The Liberals and the Conservatives, they make the same promise, and they do but little to help the people. They do nothing ahout the black market and the value of the peso.” =~ Dario dreams of hordes of turistas flying down to ride in his cab, to sit In frozen amazement

great deal better.

key cart, fanning the full, skirts

Hill's sewer system two

the pollution of White River.

port, - Columbus, South Bend, Lafayette and within many individual firms. x 4 Winners Ad

will start

—Movie Actress Hedy Lamarr/da

Mississippi River Boats Find Haven In Colombia

Stern Wheelers Line Barranquilla Port; Tourists and U. §. Dollars in Big Demand

BARRANQUILLA, Colombia, Sept. 16-This is the port to boats go before they die.

A bustling Caribbean seaport, it is situated at the mouth of the Rio Magdelena, the great river that carries the bulk of Colom-

that once]

as he bulls his shiny new Stude- 20 baker between a bus'and a don-|

ars Hill's Sewage

Board Ponders

“Problem, Residents Are Being Sued ™ ~.' By LOUIS ARMSTRONG : THE GRAYISH water bubbled and gushed out of the tile beside Foltz Road, south of Mars Hill, and flowed across | man was stopped with my sudden and brilliantithe field on its way toward White River, There Within just a few minutes the water turned from gray to milky. The odor was sickening. Solid raw sewage rolled

|séwer pipes. proved satisfactory except for Then a number of years the pipe broke at its mouth. Then, it is said, someone filled the end with cement and to remedy this WPA workmen constructed a new outlet for the sewer at Foltz and

_|{Thompson Roads.

® =» =» SINCE THEN it has been left

a shallow ditch to a small stream;

.{then into an old bed of White

River and then into the river itself,

River several acres of sludge have accumulated over the years. W. C. Gambel, owner of part

filled ditch runs through, has brought suit against Mars Hill residents for. $10,000 damages. The case was filed some time ago. Mr, Gambel claims that sludge from the sewer has backed up at one point dnd ruined the drainage system of one of his fields. “He had spent $1000, he says, to construct the drainage system.

ANOTHER FARMER, Ivan Fowler, also filed suit for $100. 000 damages against Mars Hill residents several years ago, }

aware they are a party to the two suits since only a féw are specifically named. But all who con» nect to the old storm sewer are named as defendants by description. An attorney for one of the plaintiffs said he had made appeals to the State Board of Health but has received no action. B. A. Poole, chief engineer for the Board, said today the only solution would be for the system to connect with the Indianapolis disposal plant. : He said the condition was serious but his office did not have the personnel to “ferret out every one connected to the sewer and to order them to remove their connection.”

» ” n MORE THAN a year ago, the Mars Hill addition was annexed

trict, system, :

mated $1,250,000 to connect the addition to .the City's disposal plant, Board members indicated they ‘aro considering some less expensive solution to the problem.

might again be extended to the old river bed and routed through a small disposal plant which would be constructed there,

» » - UNTIL THIS is done, however, Mars Hill's sewage will continue to flow from an open tile, building an ever-growing delta of sewer sludge at its junction with’ White River.

Purdue Extension Books Registration

Registration in the Technical Institute Division of the Indianapolis extension of Purdue University were to be held today, and will continue through Satur.

y. J Classes, in the technical division will begin Monday. Regigtration for the College Division will be held Monday through Wednesday, with classes beginning on Thursday.

Cripps to Visit Canada OTTAWA, Sept. 18 (UP) — Sir Stafford Cripps, Chancellor of the British Exchequer, will arrive in Canada by air Sunday to discuss Anglo-Canadian financial and economic relations with Canadain officials, the United Kingdom Information Office said today, , :

for the Times Fore Service

of women padding barefoot streets. p ng x Tn the | Dario is a harsh critic of .his government, but he is not alone {in his concern about the currency. {It is something" that cuts through

{

ithe economy of the country. | Even a leading businessman of (Barranquilla breaks off a discussion of historic shrines to ask if anyone wishes to exchange dol lars for pesos—at the black mar. ket rate of three to one. The of + Rela rate Is 1.75 pesos to the dolar. The demand for United States dollars is terrific. This dollar consciousness an black market .produfes some curious effects. In terms of pesos, articles are cheaper at the airport gift shops and glittering, chromium-trimmed| downtown establishments than at tiny, side-street Tiendas. At the airport, a bracelet may sell for pesos. A hole-in-the-wall place

“of Sludge At

For a while this &

to gush across the fields through-

of the land which the sewage- J

Many of the residents are not

to the Indianapolis Sanitary Dis Residents have also petitioned for connection to the.city

A member of the Sanitary said it would cost an esti-

One member indicated the line |

. {canoe and

hite

Builds

SR Tp.

pO,

hi!

—-

Where it empties into White #8

Ae b

tile at Foltz and Thompson his field. The 24-inch pipe

from homes and business places in +

‘By GEORGE WELLER

1 ¥: Service AILINGL APLAR ATOLL, Marshall Islands, Sept. 16 — An infant industry. here is waiting for a man with a few dollars and a terrific thirst. The future industrialist must be able to drink beer, bottles and bottles of it. The business is sponges. The) Japanese established it, and now it is languishing. To run this business you first take a cool green bottle of beer,

Waits Heavy Beer Tippler |

SLUDGE PIT—The material which is braken up by large cracks s an accumulation of sludge from the Mars Hill sewers’ which has built ‘Up as polluted fluid: runs into

White River. This condition” has beén Jeciitied to ‘continue for resident says this spot was covered wit

IT STINKS—W. C. Gambel points 6 the open [k- ou mouth ‘of Mars Hill's sewer system where it loaves the a ns |

Roads end Jaws, of across is nearly filled sewage he addition. .

Flourishing Sponge Trade nit

$- 5%

to your lips agafh; to make sure thers ate no drops ets pollute experiment, put the cork in the-empty bottle, attach the uppe end of the line to the bottle and drop:it overboard. The bottle becomes a buoy, marking a

turity. eL Chief Lazaraej, the intelligent owner of this atoll and several others, explained this system to me, He pointed out a huge reserve of green botties waiting to

tilt it upward and let the contents run down, your throat. You then save the cork. Go to Shallow Water Now you get in your outrigger paddle out into the shallow water of the lagoon with a basketful of Junior sponges. You attach these tender creatures to a long line with a weight on the end of it and let the line over the side of the beat, weight first. Now you hoist: the beer bottle

OK Sewage Plans For Four Cities

Board Approves

Facilities for ‘Homes’

Final plans for sewage treatment and sewage plants for four cities: and the Indiana Village for Epileptics and 8t. Elizabeth's Home, Indianapolis; have been approved by the Stream Pollution Control Board. Included in the plans were Rushville, for a revision of sewage: treatment plant plans; Bedford, for intercepting sewers an isewnge treatment plant; Jasper, for a sewage treatment plant and Sheridan, for a sewage treatment fe “

: Plan Facilities Plans for the Epileptic Village are for a sewer connection to

iplanned for St. Elizabeth's Home. The total estimated cost for all

asks 30. c 1048. Indianapolis Times Or Onany Dy aianspolis

|lagoon like artillery shells. All

be ysed, stacked in the sun by. the

were empty. Some industrialist must have lost his head starting his business. ‘Atoll of Kings’ ““Laplap.” which the Japanese pronounced “raprap,” means “atoll” and “ailing” means “kings,”. The "atell of kings” is the island that Milwaukee may yet make famous. The Marshallese of this atoll

pi} E

~|are economical ‘about other things,

besides beer bottles. The habit] of American cities of burning their garbage, instead of using it]

to replenish vanishing topsoil,

At Geh, one of the islets of Allinglaplap, all table scraps go in

dead fish recently.

seems ridiculously wasteful to them. ‘

i Fy gk EE Ny

1 ladder| Negro of ‘spunges to be plucked at maofl

HH.

£5 g

;

: §

a pit for pigs, dug into the seemingly barren coral. What the pigs miss, makes a rich compost heap. Then a coconut tree is planted on this soll “made” from garbage. The . Marshallese. can give America lessons In saving its vanishing topsoil.

t, 1948, The Indianapolis Times Copyright Chlcags Dally News, i

illinois Board Cuts

i: gssiEs

Radio Racing Results.

CHICAGO, Sept, 16 (UP)—Patrons of taverns, beauty parlors, chain stores and similar ih Illinois no longer will be ahle to hear broadcasts of horse race

oss facies |

BREAD STAPLE

’

Boga - a Fr e ways i i

er i ; fot ee EE ld