Indianapolis Times, Indianapolis, Marion County, 11 December 1942 — Page 11

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~ NATION'S CAPITAL

.~ a $333 ipacy

From Small Beginnings They Spread and Multiply to Staggering Proportions; Take Themselves =. Very Seriously, Too.

Walter Morrow, author of the following article, recently was made - editor of The Columbus Citizen, a Scripps-Howard newspaper. *

By WALTER TER MORROW

For more than two years

I have written economics, pre-

2 cise, statistical, unemotional and humorless, in Washington, | but not for the government. i years opened a world to me that few men in the newspaper business ever enter. The experience was good and it broads

ened my outlook.

There were times in those two years when I often won- :

The work I did in those two

dered who was teaching economics in our colleges. Thousands

of Ph. D.)s flocked to Washington. Every nook and cranny was filled with them and their “incoming” and “outgoing” baskets. I once found a famous Ohio economist sitting in a little office made by tearing out the fixtures in a bathroom. I have seen them in closets under stairways.

in economics;

assistants find there is a crinkly and a flat leaf alfalfa and they

|start breaking up on the amoeba’

plan, taking over more offices and creating more sections.

Then a Publicity Man Then a publicity man is assigned to enlighten the world on the ime portance of the alfalfa probiem The

After this war is over they prob- economists look on his methods

ably will be crawling out from behind the baseboards in those sprawling new buildings called “tempos,” like venerable cockroaches. A Humorless Lot

They are, on the whole, 2 humorless lot. Each one who goes to Washington takes his own little hobby with him. He rides it there and cavorts around the Potomac parks with it until he leaves. Few of them show any growth in Washington. They go there “indoctrinated” and come away with the sAme things they took there. They are as bad as log-rolling legislators. As soon as an economist gets an appointment he immediately appoints all his fellow economists he can reach as “consultants.” This is nothing more than a humorless form of back-scratching. ¢ Government bureaus in Washington multiply on the amoeba system. It may be that this is a device introduced by the economists. I don’t: know who started it. An economist is appointed to do a study of fhe fertilizer available for increasing production of alfalfa or something. When he arrives he is given an office. The next day he gets a desk and a secretary. By the first of next week he has appointed two or three consultants.

Consultants Consult Boards

The consultants consult their boards of regents and tell them they are being drafted part time to win the war. The reluctant regents tell them to go ahead but please to try to continue teaching a day or two a week. The next week . they are in Washington and the alfalfa section evolves. More offices are draited. More desks are moved. More country girls who have been summoned to Washe ington to save the country -' starting wage of $1440 a year on

The next week the subject is d!vided. It is found that there 1 a northern and a southern variety ot alfalfa. The chief economist divides his division into sections, his assistants becoming section chiefs. The

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with horror, but. they ‘tolerate him:

and cultivate him because they have been told that here is the won&® der man who can make the nation alfalfa conscious and thus win ne war. The publicity man acquires ase sistants, secretaries and filling clerks. Soon the mails are deluged: with releases starting “WASHING= TON, Dec. 00.—" and the nation i¥ on the way to a realization of the’ alfalfa problem. The eagle-eyed economist who heads the division looks about him. The economist who started out studying inventory control a few months before has expanded and, has a “wing.” The word goes around | that he has sold the country on the

soon the administrative problems of doing his job will make it necessar$ to have a thousand men in Washe. : ington and several thousand more. in field offices. He moves up from a “wing” and gest an entire “tempo” of his own, That, next to becoming an adminise trative assistant to the president, positively is “tops.” So our jealous alfalfa expert casts about him for ways to make the:

plan for bonusing people for grows ; mg alfalfa. He hunts up new uses for it. He sells alfalfa to the lendlease administrator. Then he gets & : “field division chief” and takes over, a “wing.”

Takes Over a Tempo

Soon he has a nation-wide ade=« ministrative organization and takéss bver a “tempo” of his own, a hugé:

of pine and fiber board. He hgs arrived and the only thing left for® him to do is to knock off a brother* economist who also has a “tempo™ and gonsolidate the two into an ine dependent ‘“board.” Nobody ever gets fired. When, complaints arise a new board is cres’ ated to supervise the old beard. Everyone involved is terribly patris’ otic, serious and sincere. Everyons: is grim as Jehovah and as sure of, his infallibility. The stock answer to anyone who, questions the efficiency of results i to call him a “hopeless Tory,” “Bourbon,” a “prince of a or a “damned reactionary.” There. isn’t enough humor in the whole lot to salt a resurrected Bill Nys joke for a radio spot. It's dreary and depressing and’ Washington needs a, Petroleum Nasby more than anything else tg deflate the ego of these honest nine

the civil war period.

NEED WORKERS FOR PEARL HARBOR 108:

To carry on the vital work in progress at the Pearl Harbor navy: yard, the government has issued af: appeal to. all skilled mechani “helpers and laborers to help. - Age limits range from 18 to 63 but men in 1-A classification should

| not . apply for helper or laborer.

posfions. information and appile cations may be obtained from O, P. Bernhart, room 522 Federal

building.

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alfalfa problem’ bigger. He evolves & *

compoops the way Nasby did it in: .

Byer.

need for inventory control and that .

sprawling two-story structure builk .