Indianapolis Times, Volume 45, Number 103, Indianapolis, Marion County, 8 September 1933 — Page 18

PAGE 18

The Indianapolis Times ( a n< Rirrn.Hon.4Ri) >rnsr.4rr.R ) JtOT VT HOWARD . rr**M*nt •r 41.0 1TT Pon rLL . Editor KARL I>. RAKER Business Manager Phone—Klkj &V>l

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FRIDAY. SEPT A. '-T 5 JONES TO THE BANKERS OTRENUOUS days bring strenuous language. One of the most pleasing aspects of the new deal us the unswathed tieatment of public questions as compared with the weasel words of corrupt and contented times. Roosevelt, Johnson and Richberg—what a contrast to the muffled and meaningless phrases of a Coolidge or a Harding era! And now Jesse H. Jones, head of the R. F. C. talks turkey to the bankers. A few of his shots, picked at random, are, to say the least, refreshing and clesr as set over against the record of usual platitudes which have characterized the verbiage of previous ABC conventions. Said Jones to the bankers: ( ‘ The blue eagle should be on the vault door as we]] as on the bank window. "Hoarders of available credit are little better than hoarders of currency. •'Calling loans and forcing liquidation, as come highly liquid banks have done, and are sMll doing, breaks mens hearts, destroys values, often th® savings of a lifetime, and creates unemployment. Certainly there is no reason wny this policy should not now be reversed by the tightest of the tight. "One of the worst sins of banking in recent years was the draining of deposits out of our country banks by investing in securities, foreign and otherwise. Not necessarily bonds of foreign countries, but securities foreign to the locality and foreign to good banking principles. Shall we repeat this, or shall we look more to the local or home unit? "Some of you are afraid we will have inflation, and some of you are afraid we will not have inflation. After all, it is fear, and I ask. is it not time that we uncross our fingers and follow the President's lead? "A man with plenty of chips can play a better game of pokzr than one who is playing •scared' or short' money. This applies as well to bankers. “The man who boasts nowadays of his own good fortune and tries to belittle or poke the finger of scorn at his competitor, or his brother who is less fortunate, is a menace to society. "Every other business is required to perform under the NRA—why not banks—all banks? Not merely by raising the salaries of a few underpaid clerks, but in providing credit and performing the normal functions of a bank. "It is easv to say 'no,’ and if that is the program and we want the government to do our banking, what is to become of our highpriced bank talent? The office boy can say ‘no!’ • Be smart for once.” Raid the news story descriptive of the acceptance of the speech: "The bankers listened In silence.” TOURING WITHOUT ROAI) MAP 'T'HE man who wants to get a good idea of A t he way the whole administration recovery program is going to work out cant do much else than come back about two years from now. The one thing that is clear today is that all signs fail in a time like the present. We re. trying something so completely new that the man who wants to do a little prognosticating has nothing to go on. Everything is adrift, and about the only prediction that seems sale is that when all the various blocks have been put together again, the picture will lock like nothing we ever sawbefore. It is for this reason that ail the learned attempts to analyze and dissect the recovery program are so contradictory. No two critics of the program get the same result. Does the arch-conservative complain—as one did. recently—that it is getting almost impossible to tell the news from Moscow from the news from Washington these days? On another page you can find the archradical protesting that the whole business is just a great Fascist coup designed to enthrone privileged wealth forever. Does the studious economist prove conclusively, with graphs and columns of figures, that the kind of economy represented in the Industrial and agricultural control plans can not possibly work? You can find books by equally studious economists (written beforp March 4 last: proving that only through a planned economy similar to the one now being attempted can a mechanized modern society survive. The doctors, in older words, disagree about as thoroughly as can be imagined: and the more thoughtful and learned they are, the more they seem to differ with one another. And what it all comes down to is the fact that we are starting out on a road so new that we must make up our maps as we go along. That, in turn, brings our democratic society up against its supreme test. Have we enough intelligence, enough aptitude for the science of politics, enough training in the business of self-government, to carry this experiment through successfully? If you doubt it. you would better start looking for a cyclone cellar. But if you believe that we have—and there are good reasons for so believing—you can face the future with confidence. WHEN WINTER COMES MORE than 2.000 000 wage-earners have gone back to their jobs, workers' incomes have increased by 13.500 000.000 a year, retail •ales are up, smokestacks are beginning to

smoke, the blue eagle’s scream carries a note of victory. But the other day Irving Kessler, 27. fainted from hunger on the streets of New York City. Such incidents should remind relief agencies. cities, states and nation that millions of Americans face cold weather with empty larders and empty pockets. Federal Relief Administrator Harry L. Hopkins sav s that some 4.000 000 families, or 18.000.000 Individuals, are on relief. If America fails to see the last of these unfortunate families through the depressions fifth winter, it will fail in its elementary duty. The Job belongs to the public agencies. Private charity has about broken down, providing only 7 per cent of the total. Os the 93 per cent carried by public funds, a recent study of relief budgets of twenty-eight large cities revealed that the federal government paid 72.7 per cent; local governments, 20.8 per cent; the states. 6.5 per cent. The states seem to be slacking. Already the government has granted $150,000,000 of its $500,000,000 fund to states, and four states contribute nothing to match federal dollars. The government can, and should, speed its public works program. Every job it creates takes a worker’s family from the relief roll. But the government can not carry the nation's entire relief burden. Attempts will be made this week to rally Community Chests to the winter s needs In a meeting of the national citizens’ committee for the 1933 mobilization for human needs. "The cry of suffering from all over the land rings loud in Washington, and it rings just as loud in state capitals.’’ says Hopkins. "It must not fall on deaf ears anywhere.” ONE LESS NUISANCE SAN DIEGO youth was sentenced to a year in jail the other day for confessing to a murder which he had not committed. San Diego had had a murder which drew a lot of public attention, as murders sometimes do. This youth, desiring a taste of notoriety, went to the police and Confessed. In a short time the police proved that he didn’t know what he was talking about; but instead of slapping his wrist and turning him loose, they charged him with obstructing justice, and now he will have a whole year in which to meditate on his folly. Here Is a step which profitably might be followed in all such cases. Every unsolved murder brings "confessions” from notorietyseekers, and they are a tremendous nuisance to the authorities. It is a safe bet that the nuisance would be abated considerably if a good stiff jail sentence were the price of each bogus confession. BUTLRR ON ARISTOCRACY NICHOLAS MURRAY BUTLER, president of Columbia university, at Southampton, L. 1., Sunday demanded the end of direct primaries and declared: “A true democracy must produce its own aristocracy and be governed by it.” How could a democracy be a democracy if it let an aristocracy govern it? This sounds like the copy book maxims of the political scientists of Dr. Butler's younger days. It might be said that the American democracy now has an aristocrat governing it in the person of Franklin D. Roosevelt. But the power of Roosevelt came from the democratic masses, along with his mandate. A revolution of votes, rising up out of the factories and grass roots, selected and empowered Franklin D. Roosevelt, just as in another day it lifted and empowered a plebeian Lincoln. It is far more healthy for a democracy to keep on thrusting up new democratic material into the seats of the governors than to create and consolidate a set of aristocratic rulers. In the last analysis, democracy should in its multiplicity govern itself all possible. The sense of the masses may be despised. But even the most ignorant of the masses, like a baby, know when they have the colic or are hungry and can cry out for relief. Political scientists who advocate aristocratic government in democracy forget that democracy is more than a means of ruling the people and regulating their affairs. It is a school in self-respect and self-devel-opment. a continual opportunity and incentive toward development upward for the individual, however humble. Place upon the head of humanity a capstone of aristocracy and that capstone tends to bear down upon the spirit of the less privileged and less intelligent. Democracy is the sun which nourishes the growth of the human spirit. Aristocratic government, like royal government. is a screen which subdues that light and tends to discourage the greatest personal confidence and self-esteem, without which there can not be the greatest possibilities of growth of mind or spirit. More democracy and not less or qualified democracy is the hope of the people on this earth. Chicago man died of a heart attack as he was parking his auto. Probably the shock of finding a parking space within four blocks of his destination. Los Angeles man suffers a neurotic complaint that causes violent throbbing and convulsive pain whenever the radio olajjs. If they don’t soft-pedal the crooners, that's likely to become an epidemic. It'll take a lot of sand for some women to wear those new Paris costumes with the 'hourglass” shape. Frenchman says we soon will have planes that wNI carry one around the world and back to the starting point without a stop. Bea good thing hi which to hold the next economic conference. New regulation in Delaware provides that', truck drivers must sleep eight hours for every eight hours they drive. Just so it s not the same eight hours.

THE INDIANAPOLIS TIMES

DELAYED PRICE FIXING QECRETARY OF INTERIOR HAROLD L. ICKES has demonstrated commendable caution in delaying oil price fixing until he sees how oil production is reflected in prices. We believe that under extreme necessity the President and Secretary Ickes can utilize their legal authority over prices and not injure consumers of gasoline and other petroleum products. But it is obvious that price fixing Is a drastic remedy. In Isolated cases In the past, production control has not had a beneficial effect upon prices. It may be that, with national control, prices will take care of themselves, as General Johnson believes. We hope this first government move under the oil code will have the expected results. If it does not, then the President and Mr., Ickes should not hesitate to invoke the unusual powers conferred upon them, but always with the aim in view of protecting consumers. IS THIS THE DAWN? AANE of the brightest signs of the times is the compilation of figures by the National Industrial Conference showing that employment in the United States increased by more than 10 per cent in July over June, and that this was the largest monthly percentage gain recorded in fourteen years. Furthermore, July was the fourth successive month In which an employment gain had been recorded; and on top of that it was shown that the people who had jobs were, on the average, working longer hours in July than had been the case in June. The tide is rising—not as rapidly as we might like, perhaps, but very steadily. Whatever may be the cause, and whoever may deserve the credit, we at last seem to be emerging from the depression. Could we possibly get better news thdn this? LOST ILLUSION r T''HOSE of us who have to stay at home, and never see the romantic South Seas except in our dreams, realize that those fabled islands under the sun pretty well have lost the peculiar charm which goes with places that have not been touched by the white man's civilization. But it was a little bit jarring, just the same, to read that residents of Tahiti have organized the world's first contract bridge yachting cruise. A yacht has chartered at Papeete, and with a lot of contract fans aboard it will cruise about among the cannibal islands, the palmfringed atolls, and the other bits of exotic scenery which litter the south Pacific. And as it cruises all hands will devote themselves religiously to bridge. If the South Seas are devoting themselves to those two ultra-modern callings, yatching and contract bridge, then indeed the old days of romance are gone forever. Ex-Kaiser backs the NRA in a statement urging German-Americans to get behind the movement. Gosh! And up until then we hadn't had a doubt that the NRA was the berries! Probably the forest army by this time has learned to tell the dogwood by its bark, and the pine by its fir. The proper costume for a party at a speakeasy ought to be full dress. Years ago in the pre-Hoover era, we had only a small department of commerce. Now we have a $17,500,000 department, and no commerce. Geologists say the earth is shrinking and that mountains all over the world are dropping. Good chance to try inflation.

M. E.Tracy Says:

MEN have enough to fight against without fighting each other, if they only realized it. Death and disease, even of the oldest variety, remain unconquered, while a multitude of new forms appears on every horizon. No sooner do we get one plague well in hand than another develops to take its place. In some instances, our own folly is responsible. In most instances, we are taken completely by surprise. Six months ago no one looked for an epidemic of sleeping sickness in St. Louis, and now that it has come no one knows the cause. We are confident that science will identify the germ and carrier some day, after which it can tackle the problem of remedies. Meanwhile, our greatest bacteriologists are laboring in the dark. They had no notion that such affliction was about to break out in the midwest or anywhere else. On general principles, this latest variety of sleeping sickness, which has no connection with the well-known African disease of the same name, is supposed to be due to some kind of germ, spread by some kind of a carrier. But where did the carrier get the germ to begin with, and why did it pick out St. Louis? FURTHERMORE, where has the germ been hiding all these years, or was it recently brought into being as a by-product of civilized life? We did not know there was a germ world until less than a century ago. and maybe there was not. in such varied and vicious form. Maybe some of the methods and processes by which we have tried to tame, control, or exterminate other forms of life are responsible for the increase of germs. At any rate we are discovering them or their deadly work at an alarming rate, and we only can wonder how the old folks ever survived if all the germs were present in their day. Dr. Burr Ferguson of Birmingham. Ala., thinks it was the little white corpuscle that saved the race by eating any sort of germ, without regard to race, creed, color, or previous condition of servitude. Dr. Ferguson also thinks we would make quite as much progress by assisting our white corpuscles as by bothering to isolate every different kind of germ and then preparing a specific. u a THE problem is too complicated for the average layman. Whether it is better to fight the bugs direct, or to encourage other and more friendly bugs to eat them is a question for science to decide. All we can be sure of is the folly of fighting each other with such an endless battle on our hands. We don't need war. murder, or kidnaping to make the struggle for existence interesting, or furnish an adequate outlet for our surplus energy. The task of keeping human beings fairly well and reesouiably *happy is sufficient to provide plenty o 1 work and plenty of nonor for ail of us.

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: : The Message Center : : I wholly disapprove of what you say and will defend to the death your right to say it.—Voltaire

l Times readers are invited to express their views in these columns. Make your letters short, so all can hare a chance. Limit them to 250 words or less.) Bv H. L. Sf-rgar The tax muddle comes from the fact that people presume that the operation of government is limited by the amount of tax income it receives fr,6m its citizens. No greater folly Governments and governmental units are above the limitations of private individuals in maintaining the standards of public functions necessary to the general welfare. Evidences of credit for the delivery of goods and the rendering of services to the public are all that is necessary to keep public functions operating. These evidences of credit need not bear interest or be sold for money as bonds are. They may be accepted the same as money at the tax collecting window at full face value, for taxes. This would make these certificates serve the public to take the place of the controlled credit money of banks, so that no public function would suffer. Our politicians are the spokesmen of those who control our system of production and distribution. When the people discover how they can become the masters of the system instead of victiips, the politician will change his allegiance. Tax reduction ballyhoo solves nothing. It only intensifies unemployment, and lowers the volume of public service and its quality. The professional tax reductioners are employes of individuals and groups who seek to profit privately at public expense by reducing the type and volume of public service the public requires. Common sense would create income sufficient to meet public and private needs, rather than destroy them -by disastrous deflation and curtailment. Bv t r npmp!oved Professional Musician. My dear supervisor of music, your rambling, incoherent article regarding the'-statue of the professional musician amuses me very much. It is so ridiculous that it demands an answer. Article 1. The ability of public or high school music students never was questioned. Os course we grant what it takes to be a highly experienced supervisor and a fine critic, you have it. To quote you: ‘‘ln the public schools we are not attempting to.

Restricted Diets Lead to Many Ills

PHYSICIANS who have studied famine conditions throughout the world have observed the effects of diets that are too restricted in character or which conta n an insufficient amount of food. In France, in 1817. there was such a serious famine that the people living in seme districts were reduced to eating whatever could be found in the meadows and fields. Herbage of one sort, or another was cooked to a pulp and eaten in this condition. Dr. J. M. Hamill points out that many of the people, as a result of this diet, developed a dropsical condition of the tissues with jaundice, which led to death. There seems to be no doubt that limitation of man to a diet of green plants will produce this condition invariably.

: : A Woman’s Viewpoint : :

EVERY” time I hear of another agitator being taken to jail. I think of what the nice little Russian woman said to us not long ago: "Revolutions are born, not made. They are not carried into any country in a foreign suitcase.” How true that is! Old England knows how to deal with these trouble makers. She just lets them talk and talk and talk and goes right on sawing wood, so by ana by they get tired and stop. Putting the fire eaters into prison is as ineffectual as crucifying a martyr—it makes a saint out of him. It’s a great thing to be able to shout alouc!*|rour convictions. The man who l.Apermiiied to howl to

Speaking of Optimism—

Only Promises A Taxpayer BEING a regular subscriber of your paper since it has been published, I wonder if you will permit me space in its columns to register a complaint. Eleven years ago the property owners in this section were assessed to purchase ground for a boulevard along Pleasant Pun. Parts of this drive has been completed. Year after year we are promised that the boulevard will be completed. As yet nothing has been done. If the city can not complete the work on account of finances, why does it make these promises? But it does look to us like it could keep the weeds cut on the ground it took. A strip |of this ground south of Cottage avenue and 160 feet west of Spruce street, has rag weeds covering it that are five feet tall. The park board’s attention has been called t > this condition at different times in the last three years. Always the same answer, "Yes, we will take care of that.” Still nothing done. Now we of this vicinity take pride in our homes and yards, but deplore the outlook from our rear yards. Can this nuisance be eliminated?

create ‘music lovers,’ ” and later on, in your article, to quote again, "Now, when the public is educated musically, there will be a demand for the professional musician.” I would say, if my first quotation is correct, I can see no reason for spending the taxpayers’ money for music supervisors in our public schools. Rather give it to Mr. Damrosch and his wonderful orchestra of professional musicians. Now to enlighten you as to the subject matter in question, has the municipal or any institution's band maintained by taxation the moral

Daily Thought

Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the prou<l in spirit.—Ecclesiastes, 7:8. ADOPT the pace of nature: her secret is patience.—Emerson.

BY DR. MORRIS FISHBEIN

Editor Journal of ths American Medical Association and of Hvreia. the Health Magazine.

During the World war many of the people of Germany suffered from undernutrition. The total amount of calories available per person was cut down to around 1.300 daily, with about thirty-one grams of protein, where as it is rather well established that an ordinary mixed diet with an energy of about 3.000 calories per day will usually contain about 100 grams of protein. Moreover, it has been shown that about forty grams of animal protein a day are absolutely necessary to provide for growth and repair of the human body, and that vegetable proteins, which have not the value of animal proteins for growth,

BY MRS. WALTER FERGUSON

his heart's content is not by any means a miserable individual. In most instances he is happy, because he is expressing himself. It's when you try to shut him up, to force him to silence that he becomes a danger in the land. m n u HAPPILY we now have set foot in the right track. We, too. have begun to go in for national planning in rather a big way and. being extremely busy with looking after the welfare of the U. S. A., we have less time to worry about foreigners who may be sneaking up on us with Communistic propaganda. The fact is that we've already had

right to compete with the professional band? For your enlightenment the federal government does not allow the army and navy bands to compete with civilian bands. I Ninety bars of your ramble are tacit, as they merit no comment. Now for a little embellishment. The professional musician furnishes the music which you claim science and invention is giving us. You also question my ability, so I will do likewise. I'll venture to say the peak of your experience as a professional musician was to play pack liorn tvith a tent show band. Now to take the code. Musical supervisor, you should teach gratis for the love of your art and see if you and your family, if you have one, can live on the diet you so generously prescribe for the professional musician. If you care to debate the matter in question, we wall be more than pleased to meet you at your convenience at our headquarters, 143 East Ohio street.

So They Say

Girls without higher education lack the bearing necessary for an actress. —Fritzi Scheff, singer. The elemental passions of greed and fear explain racketeering. For the terrorism of hoodlums must bo substituted the terrorism of the law. —Senator Louis Murphy of lowa. Attempts to kill the Jew never have succeeded, because the source and reason of his wife—his spirit—can not be exterminated. —Dr. Jacob Sonderling, chief rabbi of Hamburg. Japan, too, is doing her share in the great cause of peace.—Viscount Kikujiro Ishii. I still favor life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.—Ogden Mills, former secretary of the treasury. The President is a very smart politician.—Senator* Huey P. Long of Louisiana. Our age is changing so fast we don't know how we are, where we are, or where we are going.—Rt. Rev. John Newton McCormick, bishop of Western Michigan. There are no great men and women on the stage.—Harrison Grey Fiske, theatrical producer.

are required to the extent of seventy grams a day. Asa result of the insufficient diet in Germany, the ability to work decreased and fatigue came on more quickly. The people became apathetic, depressed. their minds slow and listless. and in general their bodies 'began to sho f w emaciation. Whenever there is an insufficient supply of energy material in the diet .there is a reduction in the production of heat. Gradually there is a tendency for fluid to collect in the tissues and finally a tendency to succumb easily to infections. The selection of an adequate diet involves not only the right foods, but the right amounts of the right foods.

■ our revolution. We’re up to our necks in it at the moment. You and I have lived through the most amazing six months in the history of America. > More startling things have happened, more changes have taken place than ever were brought about by a few bloody mob battles. The year 1933 has witnessed the | great American revolution and it ! was not brought on by the activity of foreign reds or domestic pinks. | it was the result of our selfishness and .mistakes, and recovery will be the result of our vision and wisdom. So we may as well let the agitators out of jail. We’ve already done nearly everything they've been vjelli mg for.

-SEPT. 8. 1933

It Seems to Me

BY lIEY'WOOD BROUN

: YORK. Sept. B.—Herr Hitler is a cut-rate Nero. H® is : trying to get by with circuses and | leaving out the bread. All the available figures seem to show that the economic position of ; Germany has grown worse under the Nfczi regime, and yet it must be admitted that the little man with the ! loud voice is more powerful just now j than ever before. It is a strange thing to observe the j manner in which a nation can sus- | tain itself on slogans. Even wrongI headed and vicious slogans at times j will do the trick. Certainly no scien- | tist of any standing conceivably | would support the preposterous thej ories about the desirability of rare : purity advanced by Germany's brass j chancellor. We have a right to be scornful I about the nonsense set forth in Nu- . remburg. But with our scorn for the J Prussian poppycock should go a reI solve to be equally impatient with ' the same point of view when it is j advanced here in the United States tt tt tt Motes Here at Home CERTAINLY we have not been free from the influence of childish nursery tales about the Nordic. Even the most casual student of history must know that various people in different portions of the panorama have attained leadership and will again. There is no foundation whatsoever for the familiar assertion that. "This is a white man's world.” There is even less than nothing to support the notion that if always will be. But it seems to me that the strangest thing of all is the enthusiasm displayed for Nordic supremacy by individuals who are no more Nordic than lam myself. And at. that, I am plagued with some vestigial remains of New England ancestry. I think that by dint of hard work and bitter effort I have managed to divorce myself from the greater part ;of my Puritan heritage. And yet circumstances have arisen during which I said to myself. "'Of course, I'm having a swell time, but I suppose it’s pretty sinful just the same.' Twenty years ago I had not worked myself clear of these ancient and alien influences. At such times as I heard the sound of the waters beating against Plymouth rock, I | suddenly would sour on the party, ask for my hat and coat, and whatever else i needed, and go home. $t a tt The German Strain And, worst of all, I didn’t get by with more than just a trace of morose old Massachusetts. Some little time before I was born, a dash of German was added to my inheritance. I'm not sure that German asceticism is not just a little worse than that which was brewed in New England. It is better perhaps to abstain from cakes and ale than to have your beer and also weep into it. I think the legends which ascribe a purple patch to the personality of Adolf Hitler go far astray. PYom all that I hear the man is a thorj oughgoing fanatic of unimpeachable private life. The tragedy is that he believes ; heartily, sincerely, and completely | in the monstrous doctrines which he | expounds. This seems to me the i more likely theory. No poser or i semi-faker could be one-half so stupid or so cruel. Mast of the deplorable deeds in the history of mankind have been committed by men and women so sure of the righteousness of their cause that they had not the slightest hesitation in going ahead, no matter what the consequences. Earnestness never has been a virtue, unless it happened to be coupled wdth some saving grace of intelligence. o a tt A Joke Could Help ALTHOUGH it is generally held that a sense of humor Is a handicap to the leader who wants to get things done, I could wish that Herr Hitler was not so furiously insulated against any understanding of fun. A fierce and swinging gust of laughter might do much to clear out fumes from the oppressive atmosphere w ; hich hangs over the Germany of today. But there is small hope of freeing Germany through shafts of satire, even if a genius arose to tackle the job. Herr Hitler never will see a joke. If he could see so much as one, his tongue would cleave to the roof of his mutn and the day of persecution would be over. I do not see how anybody can deny that Hitler is among the world’s significant figures. Yet I am doubtful if that makes him under any nicety of definition a great man. This is not the first time that a fool has found himself in the seat, of the mighty. And yet one authentic service he has performed. Adolf Hitler has taken the theory of Nordic supremacy and reduced it to a palpable absurdity. (Coovrieht, 1933. bv The Times)

The Golfer

BY AUSTIN JAMES He'll get up early Sunday morn’ At half past five or six, And take them from behind the door His barnyard shinny sticks. He’ll stop for Alvin, Chet, and Tom And head for Pleasant Run, And ’fore the sun has got clear up His golfin’ game's begun. And then he’ll walk a dozen miles In August’s burning air, N think he's havin’ lots o’ fun, He’ll swing and sweat and swear, But through the week most every morn, His duty he will shirk. He'll try to grab another snooze N then be late for work. And if his family wants some sweets Or he a big cigar, Why, though the drug store s just a step, Os course hell drive a car. Oh. golfer you're a funny man. Your golfin' work is play. But you're a very lazy cuss In every other way. Now don't you make a crack at me, You see I'm on to you, I know exactly how you feel, ’Cause I’m a golfer, too.