Indianapolis Times, Volume 44, Number 288, Indianapolis, Marion County, 12 April 1933 — Page 12

PAGE 12

The Ind ianapolis Times ( A SCHirrS-HOWARD SEfI'SPAPF.B ) RO\ W. HOWARD President TALCOTT POWELL Editor EARL I). BAKER Buslne** Manager Phone —Riley 5561

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9< * • 3 " aAM Ott'9 Light and the People Will Find Their Oxen Bay

WEDNESDAY. APRIL 12. 1533. JOBLESS WOMEN T AST year women at Bryn Mawr’s summer school for workers were taught to analyze their own experiences with unemployment, failing wages, and lowered standards of living, “in an effort to arrive at a better understanding of economic conditions.” The women’s bureau of the United States department of labor just has made public their findings. It finds there is growing in the women a ‘determination that the future shall bring to them and to all workers greater security and a better chance to work than was theirs in 1931 and 1932.” Workers at Bryn Mawr's summer school in 1929 earned an average of SBB7 a year; in 1932 only S4BO. Only ten of the 109 women in the group had had work all year. Only thirty-nine had been employed as much as twenty-six weeks. Forty-one per cent had been forced to lower their food standards. Forty-nine per cent had had less and cheaper clothing. Fifty-eight per cent had moved to cheaper rooms or gone to live with someone else. Sixty-one per cent had lowered their standards of medical care. Only seventeen of the women saved anything during the year. Most of them borrowed. The report concludes: ‘‘When it is remembered that the unemployed of this group are able-bodied, experienced workers, all of them in the heyday of their powers and more than ‘willing to work,’ and that they have been deprived of the opportunity to use these powers through no fault of their own, it will be seen that their concern with an economic system that withholds from them the chance to produce is profound.” As workers begin to realize this, perhaps business men and statesmen will realize that their concern with this condition also is profound. SLUM SUBSTITUTES /CHICAGO, in its enlightened plans for colonizing its jobless families on nearby farm lands, may point the way to a happy solution for the problem of slum abatement. Plans, framed by the Illinois housing commission and organized architects, call for settling Cook county's 800.000 destitute on halfacre plots of rich soil within thirty miles of the loop. There the colonists may supplement their industrial wages by raising vegetables, hogs, chickens, fruit, and a cow or two. The land and a good house for a family of six will cost only $2,700. Creation of anew type of American family life, half-rural and half-urban, has been urged by many leaders, from President Roosevelt down. Workers must have better homes, ard with them they should have a bit of soil on which to raise food against a rainy day. Marginal farmers, too, need wages to supplement their incomes. In a nation so rich in land resources and so provided with fast transportation, both of these suffering classes could find more security in a semi-rural, semiindustrial region. Such a housing movement is growing in European' industrial countries. America has 9,000.000 city “homes” described as unfit for human habitation. Difficulties in razing and rebuilding them are staggering. The land on which they are built often is too costly, for cheap and commodious tenements. The trend of industry toward decentralization makes such ventures uncertain. Traffic problems render city life each year more difficult. The Chicago plan offers not only a more economical solution; it provides a saner way of life for those who work for wages. Economists urging vast public works as a depression remedy have stressed slum clearance tvs the most fruitful type of building activity. As we do away with the filthy regions that cities consider good enough for working families, let us provide not only better dwellings, but a better way of life. WE HAVE THE NEW DEAL THIS nation voted last fall for a presidential candidate who promised to give it a “new deal.’’ For about sixe weeks, now, this man has been President, and as President he has done a number of things that have surprised us. Once we got over the initial shock of finding In the White House a man who believed in doing things and not in simply talking about them, we began to discover that a lot of the action which is taking place is rather drastic. Some of it looks like socialism in disguise. A little bit of it seems downright revolutionary. And so, right now. we are voicing our surprise; and if you put your ear to the ground, you can hear a slowly rising murmur to the effect that some of the administration's proposals are too much of a good thing. Yet the only trouble seems to be that we are slow to realize that anew deal must be —a new deal, and nothing else. There is, for instance, the farm bill. Here is the most far-reaching economic program ever attempted in America. The timorous members of congress who complain that It smacks of Russia are quite right; it does. It eimply is not a part of the American tradition. The country tries new paths. And yet, when we have admitted that—what of it? For years we have been giving lip service to the ideal of a “planned economy”; now it is being offered to us. It may not work ‘—but the system under which we have been operating does not work any longer, either. Then we have this scheme for putting American industry on a thirty-hour work basis. That, too, is deeply and completely radical. It entirely demolishes the last pretense ol “rugged individualism." It subordinates each

individual manufacturer to the federal government in a peculiarly intimate and thoroughgoing way. It puts the rights of the worker just a notch above the rights of the stockholder. And again—why not? Is an industrial system which has dropped 10,000.000 unemployed men in our laps entitled to voice any very loud protest? Has the way in which our every-man-for-himself tradition in business and industry’ has operated in the immediate past given us any reason to be fearful of what may happen if we put in some pronounced alterations? You could go on down the line in the same way. The government is to develop a vast, socialistic power project at Muscle Shoals and everywhere. Very well; will the private power industry, which handed us Sam Insull, speak up in meeting and tell us that this is wrong? Will the money-lending tribe which put Charley Mitchell up on a high seat object because we are heading rapidly toward state banking? Will the business geniuses who loaded our railroads with a grotesque corporate structure which now is causing them to collapse, protest if we adopt a railroad control plan which is blood brother to government operation? What it all comes to is simple. We asked for anew deal, and we put into office a man who is giving us one. And anew deal means change, it means experimentation —“bold, persistent experimentation,” as Mr. Roosevelt has said. It means change. Now the change us. We might just as well stop gasping with surprise. If we have any part of the bravery and the common sense and the ingenuity which are supposed to be traditionally ours—we’ll forge ahead under our new deal. GOD SAVE THE EXECUTIVES! T 1 RESIDENT ROOSEVELT’S strong, vigorA ous, and timely leadership has aroused many rumbling fears relative to the danger of executive tyranny and dictatorship. Theoretically, it is probably true that in a democracy the law-breaking department, which most directly represents the popular will, should be the strongest and most effective branch of the government. But in practice this rarely or never has proved to be the case. Congress has seized decisive leadership in our national history only twice, namely, just before the War of 1812 and right after the Civil war. In both cases this congressional autocracy proved unmitigatedly disastrous. If this Is true of the national government, is is even more decidedly the case with our state legislatures. In a cogent and amusing article on “The Clown as Lawmaker,” in the American Mercury, William Seagle describes the character and methods of our lawmaking bodies in the several states of the Union. Seagle is a learned scholar, a well-trained lawyer, and better informed on state legislative methods than any other living American. Therefore, this article is no cheap claptrap by an illiterate upstart. Seagle presents an amazing spectacle of the alternative to strong executive leadership. The general flavor of his characterization of state legislative methods may be discerned from the following: “From the first day, when, as the pleasant custom is, the desks of the members arebanked with gifts and flowers, to the final love feast at adjournment, when they march about singing ‘Hail, Hail the Gang's All Here,’ ’We Won’t Go Home Until Morning,’ and ‘lt Ain’t a-Gonna Rain No More,’ the interior of the typical state legislative chamber resembles a mixture of the circus, the New York Stock Exchange, a lunatic asylum and a fish market. “The sheer noises which prevails often is so deafening that it becomes almost impossible to transact business. The legislators always are extending the privilege of the floor to an army of friends, relatives, lobbyists and visitors, and the walls often echo with loud cries of ‘Bunk!’ ‘Hokum!’ ‘Applesauce!’ and ‘Banana Oil!’ as the chambers are invaded by boisterous hordes who have marched upon the state capital to protest against this or that.” Our solons derive their political prestige quite as much from their talent as entertainers as from their legislative acumen. The Texas legislature was long proud of its fat man. California boasted of a member who once had been a full-fledged circus performer. Idaho proudly exhibited a formidable poker bloc. “The halls are full of Mutts and Jeffs, Gold Dust Twins, Wild Bulls of the Pampas, Potashes and Perlmutters, and Andy Gumps.” The most novel stunts are carried out in the solemn legislative halls. In Idaho a fake Fascist revolution was staged. In Arizona a bogus raid by masked bandits was planned. The gunmen entered the legislature and shot it up with blank cartridges while in formal session. In Tennessee the chairs of lawmakers were wired for electricity and connected with a button at the speakers’ desk. The latter was able to press the button and send the unsuspecting solons leaping into the air. In Utah fifteen beautiful girls walked down the aisles in costumes representing leading measures before the legislature. Two lawmakers thereupon arose and ostensible shot each other dead in a fake duel, being carried out amidst loud cheers. A lady legislator was addressing the New Jersey assembly on the crime menace. To strengthen her arguments, she arranged that the assemblymen should be confronted with machine guns and automatic rifles pointed menacingly at them. When a South Dakota legislator spoke in favor of capital punishment, his opponents hung .a dummy by the neck from a balcony rail. Monkeys frequently are sent to legislators introducing anti-evolution laws. Special fun is had by ordering investigations of every subject under the sun. In California the lawmakers discovered that each of the legislative reporters had a private spittoon, while the lawmakers were only allotted one spittoon to two legislators. They solemnly ordered an investigation of this outrageaus injustice. All this horseplay, of which only a few instances cited bv Seagle are given, might be merely idiotic and not harmful, were it not for the fact that it is used to ridicule or kill serious Important legislation. No matter how important a measure may be, it has little chance of passing if anything connected with its sponsor, its content, or its mode of presentation offers any occasion for banal humor. A favorite way of killing a bill through burlesque Is to refer it to the wrong committee, for example, referring a bill on Ahe regulation of dance halls to .the committee on

fish, oysters and game. Or absurd amendments may be tacked onto the bill to kill it. An important bill in North Carolina to prohibit the employment of women and children for more than fifty-five hours a week inspired an amendment to regulate eating between meals. A bill in Michigan requiring the registration of lobbyists suggested the amendments that “the secretary of state pay a bounty for their scalps, that they be subjected to mental and physical examinations, that they be required to wear tin stars, and that there be a roll call of lobbyists after roll call of the house to make sure that they were on the job.” The bill then was referred to the committee on insane asylums. THE ROME INSTITUTE QOME threescore years ago the late David I. Lubin, a wealthy California philanthropist, conceived the idea of creating an international institute for gathering data on farm crops, co-operating in plant pest eradication, and providing other world services for agricultural countries. Out of his dream and efforts came the International Institute of Agriculture at Rome, joined in by the United States and seventy other countries. Until 1928 we participated through an active delegate. Then, owing to a disagreement as to internal administration, our delegate was recalled. Realizing that the time had come for resuming active participation, Mr. Hoover and Secretary of State Stimson urged an appropriation last year for the salary and expenses of anew delegate. This, unfortunately, did not carry. Now the Roosevelt administration, said to be equally friendly to the idea, has an opportunity to put us back into the institute. The senate foreign relations committee has voted unanimously in favor of the appropriation, and Chairman Pittman urges early resumption of our activity in Rome. Here is a venture in world co-operation that should bear us a plentiful harvest. With agriculture so largely dependent on world conditions, there should be world planning along all of its lines. The institute well could become the center for such intelligent action. TARIFF WAR 'TP'ARIFFS are a form of warfare. Tire peace of Versailles brought an end to the war of the trenches, but it was the signal for the outbreak of an economic war no less bitter, no less expensive. Our tariff of 1930 launched a major offensive. It has been defended, and sometimes with a certain plausibility, but the weight of evidence is too strong; we stand convicted of aggression. Thirty-six nations protested its provisions before it was passed. Coldly objective studies indicate that it w’as directly responsible for one-third of the billion-dollar drop in foreign trade which occurred from October, 1930, to October, 1931. Anyway there’s one set of people still living on the fat of the land—the Eskimos. They eat blubber. “Mind your own business,” was the legend of one of the early coins in this country, dated 1787. Now we haven’t any chance to mind it. We can't even find it. Baseball magnates are hoping that whatever people use to put beer in this summer it won’t be pitchers. Hiram Percy Maxim, the inventor, says he believes there are people on Mars and that they are much smarter than those on this earth. Wonder if they’ve solved the liquor problem yet?

M. E.Tracy Says:

ENGLAND'S break with Russia over the arrest and approaching trial of six British subjects raises the question of how far one government has a right to interfere with the laws of another. This question has confused international relations since time immemorial. Stronger states always have assumed more or less right to impose their will on weaker states regarding the administration of justice as it affected their citizens or property interests. For years it has been the practice of European governments to set up their own courts in China and insist that cases involving their citizens should be tried by these courts. They were able to do this, of course, because China could not help herself. The same thing is true of about every situation where extraterritorial rights have been demanded, or where attempts have been made to supersede domestic tribunals. Since it hardly is conceivable that the British government thinks it can frighten Russia into backing down by the threat of an embargo, the probability is that Prime Minister MacDonald and his cabinet have a larger purpose in mind. n u a THE only alternative to such conclusion is that they have made a stupid and unnecessary blunder. In this connection, it is well to remember that the Anglo-Russian trade agreement is about to expire and that a row over the arrest of British subjects would furnish a convenient excuse for failure to renew it. At the same time, the ostensible object is to force Russia to treat British subjects in a different "Vay than is customary under her laws and methods of court procedure. It goes without saying that Russian laws and court procedure are very different from those which obtain in England or most western countries. Primarily, they are designed to safeguard and uphold the existing order, which is utterly at variance with the republican theory of justice. This represents an irreconcilable cleavage between the two systems, and one which seems likely to cause an endless amount of trouble. nun RUSSIANS invariably assume that trials in other countries, especially if Communists are concerned, have a definite political significance. In their minds, the creed always is more important than the offense. Indeed, they do not regard offenses as particularly important unless associated with a political creed. The crime of these British subjects who have been arrested and are being held for trial consists in their alleged opposition to the Russian regime, rather than in the charge of injuring any one. The problem that England faces is not whether such attitude is correct, according to English law. but whether any outside government can do much about it, or has the right if it could. In other words, can governments do more to promote a better understanding by interfering with each other’s laws or by letting each other alone? Should citizens be encouraged to look to their home government for protection when they go to another country, or should they be taught to abide by .the Jaws of that country.?

THE TSTDIANATOLIS TDIES .

(Times readers are invited to express their views in these columns. Make your letters short, so all can have a chance. Limit them to -toO words or less.) By Disgusted. Prohibition is the curse of the American people. Billions of dollars have been spent with no result. Drinking has been on the increase from day to day, with the younger generation holding the spotlight. Thousands of people have lost their bodies, minds, and souls, from the effects of the bootleggers’ poisonous liquors. Yet many narrowminded “temperanee'’leaders come out and emphatically state that we must “preserve the sanctity of this nation.” No intelligent citizen, if he will be honest with himself, can deny that the eighteenth amendment has been other than an absolute failure. It has been a failure since the day it was misplaced in the Constitution and it will continue to be as long as it remains there. This law has benefited but two classes, the bootlegger and the federal officer. For these two it has been a paradise, a golden harvest, which they have been reaping for a good many years. The bootlegger, with his poison, organized racketeering, and big business, has become a potent figure. Through his graft and the public’s sheer ignorance, he has risen until he has become independently rich. The federal officer is paid a good salary to waste his time and the people’s money. He protects the big shot by arresting the $5 a week bootlegger who is unemployed and is trying to make a meager sum to feed his starving family. This man is convicted and given a severe penalty, while the big bootlegger, more powerful than ever, stands by unmolested. By Times Reader Two Anderson youths recently showed their innocence by their inability to tell the difference between 3.2 beer and its weaker brother, near beer. Shortly after beer had been declared legal, these prospective beer drinkers appeared at a local poolroom and asked for beer. The clerk, thinking they wanted near beer, gave it to them. They downed their drinks with

BOOKS about feminine psycho- j logy are likely to be filled with a good deal of blather. But Dr. M. Esther Harding in “The Way of All Women” has some excellent things to say about marriage and its significance. Here, for instance, is an opinion with which I wholly agree: “If a woman marries without taking the obligations of marriage seriously, it follows that she does not take any relationship seriously. She does not take herself seriously at all. And such an attitude is the beginning of the disintegration ot society.” In view of existing conditions, I fail to see how we can deny the -truth of this statement. When men and women lose their regard for the permanence of marriage, other solid foundations sink beneath their feet. They lose also their ability to be loyal in other human relationships. They forget their duty to parents and children. They soon will learn to betray their friends, and to fail their highest obligations. They will deceive themselves in the most fundamental realities of life.

: : The Message Center : :

■■■— ■■■ ■ ■ - - ■ ~ Sore Throat Spread by Infected Milk = ~ . ; BY DR. NORRIS FISHBEIN '

THE most serious form of sore throat after diphtheria is called epidemic septic sore throat. This is spread by infected milk. When the milk supply is pasteurized properly, virulent organisms are destroyed. If, however, there is any carelessness whatever in the process of pasteurization, the germs causing septic sore throat may get by, and infect considerable numbers of people. This germ is a streptococcus. It is found on the udders of the infected cows and infects all the milk that comes from the infected cow. Sometimes the udder of the cow may not be infected, but the milker may have a sore throat. The milk that has become infected then is mixed with the general milk supply, and any one tak-

: : A Woman’s Viewpoint : : -BY MRS. WALTER FERGUSON _ '.m ••

No Harm in Trying!

Makes 'Em Stupid By M. I. Wright. Prohibition has been declared a failure by some of the best minds of the country, but how has it reacted on those who came to that conclusion many months or years ago—the men who manufactured their own beer that contained a very high percentage of sugar alcohol? To those people the modification of the Volstead act should work wonders. That home brew is demoralizing will be borne out by the home brewers when the price of real brew comes down to a

Questions and Answers

Q —What is the name of the political units of the Irish Free State? A—lt has twenty-seven administrative counties and four county boroughs. Q —ls Jean Harlow a natural platium blonde? A—Yes. Q —How long after the release of the talking picture “The Unholy Three” did Lon Chaney die? A—One month and thirteen days. great gusto and relish and one was heard explaining to the other as they left, “Boy, this sure has near beer backed off the map.” Bv Wondering I have, in common with thousands of other Indianapolis residents, sampled several brands of the new beer. Some of it seems to be good and some not so good. What I am wondering is why we do not have some of the old-time brands that were favorites in preprohibition days. I refer to An-heuser-Busch’s Budweiser, Pabst and Sehlitz. I have not been able to find any of them on sale. Is there some political tangle that keeps these beers off the Indiana market? I have heard rumors that outside breweries will not send their product into this state, because of the political beer setup and it seems that there is something wrong here. What is it?

Editor Journal of the American Medical Association and of Hygeia, the Health Magazine.

ing part in the consumption of the infected milk supply is likely to develop septic sore throat. Milkers invariably should wash their hands thoroughly before milking cows, and it will do neither the milk nor the milker any harm if the hands of the milker are -washed frequently daring the whole milking process. This will protect not only the milk consumer, but also the cow. Infections of this type in the throat may spread gradually through the blood, involving the rest of the body. Septic sore throat usually begins with fever, chills and a rapid pulse. These, however, are equally the

IT is woman's common failing now to take love too seriously and marriage too casually. She would

So They Say

We are suffering today from fear and panic because we observe merely the surface indications of our daily troubles rather than the healthy readjustments that are taking place—Clark H. Minor, president International General Electric Company. The chief aim of all government is to preserve the freedom of the citizen.—John W. Davis, Democratic candidate for President in 1924. This has been a terrible day. I haven't had a single fight.—Senator James Couzens of Michigan. Unemployment spufa Intelligence.—Premier Mussolini of Italy,

point where it can be available to the man who needs it and who wants it. The difference between the two makes of beer can be recognized readily. Two quarts of home brew, which in mast cases is not properly aged, produces stupidity and its depressing after results are by this time familiar to every one who has become an habitual home brew drinker. To my mind quite a bit of the physical depression that has manifested itself in our people has been due to that one thing—drinking of beer that was not wholesome.

Q —Of what country is Willemstadt the capital? A —Curacao, an island in the Dutch West Indies. Q —What is the value of a United States large copper cent dated 1855? A—One to twenty cents. Q —What does factitive mean in grammar? A—The construction in which a verb takes, besides its object, a noun or adjective ' expressing modification of the object that the action of the verb produces, as in the sentences: “It makes me giddy,” and “he called me a villain.” The noun denoting the modified object is called a factitive object. Q —What ages were included in the draft registrations during the World war? A—The first registrations, June 5, 1917, covered the ages from 21 to 31; the second, June 5, 1918, and Aug. 24, 1918. included those who had become 21 years old since the first registration. The third. Sept. 12, 1918, extended the age limits downward to 18 and upward to 45. Q —State the number of employees in the United States veterans bureau and the aggregate amount of their pay. A—On June 30, 1932, there were 36,818 employees, in and out of Washington, and the annual payroll was $61,291,367. |

symptoms of numerous other disorders of an infectious character. The fact that there are numerous other cases in the community at the same time helps to indicate the epidemic character of the disease. In most instances, investigation by the health department will serve to indicate that, practically all :he cases occur on the route of one distributor of milk. The study then is made to find which of the employes concerned is himself infected. An examination is also made of the herds of cows to determine whether any of the animals have infected udders. Not infrequently epidemic sore throat is mistaken for influenza. One epidemic has been described in which the condition was traced to infected ice cream rather than infected milk.

be far better off if she reversed the procedure. The American girl is the victim of her pretty and well-nursed delusions. She believes that when romance fades out of marriage, the marriage itself should be dissolved, because she fools herself into thinking that romance and love are one. Nothing could be more fatal for her personal security, for her happiness, for a contented old age, or for society. It was necessary, perhaps, that we go through a period of matrimonial experimentation. The rather abrupt departure from the idea of marriage as an eternally fixed institution causes us to fling ourselves to the other extreme. Hence we have survived an ugly time when fidelity, common sense, and even ordinary decency have sunk to a low ebb. We are emerging from it more unhappy than before. The home is the root from which all our other institutions spring, and permanent marriage, regarded seriously by both men and women, is the soil ihat nurtures that root.

APRIL 12, 1933

It Seems to Me = BY JOE WILLIAMS ~

(Battinr for Hrrwood Broun) NEW YORK, April 12.—Thirteen years ago a black chapter in the history of American liberty was written—a law was enacted prohibiting you and me the privilege of sipping a slightly intoxicating beverage. What happened on Brc. dway that night? From all accounts it was the most hilarious night in a long stretch of years. No one seemed to believe that such a preposterous thing could really materialize. Prohibition in America—why it was just a spectacular gesture on the part of a lot of small town crackpots! On midnight of Friday, Jan. 16. the law went into effect. It was snowing in New York. There was a mean wind and a biting temperature. There were not many people on the streets. The carnival spirit, so easily pumped up in the metropolis, was missing. Indoors it was different. There were special doings at Shanley’s, Jack's, Churchill's Maxim's, Healy’s, Roseland, the Golden Glades and the Case des Beaux Arts. The New York Herald just had been sold to Frank Munsey. a tt a No Unkind Cuts THE lead story in the Herald that day dealt with the death of booze on Broadway. It was a dramatic allegory built around a mythical character—the fifth horseman of the Apocalypse—prohibition, of course. A present-day research worker would find it without news, facts or information, but a reporter would embrace it with ecstasy. Only an understanding city editor and a sympathetic copy reader could have contrived to bring the story of the fifth horseman to print. I do not say it was a particularly well written story, but it was delightfully geared to the public mood, the isn’t-that-so-tempo was perfect, and there was just enough emotional show. The hotels, the cases and the restaurants made grim mockery of the eighteenth ammendment that night. Caskets were wheeled out in the middle of dining rooms, profanely symbolizing the mortal illness. Physically it was just another New Year’s celebration. Only those who realized the importance of a constitutional amendment sensed what a vast change in the social life of America loomed ahead. There were many rash bets along Broadway that the law wouldn't last a month. The liquor interests or some interests closely allied thereto sent the distinguished Elihu Root, paying him a fee of SIOO,OOO, to argue the matter of personal liberty before the supreme court, and it is a matter of record that Mr. Root did not get as far as the cracked ice and mineral water, to say nothing of the aspirin tablets. a a tt About 'James Regan ONE man on Broadway saw the handwriting on the barroom floor. He was James B. Regan, probably the most inventive hotel man America has ever known. The night prohibition became effective he closed his hotel—the Knickerbocker—in the Times Square district. The next day he held an auction sale. His contemporaries laughed at him—but not for long. Not even the perceptive Regan could foresee what was cominggang rule, machine gun dictators, Washington ID. C.) conspiracies, an uninterrupted flow of untaxed booze, speakeasies—all attuned to an obbligato of governmental ridicule and scorn. a a a Heard Worse Ones FROM the start of this column I have been trying to work around to Mr. Jack Doyle. They call him the Sage of Broadway. He is about the last of the old White Way guard. It occurred to me that Mr. Doyle might have a good story in his gizzard—one of those things about “how booze died and how it came back as I saw it.” But I was whipped right off. I found Mr. Doyle cooing wistfully to a canary bird. . . . “My greatest pal,” he murmured. . . . Well, I mean after all, romance is one thing and Mayor O’Brien is another. “Let me tell you the funniest drinking story that ever was told,” urged Mr. Doyle, shoving a dab .of faded caviar to his greatest pal. “You know Bob Vernon? fAll I know about Vernon is that he married Mae Murray, a swell-looking actress.) Well, Bob used to like to drink, and he got pretty sick. The doctors put him on a strict diet. Above all things, no drinks. “Prohibition night came around. Bob read the terrible news. He had a male nurse. ‘Call the doc and see if I can have a glass of wine.’ The doc said no. ‘Call the doc and see if I can have a glass of ale.’ The doc said no. ‘Call the doc and see if I can have a glass of beer.’ The doc said no. “ ‘So he said no, did he?’ fumed Vernon. ‘Well, to hell with him. Give me an alcohol rub and I’ll call it a night.’ ” Silence Best BY EVE STANTON Tread softly, shadow; here by the silent water Under the dust of days a dream lies sleeping. Oh, many the weeds across its grave, my daughter, Wherein it slumbers, worn with quiet weeping. And never the mortal word will break its slumber, And never the mortal step will mar its rest. And the still days go quiet, without number, Tread softly, shadow, silence is the best. Never the drift of snow nor beat of shower Unveils the face of sorrow to the air, Never the human hand or certain hour Uncover beauty, tremulous and fair. Tread softly, shadow. Out of the dust of sorrow Come the waking flowers, discreetly blended, Say not a quiet word, today, tomorrow, Lest a dead dream be waked, and a spell ended.