Indianapolis Times, Volume 35, Number 103, Indianapolis, Marion County, 10 September 1923 — Page 4

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The Indianapolis Times EARLE E. MARTIN, Editor-in-Chlef ROY W. HOWARD. President ALBERT W. BUHRMAN, Editor WM. A. MAYBORN, Bus. Mgr Member of the Scrlpps-Howard Newspapers • • Client of the United Press, United News. United Financial and NEA Service and member of the Scripps Newspaper Alliance. * • Member of the Audit Bureau of Circulations. Published daily except Sunday by Indianapolis Times Publishing Cos, 25-29 S. Meridian Street. Indianapolis. • * * Subscription Rates: Indianapolis—Ten Cents a Week. Elsewhere —Twelve Cents a Week. • • • PHONE—MAIN 3500.

“OPEN! OPEN! TIS THE LORD” By R. F. PAINE. A 1 ~1 WHOLE people crushed. A nation, progressive, industrious, reduced from its honorable position as one of “the great powers” almost to the rank of one of civilization’s “burdens.” Over a century of honest endeavor for civilized progress wiped out in a day by earthquake, typhoon, tidal wave and fire. Banks, schools, factories, stores and public buildings demolished. Hundreds of thousands of homes vanished. Financial resources paralyzed by ruin of banks and insurance companies. Harbors wrecked and commerce prostrate. The dead pitched into the flames, so that no man can know whom he shall mourn and whom he has left to love. Vast multitudes of men, women and children homeless, hungry and dying from thirst. It is prosperous America’s opportunity! God knocks on her door. It is now written that she may take a grand, beautiful part toward the coming of the brotherhood of man. To be sure, the victim of the raging elements is -Japan. There is a considerable element of Americans who don’t want Japanese among them. The diplomats have proclaimed that, before long, Americans and Japanese would engage in bloody war on the Pacific, with the blood-lust stirred up by trade greed and racial hatred, as usual. Statesmen have convened and done their mite toward prevention. But back of, and stronger than diplomats, statesmen, jingoes and militarists have been, is the soul of the masses of the two peoples, and never yet has the soul of the American people failed to generously respond, whether the cry came from Africa, China, Russia or elsewhere. Fellow Americans, now is our time. Our potential enemy, if you please to call her so, is in the depths of misery. Let’s lift her up! She cannot take our trade. Let’s help her men and bolster up her financial institutions.' She cannot fight us. Lpfs feed and build homes for her hungry women and children! She cannot regain her feet without our helping hand. Let’s give her both hands! Let’s say that our striken enemy is our brother! Let’s write it into history, for all time, that America casts off whatever of greed, envy, fear, racial antipathy and puts her soul into work that Jesus Christ wanted done! Open! Open! God knocks on your door. And Indiana, as a whole, is doing her bit. Have you?

“ AS* THE REDS’LL GETCHA, IF ” SWENTY thousand weird words have been released for publication this week under the apparent authority of the United Mine Workers of America, whose headquarters arc in Indianapolis. v It would be interesting to know whether President John L. Lewis saw them before they were turned loose upon us unoffending newspaper editors. They tell an awful tale. Briefly, it appears that only the miners’ press agent stands between these t nited States and the all-devouring Bolshevists of Russia. . “It is a situation,” says the press agent, “that challenges not only organized labor, but every employer as well. This is one occasion when labor and the employer might very well join hands and fight together instead of fighting each other.” Be it said for the press agent that he seems prepared to make the first advance, that he is quite ready apparently to join hands the employer and fight the fight. He ought to reach his ;white hand out first to the chairman of the citizenship commit,tee of the American Bar Association. That eminent legal luminary has just announced that there are 1,500,000 “reds” in America. Questioned as to his figures by an awe-struck newspaper, he explains that he includes Magnus Johnson and other ;T nited States Senators among the “reds!” This A. B. A. chairman will be interested in the miners’ ; press agent s assertion that Nikolai Lenin, having considerable • idle time on his hands in Russia, is devoting his personal attention to the capture of the L nited Mine Workers, and, having more money than he knows what to do with, is sending millions to America for this purpose. The press agent’s breadth of view should appeal to the A. B. A. chairman, too. He doesn’t confine his condemnation to the lowly Lithuanians in the mine fields nor to the William Z. Fosters in the labor movement, lie includes Norman Hapgood, Felix Frankfurter and others who have been endeavoring to apply the I. nited States Constitution to the political prisoners who are still in jail. He doesn’t mention Senator Pepper of Pennsylvania, who has been doing the same thing, nor President Coolidge, who has expressed sympathy with the latter’s efforts, but that doubtless was because he had only twenty thousand words at his disposal this time. TEACHERS ARE TO BE ENVIED mEACHERS are to be envied. An editor, for instance, sends out into the world various words of what he likes to think is wisdom. Here and there a word may fall on the fertile soil of a mind. The teacher is more fortunate. She plants the seed even in the most unwilling heads. She has the satisfaction of seeing it grow. If she lives long enough she sees the fruit of her sowing in worthy men and women. Therefore, we envy Indianapolis teachers their privilege to return to school to continue their useful sowing. And when we sav this do do not lose sight of the fact that teachers are underpaid in dollars and cents. NOBLE families of the middle ages used no forks. How times don’t change. GERMANY may desire an American financial director, but she certainly does not need a money-maker THEY SAY Mr. Dempsey will have his hands full when he meets Mr. Firpo. Sure. And his pockets, too. THEY ARE TRI TNG to find a way to keep the St. Lawrence River open the year ’round, in the interest of commerce. Easy. Let the rum boats do it! what aie diplomats do L uumanity. Now that -las bombarded and occupied Corfu, it is discovered that the perpetual neutrality of Corfu was guaranteed by Great Britain, France and Russia, sixty years ago.

LABORITES IN BRITAIN SEE BRAINS Party Recognizes Other Signs of Work Besides Callouses, By JOHN W. RAPER SHE British Labor party hardly fits the American idea of a labor party, for while the great majority of its members are manual workers and union men, it has in its ranks capitalists, employers and professional men of all kinds, and many of its leaders are men who never did a day’s work with their hands in their lives. The manual worker in Great Britain recognizes the fact that the brain is a part of the human body, and that a man can work with it, and when a man in that country says he is a workingmen, he is not asked to prove it by showing callous spots on his hands. An examination of the -lection returns of last fall shows the Laboi party’s strength Is greatest in the industrial regions, in the Clyde dls trict, among the coal find Iron miners and Iron and steel workers of Scotland, Wales and England. These are the districts In which the British fcrotikingman Is most frequently idle, where he is underpaid, underfed, poorly housed and poorly clothed. It lias no strength in the rural regions. The workingman last fall elected 138 candidates to Parliament, and of them 65 were union officials. Os the other 83, there are 31 university men, 12 from Oxford, five from Cambridge and 14 from various universities of England and Scotland. Four of the eighty-three are preachers. six are editors, nine are former college professors and teachers, five ere barristers —two being king’s counsel—five are manufacturers, a number are men who were trained for diplomatic and other government service, four are physicians, several are professional writers and scientists and of business. Not a few of the Labor members are from families of wealth and the oth era are men in different kinds of prominence. NEXT: The Progressives of Great Britain have dropped their pet plank 1 , and for the sake of unity act with the Labor party.

UNUSUAL, PKOPIJ; Street Car Man 61 Years

Service LEVELAND, Ohio. ?apt. 10 1C I of *he original street car conductors of this city is still working for the Cleveland Railway Company. He’s George C. Mulhern. He’s 81 now, hut that doesn't keep him from attending to in BfySL thing connected with street railjpipicajw roads," avers Mulhern. “I was , ' ■ ’WB Pi conductor for six ' months and then LAAmMHHLJD super lntendent of the first street MULHERN car line in Cleveland." That was away back in 1862. He became superintendent and general manager when the system was electrified in 1883. In 1903 he went into politics and was elected sheriff. Then back to handling paving contracts for the railway. Mulhern’s age doesn’t bother him in the least. He’s tall, broad-shouldered, bronze-skinned and vigorous. His hands are still firm and steady. "I’m just as husky as ever," he says. "I do this in summer and travel in winter.” Mrs. Mulhern is 74. The couple celebrated their golden wedding anniversary four years ago.

Observations

All honor to Henry Hoffstotter, of the insane hospital in Buffalo. He is honest. He announces himself as a candidate for ward councilman and frankly admits his Insanity in advance instead of waiting until elected to demonstrate it, a s is usual. You can say this much for the football players: They only try to kill each other. Before corn on the cob all table manners hesitate and are lost. As to the automobile at the grade crossing, "fools rush in,” etc. These aviators are absolutely ruthless in their demands that old tempus gets out of the way and let someone fugit who can fugit. What is needed is a coal settlement that will stay put. The latest news from Detroit is that another cool wave is approaching and a man named Summertime has filed suit for divorce. Now a Scientist says bulls are color blind and red means nothing to them, but keep away from Wall Street Just the same.

Heard in the Smoking Room

nrTl OU can’t tell much more j J about a woman today than l- J you ever could,” said the young fellow with a cigarette and l’ve-seen-everything air. "Nope! Dress or language, or both, don’t tell a fellow anything—not even now. Take the case of that young woman In the Hotel Rosslyn in Los Angeles that I heard about the other day. She was (ireesed out of sight—one of those prospective movie queens, I guess, from description. And she had her language dressed up as finely as she did her body, too —dressed go fine that you couldn’t tell It frem real culture.

THE INDIANAPOLIS TIMES

SToM SIMS | -/- -/- Says _ OVIE star sued her mother for a million dollars. Most girls wouldn’t for a million dollars. * • * Coolidge gets i|p about 5:30 every morning. Now what little boy wants to be President? * * * Tobacco crop is good in some sections, so you can put that in your pipe and smoke it. * * * The oyster returns from its vacation in September, but shut* up like a clam about it. * * ♦ Gas prices are falling. Production costs are lower since the public learned they were. * * Pitcher held for nonsupport in Detroit. Usually it is the team that fails to support. • • • After school starts the water melon and fruit not stolen are considered fairly safe. • • • You don’t see many "No Trespass ing’’ signs on farms. They have changed to "Farm For Sale." • • • No extra session of Congress will be called. That ought to help things quite a bit. • • * Chicagoans awaiting trial will be sent to school, which is punishment before oonviction. • • • Man in Lincoln, Neb., started home in a stolen car, so he won’t be there for eighteen months.

Indiana Sunshine

Robert Carlin’s rooster enjoyed a night out. Carlin, a farmer, living several miles from Clinton recently drove to that town with the fowl perched upon the axle of his automobile. Whether the chickens went to roost on the car or was tired of staying at home with the old hens still is a mystery. • • • Practical Jokers who walk along the sidewalks after a rain and from overhanging limbs shake down a shower of water upon an unsuspecting friend have no busines in Alexandria. The city council says residents must, trim their trees at least eight feet above the ground. • • • There’s no excuse for school teachers becoming maids at Columbus Ap proximate with the opening of the school term, marriage licenses were issued to five persons giving teaching as their profession. • • • Contrary to popular opinion the villags smith Isn’t a hack number and hasn't been entirely replaced by the comer service station. In Lafayette there are half as many blacksmith shops as there were eight years ago and all report a flourishing business. • • • Representing himself as an advance purchasing agent for a cirrus, a crook with a well oiled tongue placed many large orders with Franklin merchants. Then he said he was soliciting ads for canvas blankets to be strapped on the elephant’s liarks, lie collected the money but the merchants are still looking for the elephants.

Science

Arthur R. Hinks, secretary of the Royal Geographical Society of Englang, Is urging the cooperation of va rlous countries in making a great map of the world. This map. made in great detail and with the most, careful accuracy, would take several years to construct and would cost an lm mense sum. It would be of priceless value to commerce as well as to science. Geography has grown from a minor study of early childhood into one of the most Important graduate division subjects in the universities. The science of geography now includes the study of resources of a country, political a IJustments In the States that have anything to do with such mat ters as conservatino and the study of man's social life in relation to his surroundings. The science has been de veloped in the United States largely through the efforts of the National Geographical Society. The construction of the map of the world on a grand scale would further stimulate interest in this study.

A Thought

The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a stranger doth not intermeddle with his Joy.—Prov. 14:10. • • • IN the sands of life sorrow treads heavily, and leaves a t—- ■ print time cannot wash away. —H. Neele. Little Sister Locates It “Mummy, I got such a pain.” “Where, dear?” “Where the pickles is.”

She went up to the hotel clerk and said: “ ‘Will you please tell me where I can find the hotel clock?’ “ ’Up there, madam,' replied the clerk as he pointed his pen at the clock overhead. “Her face flushed as much as the rouge would permit, and she'bit off her words as she said, ‘lt is the hotel clock I want.’ “ ‘And there it still is,’ politely said the clerk as he pointed again. “Then all bets were off as she broke and leapt at the clerk with, ‘Don't try to kild me, you poor fish. Tell me where the Hotel Clark is before I call the manager.’ ” t

‘MOTHER’ IS LOVED BY CRIMINALS Warden's Wife in Oregon Pen Means Sympathy for Convicts, Bji NEA Service ALEM, Ore., Sept. 10.—They call her Mother because “Mother” means love and understanding and sympathy and hope. And to the convicts in State’s penitentiary, Mrs. Johnson S. Smith, wife of the warden, means all of that, and much more. They think they never will care for the society of others. They are content to be alone, off in a corner, by themselves. But that doesn’t last long. And so they will tell you that the dearest thing to them in life Is a helping hand and a tender word. And Mrs. Smith gives them that. Not a Sentimentalist “I am not a sentimentalist.’’ she says, “but I do think there is a great deal of .salvage among the accidental criminals who make up the majority cf the prison population here. “I never discuss with prisoners their crime or the causes which led up to it, but I only undertake to do the Httle practical things that tend to arouse t.ie better natures of those with whom I come into 1 contact. “I get real pleasure in doing something for the fellow who has no friends, life’s greatest tragedy. It moans happiness for me." And so, every day, dressed in pure white with her gray hair capping a face lit by a happy smile, she walks among them down the otherwise gloomy corridors. Tell Story of !>eo They like to tel! the story of Leo. Leo, 111 In the prison hospital, was condemned to dio—of tuberculosis. Mother Smith did all she could for him on that last day. and when she finally left late at night, told attendants to phone her If Leo wanted anything. He awoke with a raging fever, and a craving for—an orange. They phoned Mother Smith. She left her bed. dressed, and drove a long ways to get one for the dying boy. And then, they like to tell of the time she crossed the prison courtyard with only a prisoner as an escort, In order to watch the men at work in the mill. Never before had a woman been In the courtyard or j rhopa. The prisoners will tell you that ■ walk to the shops was dramatic. Men stopped to nvitch. Some wept i unashamed. That’s what her lm j plied confidence in them meant.

jhrom the J Referee’s Tower By AT, BERT APPLE Rum "When he gets drunk, he forgets he Is divorced and comes home at night,” complains a woman in Bangor, Maine, swearing out a warrant for the arrest of her recently divorced husband. This will amaze many women, who have come to believe that It works the other way, John Barleycorn inclining men to forget they are married. Alcohol paralyzes the intellect more than It stimulates. Drunken genius for Instance, does Its best *ork, de spite Its jags, rather than as a re suit of them. Puzzling A church conference In Indiana adopts this resolution. “It is further recommended that we urge our colleges and seminary to make plain to ouV* young people that there Is no conflict between the truths of science and th truths of revelation and to this end we recommend the dismissal of any member of she faculty of any of our Institutions who teaches materialistic evolution.” The man who worded this resolution missed his calling. He should be a lawyer. Dangerous The mark drops in value so fast that it’s Impossible for German workers to keep their wages rising ns rapidly as the cost of living. So wages throughout Germany have been put on a gold basis “one third less than in pre-war days.’’ That will be interesting competition for other countries, also on a goldwage basis, but with wages higher than prewar days, '"heap German labor Is going to be our biggest foreign trade problem a* soon as allied restrictions are removed and Germany has a 60-50 chance in world markets. Deiay Our President doesn't go into office until four months after election, because in the days of slow communication and stage coach transportation It took that long to find out who was elected and get him to Washington. Now the votes ran he counted and the President rushed by airplane to the White House almost overnight. So it’s sound sense, the recommendation by the American Bar Association that our political system should be changed to put the President and Congressmen Into office Immediately after election. We have many other stage coach systems in politics that need correction. Books The Bible, still the best seller, has been translated into 770 languages and dialects Next hook In line is “Pilgrim’s Progress," translated Into 107 languages and dialects. Any one will admit there must be profound reasons why these two works lead in allurement. Have you read both of them thoroughly? No education Is complete without this thorough reading. Another One “Reware.” whispered the fortune teller impressively at the church lawn fete, “beware of a dark man who will cross your path." “Oh, dear,” cried the flappor, as she drew on her motor gauntlets preparatory to leaving, “don’t tell me I’m going to run down another pedestrian." —American Legion Weekly.

Why Not Turn It Off at the Source?

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_ QUESTIONS Ask— The Times ANSWERS

You can get an answer to any question of fact or Information by writing to tbs Indianapolis Times Washington Bureau. 1322 N. Y. Avenue. Washington. IJ C.. Inclosing 2 cents in stamps. Mi-dicai. b-gai, lote and marriage advice cannot be given, nor can extended research be undertaken, or papers, speeches, etc . be prep ired Unsigned letters cannot be answered, but ail letters are confidential, anil receive personal replies.—Editor. What is the dictograph and who 1 riven tod it? An instrument for magnifying pound, invented by K. M. Turner of New York, in 1907, consisting of a master station in the form of a box less than a font long and six inches deep and any number of substations that may lm required Any voice within fifteen feet is taken by the receiving instrument and carried over the wires to any distance within about a thousand miles. What are “dog days.” This name was applied by the an eients to a period of about 40 days, the hottest season of the year, at the time of the rising of Spirus. the dogstar. The time of the rising is now, owing to the procession of the equinoxes, different from what it was then (July D. It is now about July 23. when we talk about "dog days" now we mean the period of the year between July 3 and Aug. 11. twenty days before and after the rising of the "dog star.” Ts it true that Shakespeare made the error of using “these kind?" Yes. this is quite true, although it is known that in Shakespeare's day the error was not considered altogether wrong as It is at present. The following examples of this error in Shakespeare have been cited: Twelfth Nivht (Act T. scene 5). “These Kind of Foojs;’’ in King T.ear (Act TI. scene 2). “These Kind of Knaves:” in Othello (Act TIT, scene 3b "These Are a Kind of Men." Who was the greatest hero of the World War? Sergeant Alvin Yorke would probably he named by most Americans. What dees the word INGRI on top of the cross on which Christ was crucified mean? An abbreviation of the Latin Jesus Nazaranua, Rex ludaeorum {Jesus of Nazareth. King of the Jews). This Is an ecclesiastical Inscription in designation of Christ in the Christian clmreh. taken from the writing placed by Pilate over Christ’s cross.

Who is the Director of the United States Vetertans’ Bureau. General Walter Hines. Where was the first ice factory. The first of Importance in this country was erected at New Orleans in 1866. In 187(1 three other factories located in southern states were included in the census returns. Where did Fx-President Wilson spend his second honeymoon? At Hot Springs. What kind of fowls are best for broilers and layers? The Poultry division. Department of Agriculture says this is a matter of preference. White Leghorns are very good layers, hut not very good for table use. Plymouth Rocks. Dark Cornish. Wyandottes and Rhode Island I Reds are good broilers. In what country do you find the most gypsies? Where :ljd they originate? In Roumania, various parts of the I Balkan region. Hungary and Russia. ' Their aggregate number In these i countries is in the neighborhood of j 600,000. It is now believed that they i originated in India, this belief being based on a similarity of language, j There are many theories regarding j their origin, one being that they were from Egypt: hence the English name j for these people, gypsies, originated I as a corruption of Egyptian. Are the Hawaiian Islands sometimes called the Sandwich Islands? If so, why? They were named Sandwich Is’ands by their discoverer, Capt. James Cook. | after his patron, the Earl of Sandwich. However, the name has fallen into disuse, and Hawaii, the name of one , of the largest islands of the group, has spread to the whole group. What is the population of Paris? According to the last census 1921, 2,906,471.

Prospects By BERTON BRALEY "The best of all possible worlds? — It’s not!’’ That way of talking is utter rot. This world is hardiy the least degree The sort of a world that it ought to be. It's full of selfishness, greed and strife, A sort of Jungle of seething life, Os heedless cruelty, needless pain. Where millions struggle and toil in vain. But that’s no reason to sit and mope Bereft of courage and robbed of hope! For when its history we rehearse We learn of old that the world was worse; And we also know. If we are not blind. It’s getting better, more sane and kind; So, using that as a starting place. We plan for progress and hope for grace. For the optimist is very far From liking matters the way they are; He sees conditions, he knows the facts. But he thinks and figures and talks and acts With the full belief that “the world do move." That men and women in time improve, And that, though prospects at whiles seem blum, "The best of all possible worlds” will come! (Copyright, 1923, NEA Service, Inc.)

Animal Facts

Ike Whitbeck, of Mount Washing i ton, Vermont, is the ehampeen rattle snake hunter of his section. He | catches them for a living and makes j a good one. Even is he waxing af- : ffluent. He sends them to the Bronx ! zoo, in New Vork and gets $5 apiece for them. Some days he makes S4O and SSO. In adltiou Ike has made a good business for Gilbert Smith. Snakes, you know, demand food on occasion. Gilbert has a contract with the Bronx folks to purnish them 200 frogs per week with which to feed the snakes Ike sends down for exhibition purposes. It is a big job for Gilbert and the supply of frogs is getting low—so low that Gil says Ike has got to cut down on his snake catching or he must seek larger frog ponds. It is claimed that a single pair of sparrows and their nest of young ones will consume about 3,000 insects : week, and they are welcome to them. It always has been more or less of a mystery how the newly-born ‘possum litter finds its way to the mother's pouch. Some claimed the little cnes were born into the pouch while others maintained the mother lifted them in one by one. Dr. Carl Hartman says neither theory is correct. He saw a litter of IS of the little animals horn and he also saw them, one by one and practically hand-over-hand, climb into the mother’s pouch and attach themselves there for food and shelter. Marvelous, he says. Also, he has discovered that the oppossum has an extremely early birth, the embrvo within the mother's body attaining entire development In about 11 days. Son A court case in Paris reveals that a Frenchman cannot he personally sued for breach-of-promise unless he is 35 years old. Up to that age, the legal action has to be directed at his parents. Tou probably know that a Frenchman under 35 cannot marry without his parents’ consent. This is carrying things to extremes. However, we’re nearly as extreme the other way in America—children taking charge of themselves and often the rest of the family. American children need more disciplining, and American parents need more responsibility. The so-called disintegration of the American home is more the fault of parents than of children. Discipline is the basis of individual character and community progress. . Missed April 1 Professor (to freshman entering class late) —When were you born?" "On the second of April." "Late again.”—Georgia Tech Yellow Jacket.

MONDAY, SEPT. 10, 1923

What Editors Are Saying

Maybe ("Washington Democrat) | If a political party wants a signed testimonial as to the merits of Republican deflation, it can procure one of Governor McCray without even enI closing a stamp for reply. Corfu (Lafayette Journal and Courier) j Great Britain at one time handed | the island of Corfu to Greece with the understanding that Corfu must be neutral forever. Italy violates that I neutrality. What's the answer? Burden (.South Bend News-Times) In addition to the glow of pride that parents take when their children march off to school is the inevitable thought that the school system of this State needlessly burdens them with exorbitant demands for news books. Free school hooks are as logical as free teachers and if the burden becomes too great upon parents, they will demand this relief. Life (Marion Leader-Tribune) Love, trouble, gTeea, progress, cai lamity. war and charity. It is life. Day by day, in greater or lesser degrees, humans run the same gamut of emotions, sorrow, and of strife and turmoil. Bad (Bluffton Evening Banner) With the Statehouse custodian in jail because of a shortage In his acI counts, the reporter of one of the State courts out on bond for violation of the liquor law and our Governor j busted, surely things down at Indianapolis are in a bad way. Useless (The Kokomo Dispatch) They may re-write the Bible and put “jazz" in it. but it will never after have the old “kick." Soul themes do not seek expression in slang. There are texts that demand a stately and dramatic setting. There are times when dignity and majesty give a power and potency not to be discovered in alley argot or In underworld jargon. Those who attempt to make I over the Good Book in terms of vaude- | ville might make much better use of | their God-given time.

Family Fun

Dinner Is Over He was unaware of the eccentricities to be found In the Wild West when he entered what seemed to be the only hotel in the place. After ushering him to a table and giving the stranger a glass of ice-water, the waiter inquired: "Will you have sausages on toast?" “No; I never eat ’em,” the guest replied. "In that case,” said the wait**? "dinner is over.”—The Open RoaA. Mother Rescues Father “Where in goodness’ name did you put those new golf balls I bought?” "Can’t find them, dear. You’ll have to get along as best you can with • those biscuits I baked for dinner.” —Judge. Father’s Sworn Duty “That man called me a liar, a cad, a scoundrel and a puppy. Would you advise me to fight for that?” "By all means. There’s nothing nobler In this world than fighting for the truth.”—Tid-Bits-Read to the Dentist 1 “W—wait a second,” chattered the patient. “A—are you s— sure the gas is absolutely safe.” “Why, my dear sir,” returned the dentist, "do you suppose that in these times I coulld afford to lose a patient?” —Am. Legion Weekly. Pa Pacifying Ma "I don’t see why It is you find poker so fascinating.” “It’s the queens in the deck, my dear. They remind me so much of you.”—Boston Transcript. Little Willie’s Revenge Little Willie pointed at his sister’s sweetheart, Mr. Jones. “Mr. Jones kicked me yesterday.” he snarled, “but I got even with him, you bet your life. I mixed up quinine with my sister's 9ow4Hb>*^Los Angeles Times .