Indianapolis Times, Volume 34, Number 2, Indianapolis, Marion County, 14 May 1921 — Page 4

Jttifoma fflaite aimra INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA. Daily Except Sunday. 25-29 South Meridian St^et. Telephones—Main 3500, New 28-351 MEMBERS OF AUDIT BUREAU OF CIRCULATIONS. i Chicago, Detroit, St Louis, G. Logan Payne Cos. Ad.ert.eing offices j New Boston, Payne, Burns & Smith, Inc. WHAT made Mayor Jewett change his mind as to the necessity of repairing Ohio street? BEATS ALL how those county commissioners refuse to recognize Alfred Potts as the taxpayers of Marion. County! PERHAPS those persons who bought stock in the League of Nations thought it was another organization of "good people’’ to control a primary. IN OTHER WORDS the public service commission desires the street car company to continue to demonstrate that higher fares do not necessarily mean greater revenue! ' DOUBTLESS the gas company cut wages so tMfct consumers would be better able to pay the 50 per cent rate increase obtained from the friendly utility commission! * THE SANITARY BOARD that bought the famous garbage plant is now about to try its hand at operation of the ash and garbage collection liability of the city. Here's hoping the increased costs will be moderate! AUDITOR EFSLER appears now to be promulgating the same information concerning the bond issues of Marion County that he vigorously denied when it was set forth in the Times prior to the last county election! Worthy Activity! It appears to be given to the youngest of the civic organizations of Indianapolis, the Lions Club, to perform a public service in the way of an Investigation of recent transactions of the city of Indianapolis relative to Its fire protection facilities. . A few days ago this cluo appointed a special fire prevention committee at the suggestion of Mr. Frank C. Jordan, chairman of the Chamber of Commerce committee, and now this committee, headed by J. Frank Holmes, expresses its purpose in a letter to the Times as being "to render the greatest possible service in furthering this fire prevention movement, and we desire the assistance of the mayor, his boards and purchasing agent, the Bureau of Fire Underwriters and other persons who can furuish constructive information that we may present complete data.” The committee derives its authority for investigation from a section of the club’s constitution which reads: "The objects of ail Lions Clubs shall be to take an active interest in the civic, commercial, social and moral welfare of the community and to provide a forum for the full and free discussion of all matters of public interest, partisan politics and sectarian religion alone excepted.’’ The recent purchase by the city of Indianapolis of $76,000 more equipment for the fire department than was required by the fire underwriters and the authorization of fire stations that were not deemed necessary by the underwriters certainly cannot ”)e regarded either as “partisan politics or sectarian religion." Therefore, it must fall under the head of those things in which it is the object of the Lions’ Club to take an active interest and provide a forum for full and free discussion. The facts concerning this purchase which are of public record have heretofore been set out in this newspaper. The club committee has, of course, as free access to these records as any newspaper and apparently has the inclination to probe into these records. Much can be accomp'ished toward the improvement of the civic and moral welfare of Indianapolis by a group of citizens who will display interest in tbte expenditure of public money. By no stretch of the Imagination can the expenditure of public money assessed on property owners regardless of politics be regarded as "partisan politics." We sincerely hope that the Lions’ Cl lb will not hesitate in the investigation of this phase of fire protection merely because it might involve partisan politicians. Os course the obligations of good citizenship demand the utmost cooperation with the committee in any effort it may make to ascertain the facts regarding public expenditures for any purpose.

Standardizing Pie It is comforting to know that recently the master pie bakers of Chicago held a meeting in the Hotel Sherman and started a movement to standardize the pie. Their proposed standard will be submitted to the Department of Agriculture’s bureau of chemistry and soon we may expect every pie which (s not home-made to bear the words “Made in the United States, Officially Inspected and Standard Guaranteed.” This is a move which, like charity, will bless the giver and the receiver. When a standard, say of mince pie, is officially attained in this dry age, and no complaint can arise, because the good government has passed itlas complying with all rules and regulations, there will be no more kicks on account of its not being like those “mother used to make.” And when the bride presents her first pie, there w-ill beAno misgivings for she will have attained at least the Government formula in the cooking schools, so domestic discord shall forever vanish on this much vexed matter. Hubby will know what to expect, too. How thankful a pie counter patron should be that there Is somewhere in America, probably at Washington, a bureau which Is capable of telling, with authority, the good article from any other kind. It can determine the proper amount of starch in a fruit pie and the right quantity of yellow ochre in a pumpkin pie, also the Ingredients of the latter. No longer will dimensions be open to doubt; the pie inspector will carry his calipers and gauge like the oil Inspector and will determine the height and depth, things present and things absent and the right amount of sugar; also the place where leather begins and crust leaves off. He can rule whether beef steak pie can be made from cold roast beef and still comply with food laws. And chicken pot pie will no longer be composed of pork under his administration. As the industry grows, and surely the pie factories are but in their infancy, the Government function may be taken over by the great health or maternity bureaus which are in contemplation now, for surely the health of the individual and the happiness of the home are at stake. Then, too, the Federal forces might seize the State political pie counter and establish State boards for inipection and regulation. Anyhow, regulatic 1 of this menace may soon occur, here and throughout the Nation, to the benefit of the entire people. What Next? The amazing story that a Chicago Jury refused to convict a youth who disappeared with almost a million dollars in bonds belonging to the bank for which he worked, seems based upon the plea made by the lawyer for the boy that he had a "bond jag.” It is true that the bank recovered practically all the bonds and thelculprit was always theretofore a good boy. But it is hoped no more “bond jags” occur. The crime was committed, the statute had been violated and the real owner of the bonds stood in danger of an immense loss because of the unlawful action of the boy. But the jury refused to convict There has always been an excusfe for the commission of crime, either real or fancied, and generally the latter. These excuses whereby the criminal is cleared, undoubtedly lead to other crimes. It is an undisputed maxim that the certainty of punishment, not the severity, prevents crime. If one may successfully have a "bond jag” and almost get awhy with the other fellow’s money, why not extend the jag excuse into all channels of life? Surely a cut diamond jag is attractive and a Jewelry one would indicate good taste, while the excuse of an automobile jag might cover a multitude of crimes. ' ’ On the theory that the plea of the lawyer was in good faith; that he was using his brains and ability to preserve the life and liberty of his client and to promote tranquility throughout the land and assuming that the jury acted conscientiously by refusing to convict, should not the lady citizen* of this land rejoice that no one has been seized by a beauty jag? If men were really in danger of reverting to the stone age type and carry away a beauty while on a jag, could the excuse be accepted ? And would the jury have applied the law in the same manner had the culprit not taken bonds but carried off someone possessed of a miilfon dollar beauty? Lincoln is quoted by saving that — ! jury will do. -x ' ' , _ ’m

A TEMPERED WIND

By O. HENRY

tom flight of th con-existing animals at which you remarked ’Whoa!’ has puzled me somewhat. How do you win out on the trick ?” "Pocket money," says he<; “that s all. I am temporarily unfiuanced. This little coup de rye straw is good for S4O in a town of this size. How do I work it? Why, I involve myself, as you perceive in the loathsome apparel of the rural dub. Thus embalmed I am Jonas Stubblefield—a name Impossible to improve upon. I repair noisily to the office of some loan company conveniently located in the third-floor, front. There I lay my hat and yarn gloves on the floor and ask to mortgage m£ farm for $2,000 to pay for my Bister’s musical education lu Europe. Loans like that afways suit the loan companies. It's teu to one that when the note falls due th* foreclosure wt>' be leading the semiquavers by a couple of lengths. “Well, sir, I reach In my pocket for the abstract of title; but I suddenly hear my team running away. I run to the window and emit the word—or exclamation, whichever it may be—viz 'Whoa'.’ Then I rush downstairs and down the street, returning in a few minutes. ‘Dang them mules.’ I says; ‘they done run away and busted the ’doubletree and two traces. Now I got to hoof it home, for X never brought no money along. Reckon we 11 talk about that loan some other time, gen'lemen ’ "Then I spreads out my tarpaulin, like the Israelites, abd waits for the manna to drop. “ ‘Why, no, Mr. Stubblefield,' says the lobster-colored party in the specs and dotted pique vest; ’oblige us by accepting this $lO bill until tomorrow. Get your harness repaired and call in at 10. We'll be pleased to accommodate you In the matter of this loan.' "It's a slight thing,’ says Buckingham Skinner, modest, "but as 1 said only for temporary loose change.” “It's nothing to be ashamed of,’’ says I, in respect for his mortification; "in case of an emergency. Os course, it’s small compared to organizing a trust or bridge wnist, but even the Chicago University had to be started in a small way.’ “What's your graft these days?” Buckingham Skinner asks me "The legitimate,” says I. “I'm handling rhinestones and Or. Oleum Sinapt's Electric Headache Battery and the Swiss Warbler’s Bird Cali, a small lot of the new queer ones and twos, and the Bonanza Budget, consisting of a rolled gold wedding and engagement ring,' stx Egvptian lily bulbs, a combination pickle fork and nail-clipper, and fifty engtaved visiting cards -no two names alike- -all for the sum of 38 cents.” "Two months ago,” says Buckingham Skinner. "I was doing well down In Texas jvith a patent instantaneous fire klndier, made of compressed wood ashes and benzine. I sold loads of ’em in towns where they like to burn niggers quick, without having to ask somebody for a light. And just when I was doing the best they strikes oil down there and puts me out of business. Your machine’s too slow, now," partner,’ they tells me. ’We can have a coon in hell with this here petroleum before your old flint-and-finder truck can get him warm enough to perfess religion.’ And so I gives up the kindler and drifts up here to K. C. This little curtain-raiser you seen me doing, Mr Pickens, with the simulated farm and the hypothetical team, ain’t in my line at ail, and I'm ashamed you found me working it,” "No man,” says I, kindly, "need to be ashamed of putting the skihunk on a loar corporation for even so small a sum as $lO. when he is financially abashed. StiU, It wasn't quite the proper thing. It's* too- much llk borrowing money without paying it back " “Anything." says Buck, “that Is not actually dishonest will find me willing and ready. I.et us perforate into the inwardness of your proposition. I feel degraded when I am forced to wear property straw in my hair and assume a bucolic air for the small sum of ten dollars. Actually, Mr. Pickens, it makes me feel like the Ophelia of the Great Occidental All-Star One Night Consolidated Theatrical Aggregation.” This scheme of mine was one that suited my proclivities. By nature I am some sentimental, and have always felt gentle toward the mollifying elements of existence. I am disposed to be lenient with the arts and sciences; and I ftad time to Instigate a cordiality for the more human works of nature, such as romance and the atmosphere and grass and poetry and the seasons. I never skin a sucker without admiring prismatic beauty of his scales. I never sell a little auriferous trifle to the man with the hoe without noticing the beautiful harmony there Is between gold and green. And that’s why I liked this scheme; It was so full of outdoor air and landscapes and easy money. We had to have a young lady assisted to help us work this graft; and I asked Buck If he knew of one to fill the bill. “One,” says I, “that Is cool and wise and strictly business from her pompa dour to her Oxfords. No ex -toe dancers or gum chewers or crayon portrait canvassers for this.” Buck claimed he knew a suitable feminine and he takes me around to see Miss Farah Malloy. The minute 1 see her 1 am pleased. She looked to be the goods as ordered. No sign of the three p’s about her—no peroxide, patchouli, nor peau de sole; about 22, brown hair, pleasant ways—the kind ot a lady for the place. “A description of the sandbag, if you please,” she begins.

•Why, ma'am,” gays I, "this graft of ot rs i so nice and refined and romantic It word make the balcony scene In ‘Ro- : meo and Juliet’ look like second-story I work." We talked it over and Miss Malloy agreed to come In as a business partner. Shs said she was glad to get a chance to give up her place as stenographer and secretary to a suburban lot company and go Into something respectable. This Is the way we worked our acheme. First, i figured It out by a kind of a proverb. J’ke best grafts In the world are built np on copybook maxima and psalms and proverbs and Esau’s fables. They seem to kind of hit off human nature. Our peaceful little swindle was constructed ' on the old saying: “The whole push loves a lover.” One evening Buck and Miss Malloy drives up like blares In a buggy to a farmer's loor. She Is pale hut affectionate, clinf.ing to his acm—always clinging to b.s arm. Any one can see that she Is a peach and of the cling variety. I They claim eloping Air to be ; married on account of cruel parents. I They ask where they can find a preacher. ' Farmer says, ”B’gum, there ain’t any i preacher nigher than Reverend Abels, four miles over on Caney Creek.’’ Farmeress wipes her hand on her apron and rubbers through her specs. Then, lo and look ye! tip the road from the other way Jogs Parleyvoo Pickens In a gig, dressed In black, white necktie, long face, sniffing hts nose, emitting a spurious kind of noise resembling the long met'A - doxology. ‘B’Jlnks!’’ says farmer, “If thar ain’t a preacher now!” It transpires that I am Rev. Abijah Green, traveling over to Little Bethel schoolhouse for to preach next Sunday. The young folks will have It they must be married, for pa Is pursuing them with the plow mules and the buckboard. So the Reverend Green, after hesitation, marrles 'em In farmer’s parlor. And farmer grins, and has in cider, and says "B’gupt!” and farmeress sniffles a bit and pats the bride on the shoulder. And Parleyvoo Pickens, the wrong reverend, writes out a marriage certificate, and farmer and farmers sign It as witnesses. And the parties of the first second and third part gets In their vehicles and rides away. Oh, that was an Idyllic graft! True love and the lowing kiDe and the sun shining on the. red barns—-it certainly had all other impostures I know about beat to a batter. I suppose I happened along in time to marry Buck and Miss Malloy at about twenty farm houses. I hated to think how the romance was going to fade later on when all them marriage cerlflcates turned up In banks where we’d discounts ed ’em, and the farmers had to pay them notes of hand they’d signed, running from S3OO to SSOO. On the 15th day of May us three divided about $6,000. Miss Malloy nearly cried with Joy. You don’t often see a tenderhearted girl or one that was so bent on doing right. “Boys.” says she, dabbing her eye3 with a little haudkercMef, “this stake comes In handier than a powder rag at a fat men's ball. It gives me a chance to reform. I was trying to get out of the real estate business when you fellows came along. But It you hadn’t taken In on this neat little preposition for r,.movtng the cuticle of the rutabaga propagators I'm afraid I'd have-got Into some-

INDIANA DAILY TiMLb, SAXLritDAY* luAi U, Luti.

(Continued From Page One.)

thing worse. 1 was about to accept a place in one of these women's auxiliary bazars, where they build a parsonage by selling a spoonful of chicken salad and a ! cream-puff for 75 cents and calling it a business men’s lunch. | “Now I can go into a square, honest business, and give all them queer jobs ! the shake. I'm going to Cincinnati and start a palm reading and clairvoyant 1 joint. As Madame Saramaloi, the Egyptian Sorceress, 1 shall give everybody a dollar's worth of good honest prognostication. Good-by, boys. Take my advice and go into some decent fake. Get friendly with the police and newspapers and you'll be all right"’ So then we ail shook hands, and Miss Malloy left ns. Me and Buck also rose up and sauntered off a few hundred miles; for we didn’t care to be around when them marriage certificates fell due. With about $4,000 between us we hit that bumptious little town off the New Jersey coast they call New York. If there ever was an aviary overstocked with jays it is that Yaptown-on-the-Hudson. Cosmopolitan they call it Yon bet. go’s a piece of flypaper. You listen close when they’re buzzing and trying to pull their feet out of the stlcky stuff “Little old New York's good enough for us”—that’s what they sing. There's enough Keiths walk down Broadway in one hour to buy up a week's output of the factory in Augusta. Maine* that makes Knaughty Knovelties and the little Phine I’hun oride r.old finger ring that sticks a needle in y >ur friend's hand You’d think New York people was all wise; but no. They don't get a chance to learn. Everything's too compressed. Even the hayseeds are baled hayseeds. But what else can you expect from a town that’s shut off from the world by the ocean on one side and New Jersey on the other? I It’s no place for an honest grafter with a sraail capital. There’s too big a protective tariff on bhneo. Even when Giovanni sells a qrmrt of warm worms and chestnut hulls he has to hand out a pint to an insectivorous cop. And the hotel man charges double for everything in the bill that he sends by the patrol wagon to the altar where the duke is about to marry the heiress. But old BadvtUe-near Coney ts the ideal burg for a refined piece of plrnry If you can pay the bunco duty. Imported grafts come pretty high. The custom house of fleers that look after it carry clubs, and it’s hard to smuggle In even a bib and tucker swindle to work Brooklyn with unless you ran pay the toll. But now, me and Buck, h vlng capital, descends upon New York to try and trade tlie ! metropolitan backwoodsmen a few glass 1 beads for real estate Just as the Vans i did a hundred or two years ago. At an east side hotel we gets ac qualnted with Romulus O Atterbury, a | ruan with the finest head for financial | operations I ever saw. It was nIP-toald and glossy except for gray side whlsk- : era Seeing that head behind an office i railing, and you’d deposit a million with iit without a receipt. This Atterbury was well dressed, though he ate seidoih ; and ; the synopsis of his talk would make the conversation of a siren sound like a cab driver's kick He said he used to be a member of the Stock Exchange, but some of the big capitalists got jealous and formed a ring that forced him to aell his seat. Atterbnry got to liking me and Buck and he begun to throw on the canvas for ns some of the schemes that had caused his hair to evacuate. He had one Boheme for starting a National Bank on $45 that made the Mississippi Bubble look as solid as a glass marble. •He talked this to us for three days, and when bis throat good and sore we told him about the roll we had. Atterbury borrowed a quarter from us and went out and got a box of throat lozenges and started all over again. . This ,Ims he talked bigger things, and he got us to s<*e ’em as he did The scheme he laid out looked like a stirs winner, and he talked me and Buck into putting our capital against his j burnished dome of thought. It looked j all right for a kid-gloved graft. It seemed to be.Just about an inch and a ! half outside of the reach of the police. , and as money-making as a mint. It was Just what me and Buck wanted—a regular business at a permanent stand, with an open air spieling with tonallitls on the street corners every evening Bo In six weeks you see a handsome ; furnished set of offices down in the Wall Street neighborhood, with “The Oolconda Gold Bond and Investment | Company’’ in gilt letters on the door. And you see In his private room, with the door open, the secretary and treasj urer, Mr Buckingham Skinner, cos- • turned like the lilies of the conserva- ! torv, with his high silk hat close to hia hand. Nobody yet ever saw Buck ; outside of an Instantaneous reach for his I hat.

And you might perceive the president and general manager, Mr. R. G. Atterbury, with his priceless polished poll, busy In the main office room dictating letters to a shorthand countess, who has got pomp and a pompadour that Is no less than a guarantee to Investors. At another desk the eye Is relieved by the sight of an ordinary man, at tired with unscrupulous pla! mess, sitting with his feet up, eating apples, with his obnoxious hat on the bach of h!a head. That man is no other thau Colonel Teeumseh (once “Parleyvoo") Pickens,, the vice president of the company. “No recherche rags for me,” I spy* to Atterbury, when tto was organizing the stage properties of the robbery. “I’m a plain mart," says I, "and I do not use pajamas, French, or military hairbrushes. Cast me for the role of the rhinetone-ln the-rough or I don’t go on exhibition. If you can use me In my natural, though displeasing form, do so.” "Dress you ups” says Atterbury; "I should say not! Just n you are you're worth more to the business then a whole roomful of the things they pin chrysanthemums on. You're to play the part of the solid but disheveled capitalist from the far west. You despise the conventions You’Ve got so many stocks you can afford to shake socks. Conservative, homely, rough, shrewd, saving—that's your pose. It's a winner In New York. Keep your feet on the desk and eat apples. Whenever anybody comes In eat an Hpple. Let ’em see you stuff the peelings In a drawer of your desk. Look as economical and rich and rugged as you can.” I followed out Atterbury’s instructions I played the Rocky Mountain capitalist without ruehing or frills. The way I deposited apple peelings to my’credit In a drawer when any customers came In made Hetty Green look like a spendthrift. I could hear Atterbury saying to victims, as he smiled at me, indulgent and venerating, “That’s our vice president. Colonel Pickens * * * fortune In western investments * • . delightfully plain manners, but * • could sign his chock for half million * * * simple as a chlid * * * wonderful head * * * conservative and careful almost tc a fault.” Atterbury managed the business. Me and Buck never quite understood all of It, though ho explained It to us In full. It seems the company wag a kind of cooperative one, and everybody that bought stock shared In the profit’s. First, we officers bought up a controlling interest —we had to have that—of the shares at 50 cents a hundred —Just whatbe printer charged us—and the rest went to the public at a dollar each. The company guaranteed the stockholders a profit of 10 per cent each month, payable on the last day thereof. When any stockholder'had paid In as much as SIOO, the company Issued him a gold bond, and oe became a bondholder. i asked Atterbury one day what benefits and appurtenances these gold bonds was to an investor more so than the Immunities and privileges enjoyed by the common sucker who only owned stock. Atterbury picked up one of them gold bonds, all gilt and lettered up with flourishes and a big red seal tied with a blue ribbon In a bow knot, and he looked at me like his feelings was hurt. “My dear Colonel Pickens," says he, “you have no soul for art. Think of a thousand homes made happy by possessing one of these beautiful gems of the lithographer's skill! Think of the joy In the household where one of these go’ii bonds hangs by a pink 'cord to the whatnot, or Is chewed up by the baby, caroling gleefully upon the floor! Ah, I gee your eye growing moist. Colonel—l have touched you, have I not ?" “You have not," says I, “for I’ve been watching you. The moisture you see Is apple Juice. You can’t expect one man to act as a human cider press and an art connoisseur too.” Atterbury attended* to the details of thy

concern. As I understand it, they was simple. The investors in stock paid in their money, and—well, I guess that s ail they had to do. The company received it, and—l don’t call to mind anything else. Me and Buck knew more about selling corn salve than we did about Wall street, but even we could see how the Oolconda Gold Bond Investment Company was making money. You take in money and pay back 10 per cent of it: it’s plain enough that you make a clean, legitimate profit of 90 per cent, less expenses, as long as the fish bite. Our ads. done the work. "Country weeklies and Washington hand-press dailies of course " says I when we was ready to m*' ruracts. “Man*’ saj A lerbitry, "as its advertising fianagf would cause i? Limburger .cheese factory to remain undiscovered during a hot summer. The game we're after is right here in New York and Brooklyn and the Harlem readingrooms. They're the people that the street-car fenders rnd the Answers to Correspondents columns and the pickpocket notices are made for. We want our ads. in the biggest city dailies, top of column, next to editorials on radium aud pictures of the girl doing health exercises.” Pretty soon the money begins to roll In. Buck didn’t have to pretend to be busy; his desk was piled high up with money orders and checks and greenbacks. People began to drop in the of-fice-and buy stock every clay. Most of the shares went in small amounts—slo and $25 and SSO, and a good many $2 aud $3 lots. And the bald and inviolate cranium of President Atterbury shines with enthusiasm and demerit,! while Colonel Tecumseh Pickens. the rude but reputable Croseus of the West, consumes so many apples that the peelings hang to the floor from the mahogany garbage chest that he calls his desk. " One morning, as me and Buck sauntered # iuto the office, fat and flippant, from our noon grub, we met an easylooking fellow, with a bright eye and a pipe in his mouth, coming out. We found Atterbury looking like he’d been caught a mile from home in a wet shower. “Know that man?” he asked us. We said we didn't. “I don't either,” says Atterbury. wiping off his head: "but I'll bet enough gold bonds to paper a cell in the Tombs that he's a newspaper reporter.” "What did be want?” aaks Buck. “Information," says our president. “Said be was thinking of buying some stock. He asks tue about 900 questions, and every one of ’em.hit some sore place in the business. 1 know he's on a paper. You can't fool me. You see a man about half shabby, with an eye like a gimlet, smoking cut plug, with dandruff on his coat collar, anil knowing more than J. P. Morgan aud Shakespeare put together—if that ain’t a reporter 1 never saw one. I was afraid of this. I don't mind detectives and postoffice inspectors —l talk to 'em eight minutes and then sell - 'em stock—but them reporters take the starch out of my collar. Boys, I recommended that we declare a dividend and fade *way. The signs point that way.” Me and Buck talked to Atterbury and got him to stop sweating and stand still. That fellow didn't look like a reporter to us. Reporters always pull out a penI ell and tablet on you, and tell you a story you've beard, and strikes you for the drinks But Atterbury was shaky and nervous all day. The next day me and Puck comes down from the hotel about 10:30. On the way we buys the papers, and the first thing we see is a column on the front page about our little imposition. It was a shame the way that reporter intimated that we were no blood relative* of the late George W. Childs. He tells all about the scheme ns he sees it, in a rich, racy kind of a guying style that might amuse most anybody except a stockholder. Yea, Atterbury was right; it behooveth the gaily clad treasurer and the pearly pated president anti the rugged vice of the Oolconda Gold Bond and Investment Company to go away real sudden and quick that their days might be longer upon the land. Me and Buck hurries down to th-of-fice We finds on the stairs and in the hall a crowd of people trying to squeeze Into our office, which#is already Jammed full Inside too the ratling. They're nearly all got GolCenda stock and gold bonds In their hands Me and Buck judged they'd been reading the papers, too. We stopped and looked at our stock holders, some surprised. It wasn’t quite the kind of a gang we supposed had been investing. .They all looked like poor people; there was plenty b? old women and lots of yonng girls that you'd say worked in factories aryl mills. Some was old men that looked like war veterans, and some was crippled, and a gooM many was just kids bootblacks and newsboys and messengers. Some was working-men In overalls, with their sleeves rolled up. Not one of the gang looked like a stockholder In anything unless it was a peanut stand. But they all had Golconda stock and looked as sick as you please. I saw a queer kiud of a pale look come on Buck's face when he sized up the crowd. Ho stepped up to a sickly looking woman and say* Madam, do you own any of this atock?" "I put in a hundred dollars,” says the woman, faint like. "It was all I had saved in a ytar. One of my chtldred is dying at borne now and l haven’t a cent in the house. I came to see if I could draw out some. The circulars said you could draw It at any time. But they say now I will lose it all." There was a smart kind of a kid in the gang—l guess he was a newsboy. "I got In twxnfj-fl', mister." he says, looking hopeful at Bucks silk hat and clothes. "Dey paid me two-fifty a mont’ on It. Say, a man tells me dey can’t do dat and be on de square. Is dnt straight? Do you guess 1 can get out my twent-fi?” There was one girl—a pretty one—ln a red shawl, crying in a corner like her heart would dissolve. Buck goes over and asks her about it. “It ain't so much losing the money, mister.” says she, shaking all over, "though I've been two years saving it np: but Jakey won't marry me now. 1 He'll take Rosa Stelnfeld. I know ,T—J—Jalcey. She got S4OO in the savings bank. At, ni, ai—" she sings out. Buck looks all around with that same funny look cyi his fnre. And then we see leaning against the wall, puffing at his pipe, with hla eye shining at us, this newspaper reporter. Buck and me walks over to him.

“You’re a real interesting writer,” says Buck. "How fir do you mean to carry It? Anything more up yoitr sleeve?" “Oh, I’m Just waiting around.” says the reporter, smoking away, "In case any news turns up. It's up to your stockholders now. Some of them might complain, you know. Isn't that the patrol wagon now?” he says, listening to a sound outside. "No,” he goes on, “that's Doc. Whlttleford's old cadaver coupe from the Roosevelt. I ought-to know that gong. Yes, I suppose I’ve -p-rlften some Interesting stuff at times.” “You wait," says Buck: “I’m going to throw an Item of news In your way.” Buck reaches In his pocket and hands me a key. I knew what he meant before he spoke. Confounded old buccaneer—l knew what he meant. They don’t make them any better thau Buck. "Pick,’ says he, looking at me hard, “aint this graft a little out of our line? Do we want Jakey to marry Rosa Stelufeld ?’’ “You’ve got my vote," says I. “I’ll have It here In ten minutes.'' And I starts for the safe deposit vaults. I comes back with the money done up in a big bundle, and then Buck and me takes the journalist reporter around to another door and we let ourselves Into one of the office rooms. “Now, my literary friend," says Buck “take a chair, and keep still, and I'll give yon an Interview. You see before you two grafters from Graftersvilie, Grafter County, Arkansas. Me and Pick have sold brass jewelry, hair toijJc, song books, marked cards, patent medienes, Connecticut Smyrna rugs, furniture polish and albums In every town from Old Point Comfort to the Golden Gate. We’ve grafted a dollar whenever we saw one that had n surplus look to It. But we never went after the simoleon In the toe of the sock under the loose brick in the corner of the kitchen hearth. There’s an old saying you may have heard—‘fussily decency avernl’ —which means it's an easy slide from the street faker’s dry goods box to a desk in Wall street. We’ve took that slide, but we didn't know exactly what was at the bottom of It. Nowy you ought to be wise, but you ain’t. You've got New York wiseness, which means that you judge a man by the outside of his clothes. That ain’t right. You ought to look at the lining and seams and the buttonholes. While we are waiting for the patrol wagon you might get out your little stub pencil and take notes for another funny piece In the paper," 'And then Buck turns to me and says: “1 don't care what Atterbury thinks. He only put In brains, and if he gets his capital out he’s lucky. But what do you say. Pick?" “Me?’’ says I. “You ought to know mfr. Buck. I didn't know who was buying th stock."

KEEPING HOUSE WITH THE HOOPERS

(The Hoopers, an average American family of five, living in a suburban town, on a limited income, will tell the readers of the Daily Times how the nany present-day problems of the home are solved by working on tne budget that Mrs. Hooper has evolved and found practical. Follow them daily n an interesting review of their home life and learn to meet the conditions of the high cost 4>t living with them.) SATURDAY. "I don’t helteve I'll be able to go sh6pplg with you this afternoon, for that washing machine after all,” remarked Henry, as he adjusted the doily under his breakfast plate. He was becoming reconciled to tlfe oil cloth doilies that Mrs. Hooper had substituted on the breakfast table for the big snowy white cover of a bygone day that needed so much washing and ironing, but he seemed really to miaa the old time splendor of expansive whiteness. Mrs. Hooper ignored his efforts to keep his

ELEVENTH WEEK. WEEKLY STATEMENT FROM MRS. HOOPER’S ACCOUNT BOOK. Received Henry's Salary $50.00 Budget Paid out. Balance. Surplus. Shelter $6.00 Wire screen for win- Nothing. $6.00 $41.15 dows and doors $15.35 Paid from surplus of 56.50 Food 20.00 Meat /• 3.09 Dairy supplies,; 3.T5 Fish .."1.00 Fruit and vegetables.. 4.75 Groceries 3.50 Ice 1.00 Henry’B luncheon 2.50 Clothing 7.00 Material for Mrs. Hooper’s dress SB.OO Balance from surplus of 5.86 Operating Ex. 9.00 House supplies—cur 2.50 6.50 tain material $6.50 Taken from surplus of 54.15 Advancement... 3.00 Helen’s dancing leasons s f > Church 25 Newspapers 25 Sarlngs for life 1.00 2.00 12.06 Insurance .. 5.00 „ Nothing. 5.00 50.00 $50.00 : $30.00 $20.00 $50.00 —Copyright, 1921.

doily in place, realizing full well that in time he would recognize the new wav as more sane and sensible and really quite aa attractive. "Oh Henry, I’m sorry about that." exclaimed his wife. “I don’t feel up to deciding on a mechanical device like that without you. Why can’t you come?” “Well. Roger and I must work In that vegetable garden all the afternoon. One more week will make it too late for several things I want to do,” replied Henry. "With the da'ylight saving going into effect I'll get more work in on the garden after office hours now. but we must pet in the whole afternoon today.” ' Yes, I know that is true, Henry.” agreed Mrs. Hooper, "and there wdll be no real necessity for my getting th machine today. I can live another week without it, you know.” ”l’d rather you’d order It right away. Mary,” laughed Henry. “I’m so afraid you’ll change your mind about that Installment plan idea.’’ "Oh, no, I won’t,” replied Mary, “I’m quite determined to go on with it now. Rut I really would like to have you with me when we decide on the kind of one too buy, and besides I was Just figuring that if I wait until next Saturday I will have just $59 In my surplus to make the first payment. It is a few dollars short this week, because I bought curtain material for the living room windows to replace the ones I put in the bedroom upstairs. “Well, do as you like about that," added Henry reluctantly, "but you can’t get

“All right,” says Buck. And then he goes through the Inside door into the main office and looks at the gang try Ing to squeeze through the railing. Atterbury and hla hat was gone. And Buck makes ’em a short speech. "All you lambs get In line. You're going to get your wool back. Don't shove so. Get In a line—a line—not in a pile. Lady, will you please stop bleating? Your money's waiting for you. Here, sonny, don't climb over that railing; your dimes are safe. Don't cry, sis; you ain't out a cent. Get in line, I say. Here, Pick, come and straighten 'em out andjlet ’em through and out by the other door.” Buck takes off his coat, pushes his silk hat on the back of his head, and lights up a reina victoria. He sets at tlie table with the boodle before him. all done tip In neat packages. I gets the stockholders strung out and marches 'em, single file, through from the main

To Gas Consumers of Indianapolis The Public Service Commission has authorized a gas rate of 90 cents per M. Cubic feet, effective May 4th. Consumers whose meters were read on or before May 4th will be billed at 60 cents on their entire consumption. For consumers whose meters are read after May 4th gas consumption will be apportioned, according to the number of days, respectively, before and after that date covered by the meter reading, and bills will be rendered accordingly at the rates in effect for the respective periods. We desire to take this occasion to say to our consumers that the directors of this Company have been more reluctant to have the gas rate increased than any consumer can be to pay the increased rate. Only absolute necessity caused the Company to ask for an increased rate, and it was requested as emergency relief only and with fee firm conviction feat without such relief now a much higher rate would have been unavoidable in the near future. _a CITIZENS GAS COMPANY

that machine installed in the laundry any too soon to suit me.” “I’ll do some extra baking this afternoon then,” said Mrs. Hooper. “We’ll have a nice chocolate layer cake for supper tomorrow night and the duck that I am planning to have for dinner tomorrow can be all prepared and out of the way if I’m not going in town this afternoon. “Weil, that is decided then." said Henry as he rose from the table, "but remember, nothing 'is to interfere with buying that washing machine next Saturdlay." “No, nothing shall," promised Mrs. Hooper. Besides preparing her .'nmlay dinner Mrs. Hooper had time before tea. while the house was quiet rnd Baby Betty out in the back yard with Mr. Hooper and Roger, to cut out the lining for the new dress so that she could baste it up when she sat down after dinner. She also telephoned a recipe for a “dozen hot bis-

cuits” to the bride, who had called up to ask her what kind of hot bread she’d advise giving Jlob for his Sunday breakfast. The recipe <■s the biscuits which measure a dozen wnen baked is: A DOZEN BISCUITS. Rift together after measuring two cupsful of flour, one teaspoonful of salt and four teaspoonsful of baking powder. With a knife or the fingers work in three tablespoonsful of shortening (one teaspoonful of butter and two of lard or oleo). Add from one-half to one cupful of milk —Just enough to make as soft a dough as can be handled. Sprinkle the bteadboard lightly with flour. Knead very lightly and roll into a sheet half an inch thick. Cut with a biscuit cutter and bake on a floured tin in a hot oven about fifteen minutes. Before putting in the oven brush the top of the biscuits with milk for smoothness and browning. The menu for the three meals on Sunday, which Included a roast stuffed duck for dinner is: BREAKFAST Grape Fruit Bacon and Eggs Rice Cakes Coffee DINNER Roast Stuffed Duck Creamed New Potatoes Cauliflower Currant Jelly Fruit Mold Cake SUPPER Lettuce Sandwiches Cheese Dreams Chocolate Loaf Cake . Cocoa

room; and the reporter man passes ’em out of the side door into the hall again. As they go by. Buck takes up the stock and the Gold Bonds, paying ’em cash, dollar for dollar, the same as they paid in. The shareholders of the Golconda Gold Bond and Investment Company can’t hardly believe it. They almost grabs the money out of Buck's hands. Some of the women keep on crying, for it’s a custom of the sex to cry when they have sorrow, to weep when they have Joy, and to shed tears whenever they find themselves without either. The old women's fingers shake when they stuff the skads In the bosom of their rusty dresses. The factory girls just stoop over and flap their dry goods a second, and you hear tfie elastic go “pop" as the currency goes down in the ladies' department of the “Old Domestic Lisle-Thread Bank.” Rome of the stockholders that had been doing the Jeremiah act the loudest

outside had spasms of restored eoufidence and wanted to leave tha money invested. “Salt away that chicken feed in your duds, and skip along,” says Buck. “What business have yon got investing in bonds? The tea-pot or the crack in the wall behind the clock for vour hoard of pennies.” When the pretty girl in the red •havvl cashes, in Buck hands her an extra twenty. “A wedding present,” says our treasurer, “from the Golconda Company. And say—if Jakey ever follows his nose, even at a respectful distance, around the corner where Rosa Steinfeld lives, you are hereby authorized to knock a couple of inches of it off.” When they was all paid off and gone. Buck calls the newspaper reporter and shoves. the rest of the money over to him. - I “Yon begun this," says Buck; “now finish it. Over there are the books, show ing every share and bond issued. Here's the money to cover, except what we've spent to live on. You'll have to act as receiver. I guess you'll 'do the square thing on account of your paper. This is the best way we know how to settle it. Me and our substantial but apple-weary vice president are going to follow the example of our revered president, and skip. Now, have you got enough news for today, or d6 you want to interview us on etiquette and the best way to make over an old taffeta skirt?" “News!” says the newspaper man, taking his pipe out; “do you think I could use this? I don't want to lose my job. Supppose I go around to the office and tell 'em this happened. What'll the managing editor say? Hell just hand me a pass to Bellevue and tell me to come back when I get cured. I might turn in a story about a sea serpent wiggling up Broadway, but I haven't got the nerve to try ’em with a pipe like this. A get rich-quick—excuse me—gang giving back the boodle! Oh. no. I'm not on [he -comic supplement.” “Yon can’t understand it, of course,” says Buck, with his hand on the cioof knob. “Me and Pick ain't Wall Streeters like you know ’em. We never allowed to swindle sick old women and working girls and take nickels off of kids, lu the lines of graft we’ve worked we took money from the people the Lord made to be" buncoed—sports and rounders and smart Alecks and street crowds, that always have a few dollars to throw away, and farmers that wouldn't ever be happy if the grafters didn't come around and play with ’em when they sold their crops. We never cared to fish for the kind of suckers that bite here. No, sir. We got too much respect for the profession and for ourselves. Good-by to you, M,f- Receiver.” “Here!" says the journalist reporter: “wait a minute. There’s a broker I know on the next floor. Wait till I put this truck in his safe. I want you fellows to take a drink on me before you go.” “On yon?” says Buck, winking solemn. “Don’t you go and try to make 'em believe at the office you said that. Thanks. We can’t spare fbe time, I reckon. So long.” If you had seen me and Buck the next night you'd have had to go to a little bum hotel over near the West Side ferry landings. We was in a little back room, and I was filling up a gross of six-ounce bottles with hydrant water colored red with aniline and flavored with cinnamon. Buck was smoking, contented, and he wore a decent brown derby in place of bis silk hat. ‘lt's a good thing, Pick,” says he, as he drove in the corks, "that we got Brady to loan us his horse and wagon for a week. We'll rustle up-a stake by then. This hair tonic'll sell right along over in Jersey. Bald heads ain’t popular over there on account of the mosquitoes." Directly I dragged out my valise and went down in it for labels. “Hair tonic labels are out,” says 1. “Only about a dozen on hand.” “Buy some more,” says Buck. We investigated our pockets and found we had just enough monej*. to settle our hotel bill iu the morning aud pay our passage over the ferry. •Plenty of the ‘Shake-the-Shakes Chill Cure' labels." says I, after looking. "What more do you want?” says Buck. "Slap 'em on. The chill season is just opening up in the Hackensack low grounds. What’s hair anyway if you have to shake it off?" We pasted on the tthill cure labels about half an hour, and Buck saysv “Making an honest living's better than that Wall street, anyhow; ain't it. Pick?” “You bet,” says 1.

Greek Leaves $20,000 to Poor of Home City DENVER, May 14.—Greek maids in Isolated villages of their homeland will bo made happy by provisions of the will of PeteT Danieks, Denver restaurateur, who died here recently. Poor girls In Divry, province of Archaias and Elis, Greece, will not he humiliated because of a lack of dowry to present their prospective husbands, as long as Danlck's $20,000 gift lasts. HAS SHAVED 42,299 MEN. ST. LOUIS, Mo., May. 14.—George Glover, tonsorlalist at the city hospital here, has shaved 42,299 men during the seven years he had been barbering. Ho has collected feeß from 41,387 customers; only 673 have failed to pay him.