Indiana Palladium, Volume 7, Number 48, Lawrenceburg, Dearborn County, 3 December 1831 — Page 4

MflSCElLIiAWY.

mm i ' L 1 U'wP'l.g'j' From the Edingburgh Literary Gazette. PARODY OF 'Oil! JV'O, WE A'EVEIi MENTION II er: Oh ! no, I never drink a drop ; A bottle's never seen ; My lips are now forbid to taste What all my joy has been. They think the gout that harrows me, Has banished my regret ; And if I smile, they vainly think That I my grog forget. They bid me, in exchange fir grog, Seek charms in drinking tea; But ail the tea in Christendom Would work no change on me. Alas ! I now behold no more The crony whom I met; I visit not the public house But how can I forget? They tell me he lives sober now, Once rummest of the rum; They hint he's to be married now I know it's; all a hum. Like me he grumbles loud, that we Can't meet as we have met; . And if he drank as I did drink, llz never can forget. From the Sunday Ildl, New Yo: k Temperance Advocate . TUc Yasilicc Psdlaar. Joshua Peabody was one of the five sons of a Connecticut farmer, who had just enough land to support on family, and no more; so that all the sons but the eldest, early discovered the necessity of resorting to some business, in which they could support themselves by their own exertions. Long before Joshua was of age, he had determined to pursue the honorable employment of peddling. In the fall of the year of which Joihua was 10, he obtained his father's consent to try his skill it) the employment he had chosen, and was soon equipped in first rate style not with a crazy cart and hlf starved horse, as was the custom fifty years ago; but with a substantial, veil made and well fed horse, and a covered wagon j glowing with all the colours of the rainbow ornamented with curtains, and trimmed with many a yard of red cotton fringe. His load requires a minute description, as it is often tho't very wonderful that a pedlar can travel a thousand miles and back, and make money, by selling out a load which does not appear to be worth half enough to. defray h'13 expenses. The most bulky part of our hero's load consisted of wooden clocks without cases, which cost two dollars and fifty cents a piece, on which he expected to make a profit of what he cr.ILd ten per cent., that is, ten times as much as they cost. Soms forty or fifty of those were snugly stowed on-the bottom of the wagon, and a nice lid shut over them to keep them secure; On this lid was placed a bag full of whiplashes, a few parcels-of cigars, and a number of boxes containing all the varieties of combs, from coarse horn lousetraps, to superfine ivory and high finished tortoise shell. The fore part of the wagon box, on which he expected to sit, constituted a separate apartment, the approach to which is secured by a pad-lock which dangled in front. This box contained an assortment, on the profits of which he was to subsist himself and his horse; and consisted of a great variety of good-for-nothing little things, which women are so fond of purchasing such as beads, ear rings, breast pins, and all the little et ceteras of jewelry; besides a good store of, essences, shaving soap, scissors, thread,! needles, pins, and stillettoes, not dag gers, my friends, but little instruments made of ivory, which the Ldies use for piercing round holes in muslin, for the express purpose of darnmt them up again. T t I 1 1 il -r P ... i u. i . , f : tl ! ttque mode. His hat had a brim that : was no broader than usual, and his hair j . i . .. i i i was not tied with an eel skin; but his . , . ., , . , oatward man was clothed in the substantial, comfortable, fear-nothing style of- an independent, unassuming firmer. Thus equipped, Joshua made a comfortable excursion to Ohio, and the same was annuallyrepeated for several years, hi every voyage, numerous incidents occurred, of sufiicient importance to deserve a place in some of our fashionable periodica!?, with all their minute details spun out into the formidable length of most modern tales, in which a page is talien up in telling what fifty years ago would have been told in a single line. Of these occurrences, it is my humble province to relate one, and that with all convenient brevity. In Joshua's fourth voyage, he had with him a larger number of clocks than usual; and would willingly have sold them at a less price than formerly, but for the fear that it would injure his business, and lower the price of his clocks forever after. He, therefore, N wisely concluded to keep up the price of twenty-five dollars, as usual; and hen he could do no better, to take any hg that was offered in trade, for ten 'it, provided the remaining fifteen Q a paid in cash. In this manner he 'Med a ;jreat many queer articles;

and in rmny instance had to cscrt a goodly share of ingenuity to dispose ol them to ndvnntngp. One farmer in-ts-ted on his taking Ptock, as he termed it, to which Joshua readily agreed. The old gentleman had in his mind's eye, at the time of making the proposition, a calf, which was so poor he was afraid it would die before spring. The said

calf was selected, and with all due formality was delivered to our hero. He made no objections; but with his usual gravity pocketed his fifteen dollars tied a rope round the calf's neck hitched it to the back of the wagon and

drove on. Great wonder prevailed ; ing you back the money, and paying throughout the country, to gee the ped- ! for the expense and trouble of keeping lar with so mean a calf or indeed with j him.' 'I'll do it,' says the Squire; 'but any kind of a calf, tied to the wagon; j hark ye, Joshua, tell him a pretty bad and many were the questions asked story about the bull, and discourage concerning so rare an occurrence, j him if you can.' 'Well, Squire, 3011 Cut Joshua was as grave as ever, lie ! may take the calf; but I sha'nt tell noknew his own business, and that was j thing to the General, nor nobody else, for his purpo;e. In one of his first ped-; that an't true. But in this case the tiling voyages he had formed an ac- I truth is bad enough ; and 1 rather guess

quaintance with 'Squire Leeland,' as he was called, in Licking county, who had long been in the habit of reading whatsoever came in his way, that

treated on agriculture; and was ex- j critters as this is I wouldn t give for.rtrcmely anxious to improve his breed j pence-ha'penny for him.' The Squire of cattle and sheep. In fact he had ! smiled sagely, and said as plain as any paid a large sum of money the year be- j man enn say without speaking, 'I know fore for a merino buck and ewe, by i what I'm about.' Joshua pocketed his which he had acquired so much celeb-i money, and departed with the gravity rity that he was looked up to with ofa sexton; and the Squire commenwonder by a part of his neighbors, and ! ced nursing his calf. !3y dint of unlaughed at by the rest. common attention and double feeding To Lie Squire's, then, Joshua made . he soon began to thrive, and in due

M13 ivnv? rwit li li;d thn Lnct tL'ih to cheat his old friend. He was too honest for that; for he was in the habit of boasting that he cheated nobody told no lies, and never travelled a road which he was afraid to travel attain. "But then," thought Joshua, "if" the Squire has a mind to cheat himself, it's nobody's business. 1 can't be to blame." His reception at the house of his old acquaintance was as cordial as he could have desired, and the evening was spent as usual in recounting the incidents which had occurred to each other since they last met. In the morning the Squire for the first time noticed the calf. 'Why, Joshua, what in the name of common sense have you got there?' 'Nothing but a poor, mean, lousy calf, that's all!' 'But what did you bring it here for?' 'I'll tell you what. Squire, it's a pretty considerable long story, and a foolish one to boot; but I must tell it to you. You know the 'Boston folks are full of notions,' and amongst other foolish ideas that's got into their heads, they think if they can oniy send to England and get any thing, it will be as good again as if they got it at home. So off they sent last summer, a'rter a drove of cattle: and you know, that they were thousands on 'em m the Bay State and Connecticut to be got as cheap agin. 'Yes, but Joshua, re member the importance of improving the breed of cattle in this country.' 'Improve a fiddle-stick! I beo- vonr nnrdon, Squire, but it puts me out of pa - tipnep. tr hpar folk tnlb- 5n. vnw . . . 5 r - tience to hear folks talk so. isow. 1 look at that calf! and s'posing he did come over from England, and they called him a Devonshire bull, and gave five hundred dollars for him: do you suppose he'd improve'your breed of cattle?' The eyes of Squire Leeland opened wide with astonishment, and he inquired with the greatest eagerness, if the calf was in fact one of the far f;imCl1 breed from Devonshire. 4I did not hc wa5 for 1 don,(: know anJ uuug aooui oreeas; duc 11 uenerni Braynaid has a mind to pay five hun dred dollars lor him, and give me fifty dollars to fetch him all the way from Boston, why, I say, the greater fool he.' The Squire was all in extacies. He n uuiiiuiri ui iwe nisi UICCU3 of catlc m England had been imported n j i r 1 r i 1 i u . nard had been striving to procure some c t, mm- ir3 . . ot them. 1 h:s calf must be one ,i i i ? i tvuni nun iiiiu uic.in; uv ms luiigjuuiney by sea and land. He asked a few pertinent questions, which Joshua answered with his usual circumlocution, 'ind the Squire was entirely satisfied that he then had the pleasure, for the first time in his life, of viewing one of that identical breed of cattle which he had so long been desirous to obtain. Joshua read all that passed in his mind, and proceeded accordingly: 'Now, Squire, I want a little of your candid advice; you see this calf is almost dead with his journey, and it's pretty nigh two hundred miles to General Braynard's; and I'm mighty 'iraid he'll die before I get there. If it wa'nt for my fifty dollars, which 1 must pay for my land, I should have killed him long ago. You can't tell what a plague he is to me. I have to drive so confounded slow, and spend half my time in nursing on him, that I don't know what to do.' 'Why, Joshua, if the fifty dollars is all your trouble, only leave him with me, and Til give you that sum in a jerk but don't think of killing him.' 'I'll tell you what, Squire Leeland, you and I have been acquainted these four years, and have always hitched our horses togetiier pretty well j ind now I advice you, aa

a friend, to give up your notions about merino sheep and Devonshire cattle to keep your fifty dollars, and have nothing to do with such a shabby looking creature as this is. But then, if you'll have your own way, I'll make you an oiler. You know a Yankee is always true to his employer; and I shan't leave General Draynard's calf w ithout giving him a chance to set jt again.' The

I Squire looked grave. 'Now, if you j have a mind to give fifty dollars, and j make out a writing with jour name to ; it, that any time within iix months the General may have the critter, by payhe won't come. And now, Squire, re member what I tell ycu I'd rather have one calf from your old brindled ! cow, than to have half a dozen such 1 fimr Kcr"i inn iWn irnnlor r I f!ir noiir) e ncimiborhood. ! covered The mistake was never disJoahua continued to make the Squire's house a regular stopnin place, but a close observer could see a kiiid of expression in the corner of his eye, when ho heard the neighbors extoiling Squire Lecland's Devonshire Bull. In the November number ot (he New England Magazine, in No. 2 of "Litters ro.n Ohio," the writer, in speaking of the judiciary system, says: tkOur next and lovvesi judicial officer is a justice of the peace. But he is a far more consequential personage than in most of the slates. His jurisdiction extends to all cases within a hundred dollars. And as the venerable forms of pleading are never u?cd in suits before him, so that the assistance of an attorney can safely be dispensed with, it follows that a large amount of collecting business is done by him, to the sore detriment of the lawyers. In fact this is generally a profitable cfike. and there is great competition in attaining it. The incumbent makes it an exclusive business, and in order to encourage the bringing of suit before him, he makes il almost a uniform principle to decide for the plaiutitF. This very simple rule of decision, enables the magistrate to despatch business in the most summary manner, and obviates the necessity ofa wearisome investigation. Produce !uu V""' bwear fcUiU 10 ana yo I have judgment in ten minutes: whi! i- ...iM . . 1 ou jud the poor defendant has no recourse but to give bonds, if he can, and appeal to the common pleaf. !t is not easy to conceive of a system of petty tyranny more vexatious than that which is exercised by these magistrates. Wo to the luckless wight who incurs their displeasure. Hi3 suit will be sure to go against him." It is but an act of justice to say that there are some exceptions to this rule. Cincinnati Chronicle. Mechanics A portion of the world profess to regard Mechanics as one degree below those individuals who have a living offered them without manual labor; but, rely on it, gentle reader that portion is a very small and very weak one. No man of sense, no true gentleman, ever drew this line. And I am bold to assert that in point of science, moral virtue, and even in practical politeness, the operative Mechanics of the United States of America are second to no class of people. The work-shop has produced as many great men as the college hall; it has done as much for Natural Philosophy, and mare for religion, than the counting room, and has done as much to develop intellect as hoarding wealth. The individual who stands up, in the face of the woi Id, and judges his fellow men by their ability to exist without labor, must be destitute of one of two very necessary qualifications, experience or common sense. For, with these on his side he would be enabled to see that intellect made the man, and the operation of moral cause, upon iht intellect, the gentleman. Alice his imagine God made man, and he endowed him with certain attributes, and he placed him in this world, with orders to exercis j those attributes to his own advantage and to his M-ikei's glory, and whosoever follows that command the most strictly deserves to take precedence of his fellow men, and he alone. Wealth is r.ot unfrequently the portion of knavery and folly; if we award to tl at ihj laurel which is due to worth, we award it ' iii kit Guff tie.

Temperance. Anecdote. Jo L. is a wag in his own way, and is always reeling off the odd end of some an.using yarn or other. Jo earns his bread by vending drops of ''creature comfort;" or, in other words, he keep? a vmali grocery store. A short time tince we called at Jo's store to taste some cfhi? nc-v invented, double distilled ltuntmpoirter lemonade, when alter txpresbing our admiration of its il ivor, he moused us with the following fact. ';Oii2 hot day last summer," said Jo, thrusting hi hands into his breeches pockets and giving hi? rifdit eve a leeward lurch,

while his Lit looked straight forward, as if to attend to all busint ? s of his shop t once, "a couple of good looking chapbut rather hard favored, and dty withal, whom I knew to be inllaential members of a Temperance Society, in a neighboring town, called in to moisten their tongue with my Ba; umpoorter. Egad! says I to myself, I'll ty your judgment touching matters of a spiritual nature; so I added a gill of clear I brandy to (he dose, which they swalj lowed with enormous satisfaction. , About half an hour after in came one ! of my gentlemen, p':fijrg and blowing like a (iu!oh S'ream Porpoise, and sweating hke M. Ciiauburt ai'ter an oven experiment. 1 dodged beuud a Cotton B-ile, expecting to have my brains beat oat for the triik. I ws not a Utile relieved to hear my temperate friend, in a voice in which I could distinguish the rich euaver of his former potion, engr?r!y demanding another la?s of my Lemonade, and, be careful, say? he, to fix i'just r.s jou did the other, for thai squinehtd my thirtt most f h. Dover .. Y. 11. Gax. The Siamese twins rvere lately exhibited in Exeter, N. IL The Boston Patriot tells a storv cf a physician cf that town, who being, desirous to ascertain for hinveif whether t he two bovs 'in corporeal sufrrr.:.cc' were identical or separate, inqui:C'.1 of Chang if 1 e should slick a pin in his shoulder what would be the eff ct cn his brother. "If ou stick a pin inio rae,:' letorled Chang quickly, "my brother Eng might knock you down." The Cincinnati Daily Advertiser relates the following circumstances S having occurred in the i4Tova of Boston' somewhere about the year 1760. "A captain cf a vessel having arrived from England upon a Sunday, Lis tflVetionhte wife, &nxicu3 to greet him, met him upon Lcng Wharf, when tc imprinted a kiss upen her lips for wliich cftVnce Pgiinst the purity of the morals of these goodly souls, he underwent ?. public whipping! Now rrmk the result: The captain put up will) the punishment he had received, as in duty bound and when the time arrived far hia departure pgain for Er.gk.nd, takirg his wif and children on board his ship, he dropped her down below the Costlo which defended the harbor, when, determined not to ba behindhand with the selectmen in p.eta cf civility and kindness, he invited them to in entertsinmenl on board his ship, where they were re ceived with every mark of respect ami hospi- j tality; hut (hc hour at length arrived when ; the best friends must part: the selectmen' had taken their leave nnd ascended the ship's 1 deck, where the toa'swain and his mte i were awaifiDg their arrival, and seiz'n each j of them, by turn, tied them up, and gave ! them Moses's huv, fihirty-nine lashes.) well laid on, they were tben put into their boat, j Bnd departed for town; whilst the captain! spread every sail to the breeze, end took a final leave of Boston." A countryman from Vermont offered a horse for sale lo a merchant in Boston. The merchant, supposing that the fellow had procured Ihe horso dishonestly, askrd if he knew 'Squire , of Wiodacr Vt. lie answered, "Yea." "Well," siysthe merchant, "he is & groat rascal." ' Very well," replied the jockey, 'he says the same of you." Being asked which he believed ''Fditli, I believe you both." A Ch'dicofhe paper, in giving ?.n account of a lata Canal Celebration, speaks ofa large ox on the occasion, which waa styled an "American System ex." Heretofore,' the system was not known to produce horned cattle, although animals with long ears have bcn idea'.ied with it since i(s first infroJucl!0n Banner rf the Constitution. The Lsesburgh Genius cf Lib?rfy contains the folioisiog advertisement: ilTwcntj Dollars lleicard Runaway from the Secretary of the American Coloniziticn Society, a negro man named Bill Crowley, who was sent to Washington for (hc purpose of sending hinj to Liberia," kc. Felcnlurgh Littlligenczr. A few Sundays since, a s'mpla taoVing country lad, to tvho3o lot fell tho leading question to Ihe Cntechisnt. lVhrtt is your nanifc?-' replied, Carro:!" "Who gave you that name?'' lA!i the boys in tho parish, Eir!" uhiuir.giy replied the red-haired urchin. Ale or beaten. Glide morning, Pat, an er e 'ting up the river thi? moriiing? Ve, Jrmmy. A:id do ye go in the N-rfli Ametica? Och, no; for they tvill chargt; )(j thioe dJters :;t:d ate ye. Atui v,h;it boat do ye go ii V.al Why lo be sure in theOhie ; for she will charge t wo di !!-i rs aw tt can u le yuurselj, J t ii, my . , Y I j cr .

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; i" . MEDICAL COLLEGE TpY end with the citvire and consent. of the ii3uci;rm?d Medic! Society cl t!.e UniWil Suns, the New lirlbmied Medical li.sii tutiei has bten located in WtTthivglor, &i ioitrcsiI 41 .. , I, I-.... w. II v liPtsllil.P Tl1 1 'c I'll li .'UllSMSl.J, HJWII U ' I lilt. l". """v - lCT, llgill llllll 9 II. I Ul t VIUIUIl"ui - northern tun p.ke. Tliis si e hus been chosen because ii p:r.-eis llu- greatest advuUages tt ftciiitate the icstarchc ol the liotanicl tu. hnt the cdi itry autn d it a! cundirg, wih extry variety of rr.edir tl plants -, tnd he situation heii.g the most kelikt rd d-JijJit-f'ul in the Wttftern c;-iin!i twl rn cause U;a occupancy of the lare College Edifice, trgethcr ;:th ground of every variety of to 1 tor n intensive liotanicsl (Jan en has been presented to U3 ry the ii iuid of Truatcts oiWcr. thirgton College. There will be attached to the Xr.stitiitWrt, s Dispensary -r jnatyiip fr.d prt paring V g etabie medicines; slut an 1; fn mry, htre persons from the t.t iphbi j Unod or & distinct, la bourinwc under J-'tvers, Cecst:niptie! s, !ysptpsia, Liver corrpt-intp, (iravti, Uicers, Fistulas, Cancer?, fee &c. ill be Fucctssfuily treated, wilhcut l!isi;n&, Mmui i t, or the Kmff, end from rhich the student u ill acquire & correct knowledge of the nature, cpei aticn, and superior riacaryef vegetable agents in ierr.oving disets?. Ti e necessity fr n Institution of th'akir.d, in the Vrt, ti nz u ruler trie direction of competent Irofeors i strikingly eridint. It t9 an i"3tilutio:i t!4t is desi'ied to concentriiti and d!33emin9tr, all th k;.owJc!r;e r.d discoveries of Doctors of Medicine and cmpric9t sage3 and z : tod that will dtmorifirate to tUt? student an i the sit k t!.l Vegctattf alone, a fiord th only rationiil, safe, nd cfTectual meins cf removii ; dist tap, without iirpjirin tle ccrstitutirn, cr e. dangerirg life or limb That the prfs:nt system of Tractice, which treats diseases of etrry forrff, with Metalic minej.ls, th? Lancet or the Knife, is d.tngrrous, and imhlciert the 1 rem table fac'a which every dy present too fully illustrate. Nor is this truth mre cl?sriy exhibited, thsn the fc, thttt Vegetable .cii'p nr es alor.e, tre void of dangfr, and poweifulSy efi'cient vhen prcpe: ly adminis'pred a reference to the rucctS3 of our New York 1-fi-nmry, nnd the success of ice.nrant Hotanicat physicisrs, prove thi fact. Th College and li fi nary will Le opened the first werfc in IecrmSer, where students from all part, miy enter ur.d eorrplcte i heir .;edical education, and whrre pcrjona labourin$f under erry -pcira cf disease shall receive pron.pt and faiihf.il attention. Th; course of s-udy to be pursued, end which will te taught according to the OLD aid th IlrrniKi systfms, hy Lectures, liccitatior.s, K:n-jticn3 end suitable test books, , 1 Arutrmy snd rhysiclogy. 2. Ckl and Reformed Su'gery 3. Theory ard Prrctice of Mdicin. 4 The old and r.n improved system of Jliduifrry, with the diseases of wonvn and children. 5. Materia Medira, with practical t-.vd general Potany. 6. Jlfdicjt! 4 Motanical Chemistry and iarmacy. 7. Stated Lectures an colUterail Science Morul nnd Mental philosophy Phrenology Medical Jurisprudence Crr:arlive Anatomy Medical History, fic. hc. T.y attendirj:; this Icstitution, the Student wiii acquire a correct knowledge of the Present practice of physicians a knowledge cf the use, n:l abuse, of Minerals, the L&nctt, Obstetrical Forceps nd the Knife, and aknowi edg-5 ofa new end Improved system, that eupe'rcedrs their use, vith ten-told more ss'ety and success. Th. r will Le ro specified time so complete a course of study 1 whenever the Undent is qualified he m.y graduate and receive a Diph m acme will pass in cne year o'.hers will tocni'- e more. LFQUiSn IONS FOR ADMISSION. 1. A certificate of good morii character. 2 ?ood Lrediah education. Tsi5?.i3 The p-ice of tiualifyir.g 0 person to practice, iecludirg a Diploma, trd acce3 to all the a Iva.Tinges rf the Institution, wid he $150 in advance, or 75 in advance, sr.d 100 at the close of his studies. Kvtry advantage girn, and acme allowance made to these in indigent circumstances Heard will be had at Vsi C'J per week, and Books at the western cr prices. Xjvery student on entering Worthirgton College, will become an honorary number of the li--farmed Medical Society o,f the U. S. from which I s will receive a Diplotr.3, '-.nd an Annual i! port of all the doirgs and discoveries of its different members, and he tntitUd to ll its constitutional privileges and benttits. V Those wishing further information will please Bddres3 a letter (pest paid) to Col. C IL Griswohl, or the undersigned, and it shall receive prompt attention. Students end others, had better beware cf the slanders of the present physicians, uho know no more about cur institution, than they do about IJotan'ical Mrdirirc J.J. STEELE, President. Worthingtcn. Ohio, Oct. 1. 1830. 46-lyr. CUE.KISTS .LVD J)M7C;(JISTS Xo. 3. Upper Market, (or F.fih) Street, it tlie old s:gn of the GOOD STTaSiLItlTAST, . Cincinnati, Ohio. Whoits-e i lietail dealers in Drugs, Medicines, PAINTS, OILS, f A IE HSSllOa lV2idGiV-GiZaS.8, tire. SY. July 23, 1831. 296 rco fr COUi'LE cf Sat! SitCS jj f?r 9 t!o low on a credit; or they will he exchanged fur wood or other country produce. Enquire at the Palladium Oil'ce. TU'O cents pr-r pound It fi"Il i!' 00 i:!vcn fr any quantity cf cleaa Cotton .ud Linen 121?; nt this oflics. IT.INTTD AND lUIUSIIF.D LY Publisher of (he Lut:s of ihe dated State?. it h ' . The IV'.I'adinm i? printed vet kiy, on super royul p: j er, at TllliKK DOLL 1, per i.i!iiiim paid ut 11 e er.a (t Vc year, but wtuch mav be discharged by the payment of TWO DOLLMJS '.n (u'vufcc. or b pavir.. TWO iiOLLi; ITFIY CLM'S at tho en r:iti ;n of ".r v;r,nit3 I liose vh a rtce.e tlicir p'per; by tlie mail c.: rior, i.u.it p:.y il.e caei ioj.. e, o hcrw iac it A I 13 tiiCil' eUt-Cl 1; t.i

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