Indianapolis Recorder, Indianapolis, Marion County, 20 December 2002 — Page 26

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 20,2002

THE INDIANAPOLIS RECORDER

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Pictured are members of the Planner House Guild during their recent Christmas dinner. (Photo/C. Guynn)

Strengthen your relationship over the holidays

The holiday season is often holidays: stressful. Spending time with fam- • When faced with a choice ily, entertaining guests and shop- between making yourself or your ping for just the right gift can partner look good, choose your make you tense. But the holidays partner. Kindness is always betare an opportunity for your rela- ter than selfishness, tionship to grow if you approach • Touch each other lovingly just this time with the right attitude, to make contact. “A great relationship takes • Respect and honor your parmore than just love. It takes real ents, but don’t let them come beeffort,” says author Liya Lev tweenyouandyourpartner.Stick Oertel. “If you and your partner together and defend each other, work together on the little things, • Tell others how wonderful like chores around the house, the and special your partner is - in big things will be much easier." your partner’s presence. Words Here are some helpful tips that ofpraise are more flattering when Oertel offers in Couple Care that they’re said in front of other may be useful for you and your people, partner while preparing for the • Don’t help with the house-

work and kids; rather, share the daily chores. Your home, children, pets and so on are joint responsibilities. • Never criticize each other in public. It humiliates both of you and makes others uncomfortable. • Expect the best from each other. High (yet realistic) expectations tend to yield relationships full of respect and love. Oertel also reminds couples that not eveiy decision has to be made together. “To save time and energy, decide what major issues require both of you to have input, and leave minor concerns to your own discretion,” Oertel says.

ASK GWENDOLYN

By GWENDOLYN BAINES Dear Gwendolyn: Perhaps you’ve never heard anything like this before, so I’m going to make a long story short. I am a 38-year-old single mom. My children are ages are 14 and 11.1 am now attending graduate school, but above all, I am a faithful Christian. I believe in the power of prayer. I believe that once you put something in God’s hand, it should be left alone. However, is it wrong to feel lonely? Sometimes I feel no one loves me. I have prayed sincerely for that special person. Now I’m just waiting. Will you pray for me, too? I like social events, but I am not the club-going, smoking, drinking and cursing type. Gwendolyn, I believe it is not up to a woman to look for a man. Am I right? What’s your advice? Jessica Dear Jessica: You have asked several questions and I will attempt to give an answer to each. No, it is not wrong to feel lonely. Wanting to love and to be loved is a woman’s nature, the way we were created, so to speak. What is wrong, however, is to feel by getting married, you will totally erase loneliness from your life. The repeating of vows, the throwing of rice, the limousine, the wedding dress and everything that makes a beautiful wedding, dq^s not necessarily make a beautiful marriage. A woman’s dream can easily go from being single and unhappy to being "unhappily” married. Whatever you do, Jennifer, do not marry any man just for the sake of being married. Let me tell you this: My father was a minister and married many couples. After our house burned, my parents lived in a little house while trying to build a larger, nicer house on the property. • • '•» t.

One day Dad told Mom he was going to marry a couple there. My mother was quite upset because our house was just practically a temporary shelter until the larger house was completed. When she apologized to the couple that the house was not finished, the groom turned to my mother and said, "The appearance of your house doesn’t matter because we are in love.” That couple left with a halo over them and you could just feel their love. I once met another couple while eating with my parents in a restaurant. The young man apparently recognized my father as the minister who performed his marriage. He came to our table and said, "Reverend, marrying me to my wife is the best thing you ever did.” I just wanted to share these two wonderful stories with you. You see, hope for that type of union, or nothing at all. I will now answer your question as to whether a woman should look for a man. Again, no. However, it is good to get out and enjoy yourself. He could be out there and if so, the two of you will meet. One woman told me she met

her husband right at home. He came to her door looking for a relative that had recently moved two doors down. The house number he had ended with an eight instead of six. That mistake in a house number turned out to be her true love and soul mate. To your last question asking me to pray for you to find your mate, again, no. I will not pray for you to find a man, although I will pray that you come to appreciate your life and to understand God’s * goodness to you. Think about it. The average woman will spend half her life looking for a mate, and the other half trying to get a divorce. It is said that a person is born to find his/her mate. But to sit and wait is bad. Time moves on and waits for no woman. Jennifer, stop wasting your life away. Make for yourself a happy life, and value your freedom—while you still have it.

Got a problem? Don’t try to solve it alone. Write to Gwendolyn Baines at P. O. Box 78246, Nashville, Tenn. 372078246; e-mail her at [email protected].

KWANZZAA ► Continued from Pago 8 mkeka to represent each child in on the last day of Kwanzaa are the household and are called the called the zawadi (zah-WAH-dee) vibunzi (vee-BUN-zee) or and should be love gifts that are muhindi (moo-HEE-dee). homemade or that instill cultural • A basket filled with fruit and/ knowledge. or gourds represents the gather- On Dec. 31, the Kuumba ing in of the crops and the com- evening highlight is a feast called munity. It is called the mazao Karamu (kah-RAH-moo). The (niah-ZA-oh). program for the Karamu usually • The unity cup is also placed involves a welcome, acknowledgon the mkeka. It is a symbol of ment of the spirit of our ancestors unity and is called die kikombe and the presence of the elders, a cha umoja (kee-KOM-bee-cha- reflection on the past year, goal-oo-MOH-jah). setting for the year to come, a • The seven candles that are recommitment to traditional Afplaced in the kinara are called the rican values, rejoicing, a farewell mishumaa saba (mee-shoo- statement and the seven MAH-SAH-bah). Harambees, which call for pull- • The gifts traditionally given ingtogether in unity.

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YULETIDE CELEBRATION

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