Indianapolis Recorder, Indianapolis, Marion County, 25 October 2002 — Page 17

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 25,2002

THE INDIANAPOLIS RECORDER

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Christian singles say yes to abstinence classes

By SYLVIA DUNNAVANT Special to the NNPA From the Dallas Examiner DALLAS (NNPA) - In the 70s there was a national emphasis on free love, and if it feels good do it The late ‘80s and the rising AIDS epidemic slowed the free love movement, but didn’t stop it. Now almost three decades later, Christian’s singles are spreading a new trend: “Just say no to sex.” Although the abstinence movement was originally designed to curtail teen-age pregnancy, it has quickly spread to adult programs that are benefiting from the same

message.

Friendship West Baptist Church in Oak Cliff is a national leader in the movement for Christian singles and other adults. Its main class is part of the ‘True Love Waits” program, began by author Robert Ross. “Because of my own personal experiences and the things I have dealt with, God called me to teach about abstinence,” said Rev. Anita Harris, an associate minister at Friendship West “At first I started teaching the youth, then I began teaching singles, now I even have a class for couples.” “When we deal with married couples, we address the fact that sometimes one partner may wish to abstain from sex, which is not biblical and open doors for outside relationships,” she said. ‘ Harris also said the church can not forget those who are married but living single, such as those with a partner who is incarcerated, or may be separated from a spouse serving in the military. During a recent True Love class. Rev. Marilyn Giles, an associate minister at Friendship West and a motivational speaker, said the church has to realize the majority of singles are not abstaining from sex because we live in such a promiscuous soci-

ety now.

‘Today it seems like anything goes. People have lost their sense of shame. Even in the church, people are not ashamed to sleep around. They are not ashamed to live with someone,” said Giles. “Because society has influenced the church more than the church has influenced society, we have lowered our standards when it comes to Christian conduct. Giles speaks from personal experience. Her father’s death when she was 3 years old and then the rape by herstepfatherwhenshewas 15 years old perverted her perception of what a male figure should be. Her response to that perversion, she said, was promiscuous, premarital sex. Giles encouraged the 33 male and female class participants to abstain from sex until marriage. Waving her arms in the air she said, “You can do it! And this is the testimony of an ex-tramp. I was a bona fide, certified tramp.” Once she surrendered that aspect of her life to God, she said, he changed things for her. Giles said she tries to make sure that Christian singles don't look at marriage as the answerto lust “Many people think if you have a problem with lust you get married. Sex ruins the courtship, but it enhances a marriage,” said Giles. “If you get married just for sex, if

the person develops some kind of disease, has a car accident and can’t have sex any more, then you are ready to head to the divorce court. You must learn self-control as a single person in order to exhibit selfcontrol as a married person,” said

Giles.

Although all of the singles seemed to be dedicated to the class, they still had a lot of questions about absti-

nence. One of the biggest questions was: “What is the difference between abstinence and celibacy?’ Giles, 54, was clear to her students: “Celibacy means you have never opened that Pandora’s box, and you make a vow to God that you will never marry. I am not Baskin and Robbins, no teaspoons. I am not Mary Kaye, no free samples. Dominos delivers, but I am not delivering

nothing. “Abstinence is to refrain from any food, drink or other activity for a specified time. It is not just sex. Abstinence is not adirty word. There are some foods we might need to give up. Sometimes I have to tell myself, ‘If I could just pass up McDonald’s french fries.’ We must remember an addiction is an addition is an addiction."

Yolonda Grow, a program graduate and leader of this year’s session, said the program ends with a ring ceremony, with participants wearing African garments and actually have a wedding ceremony. “We walk down the aisle and light the unity candle and make a covenant with God. We also have an actual ring that we wear and our accountability partner gives us that

ring. We make that vow to our accountability partner, as well as to the Lord not to have sex until we get married,” explained Grow. Christian singles who take their focus off sex, can better explore their purpose in God. “We single adults are becoming more aware of being living sacrifice for the Lord,” she said.

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