Indianapolis News, Indianapolis, Marion County, 2 January 1892 — Page 11

h

.If?'

THE INDIANAPOLIS NEWS, 8ATUKDAY, JANXJAEY 2, 18S2.

lARKTWAIN’S LETTER

The DUtiufniished Humorist Tells How He Flays Courier.

Bis Absent-Mindedness leads mm Into Melancholy , Gomplicattons.

Flayinf Cosrtet !• Fss for Uie Awatesr TImb Peofle May Have Sap- . posed.

Tfce Path to Bayreath — Geitiag tIeepiag-Car Tickets — lllriag Maay Cahs—A lost Letter of Credit—Before .the Policcr—Aa Accident.

/WrltUn (Of T1islB<HsnssoH« ^-opyrtrht 1 A tinis would oonie when wt rnuot go from AiS'les-Bsloef to OeucTa, and from thsnce, t>ysssrissof dsy-loogsnd tangled journeys, to Osyrojitb, lo Bararis. I should hsTe to hsrs s courier, of eourw, to take care of so soneiderahle a party as mine. but I procrastinated. The time elipped along, and at last I woke up one day to the Act that "ee were rea<ly to move and bad no •surier. I then reeolyed upon what I felt WM a foolhardy thing, hut I was in the humor of it. 1 eaid I would make the 6rst staff# witlK>ut help —1 did iL . 1 brought the party from Air to Tiencva by myself—four people. The distance was two hour# and more, an«l there was one ehsngs of oars. There was not an accident of any kind, except leas'mg • value ami aoma other matter*on the plotforui, a thine which can hardly he called an accident, it is SO common. So I offered to conduct the pafty the aav to Ilavrcuth. Tliis was a blunder, thoiurh It did not seem so at the time. There was more detail than I thouffht there would be (IjTwo pereons whom we had left in a tJeneva pension some weeks before, must be collected and brought to the hotel’, ('2) I must notify the people on the Grand Quay who store trunks to bring lersn nf stored trunks to the hotel cud carry hack seven which they would find piled in the lobby; (3) ’ must find out what part of Kurope Bayreuth was In, and buv seven railway tickets for that point; (4l I must sand a telegram to a friend In the Netherlands; (3) It was now 2 In the afteinnoii, and l*e must look sharp and be rearly for the first night train and make •»e of eieeplng'car tickets; (6) 1 must dm4D0nev at the bank. It teemed ‘to me that the sleaoing-car tiskete must be the most mifiortant thing, •0 I weut to the station nnsell to make sure; hotel niessengers are notalwnvs brisk people. It was a hot dav, and I ought to haee driven, hut it seemed better economy to walk. It did not turn out so, heea'use I lost my way and trebled the distance. I applied for the\ickets, and they asked me which route I wanted to go hr, and that embarrassed me and ' made me lose my l^ead, there were so niutiv people standing around and 1 not know mg anything about the routesl'and not supposing there were going to ba two; so I judged it best to go back and map out Iht road and come again. 4 took a cab this time, but on my way up■tairs at the hotel I remembered that I was out of cigars, so I thought it would be well to get aomc while the metier was In my mind, it was only around the corner, and I didn’t need the cab. I asked the cabman to wait where he was. Thinking of the telegrem and trying to word it in my head, I forgot the oigare and the cab and walked on ind^niteljr. I was going to have the hotel people send the telegram, but as I aould not be far from the postofiioe bv this time, I thought I would do it tnvself. But it was further than 1 had supposed. I found the place at last and wrote the teieeram and handed it in. The clerk was a strere- ^ i04>king, fidgety men, and he began to fire * French questions at nio in such a liquid form that 1 could not detect the joints betweed hl« wbrtls, and this made me lose my head again. But an Knglishman stepped up and eald tha clerk wanted to know where he was tQ tend the telegram. I could not ,tell him, because it was nut mv telegram, and I explained that I was merely seudinir It for a member of my party. But nothing would pacify the clerk but tnc address; ,io 1 eald that If he was to particular I would go back and get it. However, I thoueht I would go and collect those lacking two persons tin.t, fur it * would be best to do everyiliiuff svsteinatieaUy and \h order, and one detail at a time. Then 1 remembered the eab was eutlag up my Btibstanee down at the hotel jouder; so I called another cab and told the man to go down and fetch it to the poetoffiee and wait till I eame. 1 had a long hot walk to coUert those people, and when 1 got there they couldn’t •ome with me because they bad heavy eeohela and must have a eab. I weut away to find out, but before t ran acroM any 1 noticed that I bad reached the ucighborltood of the Grand Quay—at least i tkouffht i had—eo 1 judged I could save tine by atepplng around and arranging about the trunks- I stepped around about a mile, and altbougb 1 d.d not find vhe (irand Quay, 1 found a cigar shop and rcBsembered about the cigars. I said 1 w as going to Bayreuth, and wanted enough for the Journey. The man asked me which route I was goinff to take. 1 said I did not know. He said he would recommend me lo go by Zurich and various other places which he waniod, and ortVred to sell me ■even tecond-eIa<a tluough tickets for $22 apiece, wbiek would be throwing off the diecouat whleh the railroads allowed him. 1 was already tired of riding secoud class’ oa first-class tiekeb, so 1 took him up. By and by 1 found Natund A Co.'e ■lorage office, and told them to send seven af oar trunks to the hotel and pile them up la the lobby. Itoesmiedto me that i was Bot delivering the whole of the mciMa^e, atilt tt was all 1 could find in my head. Next 1 found the bank and a«kcd for aease asooey^ but 1 had left my letter of aredit •nwewbere and was not able to draw. I reastabered now that 4 must have left it lying on Ae table where 1 wrote my telefriMi; eo 1 got a cab and drove to the postoffice and went spstairs, and they said that k letter of credit had indeed been left oa the table, but that it was now in the hands of tho polioo authorities, and it would bo Bocesaary for me to go there and prove property. Tbef lent a boy with me, and we went out the bock way and walked a oouple of mile* and found iho place; and then I romeiabered ab.»ut my cabe, and asked the boy to rend them to me whoa he got hack to the poetoffioo. It was nightfall now, and the anoyor had gone to dinner. I thought I voald go to ftinuer nveelf, bot the officer •a doty tkooght difleiwntlv, and I stared. Tito BsoTor dropised in at half past ttn,'bnt ■aid it was too late to do anything to-night —•osie at 0:3d la the morning. The officer vaiited to keep me all night, and enidt wasa aaspleipq* looking person and probably did i awn the letter of credit, apd didn't know ^at a Utter of eredtt wasi but asarely saw

tha real owaer leave H lying oa the table, aad weated to get it beteose I was probably a ptrsoB that wpuld want anything be could get, whether it was valunole or not. But the mayor said be saw nothing sospieioDS aboat me, and that 1 seemed a barmleee pereoa and nothing the matter t with me but a wanderinf mind, and not > mneh of that. So 1 thanked him and be ! act me free, aad I went borne ia my three ! . . I As I was dog-tired, and in ne condition to answer qacetioas sritb dieereiion, I thought 1 would not diftorb too expedition et shat time of Bight, ■■ thoro was a veeaot room I kaewof at tha other end of tho ball, but I did not quite arrive there, as e watch bed been set, the expedition being anxious eboot me. 1 was placed in a galling sitaation. The expeditieo sat stiff and forbidding on fonr chairs in a row, with shawls and tbings all on, satchels and guide-books in lap. They bad been sitting like that for ’ fonr hours, and the glass going down all the - time. Yes, and they were weitinff—waiting , for me. It seemed to me thet nothing but a sadden, beppilv-eontrived end brilliant toor dc force could break tbw iron front end make a diversion in my fever, so I shied my hat into the arena, end followed it with a skip end a jomp, ebouting bUthelv: , “Ha,* ha. here we all are, Mr. Merr>-man”’ Nothing ooald be deeper or itiller t^.an the abtenec of applause which followed, i But I kept on; tuere seemed no other way, i though my confidence, po<*r enough before, had irot a deadly ehecx, and was in effect { gone. I I tried to be jocnod out of a heavy heart I tried to touch tbe other hearti there and soften the bitter reventment in lho»e faces ‘ by throwing off bright and airy fun and ; making of tbs whole gboilly thing s jov- I outiT humorons incident, but this idea was j not well conceived. It was not the right ' atmosuhere for it. I got not one smile, not | one hoe in those offended faces reisied, 1 thawed nothing of the winter thfil looked ' out of those frostv eyes. 1 started oii»- more i breezy, poor eflort, but the head of the ex- i pedition cut into the center of it and said- 1 “Wliere have you been ( I saw by the manner of this, that the idea j was to get down to cold bu-.iue«'>, now >0 , I began my travels, but wa» cut snort acani. I * “Where are the two (rthers’ Uehavei been in frightful anxiety about them ’ “(Ih, they re all right f was to fetch a cab. I will go siiaiL'ht o!?, and— "Sit «lown. I>on t vou know it is 11 o’clock'-' Where did you leave them?” *‘.\t the pension.’’ , “V\ liy didn’t you bring them’’’ “Bfcause we couldn’t carry the sncbels. And so 1 thought—” ‘•■J liouglit! You should not try to think. One can not think witnout the proper niachiiierr. it is two miles to that pension. Ind you ffo there without a cab?” * J— well, I didn’t intend to, it only happened so.” “How did it happen so’” “Because 1 was at the postoffice and I remembered tliat I had IcU a cab waiting iiere, and so, to stop that expenae I sent anotliercnb to—to— ’ “To what''” “Well, I don’t remember now, but I think the new cab was to have the hotel pav tiie old cab and send it away.” “Wliat good would that do?” “What good would it do? It would stop the expeuse, wouldu t it?” “By putting the new cab ia its place Ui continue the expense''” I did’t say anything. “Why didn’t you have tbe new cab come baok for you?” “<Jh, that IS what f did. 1 remember now. Yes. that is what I did. Because I recollect that when I—’’ “\\ ell, theu, why didn’t it come back for you "To the postoffice’ Why, it did.” “Very well, then, how did you come to walk to the pension?” “I—I don’t quite remember how that huyapeiied. Gli, yes, 1 do remember, now. 1 wyuie tlie disjiateli to send to the Netherlands, and—” “Oh, thank goodness, you did accomplisli something' 1 wouldn’t have had \ou fail to send — what makes you look like tliatj Y«>u are trying to avoid my eye. Thjit dispatch is the most important thing thaS—You haven’t sent that dispatch!” “I haven’t said 1 didn’t send it.” “You don’t need to. Oh, dear, I wouldn’t have had that telegram fail for auythiug. W liy didn’t you send it?” “\Vell, you see with so manv things to do and think of, I—they’re very particular there, and after I had written tbe telegram—” “Oh, never mind, let it tro, explanations can't help the mutter now^what will be think of us?” “Ob, that’s all right, that's all right, he’ll think wo gave the telegiam to the hotel people and that they—” “\Vhv, certainly! Why didn’t vou do that? There was no other rational way.” “Yes, 1 know, but tlien 1 had it on my mind that 1 must he sure aud get to the bank uiitl draw some money—” “Well, vou are entitled to some credit, after all, for thinking ot that, and I don’t wish to be too hard on you, though you must acknowledge yourself that vou have cost us all a good deal of trouble, and some o( It not ueoessary*. How much did you iliaw?” “Well, I—I had au idea that—that—” “That what”’ “That—well, it seems to me that in the ci I'unistaiices—so many of us, you know, and - and—” “What are you moonine about? Do turn your face this wav and let me—why, you haven't drawn aiiv money’ ’ •*\\ell, the banker .'*aui—” “Never mind wbat ilie banker said. You must have had a reason of your own Not a reason, exiioilv, but something which—” “Well, then, the simple fact was, that I hadn’t my letter of ciedil.’’ "Hadn't your letter ot credit?” “Hadn’t niy letter of credit.” “Don’t repent me like that. Where was it”’ “.Vt the postoffice.” "What was it doing tliere”' ••\V ell, 1 fo'^goi It and loft it there.’’ “rpou my word, I’ve seen a good many couriers, hut ot all the couriers that ever 1-•’ “I’ve done the best I conUl.” “Well, so you have, poor thing, and I’m wrong to abuse you so when you’ve been woikiuff yourself to death while we ve Iteeu sitting here onir thinking of our veMitions instead of feeling gratelul for what you were Irving to do for us. It will ail come out right. Wc can take the 7:30 tram m the morning just as well. Y’ou’ve bought the ticket>”’ “I have—and it’s a bartrain, too. Second class.” “I’m glad of it. Kverybody else travels second-cla>-«. and we might just as well save that ruinous extra charge. Whet did you pay*” •‘I wenty-two dollars apiece—through to B.i\ rentb.” “.NVhv, 1 didn’t know you could buy through tickets au\ where but in London and Pans.” "Some people c.'in’t, mavbe; but some people can—ot whom I am one of which, it appearv” "It seems a rather high price.” “Ou the contranr, tbe dealer knocked off Ills conimiasiou.” "Dealer?” “Y’^s—I Ivought them at a cigar shop.” “That reminds me. We-shall have to get up pretty earlv, and so there should be uo packing lo dv>. Y'our umbrella, your rubber*. your cigars—what i« the matted* ’ ‘•Hang It, I’ve left the cigar* at the bank.” ‘Mast think of it! Well, your umbrella?’’ “1 have that all right. 'There'e uo hurry.” ‘•Wlijt do von mean bv that?’’ “Oh, that’s uU right; iTi take care of —” “Where is that umbrella?” “It's just the merest step—it won’t take me —” ^ “Wberw is It”’ “Well, I think I left it at the cigar shop; but anyway—” “Take your feet out fresu under that thing. It’s iuet oa 1 expected! When are your rut>ber*V’ “Thtf-wen-” “Where are your rubbers?” “It’s got M dry now—well, everybody eava there'e not goiac (o be another drop of—” “ Where—are—your—rubbers?” “Well, you see—w^B, it was thia vay. First, tha effioer said—” ‘?What affiotrr

“PoUea offiotr; bat tha Buyer, b#—” “What auvorf' "Mayor of Geneva; but 1 said—” “Wait. Wbat i* the matter with you?” "Who, me? Nothing. They both tried to persuade roe to stay, and—” “Sur where?” “Weil—the fact is—” “Where have you been? YVbat’s kept you out till half-put 10 at night?” “O, you sec, after 1 lost my lettqr of credit, I—” “You are beating around the bukh a good deal. Now answer the qaestion lu just one ■traiffbtforward word, where ore those rabbenr ‘‘They—well, they’re in tbe county jaiL” I started a placating smile, bot it petrified. The climate was nosuitable. Spending three or four hours in jail did not seem to the expedition bumoroua Neither did it to me, at bottom. I bad to explain tbe whole thing, and of coarse it rime out then that we couldn’t take the early tram, because that would leave mv letter of credit in hock stilL It did look u if we had all got to go to bed estranged and luthapjiv, but by g<>od luck that was prevented. There happened lo be ment-un of the trunks, and 1 was able to eav I bad attended to that feature. "There, you are just as good and thoughtful and painstaking and intelligent os vou can be. and it s a snanie to find so much fault with vou, and there shan t be another word of It. S'ou’ve dune beautifully, admirablv, and ] in sorry I ever sa d one ungrateful word to yon ” 'Ihis hit deeper tiiau some of the other things and made me uneon>fortable, he-cau-e I wasn’t feeling as solid about tnat trunk err.vn 1 a* I wanted to. '1 here seemed Bomeh' w to be a deiect about it somew here, tiiouch I wouldn’t put luy finger on it. and didn't like to stir the matter ju«t now, it being late and may be well enough to let well enough alone. f If course there was music in the morning, wlien It was found that we couldri’t leave bv the ear.r train. Hot I had no time t'«a.i, 1 got nii!r the opening bars of the overiuie an i tlien started out to get my letti r of cred.t. 11‘•eetijed a good time to look into the trui.k b’lsii ess and reel fy it if it needed it, and I hd(f a -uspicion that it dut I was loo late 1 tie concierge '•aid he had shipped ttie trunks to /.uricti the evening heiore. I H'keil him how he could do that without exliitutitic T'Bss.atfe tickets. “.Not nvessari in •'w it/crinnd. Y'ou pnv for your trunks and send them where vou jdease. Nothing goes free but vour Land baggage.’’ "flow much did vou pay on them?” “.\. i.iiiiU'cd and fort) traucs.” “'fweutv-eigtit dollars. There's someth ng wrong about that trunk busioesb, sure.’’ Next I met the porter. lie said— “ i < u li.i\e not slept we'l, is it not’ Y’ou have the worn look. If vou would like a courier, a good one has arrive<f last night, and IS not engaced for five days already, liy the mime of I.udi. We recommend him ; dassheisa, the (iraude Hotel Beau Kivage recommends him.” I declined with coldness. My spirit was not broken yet, and I did not like having my condition taken notice of in this wav. I was at the county iad hy 9 o’clock, hoping that the mayor might chance to come before his regular hour; but lie didn't. It was dull tliere. Every time I offered to touch anythme, or look at auvtliing, or do anything, or refrain from doing anything, the policeman ►aid it was “defendee.” I thought 1 would practice mv French on him, but he wouldn’t have that, either. It seemed to make him particularly bitter to hear his own tongue. Tlip may or came at last, and then there was no trouble; tor the minute he had convened the !^’unreme (.’ourt—which they always do wtienever there is vainahia property in dispute—and got everything shipsliape and a* nines posted, and had jiruyer by the chaplain, my unsealed letter was brouglit .iiid opened, and there wasn’t anything 111 u but some photograjibs, because, as I remeiuliered now, I had taken out the letter of credit so as to make room for the jihotograjdiu. and had put the letter id niv Ollier pocKct, which I proved lo everybody’s satisfaction bv fetching it out and show mg it with a good deal of exultation. .'<0 then the couit looked at each other iu a vacant kind of nay and then at me, find then at each other again, and finally let me go, but eaid it was imprudent for me to be at large, and asked me what my profes^on was. 1 said I was a eouner. They lifted up their e\e** 111 a kind of reverent w ay and said, “Du lieber Hott 1” and I said a word of couiteous thanks for their apparent admiration and hurried off to the bank. However, being a courier was already making me a great stickler for order anil system, and one ‘thing at a time and each thing in Its own proncr turn; 'o I passed t'V tlie blink, anif brauclicd off and stdrted for the two lacking members of the expedition. A cub lu/ied t)\, and i took, it, iijion persuasion. 1 gained no speeil by thi-', but it was a reposctiil turnout, and I liked rcposefuliiess. The woek-hmg jubilations over the SIX huiidreiith anniversary of the birth of Swiss liberty and the signing of the compact was at tlood-tuie, and all the streets were clothed in llutteriiig Hags. The horse and tlie driver had been drunk tiiree davs and n.giits, and had known no Stull nor bed mcanlnne. They looked as I felt—d'cnniy and scevlv. But we arrived in tlie course of tmie. I went in and rang, and a^ked a housemaid to rusli out tlie lacking members. She said something which 1 did not underHtand, and I returned to the eliar’ot. The girl had probably told me that those people did not belong on her floor, ami that it would be judicioiH for me to go higher and ring 'rom tloor to floor till I found them for in those Swiss flats there does not seem to be any way to find the right famii) but to be jiatient and guess vour way along up. I calculated tliat 1 riiust wait liiteen minutes, there being three details inseparable from au occa-ion of this Roit f 11 Put on huts and come down and climb in ; (2) return of one to get “my other glove,’’ uD presently, return of the other one to fetch “my French Verbs at a tilauce.’’ 1 would muse during the lifteeu minulcs and take it ea.sy, A very still and blank Interval ensued, and then 1 felt a liaiid on my shoulder and started. The intruder wa.s a policeman. I glanceii up aiiu perceived tiiat there was nsw scenery. Theie was a good deal of a crowd, ami they had that pleased and interested look which such a crowd wears when the) see that somebody is ouiof luck. The horse was asleep, aud so was the driver, and some bovs bad hung them and me full of gaud) decoratioua stolen Iroin the iunuiuerable baiiuer poles. It was a scandalous spectacle. The officer said: "I in sorry, but we can’t Lave von sleeping here all day.” 1 was wounded and said with dignity: "1 beg your pardon, I was not sleeping, I was thiukiug.” “Well, Toil can think if von want to, but you’ve got to tlnnk to vour>-elf; you disturb tbe whole neighborhood ” It w as a poor joke, but it made the crowd laugh. I snore at night, sometimes, hut it 13 not likelv that I wouid do sucu a thid^ in the dav time and m sneh a place. The offie'er uudecorated ii* and seemed sorry for our friendlessnesa, and really tried to be humane, but he said we mustn’t stop there an V longer or he would nave to charge us rent—it was the law, he said, and he went ou to sav in a i-oc able way that I was looking prettv inolay, and he wished he knew— “I shut him off pretty ansterelv, and said I hoped one might celebrate a little, these davs, especially when one was personally concerned. "Personally?” he R<ked. •‘How?'’ “Because «u.x hundred rears ago an ancestor of mine signed the eoinpact.” He retlscted a moment, tiien looked roe over aud said: “Ancestor! It’s my opinion yon signed it yourself. For, of all the old ancient relics that ever 1—but ctver mind about that. What u it yon ore waiting here for so long?’’ I amid: “I am not waiting here so long at all. I'm wait.ug fifteen minute* till they forget a glove and a book and go bock and get them.” Then I told hiia wbo they were tbet I had come for. He was very obiiging, and began to shoat inquiries to the tiers of heads and shoulders projeeting irom tbe wiadowa above ns. Then a women way up there sung out: “Ob, they? Why I got them a emb and thev left her* long ago—holf-poot oight, I oho'ald mj»

It was aaaoyinf. I glanced at my wot A, but didn't say anything. The offiMr ooid: “It is a quarter of twelve,” you see. You should have inquired better. Yon have been asleep tbroe^uarters of on hour, and in such a sua os this. You are baked— baked block. It is wonderfuL .And you will miss your train, perhaps. You interest me grcatlv. What ia your ooeupation*”’ I said I was a courier. It seemed to stun him. and before be could come to we vera foue. W'oen I arrived in tbe third story oi the hotel I found our quarters vacaat 1 tras not surprised. The moment a eourier takes his eye off his tribe they go shopping. The nearer it is to train time, tbe surer they ere to go. I sot down to try sad think out what I had best do next, but preoently tbe hall boy found me there and said tbe expedition bad gone to the station half on hour before. It was tne first time I hod known them to do a rational thing, and it was verv confasing. This is one of the things that moke a eonrier’s life so uifficoit sod nneenain. Just os matters ore going the smoothest, hi* people will strike a Incid interval, ano down go oU his arrangements to wretk and rain. The train was to leave at 12 noon sharp. It was now ten minutes after twelve. I could be at the station in ten minotes. I saw i had no crest amount of leeway, for this was the lichtning express, and on the continent the lichtning expresses ore pretty fastidious about cetting awav some time dnriuc the advertised day. My people were the only ones remainiug in the wait-ing-room; everybody else bad passed through and “mounted the train,” oa they say in those regions. They were exhaasted w th nervousness and fret but I comforted them and oeartened them up, and we made our rush. But no: we were out of luck again. Th# doorkeeper was not satisfied with the tickets. He examined them cautiously, deliberately, suspiciously, then glared at roe a while, and alter tliat he culled suother official. The two exiirained the tickets and called another official. These called others and the eonveution discussed and discussed, and gesticulated and earned on, until I begged they would consider how tune was flying, aud just pass a few resolutions and let u^ go. Theu they said, very courteously, that there was a defect in the tickets, and asked me where I got them. I judged I saw what the trou'nle was, now. You see I had bought the tickets in a cigar shop, and, of course, the tobacco smell was on them; without doubt the tiling tlicy were up to was to work the tickets through the ciistoni-liouse and collect duty on that smell. So 1 resolved to be- perfectly frank, it is sometimes the best vva). 1 said: •hieniltnien.' I will not deceiTS yon. Theie railway tickets—” "Ah, pardon, m’sieur! These are not railway tickets.” “Oh,” 1 said, “is that the defect?” “Ah, truly yes, mousieur. These are lottery tickets, yes, aud it is a lottery which has been drawn two years ago.” I aflucted to be greatly amused; it is all one can do m such circumstances; it is all one can do, and yet there is no value in it; It deceives nobody, and vou can see that everybody around pities you and is ashamed of you. One of the hardest situations in life, 1 think, is to be lull of grief and a sense of defeat and ehabbiness that way, and yet have to put on an onuide of archness and puyety, while all the time you know tnat your own expeditiou, the treasures of your heart, mid whose love and reverence you are by the custom of our oiviJizatioii entitled to, are being consumed with humiliation betore strangers, to see vou earning and getting a compassion which 18 a stigma, a brand—a brand which cerlifies you to be—oh, anything and everything which IS latal to iiuiuan respect. I said cheerily, it was all right, just one of those little accidents tlint was likelv to happen to auypodv—i would have the right ticketij in two niinutei, and wc would catch the train yel, a id moreover have something to laugh about all thrnugii the journey. I dui get the tickets in time, all stanijied and I'omplete, but then it turned out that I couldn’t uke fhem,^ becnu.se in taking so much puius about tlm two missing memberH, I bad skippcjl the hank and hadn’t the money. So then the train left, and there didn’t seem to be anything to do blit go back to the hotel, which xve did; but It was kind of melancholy and not much said. I tried to start a few subjects, like scenery and transuhstantiation, and tlio<e sorts of tilings, but They didn’t seem to hit the weather right. We had lost our good Yooms, bat we got some others, which were pretty scattering, but would answer. 1 judged things would brighten now, but the head of the expedition said send up the trunks. It made ras feel pretty cold. There was a doubtlnl sometliing about that trunk buaiuess; I was alinodl sure of it. I was going to suggest— But a wave of the hand sufficiently restrained me, and I was informed that we would now entnp for three days, and see if we could rest up. I said all right, never mind ringing, I would go down and attend to the trunks myself. I got a cab and went straight to Mr. G'larles Natural’s place and asked what order it was I had left there. “To send seven trunks to the hotel.” “And were you to bnug any back'?” “No.” “Y ou are sure I didn’t tell you to bring back seven that would be found piled in the lobby?” “Absolutely sure you didn’t.” “I'hea the whole fourteen are gone to, Zurich or Jericho, or somewhere, and there is going to be more debris around that hotel when tlie e.vpedition—” 1 didn’t finish, because my mind was getting to be in a good deal of a whirl, and #ien you are that way vou think you have fkiished a sentene'e when you haven’t, and you go mooning and dreuiuitig away, and the first thing you know vou get run over by a drav or a cow or something. I Jett tne cab there—I forgot it—and on uiv way back I thought it all out and concluded to resign, becau&e otlierwise 1 should be nearly sure to be discliarged. But I didn’t believe it would Im a good idea to resign in person; I could do it by message. So 1 sent for Mr. Lvidi and explained that there was" a courier going to resign on account of ineompatihility or fatigue or something, and as he had four or five vacant days, I would like to insert him Into that vacancy 11 he thought he could fill it. When everything was arranged I got him to go up and say to the expedition that, owing to an error made by Mr. Natural’s people we, were out of trunks here, but would have pi»iitr iu Zurich, and we’d better lake the first train, Height, gravel or coDctruction, and move right along. He attended to that and came down with an invitation for me to go up—yes, certainly; and, niule we walked along over to the bank to get money, and collect my cigar* and tobacco, aud to the cigar shop to trade back the lottery tickets and get mv umbrella, and to Mr. Natural’s to pay that cab and send it away, and to the county jail to get my rubbers and leave p. p. o. cards for the mayor aud Supreme Court, he described the weather to me that was prevailing on the upper levels there with the exDeditioD, and 1 saw that I waa doing very well where I was. I staved out in the woods till 4 p. m. to let tbe weather moderate, and then turned up at the station just in time to take 3 o’clock express for Zurich along with tbe expedition, now in the hands of Lodi, who conducted its complex affairs with little apparent effort or inconvenience. Well, I had worked like a slave while I was in office, and done the very best I knew how; yet all that these people dwelt upon or seemed to care to remember was the defects of my adminntration, not its creditable featurM. They would skip over a thousand creditable features to remark upon and reiterate and fuss about just one fact, till it seemed to me they would wear it out; and notmueh of a fact, either, taken bv itself—the fact that I ele-:ted mreelf courier in Geneva, and put in work enough to carry a cirens to Jerusalem and yet never even got my gang oat of the town. 1 finally said 1 didn’t wish to hear any more about, the subject; it made me tired. Aad 1 told them to their faees that I never would be a courier again to save anybody’s life. And if I live long enough I’ll prove it. I think it’s a difficult, braiu-rocking, over-worked and thoroughly ongrutefnl office, sad the main balk of its wegee ii a sere heart aud a bruised spirit. JIakk Twaix.

LORD RANDOLPH CHURCHILL’S

DAYS nc aOUTH AJTRICa.

Loaluar B Coupl* of Servants In the 'Vrildemeea—A Habit They Have— The "Wajm of the Bnlfalo — The Need of 'Whiaky and Btaonlta.

! Written for Tbe iDdianapoll* X«ewa.i One of tbe three nativeo, whom I mentioecd ia a former letter as joining as oa onr aepsutere from Fort Victory, left asy aerviee this evening without notice. I learnt afterword thet another of the trio who hod remained with Captain Williams also bolted the some evening. These two were brothers and bad svidentlr mods arrangements to depart simnltoneonaly. They were very foolish, for they had been kindly treated, well fed, end their work had been light, end by bolting thus they lost the blankets, which they would shortly have received os their wages and which ore so dearly prised by the Moshono. However, they carried off with them some clothes whieh we hed bought tor them and a fair qnanti jr of “biltong.” All opio--ions concur os to tbe otter worthless.ness of tbe Yfasbona os a laborer or as a servant. They rarely stay more than a fortnight with any one person and almost always bolt should any blankets or clothing be given them. One of the trio alone remained faithful, “Tiriki,” by name. I had a conversation with him this first evening oat fr'S^ Ft Salisbury, Hans acting os inte^ preter. He told me he was not relatecKio the two defaulters and that he was rather glad they had gone, as they two, being brothers, had conspired to put all the work npon him. I did not personally perceive bow their departure would lighten his labors. lie also told me that he was very anxious to get married, as if he wa.s ' lucky bis wife might have daughters which tie would be able to sell in exchange for goats. It seems that in Mashonaland boys are pefectly worthless articles. I asked him how much it would cost to buy a wife, to which he replied that to buy a very pretty wife required seven things. Two^^goats, two blankets, two spades, and some other article to be specified according to the taste or fancy of the vender. Tiriki has remained with tne niitil now, and will, I hope, before I leave Masahonaland, be in a position to acquire the wife he longs for, more es}>eciallv os he told me he had a girl in his eye who might be bought up before long by soma one richer than he. At dawn the next morning I rode out with Lee onto the veldt, having instructed our boys to make a short trek aud outspan at the nearest water and shade. We rode for some three hours across some fine open veldt, much of xrhich was well watered and appeared to be suitable either for grazing or for tillage. A good many farms have been marked out in this neighborhood, end some ectuaily occupied. Observing a solitary kopje in the distance, we rode toward it, and from the summit searched the surrounding plain with a telescope. In a few roinuYes we desnned a herd of about a dozen hartebeest, and about half a mile farther to the north a nice herd of roan antelope, among which was to be perceived a fine old bull. These latter we preferred to chase. As a rule, these large antelopes allow the buiitep to approach, especially if he it down-wind, witliin a distance of three hundred or four hundred yards, standing looking curiously at him. Then they make awav at a slow pace; j’oii cantor after them quietly, increasing your proximity to them. After going a few hundred yards they generally stand and look round again. Now is the time for a good shot, if you have got, as you ought to have done, within two hundred yards of them. After the first shot they make off at a gallop, and the hunter must ride his horse to keep up with them; but it is certainly better, if you desire to kill several of a herd, not to press them too closely, contenting yourself with shooting from time to time at a somewhat longer range, and ut the same time not exhausting the powers of your horse. Iu this war, under the guidance of Lee, I have several times chased good herds of buck for twenty minutes or half an hour, getting mauyriiots. With this particular herd the old bull offered me a fair chance, but I missed him. He galloped olT. YVith my second barrel I hit bard a big cow with fine horns. Seeing the was badly wounded and could not gallop very far or fast, I made after her and soon finished her with anotherliullet. Lee in the meantime had eallopcd after the herd and had badly wounded the old bull without being able to secure him, but had also laid low a nice young bull, which latter turned out to be the most excellent eating. Having “done tlie civil” to i. e., gralloeked and covered up xvith grass and branches our two dead bucks, we turned our steps toward the road. On our way we came across the herd of hnitebeeste originally seen from the kopje, which iiad been but slichtly disturbed by our chase after the roan antelope. I got a loiigish shot at one of these, and noticing that he turned awav from the rest of the herd, galloped after him, thinking that I had wounded him. I was soon joined in the pursuit bv Lee. who dismounted and fired three shots without effect. I continued to chase the buck, who did not seem to be able to get verv tar aw ay from me. He held on, howevCr, for a long distance, sometimes being as far away as five or six hundred yards, sometimes alloxring me to come much closer, when I dismounted aud fired. With my sixth shot 1 bit him in the hanneh, ond remounting, soon hed the pleasure of seeing his pace get slower and slower—from a canter into a trot, from a trot into a walk, fi'nally sinking onto tbs ground. 1 rode op to mm and off-saddled my panting and dripping horse, now completely blown by a gallop of upward of three miles over the most varied country, through smarupy ground groves of trees ond bush and over rocky kopjes. This was the first hartebeest 1 had managed to ride down and shoot by myself and 1 was proportionately delighted. I found myself all alone in tbe veldt, Lee having tor some reason or other disooutinned the chase. When I was engaged in opening tbe buck 1 was startled by a voice behind me. Looking round I perceived three natives with tbe nsuol amount of clothing and assegai. Not knowing quite what tbe intentions of these barbarians might be, 1 immediateir, with very dignified and lofty signs ordered them to complete the diseml^weling of the back and to cat branehoa aud gross with which to cover it op. This they most meekly did, upon which I graciously permitted them to carry away the entrails. I was now somewhat iu a qnandsu'y, not knowing where 1 was, being totally unable to discover the way 1 bad come and Lee being nowhere in sigbA However, 1 knew the road ran west and that if 1 took asontherlyeoorselmast soon eat it. It may be well for the inex{terieneed lu the chose on tbe Sooth African veldt to remember an elementary fact, that at midday m the Southern Hem'uphere the son is always in tbe north and that to go doe sonth you have only to keep tha sun obining on the back of your neck. One or two otber little useful facts may be here set down. If lost at night on the veldt on n bright, stnrrv evening, four times nod n half the length of the Southern Croes, picnsured from the summit to the hose in the direction of the base, indicates the po« eition of the South Pole. The direetion of the srind ic ept to be misleading, os it generally follewa tbe ran in the eonrse of the do^. It ia well for n bonier Icnviuif hie sragoB on the , “trek” to tnnfce these latter drag n ehnin bo-

AFRICAN HUNTING NOTES esuily diaeover frem tbe presence or ekaenee of the nuuks of the ehnin in Uie dost naong innomenihle oUiet spoor whether yonr

wagons are before er behind von. It is very imprudent foe nnj one to m unnting oa the veldt without n si^l sup^y ef biacuits ond whisky. Choeolote is on execlient thing to curry and n box of mntebea b eseentinl- If tho hunter, toward tho evening, finds himaelf rcsdly lost end et e greet distance from his enmn, it is meoh better to realise the fnct while ■ome dtylight itmntns and to make timely preoerations for pawsing tho night on tho veldt, such ne ekooeing a good tree to whieh to attach yeur hone, end eolIccHng on ample stock of firowo<^ to Inet through tho night If these prepentions ore postponed too long darkness snp«^ vanes nno the hunter is helpless. Also, if being lost on the vnidt you hnppen to kiU n hack, ehooee vour resting pUco for the eight some distance away from the dead gome, whieh is likely to attract either wolves or lions, in whose vicinity nt nigh*

it is well not to be.

On the following morning I contented myself with a four mile trek to n Kaffir krool of come size picturesquely perched on the peelu of a rocky kopje. Here under the ample shade of e large “mekoona” use I made a comfortable camp. We were soon surrounded by scores of natives, old and voung, mole and female, who in exchange for the fresh meat with which we were provided cave ut large supplies of mealies and of Kaffir com. I tried in rain to purchase a goat, os also milk and eggs, but none of these commodities would they produce. About noon, tbe sun being very not, Lee end I rode out onpur daily hunt. S^n we saw a solitary hartebeest standing under a tree looking at us at wbtefa I fired at a distance of 250 yards. After tbe shot he moved a few paces to the right and still remained gazing at us intently. Seeing that he was not disposed to make of and thinking 1 had missed him I sat down on the ground and resting my rifle on my knee took stcadv aim. This bullet his him in the chest end be staggered away a few yards and fell. On going op to him I found that mv first bollett bed penetrated the nose making a small hole and smashing the lower jaw to pieces. '1 hie wound must have stupefied him and probably acconnled for his immobility after my first shot. Going on we again ascend g kopje to Hpf the plan. .\s ntual we perceive hartebeest and roan antelope in different directions, and we, oa usual, prefer to pursue the latter. These were txxo cows who, on being chased for a short way, led us on to a herd of seven other roan antelope. We hid a fine gallop of nearly three miles after this herd, getting many shots. 1 knocked down tne old bull, to which in passing Lee gave what he thought to be a finishing shot. I made after a cow who seemed to be wounded, and after some tune, rode her to a standstill. I then saw that her entrails were protruding from a large wound in her stomach, in spite of xi Inch she had continued to gallop for a very considerable distance. 1 finished her olT with a shot fired from tbs horse’s back, and returned to look for the bull This old fellow as soon as he saw me approaching rose to his feet and staggered away fpr some distance and then stood and looked at me. Dismounting within a range of less than ouc hundred yards, and sitting down, resting my rifle ou my knee, I fired four ballets at him, three of which missed him clean, the fourth penetrating the head end putting an end to his sufferings. This was dangerously had shooting if a lion had been the object instead of 8 roan antelope, bnt a long gallop over the veldt under a hot snn makes the eye and the .hand alike unsteady. CllCRcillU.

The Opening Tear.

Tour hand, New 'Year, since wc must com-

radeir be

Through the strange circles of the seasons

tour!

Plodding in lonely paths ‘mid drifting snow, When davs are dark, and whirling tempestis

roar

Willyoi r strong gniding arm be’round me pressed ? And when the ice-bara melt, and warm blue streams Laugh in the sun. and leap toward the sea. Will you, then, share my happy spring-time dreams— ' The waking songs that birds and poets knowl And when red rosea burn on bended spraxs. And lovers roam through shadowy woodland

ways.

Will you keep kindly pace? and last when

brown,

Lie the sweet fields, and faded leaves come down. • And we are tired, both, and fain to rest— Will you be friends with me, still true and

near?

Then take my hand and heart, dear oomrmds

year.

—[Hadelins S. Bridges in Ladles’Homs Jonr-

nal.

PUREST )BEST LESS THAN HALF THE! PRICE OF OTHER BRANDS -F POUNDS,20« 4 HALVES,! 0*QUARTERS54! SOLD IN CAHS ONLY

|W. L. DOUGLAS IH® MT^HOEW m WoflD It to a seamless shoe, with no tack* ok wax thread to hurt the feet; made ot the best fim eaU. styltsU and easy, and beeatiM we mak« mors «a«e* q7 tAto grade than any othor mann/in-tortr, h equatoiuauadi^ed shoes oosttng from iLou to Cut 00 Genuine Hand-eevreil, ibe flesit catt w«#a shoe ever ogeteKi for 00; equals Freosll teiported shoes which c**t from gS.Ooto •IS.oa llead-ieewcd Welt Shee, fine eelL siyttoh, oomforuble aad durable. ThebM Bloc ever offered at this price; same grade as Sun shoes costing from ■S.W to »'J0t SB Felice Jfkt'Ji Farmers. RaOrood Bsu ap We and f.eUerC^arrlei*aU wear them; ftneealL Mnil^ smooth Inside^ heavy ihrsq t^su eatenitoa edge One pair will wear a year, ttO »0 fine cnifi no better shoe ever eCNred at wAe this price, one trial will coavtaoe thOM ^owant a shoe for comfort and service. CO nnd wJ.OO WorklatMaji’a shoes w*a are very strong and durable. iHim who teye given thorn a tHal wev ao otbsr malt*. I RnVfd* B'i.BO nod Sl.yd school ab^ ar* » y J O worn by the boys everj wherei theyseU ! CD their merita, as the increaslae tales ahnwr!

Damaged. The grocer who sells a cheap and inferior flavoring extract and it proves unsatisfactory to his customers, the blame comes on him and his trade is damaged. The Price Flavoring Extract Company has the largest and? most complete laboratory in the world for the manufacture of Dr. Price’s Delicious Flavoring Extracts. These flavors have secured a great reputation for their perfect purity, great strength and fine flavor. Every person who lias used Dr. Price’s Extract of Lemon Vanilla or Orange, knows that they are perfectly reliable, and .table delicacies are never spoiled by their use.

NO OTHER XaiAVss Ai)ffiueiLni ASD XiABim qppB For eole by *11 Drag ■od'VBDer Goods Dwelec^r If enable to psoeore this wderftol **wp send SBc In atainpa and tocstr* a eoha by luten bmIL tl AS. S. KIRK A CO.g Chicago.

Floiyu Banedy ttt CMnrtBlaaw Boat, Tail8*1 to Uas, and CBaapeB.

CATAR R M

Bold by dreaiptots or asu Or bmOI, ■8. &XawMnnW«aM.Db

Brice ore .tamped on the bottom of each shoe. W. L TXinOLA)). Rroeklon.

Bold by ct. A. Xeerman. >n Mae# av*: O. \f Brown. ISOB, Washington *t : Wm. Mobs, Uand 17 Hhelby st.; Louts Aldag, TOf R Washloffton st.4, F. Keenan, 191 W. Washington st.; A. Hoag A Bon, 164 Indiana ave; F. Sohradsr, M W. WosbIngton st.

iYou Gan Slop a Cough I at any time wHb 1 DOCTOR ACKERS

ENOLISH

IREMEDYI I IT WILL CURE A OOU j I IN TWELVE HOURS! I • A 26 cent Bottle BugrB«.TO joaS • $100 in Doctor's billa-aiayB«.Te I ■your life. Ask gmr l>Fafglat|

:fbr it. rTTASI

GOOD.

JAPANESE

A Ouarantee Curs for Pliss of wbatsvsr kind or degrse—External.lnterbal. Blind or Bleed! og, Itching, Chronic, Recent or Ucredllary. Tbli idy ■ ‘ ■

Bemedy has positively never been kaowa M fall. |l a box. e boxes for IS isent by moll prspald on receipt of price. A written guarantee poll-

1, when paid a

Dipt of price. A written guorati

lively gfven to each purobassr sf I mxss, wh*i

' tbe « paid U . WUrpantMr,

*7-

purchasedatonetlme, to refund t^e not cured, Ouarantee issued by F

Batee Bouse Pharmacy, 64 West Waafaington St,. Xndlanaootls. Ind.,and corner Itesiaad Iilaeola

Lana. Hamsiea free

.USE “PERFECTION’ HEAD-UGBT OIL.

DRUNKENNESS WatoSS.1 ItaaUlyrair CogOB r.Hiitaa^

e rsa ia a glaaa of food. wliboBt the 1 laifoeotatelg hamlaas. aad 1 Bent aad speedy ewre, wbotbor tbe aiodorato tmakor or sa aleeboUs WMafe. boeagivoa ia thoewaade of eeeee. aadia ** Btaaoo a Borfoot ear* bae followed, Isaovai Bou>«iirioxfxdso..r “

LATEST STYLES . WEDDING CARDS 'ViaitiDff and Mann* Curdf. ProerMBS nnd order of dtneet. Qront vnriety. Mo#nmM prices. Mnil wden ranciTt proapi ntlnntion. _______ FRANK H. SMITH, 22 N. Ponnsjrlvnato 8t, ATI kind* of IferenntiloPrtntini;

BtrPTtTRB meehaaloailyi aad asaodtoidly curod teT praUcal treatmeata. Pb»' _ ar* adapted te (h*vart*nn Hvraia. Kydt*s*l* aod V* •*!• tr*at*d by a«vriB*te*Ba tsra'asrBSkfir®’*"