Indianapolis Journal, Volume 51, Number 90, Indianapolis, Marion County, 31 March 1901 — Page 12

12 THE INDIANAPOLIS JOURNAL, SUNDAY, HAUCH 31, 1C0L

T II E S UXDAYJ 0 UK X AL SUNDAY, MARCH öl, IWl. Telephone Call (Old nnd Ncvr.) Business Oac.'...-aS Editorial Iiooms....N(l TEItMS OP SUBSCRIPTION. By CARRIER-INDIANAPOLIS and SUBURBS. Uaily. Sunday InciudcJ. cents per month. "Dally, without bun Jay. 4) rents ier month. Sunday, without daily, 2M :.er yeir. fclnjle ccilea: Daily. 2 cents; Sunday, 6 cents. P.!' AGENTS EVERYWHERE: Daily, i -er week. W cents. Daily. Sunday included, per week, IS. cents, fc'unday. ;er issue, rents. Ii Y MAIL. X'ilErAlD: Pally edition, one year j iJaily anl Sunday, per year fcr-cday only, one year IlEDrCEL KATES TO CLUBS. Weekly Edition. Ore cory, cne year c0 cents Five centä per r:nth fcr period than a year. No mtscrlplion takeu for less man three ninths. REDUCED RATES TO CLUBS. Subscribe with any of our numerous agents or end puLjcriptioa to tho JOUIOJAt NEWSPAPER COMPANY, IudiannpollN, Ind. Person sending the Journal through the malls la tne United butes should put on an eigbt-pae taper a ONE-CK.NT postage tarnp: on & twelve r sixteen-page paper a TWu-CEN'f postage tamp, i'creiga postage Is usually double these rates. All communications Intended for publication In thia paper must. In order to receive attention, fce accompanied ty the name and address of theWriter. Rejected manuscripts will not be returned unless postage Is inclosed fcr that purpose. Entered as second-clafs matter at Indianapolis, 2nd., postotflce

THE INDIANAPOLIS JOUltXAL Can b found at the following places: t?EV "YORK Astor House. CHICAGO Palmer House. P. O. New Co., 217 Dearborn street, Auditorium Annex HoteL CINCINNATI J. IL Hawley & Co., VA Vine street. "LOUISVILLE C. T. Deerln. northwest corner of Third and Jefferson streets, and Louisville Book Co., lift Fourth avenue. BT. LOUIS Union News Company, Union Oepot. Washington, d. c.-Riggs House, Eboitt House and Willard's Hotel. There ought to be a great deal of senatorial courtesy In the management of the Bt Louis fair. Four of. the eight commissioners are ex-senators. The military martinets in "Washington fchould not worry over the contemplated juxmotlon of Funston. It is not proposed to confer both of tho vacant brigadier generalships on him. Since his capture Aguinaldo is said to fcave admitted that ho had never been Jn a single battle. Ferhaps that is the way he got the reputation among the Filipinos of being invulnerable. Foreign dispatches state that the other powers in China are now awaiting Russia's r.ext move. If that is the case Russia will probably wait until the powers get over their suspicious mood and will then proceed with her game. She will not move whllvi they are watching for her to do so. Mr. Carnegie says that there are more Chances for the young man to-day than when he began at $1.20 a week becaute there is more work to do. But there arc to many who want chances without work that the Carnegie opinion will not meet "with general and cordial approval. President Iladley, of Yale, favors the formation of an educational trust which shall embrace all the larger institutions of learning. "Would the educational trust endeavor to limit the output of these institutions to ths demands of the market for their product, and would it close up institutions in the trust that are not doing a profitable business? One of the last acts of the late Congress nvas the passage of a bill providing for the liquidation of the debt of the former republic of Hawaii and appropriating $2,5W) for the purpose. An agent of the Treasury Department will start for Honolulu in a few days. with the amount named in cash. When the debt is paid the Territory of Hawaii will start anew with a clean balance sheet. Fuller citations from the British press regarding the capture of Aguinaldo show that only cne or two papers tried to bellttle the exploit. Most of them printed long accounts of it. congratulated the T'nited States on its success and lauded I'unston as a real hero. After all, it mu?t be admitted that John Bull knows a brave net when he sees it. Galveston Galveston! Sure enough, they had a disaster down there, but how long r.go It teems. Most people who were deeply concerned a year ago about the tragedy cf its destruction have ceased to think of the event. Not all. however. One woman, Whose father gave the High School building to the city, has just contributed $5,00) toward the rebuilding of the structure. Fortunately for the afflicted there are al-.-ways some who remember. The Pittsburg Dispatch says that "the capture of Aguinaldo will be welcomed by all classes of political opinion in the United States." The Dispatch published the laments of such men as Charles A. Towne and ex-Senator Pettigrew over the capture of Aguinaldo and their anathemas hurled at the government of the United Elates, and should modify its prediction or explain that these persons do not belong to any class of political opinion in this country. Galverton Galveston? Sure enough, thoy "William J. Murtagh. a veteran journalist of that city, and identified with many local enterprises. He began newspaper work -with the old National Era, when it was publishing "Uncle Tom's Cabin" as a serial tory. Ar.ti-slavery papers were not popular in Washington in thos-o days, and on one ooca.-ion Mr. Murtagh tok purt in a per.? ational fight in which tho o'llce of the Era was stoned and he had to flee to the roof to nve his lifo. Times have changed Eir.ee then. Those persons who find satisfaction in representing American oflieer:- and soldiers In the Orient as cruel and lawk? should bring themselves to consider the fact that a mass meeting of th people of Peking petitioned General Chaffee and the Americans to continue their share of the municipal mana.'Tment. This fact may net please n few people who call themselves American5. Lut'the most of those who are proud cf that name must feel something of elation when they leafn that on tho other side Cf the globe, under conditions of the hardest fort, the men who held the power of the United States defended the rights and discharged the duties of its government in Just!ce amV humanity. With the oldlers of other nations, our men went to China to rescu foreigners. When there was fighting to do thsy did more than their ahar

in the most heroic manner, but when Peking was captured American soldiers took no part in that looting which was so outrageous as to disgrace the soldiery of every other government. That part of municipal government assigned to the American soldiers was well done. Order was established, life and property have been safe and business was resumed. Of all the powers represented, the Americans won the respect and confidence of the Chinese to an extent that they begged their retention. Americans are no longer regarded as "foreign devils." but friends. It may be that this noble record of American soldiers may help us in the future in China, but, whether it does or does not, the American people will take sincere pride in it. ;hovtii or thk postal skiiyick. Many will be surprised by the large amounts of postage stamps which the purchases of tho past week show that business houses are using. A few years ago the business firm that purchased one hundred dollars worth of stamps was rare. Now there seem to be scores in this city that purchase four times as many, and a large number that seem to be using a thousand dollars worth of stamps in a year. Indeed, in many branches of business postage must be regarded as one of the considerable items of expense. Many may not have noticed it, but those who have noted the growth of the receipts of the postolnce department have doubtless been unable to find an explanation of this growth except in what may bo called a revolution in the methods of doing business. The receipts of the Postofllce Department for the fiscal year ended June 30, 1SSS, were ?G2,C03,17t; tor the fiscal year IStt, 76,9S3,123; for the fiscal year 1000, $102.354,576. Thus in twelve yars the revenues of the postal servico has been nearly doubled. But for the unaccountable neglect of Congress to put an end to the abuses of the law fixing the rates on second-class matter the Postal Department would have a surplus of millions in the treasury instead of showing a deficiency of four or five million dollars a year. Managed with that regard for business principles which characterizes the management of railroads or express companies, the Postofllce Department, with adequate rates for second-class matter and parcels carried a long distance, the profits would reach millions a year. The profits of the Postofllce Department are derived from letter postage, and the figures show that the increase in the number of letters from year to year is marvelous. The frequency of mails and the improved facilities have not only caused the postal service to supersede other means of communication, but the cheapness has increased the use of the mails. The reduction of the letter rate from three to two cents did not affect the revenues materially at the time, as patrons wrote enough more letters to make up the difference in the price of stamps. The main cause of the increase of the revenues of the postofllce from letters is the advent of the typewriting machine and the stenographer. During the ten years that have marked the rapid increase of postal receipts the stenographer and the machine have been added to the working force of every .considerable business house and professional office. They are now among the indispensables. The result is that in all business and. official circles five letters are written now where one was written fifteen years ago. Nor is this incentive to letterwriting confined to the larger towns; the retailers and manufacturers in villages have ceased to struggle with their correspondence, and now nave clerks who are typewriter?. In other words, a new profession and industry have sprung up which are devoted very largely to the expanding of tne revenues of the postofllce. There is reason to believe that the mails will be used much more In future than now. The rural delivery which brings city and farming communities together by daily communication and makes the public stenographer as much a professional in every hamlet as Is the physician, and as much a necessity as the druggist, will stimulate letter-writing. At the same time a package post based upon sensible business ideas, fixing the charge according to the distance, and the stopping of the abuses of the second-rate law will soon make the Postal Department a source of revenue rather than a loss to the government. In fact, the Post office Department could be made the third source of net receipts in amount without increasing a rate, if managed upon business principles. CIIAHITY VS. COOKERY. The associated charity organizations of Kansas City are at present supporting or assisting to support nearly two hundred women whose husbands have deserted them. The secretary of the association ha3 been investigating the cases with care, and finds that in a majority of instances the men left home because their wives were cither not able to cook or would not cook. "The husbands," he says, "would come home from their work tired and hungry, and when they arrived would find but an apolgy for a meal, and that served in a slat-ternls-way. After continued repetitions of this sort of thing they got tired and left the women without means of support." This is direct and forcible testimony in regard to the importance of skill in the art of cookery, and supplements the other well-founded statement that many men an; driven to the bevr habit by a stomach craving which would net have existed had they been regularly supplied with wholesome, appetizing lood. It is, perhaps, not much of u man who will abandon his wife because she starves him, or who will take to drink for the same reason, but. if he has furnished her with the means for setting satislying meals before him. It must be acknowledged that he has provocation for his course. For, in spite of all sentiment and the spiritual and intellectual interests of existence, the fact remains that the dining room is the central element of home life and this whether the ones? who gather about its table are concerned chiefly with affairs of the mind rather than the body, or those who toll laboriously with their hands. The good dinner is the keynote to contentment everywhere. The human creature under all conditions longs for creature comforts, and to the extent that he labors for them honestly is entitled to them. Women who marry rightfully expect their husbands to support them, but in accepting this right they also assume the obligation to make comfortable homes. With all the talk and discussion over tho servant question, the fact remains that a vast majority of the women of this country do not keep sen-ants, but must themselves perform all the household duties. Considering this truth, It is aatoniahlns how many young womta .as

sume the responsibilities of matrimony who are totally lacking in domestic skill.. They come from shops and factories wholly untrained in any of the household arts, yet unhesitatingly undertake .tho duties of housewives. Girls from a higher grade of society, who have spent their lives in school, or, after. In idle pleasuring, and are equally ignorant of all practical knowledge, belong in the same class. Offener than not they marry men of incomes so small that they can only be made to cover necessary expenses by the aid of the wives' labor in the household. It is but just to say that the majority of young women, being sensible and adaptable, rise to the emergency anl become equal to the demands upon them, though their triumph is often attained through much tribulation. On the other hand, a considerable proportion fail to realize their responsibilities, and through idleness, carelessness or 'a disposition to spend their money for personal adornment, neglect their chief duty that of ministering to the health and comfort of the household provider and either become deserted wives or remain to make home unhappy for husbands who have too much principle, r, perhaps, not enough courage, to leave them. The remedy? It is not easy to say. It Will come about in time, perhaps, through a general change in feminine attitude in regard to the dignity of household labor. The old' simplicity the sort in which the wife did all the household work in the most laborious way is gone, and no one desires it to return; but a better simplicity is possible. Innumerable conveniences and laborsaving devices have made even the work of the kitchen very much easier than th.3 grandmothers knew it. There is drudgery connected with every form of labor, but not more with cookery than with any other. And there is no other art that women can master which goes so far toward establishing permanent peace and comfort in their homes. State legislatures are struggling blindly toward an Improvement of the moral and physical conditions of the people by cojisld-' ering laws that will set a health standara for those who wish to marry. As they get additional light perhaps they will require that candidates for matrimony shall further show their fitness for the desired estate, first, by the man proving his ability to earn a living; second, by the woman producing evidence that she can cook a good dinner. A SPOILCR OF SCHOOL HISTOHIKS. Gen. Henry V. Boynton, a newspaper correspondent with a national reputation, and the head of the Chlckamauga commission, has been devoting considerable time to the demolition of the school histories in general use so far as they treat the war of the rebellion. General Boynton, as a member of the School Board in Washington, was assigned the task of examining the histories to be used in the schools. Those who know General Boynton, or know of him, aleo know that he has the temperament of a belligerent, and that he is disposed to gratify it. They also know that he is a tireless Investigator, even; If he holds tenaciously to his own opinions, and does not forget his antagonisms. To his credit it may be said that in connection with the Chlckamauga commission he has arrived at the conclusion that other States than Ohio had some part in that bloody battle. General Boynton began his attack upon i war histories with those in use in the common schools as text-books, confining his work of destruction to the period of the war of the rebellion. One of the school histories which he discredited in part is Montgomery's "Leading Facts of American History." General Boynton was not, however, the first to assull that book, since the attack was begun several years ago in this State by a committee of the Grand Army of the Republic, of which Judge Albert O. Marsh, of Winchester, was chairman. The errors and injustice of that work were so vigorously shown up that the Indiana Board of Education required of its publishers the change of several pages before a contract was made for supplying it a second period to our schools. When General Boynton finished his expose of its errors the book could not be called history if leading facts constitute It. Since his demolition of the war period of several school histories General Boynton has given attention to more pretentious works, including Prof. John Fiske's "The Mississippi Valley in the Civil War." Prof. Fiske has fairly won the reputation of being one of the most intelligent and accurate of American historians. Indeed, Professor Fiske, in his works, is a philosophic investigator rather than a recorder of mere facts. It is probable that his history of the civil war in the Mississippi valley is his first effort in that line of historical work which is devoted to the mere recital of events. In showing up the mistakes in regard to fact which Professor Fiske has made, General Boynton does not put his opinions or statements of occurrences j against those of the professor, but compares his accounts of campaigns and battles with the official war records which the government has published in 125 volumes," with maps, which contain, as General Boynton says, "every report, field dispatch and telegram relating to engagements and campaign movements." He holds that no history of any campaign can be accurate In which the recital of events differs essentially from the official reports and papers contained in the official war records. The point seems to be well taken, since the officers who write official reports of battles or campaigns in which they participated must have accurate knowledge as to positions, movements and general results. In his review of "The Mississippi Valley in the Civil War," General Boynton takes up statement after statement and shows the errors of Professor Fiske. For instance, the author says that "the victory of Thomas at Mill Spring had already led Johnson to evacuate Bowling Green and retire to Nashville;" but General Boynton shows that Bowling Green was not evacuated until three weeks after the battle of Mill Spring, and was evacuated because of General Grant's movement against Donelson. In his map the author fixes the battle of Mill Spring on the south bank of Cumberland river, when it was ten miles north of it. At Shiloh Professor Fiske has the Confederates attack in single line, but Boynton finds that the attack was made in column of corps, naming their order in the formation. The author says that the enemy was within two or three miles of Grant's army for a day before the battle, but Gen. Boynton reduces the distance to less than a mile, thereby making a point against his old adversary. General Sherman. In regard to Rosecrans's campaign, which culminated In the battle of Chlckamauga, the author gays that Crittenden's corps marched into Chattanooga on Cept , & and took posses

sion of it; General Boynton says that two divisions of the corps passed by the town within three miles of it, while the other division entered, but, with the exception of a brigade, marched on the next day. The author calls the battle of Chlckamauga "a dire disaster," and the North so thought at the time. It may be added that the Southern leaders did not regard it as a victory. General Boynton declares that the battle was fought by the rebels to regain Chattanooga, and failed, so that it could not have been "a dire disaster." The author says that the whole right wing at Chlckamauga was attacked on the left flank and hurled from "the field in utter and helpless rout." General Boynton says that two divisions were attacked in front and flank, but reformed two miles in the rear, and that their officers have been severely criticised for not returning more promptly to the field. The author says that the cannon of the right wing were all in the enemy's hands, when, according to Boynton, the two divisions lost but five guns of thirty. The author says, on Page 274, that "for six weary hours 25,000 men, their numbers lessening moment by moment, till nearly 10,000 were stretched on the ground, stood at bay and hurled back again and again the furious onset of 60,000 rebels." General Boynton admits that it was a notable stand, but says that "it remained for Professor Fiske to discover that more Union soldiers were killed and wounded on the Union side on that part of the field than were engaged there." These are but a few of the errors which General Boynton points out in a threecolumn review in the Washington Post. As General Boynton, in most instances, quotes from the official reports which are within the reach of any investigator, It Is presumed that he is right and that Professor Fiske made his mistakes by neglecting to consult that only source of accurate Information. Such mistakes can be accounted for on the assumption that the publishers desired a war history, and that the most philosophical historian in the country and one of the most profound thinkers accepted other than official reports as authority. War history outside of these official papers Is more or less inaccurate, because much of it has been written to sustain individual theories. Professor Sumner, of Yale, who once declared. In support of his radical advocacy of free trade, that all argument in that line was based upon assumption and that facts and data had no place in economic discussion. Is now greatly distressed at the prospect of militarism. He calls it the "predominant issue" in an article in the International Monthly, made dismal by several writers who have persuaded themselves that the world is going to the bad because it has failed to recognize their claims to infallibility. In the course of his lugubrious article Professor Sumner says that militarism is a system which may saturate a small armament as well as a. large one; there is no militarism in Great Britain, but its sign Is a king wearing a uniform, and military strength is the idea always made prominent; it is militarism when army officers disperse citizens, calling them "pekins," lawyers, grocers, etc., and pushing them off the sidewalk, cutting open their heads if they protest. The army officer of high or low rank is distinguished for his courteous bearing. Now and then a case may be found where subordinate officers In the regular establishment are arrogant and snob- - - bish, but the Instances are rarer than in the same number of civilians. The army officer never wears a uniform when off duty. He prefers to pass as a citizen rather than as a soldier. There are no indications of any change in the well-known respectful conduct c)f army officers of late. The President shows no desire' to wear a uniform or to surround himself with army officers. The army officer never appears in public with a saber clattering on the pavement unless he is on duty. Such being the case, there are no indications of what Professor Sumner stigmatizes as militarism. His "predominant issue" is "the self-delusion of a chronic fault-finder. Thomas J. Charlton will to-morrow close his twenty-one years' superintendence of the Indiana Reform School. He has rendered Indiana too faithful and effective service Pjho . j?rmltted to retire to private life without a word of . recognition. Tho Indiana Reform School is regarded the country over as a model in its line. What it Is to-day is, in a large measure, due to the ability and perseverance of the retiring superintendent. He gave the institution its distinctive features which made it an industrial school. His theory has been that idleness is tho chief cause of boys being sent to Plalnfield, and his policy has been to give to every boy sent to the Reform School such manual training as would enable him, when he left the institution, to earn his bread and thus put him beyond the temptations of idleness and want. With the co-operation of successive boards of trustees Superintendent Charlton has so broadened the employment for the boys and has had them so well instructed that no one has lett who could not turn his hand to a useful and self-supporting employment. The institution has been a reform school in fact, and not a primary fitting school for the Institutions at Jefferson vi! le and Michigan City. In the later years ill health to some extent curtailed Mr. Charlton's usefulness, but in all its distinctive features the Reform School is what he made it. He retires from hi? work of great usefulness with the regard of all who know him and with the sincere wish that he may live to enjoy the respect of friends many years. Mr. Carnegie gives a great deal of money to libraries, but that he is asked for a great deal more for the promotion of other objects of public and private Interest there can be no doubt. In fact, he has said as much. Among other things, he is urgeo to assist in the payment of church debtr?. Cne clergyman, for Instance, asked him to aid in paying for the organ in his church. The millionaire invariably declines to glv? in such cases, it is said, and in this particular Instance rebuked tho church on the ground that such an organization had no better right to assume a debt which It could net pay than an Individual or business concern has. It was a just rebuke, and one which might be heeded to advantage by many .congregations about to take burdens on themselves in the shape of costly buildings for which they will be years In paying. Once assumed there is a moral obligation, of course, making the payment of such debts necessary and important, but there is no duty, religious or moral, requiring a congregation to enter into them in the first place. The Lord is not honored by a handsome house of worship or by a fine organ, which cost

more than the people responsible for them can afford to pay. And particularly is it not Incumbent on any one outside of the congregation, no matter how much money he may have, to relieve them of this burden. It is sometimes salutary experience for church members to make personal sacrifices for the sake of their church, but they gain nothing of real value to themselves by thrusting their responsibilities on other people. A Chicago man has produced an historical novel of the time of Christ, Its purpose being to set forth the motives of the entire inception, spread and establishment of the Christian religion. According to the prospectus, "the sects, the philosophy, the j popular and the orthodox thought of Judea, the struggles and the yearnings of the oppressed peoples of Asia Minor, the religious chaos, the messianic hopes and ideals of the time, the masterful personality of Christ, the types of religious belief of the period, the mission and labors of Paul, are all depicted in faithful accord with canonical and apocryphal literature, as well as with modern blbllical research." No one can object to the excellence of the novelist's purpose, but the subject is a tremendous one, which the average person, even though he be religiously minded, may well hesitate to tackle when he is in a mood to seek the mental relaxation commonly, but often mistakenly, supposed to be involved In novel reading. The truth is, fiction is getting to be such a serious and strenuous form of literature that we are in danger of belngx, presently driven for light reading to Car- j lyle. Spencer, Huxley or Edward Atkinson. Novels are to be approached warily. President Arthur T. Iladley, of Yale, in a recent speech before the students of the University of California, undertook to givi a definition of the word "gentleman." He said, in answer to the question of what constitutes the essential marks of a gentleman as distinct from the accidents of birth and clothes, of manners and speecn: "1 believe it is to be found in the readiness to accept trusts, even when they are personally disadvantageous the readiness to eubordlnate a man's own convenience and desires to a social code." This definition Is well enough so far as it goes, but it leaves something to be desired. A better was once given by David in describing a citizen of ZIon. This citizen, he said, is "He that walketh uprightly and worketh righteousness and speaketh the truth in his heart. He that sweareth to his own hurt, and changeth not. He that putteth not out ; his money to usury, nor taketh reward ! against the innocent." It is difficult even lor 'college presidents to improve on the eld masters in literature. j i To all appearances the prevention of the threatened strike in the anthracite coal regions was mainly due to a conference between a humble priest and a multl-mlilion-alre. When the Rev. Father Edward S. Phillips, of Hazleton, went to New York, a few days ago, a strike seemed imminent. Mr. J. Pierpont Morgan, who, by common consent, was master of the situation, had declined to see John Mitchell and other representatives of the union, but he received Father Phillips promptly and conferred wih him freely, giving assurances of just and even liberal treatment of the miners that made an easy basis of adjustment. The miners admit that they are getting better wages and are more prosperous than they have been for years, but they had to yield the point of a recognition of their organization. The address of the general committee was the result of Father Phillips's report of his conference with Mr. Morgan. Gen. Harrison Gray Otis, of California, does not think Aguinaldo should be smothered with tenderness. He quotes the following from Agulnaldo's order directing the uprising that took place in Manila on Feb. 22, 1S99: "Filipino families only will be respected. They should not be molested, but all other individuals, of whatever race they may be, will be exterminated without any compassion after the extermination of the army of occupation." There is nothing in that to excite admiration. An objection to quartet church choirs comes from an unexpected source. "The quartet," says Mr. Frank Damrosch, the musician, "is an American institution, and it is perhaps the cause of more trouble In the church than any other thing. I would not advise Americans to be proud of it. Not that we do not have excellent quartets, but the more excellent they are, the less fit they are to be in the church." By this he seems to mean that their musical skill comes largely through their familiarity wit.i operatic music, and also from the fact that the average audience does not gain inspiration from their singing. He also deprecates the playing of operatic selections by the organist. The proper use of music in church, he says, is to attune the soul to divine things at- the beginning of the service, and this cannot be done by quartet songs or operatic fantasies on the organ. In all of which assertions Mr. Damrosch is eminently right. The Forest. Fish and Game Commission of New York has decided to purchase about one hundred head of moose, to be turned loose in the Adirondack forests. The animals are to be brought from Canada and the Rocky mountains, and as they were native to northern New York before they were' exterminated no doubt is felt but they will thrive there. Not all the States can raise moose, but they can all do something towards protecting the wild animals, birds and fishes that nature has given them. A series of lenten readings are being given in fashionable circles in New York for the benefit of "reduced ladles." These ladies are presumably "reduced" from affluence to poverty, and are, therefore, simply poor women In other words, "the poor." But, although poverty is no crime, how insulted and grieved these reduced ladles would be to be classed Indiscriminately with the poor. And how we foolish mortals do endeavor to veneer unpleasant facts with smooth words! Professor Smedley. a Chicago "scientist," who has been engaged in child study in the public schools, has reached the conclusion that left-handed children are mentally b?low par; in short, stupid. At latest accounts the professor had not made hi discovery known to the parents of the lefthand youngsters by means of personal interviews.

A London paper. In announcing the death of Sir Edwin Saunders, speaks of him as "one of the greatest dentists who ever lived." His greatness Is accounted for by the explanation that he was dentist to Queen Victoria and the royal family for fifty years. But were the toothaches of the family unusually complicated? : Because of unpleasant penitentiary associations the town of Sing Sing, N. Y has had Its name changed to "Osslnnlnc", Just what la fjalnetj is nc-clsr. Rudj i'zzz tcra

C : n

The Modern Fable of the General Manager of 1he Lo-Oe Affair Who De

manded a Furlough J Copyrighted, l.0I, by Three Days before the Wedding was to be Pulled Off Cupid sat on a Mantel in the Bachelor's Apartment and made a few Remarks to the scared Bridegroom. "Old Pal, you are in for it." said the Roly Poly Match Maker. "Tou,are Elected by a Pennsylvania Majority. I have got you to the Point from whicn there can be no Crawfishing. You could not Weaken now even if you wanted to. If you have any lingering Doubts as to the Wisdom of this Jump pray Forget them and go it Blind." "I have no Doubts nor Fears," replied the Bachelor. "I have captured the sweetest Child that ever drew the Breath of Life. The Future is to be one long Pleasure Excursion in a rubber-tired Vehicle over an Asphalt Road with Syringia Bushes blooming on either side. The Vista Is flooded with Sunshine. We count on listening to the Chickadee Birds as often as convenient and we have agreed never to Quarrel." "That's the Style of Talk I like to hear," said the delighted Cupid. "I got you into this Mix-Up with my little Bow and Arrow and justly celebrated Love Philters, and I am pleased to know that you are going to Stick. It was I who arranged that First Meeting at the Summer Hotel when you spotted her in the Red Jacket and the Short Skirt. You 'will recall the Fact that she did not wear any Hat. When you saw her with the Truant Locks blowing around her Eyes and the Dimpled Cheeks warmed by a bona fide Blush you began to walk sideways and step on your own Feet. When I lured the two of you out to the Links and observed that you stood for her Slicing and Pulling and Doctored her Score I saw that it was a Clear Case. It was I who shooed away the Intruders when you sat beside her on the Rustic Bench and gazed at her FoolishLike and wanted to let your Right Arm do its Duty, but you lacked the Nerve and feared that it might Queer Matters. It was your own little Cupid who finally convinced you that you could go ahead and get Busy without causing her to Faint or Shriek for Assistance. I braced you up to taking the High Hurdle after you had Balked a dozen times and she was beginning to think that you were a Stick. As Superintendent of all those Happy Hours in the Hammock and the Boat Rides on the Lake, when she listened to your Singing and pretended to like it, I flatter myself that my Work speaks for Itself. I have handled this Case to the Queen's Taste, and now that the Match has been Clinched by an Engraved Invitation and the usual Newspaper Notoriety I feel that I am entitled to about Two Weeks' Vacation. "But you are not going to Quit me at this Crisis, are you?" asked the Dismayed Bachelor. "Think of the Ordeal that the Family of the Bride and other Officious Friends have mapped out for us. In the dreadful round of Ceremonies now bearing down upon us we need you more than ever." "That may be," replied Cupid, "but about to-morrow Evening this Game will begin to be too hot for any mere Child, so I am going to take to the Deep Woods. I want to get away before you give your Farewell Kick-Up to the Best Man and the Ushers and other Rowdy Friends. It is now the Practice in our most polite Circles to get the Groom good and OryEyed about twenty-four Hours before he Steps Off and then have him keep his Edge until the" whole Show is over and he is loaded on a Sleeper. A Bachelor Dinner with a lot of Broken G.assware, the Best Man crying into the eves and some one named Horace asleep In the Corner is no Place for a tender Infant. I will have to cut It out. And I must pass up the Exercises at the Church and the Reception at the House. Excuse me from getting packed in with a lot of Jay Relatives that you have to Ask out of Politeness. I have a perfect Horror of the Gentlemen's Dressing Room, where everybody will be taking Bromo and telling what and the other large class of persons with an incurable propensity for getting proper names wrong will bje sure to call it "O-sln-ning," and the connection between sinning and the penitentiary is so obvious that the last estate of the residents is in danger of being worse than the first. A London letter says that an English publisher will soon issue "A Sailor's Log," by Rear Admiral Evans. "The proof sheets," it is said, "disclose a lively autobiography written In 'Fighting Bob's raciest conversational style, with full details of his adventures afloat and ashore." From what is known of "Fighting Bob's" style the book will find rlenty of American readers. Mr. Albert L. Johnson, high authority in street-railway and rapid-transit questions, says: "I have found repeatedly that by cutting fares In half the increased receipts have at least offset the comparativelj slight Increase in operating expenses." In most localities the cars are already so overcrowded that the public would be sorry to see the patronage increased without an increase of accommodations. Mr. Carnegie recently advised young men to enter the newspaper business. Lots ! of young men would be glad to follow the advice, but see no way of doing so unless he will back it up with checks big enough to buy newspapers with FROM EITHEH AND YON. Valuable Recipe. Chicago Kecord-Htrald. "I ent ?1 for a sure cure for corpulency." "Well?" "Here's the reply: 'Throw up your Job and hunt for another cne. " An Experienced Victim. Puck. "Come and sit down. Jlmmlf, and grandma Ml read to ycu about 'Bees and Their Ways. " "Oh. no, Gra'ma! Jes read to m about bees; I know all about their 'ways." Xotlilnsr Certuin About It. Chicago Post. "I ee the German Kaiser is to have a body guard of bicyclists." "Well, the bicycle is certainly deadly enough. but It too uncertain, I should think. It 1 like the rain." "How is that?" "It lands alike on the Junt and the unjust." Pro und Con. Philadelphia Press. "You may talk as you please." paid the public-spirited suburbanite, .but our town la all right. Why, look at our remarkably low death rate. That an argument." "Yes, thafi an argument." interrupted the cauitlc city man. "It shows how very few people would care to be found dead there." An Antl-Trast Convert. Washington Star. "Charlie, dear," said youns Mrs. Torklm, "I am against the trust." "Indeed?" "Yes. and especially the oil trust.". . "Ttat U regarded at most formidable of all." "I never unJemooJ it before Hut I see it c!:ir:y r,:. Ts r;zy tz-.s cczopclixtj ovtr-

Robert Howard Kussel.

3 time he got out of the Turkish B 'th. pr fsbly you will be a Sight, esj ci.t'.:y ;.p j the Eyes. Our Relations have 1..- 0 Idyllic up to this Stage of the Pro . . :.: that I could not bear to see oi ;:;;r . these Nuptials in a Trance. As ff-r t; . . ception, I have no desire to le tr.: .;; j upon by 235 male and female In!l;'.: .. r into a Residence built to ac :t. . ; . ;. about nine." "It is going to be something I irr " . :1 the Bridegroom with a mournful :) ,! f, the Head. "However, I must so it t . s. Finish." "I suppose you must," said Cup:,', ' t.jt when toe Florist, the Caterer, the fussy remale Manager and the Detective to witth the Presents come in at the I.nr i,,,e flies out at the Window. Cupid cannot . p. erate in a Crowd. If my gentle Intlu. r.ce could Prevail against the 'Power of I'rt indent I never would permit you Two to stand in front of the Frozen Fact- u-j. promise to Love, Honor and Obey. I am for the Whispered Vow in the Du.-ky r. ncr with two Folks sitting in a Ch-dr 1 ui.t for one, but Nix the Circus P rf. rrr..-. . . I do not believe that True Affect; .,;; j be hauled out to Show Off before ;i ci:r: ;s Mob. And when the Gang begins to r w ,i up to kiss the Bride that is v. L.r. r :; ; j wants to be somewhere lse. I nwir c;;'i see the Poetry in having a Pir.k-.it.-l-W! j-ride pawed over by a lot of L'r.i !. s ; i Aunts, to say nothing of Cousin '!.i:!.y, who generally manages to Ring in : .1 Practical Joker. If I were you 1 wld Register a Kick.' "I'd like to. but it wouldn't do any go. ,." said the Bridegroom. "All the iir.Uiiiic Customs must be observed." "Yes,' continued Cupid. "After you hive tried to crowd a lot of Rich Food on a j rsecuted Stomach that looks up and ?.;s, 'Please Don't.' then .you will start fcr t! Train. At this Juncture the R!ce-7hr.. Comedian and the Wag who tits White Satin Ribbon on the Trunks will g-t ia their Cute Work. I suppose you will 1" very Jolly on the Train with every ( n ( a to you bigger than a House. Little ... hfc.ns will wear her Gray Golng-Away G r.vn. She ought to call It her Gray Give-Away Gown. Whichever way you turn you will hear the Stage Whisper behind you. 'P:;-. the Bride! You certainly have a Hatful of Hilarious Moments ahead of you. I don't imagine. If Cupid had his Way evt ry Marriage Service would be enacted i:i thu still Moonlight, with no 510 Preacher to give the Cues and only tho IVepir.g S:;:rs as Witnesses. The Young Couple would repair at once to a Lodge in some Vast Wilderness eighty-five Miles from a ib-M Cierk or a Fresh Drummer. But. as I am telling you. Love has no Voice during th so-called Festivities. When you be sin to Frost the Cakes and hang Smllax on the Chandeliers I fly the Coop." "But you will return?" asked the Groom. "I will wait until you have had your Fill of running the Gauntlet in Strange Hott h and cowering before Head Waiters." replied Cupid. "You will have to .-t.iy on your Tour for at least a few Weeks j;:.-t to prove that you can Afford it. Win n oa come back and assume a Lease and c"jr.t up your Presents and begin to Swap duplicate Pickle Dishes and Lamps for something you can use in the Kitchen I n..y look in on you. If you have managed to p t along without having any Spats and are really anxious to keep away from the Inquisitive Public I will come around and scratch on the Door and possibly you will permit me to come in and take charge of your real Honeymoon. If I can get the cooperation of a good Cook I think I may te able to show you a choice quality of Connubial Bliss. But I am off the Contract until you get through with this Splurge.' And Cupid faded away. Moral If It were not for the Presents an Elopement would be Preferable. charged me to-day for a bottle of t-alad oil U simply outrageous." Catn, Etc. Detroit Journal. "Why," a?ked the Unconscious Irr.Wi. "is a woman dressed up like a cat?" The Lay Figure courteously pave i: t.p. "Well, a cat gets mad if you rub tir th- m:? way " "And a woman dressed up?" ir.tfrp d tho Lay Figure eagerly. "Well, a woman dres?ed up Is off. v.-b 1 if people don't rubber JuFt about to'." As for the Othtrs. they smoked vi. lcr.il, l-t in silence. LITERAEY NOTES. Some fifty books dealing In one way or another with the South African war w re Issued during the past year. John Oliver Hobbes is just piving tho finishing touches to a new novel to 1.- entitled "The Serious Wooing: A Heart's History," which is to bf published in Bruland and America in the early autumn. Mrs. Atherton, the author of "S.-nafor North," a novel of American political life, has in hand a novel of English political life, and several contemporary characters will, it Is said, figure in the book. Germany has adopted Jerome K. Jerome's flippant book, "Three Mm on For.r Vhecls." as a text-book for advanced st idents who are studying English. This is about the best literary joke of the sa"Abbottsford." Sir Walter Scott's 1 tiful house. Is to be let, with its 1.3fM a- r. of shooting. The novelist's family hi mways found the place an expensive o: o maintain. It is now owned by his u.r- itgranddaughter, tho Hon. Mrs. Mix v. -11 Scott. The scene of Miss Mary Johnston's" Third story, "Audrey," which is soon to ;!i-p.ir as a serial, like that of her other st-ri is in Virginia, and Its period is the t ..r'.y eighteenth century. It is said that ih famous beauty. Evelyn Byrd, plays a:i important part in the story. Thirty editions of one or more of s:; T;speare's plays were published in Kn-riv I last year, and ten boohs dealing v. it!: life and work. Eighteen editions of T mm -son and eight critical and other s?-:'.!'" were printed, while five new V.litfons of Ruskln's books and six studies came from the presses. Queen Victoria, It is aid. was so pi .- I with Miss Sarah Orne Jcwctt.s pretty story, "The Queen's Twin." that sh- pronounced it "perfectly del'ghtfui." M my people have written to the author inj firing for her "Mrs. Martin." as if th. v wersure of her being a real person. iV.a.l oi an old lady who in the lirajir.utv of the author lives in Maine. Miss Beatrice Harraden is v.ritlrc a r w novel, the scene of which is lnid in NYrway. Of the peasants of the country the a r.!1 saw a great deal last veir. as she I r. k - lr leg near the ankle when eitlr.;r off b r FvJ'-V. oa a mcuUaln excursion. M-re th.iu lbO.UOO copies of the 6-pnvy edit! --n "Ships That Pass in the Night" hae ben sold in England. Will Payne, who is attracting attentior because of the merit of his short itnies and who is soon to publish a novel callec "The Story of Eva." belongs to the Chicago "school" of writers, of which Henry B. Fuller is the most distinguished mt niter. Though still young. Mr. Payne h.is had a varied experience of life. Bsrn on a farm in Illinois tul educated in the country school, he went when a bov t western Nebraska. ,v;hrrs he piclivd up in ü bank