Indianapolis Journal, Volume 50, Number 336, Indianapolis, Marion County, 2 December 1900 — Page 12

THE lirof&ih'iL'vLlü ' JWi.i,

THE SUNDAY JOURNAL

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Mr. Bryan seems to be laboring under the delusion that he has the only copy of the Declaration of Independence In exist ence. The report that the enthusiasm of tho French for Kruger Is on the wane Is not a turprise. A week of one sensation is too Tuuch for that people. Thus far the proceedings of the constitu tional convention in Cuba have not given -assuring evidence of capacity for self-gov ernment. There is a conspicuous lack of business direction and "horse sense." The expiring activity of the Boers in "South Africa is so coincident with Mr. Kruger's arrival in Europe as to suggest U preconcerted plan. It will hardly avail jto bring about European intervention. Young Mr. Phillips, who engineered the recent corner in corn, is praised for having made only JC00.0Ö0 out of the deal when he might have made JCOO.OOO. His moderation Shows that he is not a Chicago man. During the last decade there has been touch talk about the great loss of commerce which New York city has experi enced, but the census reports show that New York has gained a larger per cent. lhan any of its rivals. The late clerk of the Cincinnati Educa tional Board, who is found to have been an embezzler to the amount of $100,000, is said to have been "a prince of good fellows." There are other recommendations for a public official better than that. The immigration authorities at New Or leans, acting under directions from Washington, have allowed a party of immigrants from Porto Rico destined for the sugar plantations In Hawaii to land and proceed to San Francisco. Any other action would have been grossly inconsistent. Almost every session of Congress now tidays is an epoch-making one. The last two sessions had to deal with the Spanish .var and the Issues growing out of It, and the next one will have to deal with the Kicaragua canal and other questions of national or world-wide importance. It is said that President McKinley is extrting his influence with Republican conpressmen to secure as large a reduction of war taxes as possible and holding appro priations down to the lowest figure com patible with the necessities of the govern ment. This would make a good record. Nothing funnier has occurred in recent years than the catching of Richard Croker for an Income tax of $3,000 In England. English law is pretty binding, and it is to be hoped this assessment will "stick." There would be a fine sense of retributive Justice in making Mr. Croker contribute $3,000 of his Tammany spoils to the BritishBoer war tax. The Interstate-commerce Commission has decided that in fixing rates of transportation stock In railways issued without consideration, as Is the case in most reorgani zations by foreclosure, is not entitled to tiny consideration as against the rights of the public for reasonable charges. The pnforcement of that decision would wring r river of water out of railroad properties. An article In the Atlantic Monthly shows that the Panama canal route is superior to the Nicaragua. Indeed. It Is so strong that one is led to suspect that it Is the work of nn attorney rather than a . volunteer desir ing the best for the United States. This Is probably the first of the efforts to distract the attention of Congress and thus prevent the passage of any bill at the coming ses sion. One of the most important features of the army bill as given to the public Is that which practically breaks up the staff corps as a permanent institution in which officers rerve during their entire military career. By the provisions of the bill line officers will be appointed to staff duty for a term of years, after which' they will return to the line. This proposition is not a new one, but it is the first time that It has been a feature in an army bill. It will be opposed by the rtaff and those whom it can Influence, but the general opinion is that such a change will be beneficial. Newspaper readers of the present day cften comment on the frequency of reports of terrible catastrophes and accidents. These reports arc not pleasant reading, yet they are news. They are such matters as are related and discussed with the great est possible interest In private circles, and therefore" are proper for publication. The newspaper do not make them. They oc cur la the regular course of events either

ad natural phenomena or accidents and

catastrophes Incident to modern civilization, dense populations, etc Cyclones, hurricanes, tidal waves, landslides, cloudbursts and such things are no more frequent now than they were a hundred or five hundred years ago, but the modern facilities for gathering and distributing news make the reports of them more numerous. Hundreds of destructive cyclones swept across va cant prairies or unpopulated regions before the days of railroad?, telegraphs and news agencies without being reported. They may have frightened wild animal3 and decimated primeval forest?, but they were unrecorded. Now It is different. It 13 Fcarcely possible nowadays for a cyclone to operate in secret or to make a record that will not be given to the public. The same is true of all kinds of catastrophes and accidents. They are only more con spicuous on account of the increase of population and the fullness and accuracy with which they are reported. The times change and we change with them, but nature and her laws do not change. " THE NEXT STATE. It is reasonably certain that the next new State to be admitted will be Okla homa, and it seems quite likely it may be done at the coming session of Congress. The territory has much better claims for admission than either New Mexico or Arizona, having a much larger and more homogeneous population than either of them and being much more advanced in de velopment. The progress of Oklahoma during the last few years recalls the wonderful strides made by some of the earlier terri tories. Ten years ago it had a population of C2.0CO; by the auditor's census of 1S04 it was 212, CCä; the Governor's report gave it as 2T3.5S7 in 1S06 and 311.400 in lS'JS. It is now 323,009, representing in a large degree the cream of American emigration. Very few Territories have had as large a population as this at the time of their admission, and seme of the States fall considerably shott of it, even now. North Dakota, South Da kota, Montana and Washington were all admitted In 1SS9, yet by the census of 1S30 North Dakota had only 182,719 inhabitants, South Dakota 32S,80S, Montana 132,159, and Washington 349,330 none of them nearly as large a population as Oklahoma lias now. Three of the Spates above named have in creased very largely in population since 1S90, but Montana is still behind Oklahoma. Nevada, admitted in Ifc64. had only 42,431 inhabitants in 1S70, only 43,701 in 1S00, and has less than that now. Although admitted to the Union twenty-six years ago, Nevada has less than one-eighth as many inhabit ants at present as Oklahoma. Minnesota, admitted in 1S3S, had only 1?2,023 inhabitants in 1S60, but it has made wonderful strides since. Nebraska, admitted in 1S67, had only 122,000 Inhabitants in 1S70, but it also has made great progress in the last three decades. It will be seen, therefore, that few Territories have had as large apopulatlon at the time of their admission or for several years afterwards as Oklahoma has now, and probably none ever had a more thoroughly typical American population. It has a well-organized and well-administered territorial government, an excellent public school system with more than 80,000 pupils enrolled, sixty-eight territorial banks and seven national banks, over 1,000 miles of railway, seventy-nine grain elevators, near ly forty flour mills, and many other evi dences of progress. It Is but a little while since the Territory Was designated as "No Man's Land," and its opening to while set tlement was marked by one of the greatest races for land on record. Its transforma tion within a few years from a state of wilderness to one of high civilization and productiveness is one of those illustrations of American energy and enterprise that cause foreigners to marvel. Oklahoma is fairly entitled to admission as a State, and It will be unjust for Congress to delay ac tion In the matter. AN ENORMOUS "WASTE. Some of the statements made by Eugene Smith, of New York, in an address beforo the National Prison Association relative to the cost of crime, are calculated to attract attention. Thosi who know the writer assert that he has been a close student of the economic phase of criminality and is able to speak with authority upon this im portant subject. Upon the basis of an analysis of the cost of crime in nine cities Mr. Smith makes the aggregate taxation chargeable to crime in city and county in the United States 5105,030,000; that charge able to crime in town and county 543,000,000, and that chargeable to federal and state taxation 530,000,000 a total of J2OJ.000.000. That is a large amount of money, but those who have made the matter the subject of reflection will conclude that the estimate is reasonable. The expense of police, of criminal courts and of prisons in any State of large population is by far the largest single expenditure that taxpayers are called upon to meet. This, however, is not the largest item in the cost of crime to the country. Mr. Smith says that 250,000 people in the United States make their living by the practice of crime. He estimates that the annual gains of these people are $l,tJ00 on an average, so that the spoliation of the community reaches the aggregate of 5400,000,000. Tho damage inflicted upon the victims of crime Mr. Smith puts at 5130.000,000, making a total of 5730,000,000 a year, or about 510 to every inhabitant of the country. Startling as these figures seem, those who have investigated the economic phase of crime declare that they are under rather than over the actual annual cost of crime in this country. The total expenditure for education Is only twothirds of the amount wasted to support crime. .The wheat crop of the country would not pay the expense of crime. Can this draft upon the wealth of the country be mitigated? That Is the question for those who have made penology a study for years ih connection with the management of prisons and reformatories. Their answer is most favorable. "It has been demonstrated." says Mr. Smith, "that by the application of principles and methods scientifically established by actual experiment the volume of crime can be materially diminished and that a large majority of all convicts can be permanently reclaimed from a life of crime through the agencies of a scientific system of prison discipline and treatment." To-day the progressive managers of penal and correctional institutions are giving most attention to the methods which will reduce the number of those who would be criminals without the Interposition of the state and to the reclamation of the large body of lawbreakers who are apprehended for the Hrat time. The reform school Is one of the older agencies, but of late the reformatory,

with the Indeterminate sentence, is depended upon to" reduce the number of criminals and the cost of crime. Thus far the experiment In this and other States goes

to show that the array of criminals can be largely reduced and the expense cut down. The saving in this State by the substitution of the reformatory and indeterminate sentence for the hard and fast state prison system is saving the taxpayers many thou sand dollars a year and making law-abid ing and self-supporting several hundred men who would otherwise be made -hopeless criminals. UNNECESSARY TROUBLE. A California paper says , that President Jordan is ill physically and mentally over the strain incident to the performance of his duty to Mrs. Stanford in dismissing Professor Ross. The professor, it will be remembered, gave expression to views regarding property which would have made Stanford University Impossible if his ideas had been In force at the time that Governor Stanford was accumulating the millions which built and equipped the university. No doubt Professor Ross expressed convictions about public utilities and kindred subjects which are more or less socialistic. No doubt he takes himself very seriously, but that is no reason why Mrs. Stanford, and those who advise her, should do so. In these days a young man makes a study, or at least he thinks he makes a study, of some branch of economics. As often as otherwise he begins with a theory and sets himself to fitting data to sustain his theoryAs often as otherwise he is called, while a young man, to college or university, to bo professor in social science or some branch of economics. Too frequently he has not broadly investigated the subject by the study of conditions and the sifting of data. but, instead, has thought the subject out and evolved a system from his own consciousness. This system he puts fcrth as an Infallibility. So It comes about that such teacher in. this really unexplored field has a theory of his own. Get any considerable number of such theorists together and there would be a babel of economic wisdom from which one might select whatever system might please his fancy. Very naturally the busy world pays very little attention to the specialist on economical or social science. This is because, in so many directions in the -past, his theories have not stood the test of experience. For this reason it would have been better If President Jordan could have Induced Mrs. Stanford to let Professor Ross ride his hobby. A few students might have accepted his views, but after graduating they could not hold them long, if they did not fit into the affairs of a practical world. A TERRITORIAL DOCUMENT. The Indiana Historical Society has Just Issued an important and valuable publication. This Is nothing less than the "Journal of the proceedings of the executive government of the Indiana Territory" from 1S00 to 1S16. The original record has long been stored away among the archives at the Indiana Statehouse, but its existence has not been generally known to the delvcrs in local historical lore, and in putting it into print the society has done a service to students and to the State. The Journal consists largely of a record of appointments made by the successive Governors, but other official acts, such as the issuing of proclamations of various sorts, pardons of prisoners, granting of licenses, etc., are included. The appointments include judges of the courts, justices of the peace, sheriffs, coroners and all other local officers, but probably the larger number are those of officers vin the militia. The population of the territory was so small at that time that these names may bo regarded almost as a roll of the citizens who attained prominence. In these days of the building of family trees and ancestor-hunting this Journal will serve a purpose not dreamed of by those who kept it. The proclamations afford interesting glimpses of the conditions of the period. One issued in 1S04 reads thus: The Governor having received information that some evil-disposed persons are about to transport from the Territory certain Indented servants of Colour without their Concent first had and obtained, with a design as is supposed of selling them for slaves contrary to the law and dignity of the United States, be Issued a proclamation, forbidding and strictly enjoining the persons aforesaid from carrying into Execution their nefarious and Inhuman design as they shall answer the same at their peril, and at the same time requirelng and Commanding all magistrates and other civil officers to exert in their several capacities In giving proper and necessary relief to all persons illegally confined for the purpose above mentioned and to secure and Bring to Justice the perpetrators for the Violation of Law and Humanity. It will be noticed that there are some Irregularities of spelling, punctuation and construction, while the capitalization might afford hints to George Ade, but it is only charitable to ascribe these eccentricities to the recording clerk and not to the Governor, William Henry Harrison. The allusion to slaves has an especial interest owing to the fact that the census of Indiana Territory for 1S00 included in its total of 5,641 persons 133 slaves. The Journal has been edited and annotated by Willlara Wesley Woollen, Daniel Howe and Jacob P. Dunn with much care, and an introductory chapter dealing with the conditions of the time, the laws in force, the character of the population, etc., explains much in the record that follows which otherwise might be less easily understood. It must be remembered in this connection that Inaiana Territory included much territory not now within the limits of the State. It was then the "Northwest," and Illinois, Michigan and Wisconsin have an interest In this Journal. The society has done a real service in rescuing this document from its obscurity and making it accessible to the public. MAGAZINE SECRETS. A magazine editor has at last, confessed. Writers who send their productions to magazines only to have them returned as "unavailable" have long felt that remorse ought to visit the editors of such periodicals, and when they saw In the New York Times Saturday Review an article headed "Confessions," they may have fancied that the editor thus unfolding his secrets had become conscience-smitten at last. But on reading past the headlines it !s soon discovered that, so far from suffering remorse for his course in the past, he is brazenly proud of it and upholds 4t as the only successful and proper method. The writer of rejected contributions really learns nothing new from these confessions. The editor, who discreetly remains anonymous, frankly says that what a magazine wants first Is celebrities', secon J contributors whose intimate connection with events, interesting to the public at certain times, jive their literary wares ralue, and third.

minor authors "all of whom have ucceeded in spUVof'ttie editors." It. is ths first duty of the magazine editor, he says, to keep literary aspirants out of his periodicals and to: keep the celebrities In.

To the literary aspirant he offers the somewhat brutal advice "get ; a reputation first." ' -...-I ' - '' The only point to. this confession is that' it proves what would-be contributors have long believed, namely, that magazine editors were lying when they ' issued ; their semi-annual assurances to writers ' that they were sitting up r nights . reading the productions of unknown '.authors In the hope of making a7"ünd." Why they should see fit to. make such assertions in the face, of facts showing, the -contrary has never been clear. Whether they, will continue to make them now that one "of their number has peached is a question to be answered In the future. Meanwhile, it is not probable that the editorial disclosure will, have the effect of limiting the number of contributions sent to magazines. The' literary aspirant will continue to aspire in face of all discouragements, and, as probably the shrewd author of the confessions knows, if he has anything worth while to say somebody will discover that fact sooner or later and the aspirant will enter at least the third list of magazine desirables. Genuine literary talent is not easily crushed. The report that the powers cannot agree upon a proposition to submit to China as a preliminary basis of negotiation is, to say the least, discouraging. For a time there was every reason to believe that a plan could be agreed pori which would end the disturbed conditions and restore tranquillity while negotiations were going on. The real caust o discouragement now is that the powers cannot get together upon a plan. It is discouraging because so many, after the conference at The Hague, -were led to believe that the governments of the large naa ' tions had come . so .near, each other that they could act in unison when it came to a matter like that of China, in which all of the nations seem to have a common cause and an equal interest.. Recent revelations are very puzzling. At one time the public is told that the powers are agreed upon a line of action; then comes news that one or two of the parties interested will not agree with the others. Such is the situation at the present time. It Is not to the credit of the powers that they cannot get together upon a policy dealing with China that will reflect the intelligence and the humanity of the world In the last month of the nineteenth century. i All of the trouble and delay In regard to armor plates. seems to -bo due, to the fact that several years ago Mr. Gates, of the American Steel and Wire Company, announccd that he would make armor for 5300 a ton. The fact was,tliat-he. could do nothing of the kind because his company had no plant. Tho offer caused: Congress to discuss the matter, and a long delay ensued. Now Mr. Carnegie has got even with Mr. Gates, whose company has been one of the largest purchasers of the Carnegie steel billets. Months ago Mr. Gates's company expended ten millions in iron mines and ships with a purpose of making its own billets. Thereupon, thor Carnegie Company began "to LalkraWlre" mill. This brought the Gates company "to terms, but it has a large amount of money invested in mines. Tho real reason that Chicago is so anxious to make a present of its canal, which carries off the city's drainage and the impure water in Lake Michigan, is that the operating of the canal is very expensive. If Congress .accepts the canal the large expenditure will bo paid by Uncle Sam. , . . BUBBLES IN THE AIR. A Rough Illdcr'ft Equipment. "Mr. Roosevelt wants a seat in the Cabinet." "A saddle, you mean." Rubbish Come Home -to Roost. "Did you have fun at the rummage party?" 'Some of them did; but Harry Kot the package I took, and I got the package he took." The Excltnblo French. Beware, Oom Paul Kruger.; the French, so they say Hang wreaths on their ' Idols not more than a day. Of a Good Rrnnd. Jones You are an pld-llne Democrat, aren't you? Smith No; I'm a new-line Democrat; I helped elect McKinley. The Art Kitchen. "Cook, do we need any necessities for the kitchen?" - "Yes'm; I'd like a Roman chair, on of them Venlshun lanterns, an some more pillers for th cozy corner." An Intellectual Yearning;. "Aunt Minerva says she believes she'll hunt herself up a beau." . . "Goodness; what for?" ' "She says if she had a beau she'd get a present of a good box of candy now and then." Footnotes. This would be a better world If church Inspired the widespread awe which a society function v inspires. - -rl ' ,- " The smaller the lad the bigger the polka dots he wants on his necktie. By minding other people's business you are perhaps sometimes deterred from disastrous performances of your own. v AVhen a woman hears a mouse she thinks It Is a burglar; when she hears a burglar she persuades herself it Is only a mouse. Humorists are - such a. sad lot because the world doesn't give them credit for having any other kinds of sense. Three things are boundless; the horisoa. foolishness, and love. Man can catch up with yesterday and with today but while the world stands he never can catch up with to-morrow. The English phj-siciah who announces solitary confinement in bed as a means of promoting long life cannot be regarded as a benefactor, since most people must work. Moreover, there is eery reason to believe that the man who works steadily day after day will be more cheerful and dive longer than those who have so little to do that they can lie in bed a month at a time. In Meredith Nicholson's critical study of Indiana literature, ä review of which book appears elsewhere, is a chapter headed "An Indiana Choir." Following closely cn his work and curiously supplementary to it. comes a volume devoted to the songs of this choir. Mr. Benjamin S. Parker, of New Castle, and Mr. Enos B. Ilelney, of Huntington, have for several years been engaged in gathering together the best specimens of the work- of Indiana versewriters, and the result is a collection of the poetry of. the State during the flrat hundred years of Its history as Territory and State. It make an imsfc-sive show

ing:, and In the hands ol two such cornpotent editors cannot be other than what was intended representative. The Journal hopes to give this volume further attention at another time, but takes thi occasion to compliment the editors and compilers on the admirable qutcome of their labors. i i It was a cheeky thing for .a German fcaron to ask his American fiancee, to come to Berlin to marry him because business Interests prevented him from coming vt6 New York, and ib was a very; w-omanly thing for the American girl to break the engagement It i3 no farther from Berlin to New. York than It Is from New York to Berlin. 'The manner in which two Mormon missionaries were treated In Hungary recalls the period of early Indian warfare in this country The running of the gauntlet was repeated, but among the Hungarian maids who administered punishment there was no Pocahontas to supplicate for mercy. The appointment of Chief of Police John W. Campbell, of St. Louis, to the same position in Manila, Is indicative of the progressive Americanization of the Philippines. It will take time, but we will "get there."

That Japanese prince who pronounces the French array "rotten" and who remarks that "the Englishman always comes out or: top" furnishes new evidence of the shrewdness and intelligence of the Japs. ""i LITERARY NOTES. The London papers report that W. E. Norris, the novelist, is contemplating a trip to this country to read in public from his books. Mr. F. Marion Crawford is in this country, having recently come to superintend "the production of his play, "The Palace of the King," founded, of course, on his novel of the same name. Princess Troubetskoy (Amelie RlvesChanler), the author of "The Quick or 'the Dead," will make her home in Richmond, Va., for the winter. She has-been in falling health for some months. Mrs. Humphry Ward tells of the chilling reception her uncle, Matthew Arnold, gave to her literary efforts. His formula was this: "No Arnold can write a novel. If Arnolds could, I should have written one myself." "Audrey" is to be the title of MIs3 Mary Johnston's new novel. It will be one of the Atlantic's serials next year. Like "To Have and to Hold," It is a romance of Virginia. Its period is the early eighteenth century. The London Academy says: "That Mr. Barrie should have chosen to write a twopart satire of nearly a thousand pages on a character with precisely the same falling as himself was natural but untortunate. T. Sandys,' as his inventor loves to call him, was sentimental enough, but his sentimentality is as nothing to Mr. Barrie's." Miss Harraden has found a feminine translator in Norway who is "more than usual calm" in impudence. This person entirely omitted the last chapter from her version of "Ships That Pass in the Night," and, when remonstrated with, coolly replied that in her Judgment the story was greatly improved by the omission of the last chapter. Mme. Sarah Grand says that in her youth she wrote fiction, verse and essays. "The essays," she declares, "are very funny, chiefly marked by the commonplaces of the theory of life which are now associated with the old woman. They are almost as ridiculous as Schopenhauer. "Then," adds Mme. Grand, "I began to think." But she did not think long enough before writing some of her books. "Did you ever notice that most English writers of recent time, from Thackeray down, have written an uncommonly fine hand?. Many living English writers have this peculiarity, but I think none in a more marked degree than Barrie." And then a page of Barrie's manuscript of "Tommy and Grizel," written on note paper of the ordinary octavo size, was shown by the gentleman connected with the publishers of that novel to the Tribune's reviewer. It is almost microscopic in size, very neat and with few erasures, yet of a character to make it hard reading. The historical manuscripts commission of the American Historical Association has commissioned Herbert Friedenwald to prepare for publication the papers of the late Chief Justice Salmon P. Chase. They will be printed by the government. The largest body of the Chase papers are in the possession of the Massachusetts Historical Society and have been forwarded to him to be edited. He asks that any Chase letters or papers in private hands may be sent either in the original or in careful copies to him, 1300 Locust street, Philadelphia, and such originals will be returned as soon as they can be copied. WISDOM OF CURRENT FICTION. A clean record won't pawn for much when you're on your uppers. The Worldlings. I don't see why anny man who believes in medicine wud shy at th faith cure. Mr. Dooley. Many a man would be happier if he had nevei learned to write. A Diplomatic Woman. To be a great tactician you must have no prejudices or partialities, no overweening affection, even for yourself The Second Lady Delcombe. A woman who refuses to believe her husband loves her simply because she discovers him to be Inconstant only understands her own nature. The WTorldllngs. In all our lives there are some hours that are absolutely good hours that we could not Improve on, even supposing that a kindly fate gave us the power to try. The Second Lady Delcombe. , Beauty must be the first law of life to the sex that has not the privilege of choosing. Under the circumstances it is surprising Low much of plainness women have preserved. The Bacillus of Beauty. ' There is nothing in this world more delightful than that middle state in which we mentally balance at times, possessed of the means, lured by desire, and yet deterred by conscience or want of decision. Sister Carrie. A far-seeing Providence must surely have intended women to shine in diplomacy, for men are so impressionable, and some women so fascinating, that the victory is assured before the struggle commences. A Diplomatic Woman. A man with a conscience is often provoking, sometimes impossible. Persuasion is lest upon him. He will not get angry, and he looks at one with such a far-away expression in his face that in striving to persuade him one feels earthly and fiendish. Black Rock. ABOUT PEOPLE AND THINGS. Oliver II. P. Belmont is said to have sunk 530,000 in his weekly paper, the Verdict, which has just suspended pub'ication. Thomas A. Edison's motto of work is "Never watch the clock." He frequently works sixteen hours at a stretch and never notes the passage of time. Dr. Nansen, the explorer, although perfectly easy on the lecture platform, is generally extremely shy and diffident In general society and talks but little. On New Year's Eve 15.000 watch meetings will bo held to celebrate the advent of the new century for the benefit of the American National Red Cross. It is hoped that 5500.000 may be raised for Red Cross work in this way. Hanging in the window of a barber shop are the long and flowing whiskers worn for many years by Dr. T. A. Stevens, of Independence, says the Kansas City Journal. In life they hung down below the doctor's waist, and they were famous all over the county. The doctor bet 'em on the election of Bryan. . Mr. Arthur Farwell, lecturer on music in Cornell University, Is an advocate of the theory that national American music U to be attained by uniting the xrild melodies of our Indian music to the prevailing G?rman harmonies. Mr. Farwell ha3 mads a 'tlicroujh study of tts Icilan nui'.c cf

'MODERS FABLES," by Qeorgc Ade.

The Modern Fable of the 0d Uimc Vcdagogxjtc Who Came Dot&n From the Shelf and War Stiff ici'cn-ftjr Bxj.mpcd.

Copyright, 10O0, by Robert Howard Russell.

Once there was a hard-grained Old-Timer who was living In the Past. He dated back to the Time when they harvested Grain with a Cradle and the Man who could sport a Velvet Vest and a pair of Blue-Topped Boots was considered a Hot Member. He had been a School Teacher when the Education of the Young came under the Head of Manual Labor. In that remote Period there was a deal of Respect for the Adage, "Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child." The Rod was never Spared, and that is why all the Children grew up to be Self-Respectlng Husbands and Model Wives, If you don't care what you say. In the Stone Age of our Public School System, when the Teacher had to Board Around and was paid in Pelts, and the wiry Pioneer Schoolmaster of the Coonskin Cap and the tangled Black Hair was blazing the way for co-educational Normal Schools and Mother Conventions, the OldTimer had been regarded as a first-class Instructor. When he applied for a School In his Day and Generation he did not have to go before a Superintendent in a Black Cheviot Suit and tell why X is to Y as the Known is to the Unknown , or what Crops they gather on the Head Waters of the Orinoco. If the Applicant was big enough to throw a Horse and had licked ths Bad Man of the Township at a Kissing liee he was given the School then and there. On the First Day he always selected the Biggest Boy and got the Hammerlock on him . and Wrassled him around on the Puncheon Floor and upset Furniture. If he mail the Boy yell "Enough" he was a Fixture, even if he did not know the difference between Diphthong and Semicolon. The Scholars brought Red Apples to him, and he held the Book at a Spelling-Down, with no chance for an Argument. Now It happened that the Old-Timer had a Daughter who had reached the Home Stretch without being Asked, so she was Teaching. And she was keeping up with Advanced Methods, which were as a Sealed Book to the Old-Timer, who had not set toot within a Schoolroom for more than forty-five Years. One Morning the Daughter was 111 and told her Father he had better notify the Main Squeeze so that her Pupils could be given a Holiday. The Old-Timer said there was no necessity of turning Into the Street a Band of Children who were Panting for Knowledge and anxious to Improve every Flying Moment. He said it was rather quiet around the Hardware Store and they could spare him, so he would go down and give the Rising Generation a slight Boost toward Useful Citizenship. He went out and cut three Gads of about the size needed to convince a Mule. When the Children, with Faces shining bright, answered the Morning Bell they found the Old-Timer seated at the Desk. , "Now, children, which do we tackle first Readin', 'Ritin' or 'Rithmetlc?" he asked. The assorted Batch representing Our Country's Hope exchanged Glances as If to ask, "Who left the Door open?" and then they gave him the Ha-IIa. "Are you having fun with me?" asked the Old-Timer severely. "You'd better have some one wake you up," said a little Snip of a Girl who wore Glasses. "Who has been Stringing you? The idea of our trifling with the Rudiments you mention is really Ipskalorious." "That's what they used to Teach," said the Old-Timer, who was so Flustered that he had to Spar for Wind. "It must have been a long time since," said "the Fresh Little Girl. "You don't look as if you had been On Earth since the Year of the Big Wind. If you don't knowhow to get away with this Job you ought not to go against it. You are what Charles Francis Adams would call a Peachalorum." "I do not know who Charles Francis Adams is and I never saw a Peachalorum, but I am the Boy in charge here to-day, and I refuse to be Joshed," said the OldTimer, with some Asperity. "If the Curriculum does not consist of the Three R's will some one of you precocious Tikes put your old Uncle next to what you do study?" "I will give you a few Points, seeing that you are so badly Sewed Up," said a very small Urchin. "First re design Wall Paper, then we dissect a Rat, after which we have French and Calisthenics, and finish up with a few Stunts in Botany and Entomology." "What in the Name of all Git-Outs is the Northwest, and is now at work on a "Cornell Overture" in which several of the favorite songs of the university are to be interwoven with Indian melodies, in the hope of revealing the possibilities of a strictly American music. Half-size pianos are being made in Germany for the use of children who are learning to play. Doctors declare that much permanent injury is done to the muscles of the fingers by endeavoring to stretch an octave or more, so the new pianos are made with keys half the usual width In order to prevent such Injury. Mr. Plowden, the well-known metropolitan police magistrate of London, completed his fifty-sixth year recently. He was born in Mecrut, India, where the mutiny broke out. He once on the bench decided the possession of three half-pence constituted "visible means of support," a penny being larger in size than a sovereign and so more "visible." The Royal Academy of Sweden has extended to Professor Thurston, of Cornell University, an Invitation to submit nn entry in the contest for the Nobel prizes. No one is allowed to compete who Is not a recognized authority in his line of work, and of those who are onlv thos peel Ileal -ly invited by tho Royal Academy. This invitation, therefore, constitutes a distinct and well-recognized scientific honor. A new. use for the bagpipes has been found by a Scottish Highlander who owns a sheep farm in a mountainous district of California and is in the habit almost daily of playing his pipes all over the ground. The skirling has had the happy effect of staring eagles out of the locality. In which these birds of prey had formerly done considerable damage by carrying off lambs, and had even attacked grown theep. Cornell University has this year 214 more students in lesidence in Ithaca than In 1Ö0, and in that year there wore 1S3 more than ever before. An Increase of 4' students in two years is a notable sign of public approval of the institution. It Is also, naturally, calculated to overcrowd classrooms and laboratories whlcn before were adequate, and President Schurman states that the question of building Mggr or, rather, of finding funds with which to do so. Is becoming acute at Cornell. Julian Ralph tells this as one of his experiences In China: "I was told that a Chinaman was waiting to pay his respects to me. I had by this time become an expert in the use of the 'pidgen English' (or business English), the baby like talk with which the English and Chinese merchants transact their affairs. Naturally, it was with this speech that I addressed the splendidly clad and handsome big Chinaman whom I found waiting upon my return. Hello, said I; 'what ting? (What's the matter?) 'What for you wantchee catchec me?' (Why do you want to see me?) etc. Is this Mr. Italph?' said the stately gentlerr.2n. It does me great honor to be able to prercnt myself to ons of your and then

Entomology?" interrogated the Gll-T'mr. At this Rad Break there was mom Fornful Laughter. The Little People t'rtMr'y had the Old-Timer looking like M i:,-n Money with Holes in it. Every time Mry knocked him a twister he Fumbled. It ar.d fell over In the Tall Grass. "Back to the MIr.cs, Grandpa:" ?!.)utcj one Roguish Youngster In the Back Row. Then all of them began to Talk about him In French, which he could not i:n Erstand. They said he was a Hommard, the same being French for Lobster. "Stop all this Hlfalutin' Tomfoolery." exclaimed the Old-Timer, with lU.ir? Anger. "Talk United States and don't Jalber. How are you on the Spell?" "We don't Monkey with Srci'.ing any more," replied the Boy. "We simply start in and learn to Read the first Crack out of the Box." "Well, since you are so Gay, let me ak you if you tan make a Bird In the FrrrArm Movement without taking the 1 a from the Paper?" "Say, you must be a Fossil of the Iower Silurian Epoch." tald the boy. "Who vir dug you up ought to have Lain-led you ;ir.d put you in a Cabinet. We don't make Scrolls any more. The Vertical Sy.-tom Is now the Whole Thing. "And I guess that'll Hold you for a While," said the Biggest Boy in the R...-.m. "I think you'll Lie Quiet for a few mlnuts after that Last One." "Where do all you Sophisticated Brats get your Rich Vocabulary of h'lang?" ak d the Old-Timer, who was now thoroughly Warm under the Collar. "Is that ir.cU:vtd in your Course of Studies al;-o?" "No; we acquire that at Home," i-aM ti e Little Girl who had first j-pekon. "Yes, and xnobt of you hive acjuind about three Quarts too much for your own Good," said the Old-Timer. "I may K a few Stacks shy on this Billy Baxter tylo of Kidding and I don't claim to know L..w to cut up a Rat or design a Bolt of Wall Paper, but I think I can give all of you ur;d Homely Hints on General Dojxjrtnu nt and Respect for your Elders." With that he produced one of the Gads and made a Come-Along Sign to the Uig. gest Boy. "What are you going to do?" asked the Boy, turning pale. "You," was the Res pons?, for the OldTimer was On to a few of these FarceComeay Gags. "Surely you must know that Corporal Punishment has been relegated To the Archives of our Educational System ar.d violates every Tenet of the new Science of Mind Culture," said the Boy. "I have not read This Year's league Rules." Faid the Old-Timcr. "but I know what is Coming to you." i'We must be governed by Moral Sua si. m." &aid the Argumentative Youth, "If I am not susceptible to the ordinary Discipline then I may be Punished by being Dismissed from the Room." "I don't call it Punh'iment unless you can count the Welts," said the old-Timer. "I attribute my own Success as Bookl;ee;cr in a Hardware Store to the Fact that I was pounded Black and Blue at leas.t thr. o times a Week all during thote Happy Xhiys at the Little Rcd.Schoolhouse. The n!y Way to dispel the Latent Cussedness from a Child's System I to Thrash it out." Saying which he grabbed at the Boy, who broke ground and Feinted with his Ixft and worked the Fitzsimmons Shift and had the Old-Timer spinning like a Top. Then the Boy did the Jab-and-Rc treat Act a few times and waited for an Opening before he put in the famous Corkscrew punch and terminated the Battlt They helped the Old-Timer back Into his Chair and dusted his Clothes and explained to him that there was a Gymna-ium In toanection with the School having a retlr d Welterweight as Instructor in Phyucal Culture. . "You should have slipped in an Uppercut when he spread his Guard," ald the Little Girl with Glasses as she straightened his Cravat for him. "You certainly had your Nerve with you to take on our 11 angin? Half Back, who has been in Training all Fall." "Children, you are one too Many for me," said the Old-Timer, meekly. "I am a II n Been of the First Water and I give. In before Moral Suasion. School is dismissed." Moral Stay with the procession or you will never catch up In these days.

a list of complimentary Oriental phrases. Why, you spak English very well.' T should do so, sir, said he, 'for I was educated in Connecticut.' " Lives of great men row remind us We can make our lives sublime. And departtnif leave behind at Footballs on the ravAs of tlmn. Jul. He occalonM a Rrrat dxU of laaglitrr liy namins bis dog CJcneral Shafter, And not Dewey.- To-day Folks have nothing tp pay. For you Bee, it 1 several years tft?r. Detroit Journal. The Hnlib! Took thnrKc. Letter to The Outlook. Upon a vessel which sailed from Eur pe early In the present month it was f.i.nd that there was no clergyman amonu the first-class passengers except a Jcih rabbi. A notice was posted that all who were dUpo-ed to join In the hinein:; i hymns were invited to meet afp " I " k Sunday morning. The ratt-i said that he would be willing to read some passas ( i Scripture, and this offer was gladly accepted. At the appointed hour many pas-h-engtrs. incluuing Roman Cath -lks. representatives of many Protestant hr. :rinatlons, and, perhaps, three or four Jew.-, gathered. The rabbi Immediately t- k charge and gave out "AmtrJca." vhih was heartily t-ung. This was follow d ly Reginald Hebers "Holy, Il'.ly. I!n!y," which is certainly not very Jewish, containing the expression "Holy Trinity." c. Some of the rplendid Psalms relating t- the sea and the power of the Creator were then read with much cxprev-'on. 7l? rabbi himself rr.adj an appropriate ad lre. which certainly could not have failed t be acceptable to anybody who believed in one God. There was more sir-gin-,, ai.l finally the officiating ri rgyman. t the surprise of most of hh audience. ii.vl:d the congregation to join him "in ivp.-atir the universal prayer," ar.d led devoutly ia the Lord's prayer. Lnt of the 3Ionltora. Boston Journal. It is safe to Fay that the monitor Nevada, launched at Bath on Saturday, will be one of the last vet sei of this ti to splash Into American waters. The Nevada and her three isters, l'Joiida. Arkaiwi and Wyoming, owe their existence to the harbor defense scare of the early uKi of the Spanish war, when every prt alon;? the coast was howling to Secretary Lng for an armor-ciad. These monitors ore relatively small, light of draught and cheap. They present a verv Itfficult target, and yet mount formidable artillery. But they are unlit to keep the sea. Thiy are an extravagant drag on the ?ievrl of cruising squadrons, and they are very uncomfortable and unwholesome ns floutir.ff homes for their ofliccrs and men. About Ihr? Size of It. Chicago Evening Post. The ncwly-dlseoverfd "gold f!cM" cf Indiana bids fair to tl two thlr.s :r.ak money for hotel l;cejrrs In the trinity and take other excitable people from mrt lucrative crrr; Iyruents.