Indiana American, Volume 8, Number 26, Brookville, Franklin County, 25 June 1869 — Page 1

PUBLISHED SVKKT IIIDAT BT

C. H. BINGHAM, Proprietor. Cffice im the Rational Bank Bail ding, (third ttory.") FIRMS OF SUBSCRIPTION! $2,50 PER YEAR, m abvakck. $3,00 ' IF WOT Uln I ADVAKCK. jlo postage papers delivered within this County. WHY I AM A BACHELOR.. FART I. I am a bachelor, and I am likely to rewain one. I can to more bring myself to believe io the faith or truth of a woman than I caa "chow-chow"' with chop-sticks, after the fatioa of the worthy Chinamen at this moment enjoying their rice in a boat under any windows. I don't think I'm altogether a bad fellow, bat I tn bard at forgiving and forgetlitjg where I hare once trusted implicitly tndbut the best way is to state my grievance, and then perhaps you will be of the tin!on that I have just grounds for my distrust of womankind. Really 1 am not an egotist; I could have gone on nursing this grievance quietly bat for my friend Jack Newman. He and be charming young- ne lie nas just brought oat here to Canton, mVe the bri'bfest hours of my life now, and he jays that if I write this all down, and see ut in print, it will take the sting out of the what's this he called it? incubas. Yes, that's the word incubus. I suppose an ioculcs is of the apisry kind collapses mhen the sting is out of it. UJutl nmst begin at the beginning. I know alludes of the story now; and so I wi)'.(c?t let you read the letter, which was tbe 'corner tooe of my misfortunes. $n& JTcwman's sister I had never ceeo hor,4t if any woman's photograph Kay t-c tvnTed, tier's w a bright happy ace, spaTvltog with intelligence I am inclined to thiiik the man who owns her, Kit-hard Spcooer, is a lucky fellow. What hive they done to be treated so much better than me? Well, about two years ago j-be, Mrs. Speneer, had jast got a letter from Jack hi first arrival here, and tie was readig it aloud lor tne benent ot j several young ladies. I really don't believe she was thinking of the postscript of l.e letter hen she did this; at least she ks written to me sioce and assured me tfcetche olft object in reading the tetter wa t-o give f Measure to those who had so fuilj appreciated her brother. Ah! Master Jick, I believe you left a good many aoLiifig hearts in London when you brought 3sr 3ung biide to Canton. However, we wiil s.njpos, if you please, Mrs. Hichard J'rrncer reading her letter to three or t"ur appreciative young friends. The pirscnpt only coneern my friends, so ttre it is: 1'. S. There is such an awfully jolly fciii.ir l.ere named Stonehurst; be is kind to n;c. He s'ajs Ciuoa is a capital place i r .un: felltmrs like we and Benson, lt that frer a few years you find you ani a wife. Ite is regularly pining away ti'Tat.t ot:e, aad yet he says he has I Icd. d hiuf-elf to ttay here fur two years lunger, mi Le can't go home and look for ''if; he'd married directly, ym know, it he did. He is a nice lxtng man, aith loi.e f dulUrs and a fine hou.-e here, to the river, and, as I said before,1 aa aal'ttliy joily fellow; we all like him. He weal far as to tell bi the ether day that if ).c thought any nice girl would Lave him without seekinghim (it wouldn't be a ig in a poke, cither), he'd gladly pay her passage out. Lie said he must tee her photograph first, for she must be kk& looking; queer notion, wasn't it? but if course it was only told me in confidence. "I'tar me!" said Mrs. Spencer, innocently, '-l suppose I ought to have read ihat iUiript aloud? However, I can trust ou pins " She looked affectionaiely at the three fir laces nearest her, though a hide ot di.-irut may have come into her jes ac they traveled on to her fourth viitT Miss Harriet Mordan, or ratt er Miss Mordan, fi.r two of the others were her younger MMers. san Mordan, a pretty young blonde of seventeen looked very pensive. 4'lor luar.r fche opened her creat blue eyes a!tn1t as if a tear were swimming in them. " wonder if be is related to our Mrs. Stonehurst? It i so sad to think tlt he is pining for a wife." All the oihers laughed, and the looked pretiier than ever. "Well, Susie," Mrs. Spencer said, am writing to Jack now. Shall I liim that you will take pity on poor Stonehurst, and go out to China by girl "I tell Mr. the text maii? ' The tears came reallv nnu n.i Suio looked indignant through her blushes. "Oh, Mrs. Spencer, I thought you you --had a better opinion of me. I never fancied you could think me bold enough go and ask a man I bad never seen to ttrry me." ' lon't be so absurd, Susie. Circum!Bted as this gentleman seems to be, I to not see any other wav of managing it. a i : l . rather tbata woma ould sbo cotn generosity and devotion in wishes." obeying Spencer turned and looked at the nker. the knew that Harriet Mordan ' very clever girt. She was probably "ot m earnest now, and Lacy aid not ?ose ,bt either her brother or his friend noald be made objects of sarcasm; so she SJed nd petted Susie into a good tempr. nl then turned the talk into safer PART II. I Ui busy - t u eg ma 'ng instant attention, that I had been rt rny brother's, and another wreed in a female hand, into my pocknd, now thoroughly done up by the r.ry,,n'i bustle, I Jout)ged into "tiffin" "kout iU slighteat filing of excitee" tout tie reading of either of them. ?J head tarvant Will, met me with a f"- -ilassa -Ne wman he no chow-chow: l knew Will La .1:. was looking at me through cf .1 , OI.eves. so I repressed a glance ttl V . - . . . Ha.: - k nd my bottled stout. Still t fti riWClsi0 for Will to be aware s- i.l was virtually master pf my

VOL. 8, NO. 26. house. Before I bad been three months in China I had learned that if you don't want to be fleeced anmmercifully by every servant yoa keep, you must submit cheerfully to be plundered by one; who will then, if you give him the post, secure you from the depredations of the rest. Sometimes I had to tell Will 1 thought he war carrying the joke too far, and that I wouia not eiana nis exactions; nut bis iook r : . j v- ; :vi. 1 a . w a . a iuuoctoi tsipiiac, uu bis lunniuit , reply, "No, no, 'deed, Massa Stonehurst, '! me no squeeze yon," generally silenced j me. lint he was a very clever fellow in ; all ways besides his capability as major-j dorao, and be had lately taken a dislike j to Jack Newman at least Jack said so ana mis maae me very careful now. lOQ;l can no more trust a Ihioaman than you; can a woman. veu, 1 ate my umn, ana men opened j my brother s letter. It was, as usual, very instructive in a mercantile way, and very uninteresting in any other; and, although ; I don t pretend to be better tban others out here, and enjoy the game of watching J-H 1 .. - 1 .1 i uouars ana -pigeon as Keeniy as me rest still in a home letter I long for something a little human. I have neither father, mother no sister now, only this one broth er, and he is a merchant at Hamburg folded the letter up. "If George had married, he conld have told me about his wife and his children, instead of these internal bonds and securities. I was a fool not to think of getting married before 1 came out here. And then I remembered that I had Considered it impossible to think cf keeping a wife in England on less than two thousand a year. I had more than that already vet what a mock it all seemed compared with the. happiness I trot glimpses of in ivamBBt v w tu em a a o law w v a - aui-tiou . .i,h u : ! , ' . . , . Ir ' gagement. lou will say I was in no bur ry to read my other letter. Well, 1 was not. 1 knew the handwriting fast enough and it gave me no pleasurable anticipations. My uncle's widow, Mrs. John Stonehurst, was a very good woman in her way, bat silly to fauity, and garralous to match. As I opened the letter a card dropped out. -The old woman has been having her photo taken, I suppose," said I, as it fell taee downward on the floor. No. By Jove! It was the likeness of a young and handsome woman the profile of a well-featwred, self-possessed face, atid a tall distinguished figure, altogether a satisfactory photograph. 1 turned to read my letter now. There were, first of all, the usual lamentations over my absensc, and infrequently of my letters George wrote much oftener and then a siring of regrets that I was not coine over to find a wife. She would soon find me one when I did come; in fact she had one in her eye. She knew ueh m charming set of eistcr; all rf very nio, but she sent me the photo ot her favorite it was really an excellent likeness; and, in the silly way 1 so well remembered, she added she would think a sworn old bachelor like me ought to be glid to have something feminine in bis album. "Old bachelor! Confound it, I am only just over thirty. What does the old girl mean? However, I had never before felt so well contented with John Stonehurst's widow; and as to the photograph, I could scarcely take my eyes from it, the more I looked, the more I liked it. By evening I had made up my mind to write aunt Stonehurst and ask for further particulars of the fair original. You may laugh if you like, and I dare say you are doing this without waiting for my permission, but you don't know the sort of thing unless you have tried, fancy living on for five years in a town where, at the time I write of, there were but four ladies and of these, two were on the shady side of forty, and the others invalids let me tell you, my fastidious young swell, picking and choosing your partners at a ball, that 1 was so longing for a kind, lovinc clnce from a pair of bright eyes that 1 could call my own, that I was not disposed to shillyshally over the strange opening which fate seemed to have made for the accomplishment of my wishes. Ifeil asleep with the sun -painted face occupying my thoughts. Next morning, with daylight, came pru dence. I went into my counting-house at 9 o'clock, resolved to ask Jack Newman's advice, and also inquire whether he had ever met any Miss Mordans, for that was the name in my aunt's letter. I had been at work an hour when Jack came in got up plainly for a journey. "I say, old feilow," be began, "I'm off to Shanghae for six months. No, don't say you are sorry, because it is rather a good move for me on the whole. May shorten my term of probation you understand. I musn't stay a minute though; it has all come so suddenly that I have about two-day's work to get through in as many hours. Can I do anything for you atShangbae?" "No, thank you." I was so persuaded that be would ridicule my half-formed protect, that I could not broach it to him in this hurried way; but I struggled out an inquiry about the Miss Mordans. I "Know them? I should say I do; why, ! they are particular friends cf Lucy's; j they are the nicest aud sweetest girls in i Loudon. And then he went off into a heap of instructions about matters which I was to wind up and arrange for him, and the opportunity of returning to the subject was lost. After all, t would bars been eo absurd to consult Japk. He was quite seven years my junior, end very young for his age. lie consulted me like a lather stm lust as lust as No; I he had done on first coming out. was glad I bad not shown him tbe photograph. If things went as I wished, and Mrs. John Stonehurst would hold her tongue, no ppe uee now anything about

THE UNION. THE CONSTITUTION, AND THE ENFORCEMENT OF THE LAWS

the beginning of my acquaintance with , Miss Mordan. I I wrote to my aunt, and I was thor- ; onghly su prised at the fever of impatience with which I watted for her reply. . It came at last, and yoa may be sore I did not keep it sealed up in my pocket till I had dispatched '-tiffin." one was so glad I liked the photograph, , dui Harriet said ebe ought not to . it - - - V - have kui n. uirriei is not a iavortte name of mine, however, that is nothing.) "She says men are apt to think girls bold who allow their photos to be sent about ta strangers. I said, what did it matter out there? and she said, 'O, yes it did, there were plenty of Londoners out at Canton: expect, yoa know, she was thinking of Jack Newman he's a friend of Mordan's, tob Know: but. reallv I Hnn't thi..k was any barm in sending: in faet. m v first notion was, that Harriet gave it to me for that purpose. I have no idea she was so very particular." Sweet, modest creature! No wonder she resents my silly aunt's indiscretion I . r ... . - dui l win set ner mm id at rest. me next mail carried my likeness to Miss Mordan, inclosed in a letter, in which I solicited a correspondence. I told her I 5f ny lonely position and avowed my ob ject in making this request dwelling as with perfect truth I could dwell, on the vivid impression made on me by her photograph. "If you resemble that," I said, "and your mind like your face, full of beauty and nobleness, I shall indeed esteem myself fortunate, if you condescend to answer this letter;" and then I asked her to put no further confidence in my aunt, but to trust me entirely. 1 referred her to several old acquaintance with Mr. John Newman. T 11 1 is a reauy in love wun an idea, or was it the sudden change thrown iwpp m hv ti.;. np i . ... ot myself and my counting-house and dollar-watching, that transformed me for the next six weeks into a love-sick boy? Sometimes I even grew weary of watching dollars. I could do nothing but plan new furniture. I had my house renovated, aud a new verandah erected all around it, and then I went to arrange my drawingroom, and picture her there was but one Aer in the world for me sitting in the nook I assigned her, surrounded by all the daintiest trifles I could devise. I employed men to go up the country and get me rare bird skins, which I had mounted and arranged in various ways some as ornaments, some for wearing apparel and trimming and for room decorations. Miss Mordan's letter was foimal and timid, but this only stimulated my ardor. Every mail carried a letter to her, and these soon became downright love epistles waim enough to encourage any woman and soon I saw that her reserve was thawing, and that matters was progressing as I could wish. In her third letter she primMl ta rwow ny wife: ht before this she had asked me to keep our correspondence strictly private, as in her position living alone with two orphan sisters she could not be too careful. I loved her all tbe more for this reticence, and congratulated myself that Jack Newman was sate in ohangnae. I was very glad to find that she did not refuse to come ut alone under the protection of a captain who was an old friend of mine; but she seemed to think 1 was in too great a hurry when I asked her to start with as little delay as possible. However, when I told Captain Henderson this, he only la-ughed. "Just you give me a pressing sort ef letter as my credentials, Mr. Stonehurst, and you see if I don't bring the lady back with me." But Harriet's next letter brought me unlooked for happiness. She confessed that she had been selfish in studying her own feelings rather than mine, and that, as I had been kind enough to say she might come overland if she preferred it, she thought cf doing so, as she believed she should have a chance of escort by starting at once. The letter fell out of my hands. I had so longed that she might take this route, and had not ventured to urge it strongly, knowing her to be unprotected. Start at once, why she might be in Canton in a week! My head was in a whirl of excitement and happiness that the counting house and all it contained seemed to be going round and round. But 1 had no time to lose. I must go at once to find my friend Dr. Jones, and ask his wife if she would receive Miss Mordan on her arrival, f r I had previously arranged with tbe worthy doctor that the wedding should take place from his house, and he had consented to give the bride away. But this had been a profound secret between us, for I had not, of course, looked for such an arrival. It was most provoking to hear that Jones was out, and his wife ill in bed. "I wonder what the woman is good for," I grumbled; "she always ill." Just as I reached my house I met Jack Newman leaving it. "Hullo! here yoa are at last, old fellow. Why, I came last night, and again this morning, and that rascal Will assured me you were away; however, I found out that it wasn't true, so I came back. I say, old fellow what's the matter you look excited. "Do I, Jack? Well, I'm a happy man at last; it is enough to be excited about, is it not, to hear that the woman you love is on the way out to marry you?" "Love, marry!" Both Jack's hands went deep down into bis pockets, and then he took his cigarette out of his mouth, and indulged in a long whistle. '! must say that yoa kept it pretty close, Stonehurst." "Well, you see Jack, Miss Mordan made it a special request; and, aAer all, she may not come by the next steamer; but, any way, I shall expert yoa at the wedding." "Miss 'ffbo did you say?" asked Jack. "Alardftn ah! by tbe by, they are friends of yoars." "i siuld. say they veie said Jackt

BROOKVILLE, IND , FRIDAY. JUNE 25, 1869.

slowly. "Which is it, Loo Leo or Susie? Susie is the prettiest a regular little duck. You are lucky if 6he'a coming. I did not quite like such a familiar mention of my sister-in-law elect! "If either of those names, I said rather coldly. "My future wife's same is liarnet." , ' I suppose that Jack' thought himself hardly used, that my happiness was comI ing so long before his, for be turned all colors. He might' have been trying to get up a speech, but for the moment he beemed confounded, and looked dumb instead of congratulatory. " " 1 "lou ve arranged all this by correspondence, I suppose? Do I understand yon that it is quite settled,' and that she is on her way out?" . :. "I hope there is no doubt Fl." I spoke very stiQy, I know, but t was thoroughly cut up by JacTt .manner; it was the first opportunity I had given him of making any return cf friendship, and he was as cold and unsy mpathiting as if he had been Cbina.born. "Ah!" he said; after an awkward silence. "I suppose this is what yoa have been renovating for; your verandah is first-rate. Well, good-by, old fellow; I'm off to Shaghae again in a couple of days. "So much for a friend," thought 1. "Well, never mind, I shall soon have the only friend a man need wish for a trne and loving wife." 1 can hardly tell now many days it was after this that I went down Canton river to Hong Kong to meet the Delhi steamer. I had made up my mind Harriet would come in this, and therefore it was no sur prise to see Mias Mordan's name in the list of passengers. Mrs. Jones, for a wonder Lad felt herself we'll enough to accompany me; but 1 was in such a state of excitement that I forgot ail about Ler. 1 My eyes were fixed on the passengers as they landed for I was certain I should recognize my Harriet at once. What swarms there were of them! Very few women amons them, thoutrh. Ah. here was another! Yes. and no mistake about it, it was the original of my photograph older, thinner and darker than I had expected, but then after a long sea voyage a Hebe even would lose some charms. Still there was the clearly-defined profile, and the well-poised head and the majestic figure. I stepped forward and raised my hat. "Yoa are Mis Mordan, I am sure; and I am Thomas Stonehurst. Her bright dark eye was raised to mine, but so eager, so hawk like an express ion gleamed over her face that I involuntarily recoiled. I said face I should have said profi'e. Miss Mordan smiled and held out her hand. As I took it warmly in mine, ebe turned fully faced me. I dropped her hand as if had held a scorpion, and started back my Harriet with the other eyeJ Of course, I could not marry Miss Mordan. As soon as 1 had conducted Mr. and Mrs. Jones to the friend with whom I had arranged to stay, nntil Harriet should have somewhat recovered the fatigue of her journey, I left tbem with the firm resolution never to see again the woman who had so willfully deceived me. Oh, dear me, I understand Jack's silence too well. I wrote to Miss Mordan, and told her my resolution, and I offered to pay her passage to England, when he should feel able to undertake the voyage. To my surprise, I received a decided refusal. She thanked me for my kind intentions, but she had already found friends at Hong Kong, and wished to re main there. Just a few formal lines saying this not one word in allusion to our engagement. Before three weeks were over I heard of Miss Mordan's marriage. She saw her husband for tbe first time a fortnight before tbe wedding day. Now, perhaps yoa understand "Why I am a Bachelor," and why I cannot believe in the faith and trnth of woman, though if any one could convert me it would be Jack Newman's charming wife. A WELL-KNOWS kernel of corn. TIELD-OFFICER A Note for Dull People B sharp. The Vessels most ix Demand at Washington Clerkships. How a Ballon Ascent should Described In inflated language. be Willing Prisoner A man locked in slumber. An ambitious gentleman in Connecticut appeals, over his own signature, "Too the rneckanies and laboring men of t -it my native town, a win rtprmoi you iu the Stait ascemblee irrispectif of polly tics, relijion, or eddicashun. Said an ambitious youth one day to a . . .tx - .t.:i- rv-.il . young laay: uon i you mm a. uu wai ter dye my mqstacher caressing me infant prodicy. "I think if yon let it alone it'll die itself," said the lady. "Ma, has Annty Jane got bees in mouth?" "No, my son; why do you ask each a question?" "Becaase I heard Mr. Briggs tell Tr that he would take the honey from her lips; and he was so long about it I wondered he didn't get stung.' Why is fashionable society like a warning pan? Because it is highly polished, bat very hollow Don't take to much interest in the affairs of your neighbors. Six per cept. will do. What is the difference between a carriage-wheel and a carriage-herse? One goes better when it is tired the other don't,

fos 10 L:.-f 0 .-,C -y A,.:Ci . .o-V! CIS .?

The Law of the Tongue. BY HENRY WARD BEECHER. What a feau of fat things is spread aut in society to all who enjoy -alking about tbeir neighbor All men are ridiculous in spots, and some men are ridiculous all over. " If one enjoys the sight of moral weaknesses, and has an eye tor deformity and a tongue sharp as a dissector's knife, he need not lack for happiness. Every household is full of matter for malicious fun.. Every neighbor, every friend, and the more intimate the better, has a world of amusement in him, if only one knows bim to squeeze him. Men are always saying things which, if 1 ? J , l . v . aaia up, may nw use a upon teem as WDips. It needs only a sharp watch, and every Dan will be found doing things inconsistent with his former conduct, and, for that matter, inconsistent with bis own avowed principles! If a man be good-natured, and unwilling to see or report upon those thousand weaknesses,' he losses a great deal of satisfactionsuch as it is! Oh,' it is so refreshing to "take off" a man behind his back! to lower him in the light of all his friends, by bringing sharply into light the faults and foibles of which he is guiltyj Tbe only pity is, that men should ever be restrained in the luxury of such amiable work. Unfortunately, one meets with prejudices. Society seems to have fallen into strait-laced notions about the hbertv of criticising faults. It is held to be wrong to make private matters public. If this notion is to rule, some of the richest sports of life will be untouched and unused! What, not allowed to repeat what one hears in a private family? not use what we chance to overhear? not allowed to repeat confidential conversations? not permitted to publish private letters? By such rigid notions of i honor and right, one's liberty and enjoy. j ment is greatly restrained! , j Then, also, it is deemed dishonorable) for a man to assail a friend.. Why not? ' Friendship promotes intimate acquaintance, and accurate knowledge of human nature. Where else can one find such minute studies of the human heart, as in the hours of confidence when a friend opens his most secret thoughts? Goethe used his dearest friends and friendships as materials for the drama. Why should not men copy his example? It is still further forbidden us ,to injure men by exposing their faults and errors when they are on our side. The world seems to have been superstitious on this subject. There have been ungaiuly proverbs .such as -It's an ill bird that fouls ' its own nest," and such like sayings, all founded on this notion of honor toward one's party. But, as if all this interference with the libertv of malicious wit were not enoutrh, men thrust the Bible in our tact;, nu ucclare that upon its testimony, it is wrong to have a good time over men's sius, and to eniov tbwcir iuiouuies. There is is to be found somewhere or other in that Hook so it is said that charity "rejoiceth not i f in iniquity,' md thinketh no evil." Indeed away back in the Oid Testament, j hundred and hundreds of years ago, it is , said. "Love coverelh all sine, and ibere!r is an echo of the same in the ew lesta- i , .. . ment, "Charity shall cover the ruulutude ; - . of'tint.9 - Lvea inure embarrassing to tne natural liberty of the tongue is tbe n - teace, "He that covcreth a transgression, secketh love; but he that repeatetb a mat-j ter, separatetb very friends. If tbesc, notions arc to rule, pray bow are we to j ejoy ourselves over a dish of tea, discuss- j ing our neighbors faults? : i Ana sui! luriner, u nas ween ibiu uon j -nif .1 r.l- .l vy leameu auu ftwvju men, j ma.ij . , is still believed to be true, that we have no right to speak evil of any man, or to , report any harm of him, no matter bow , true the report may be, unless we have a j just and benevolent end in view! It t

taught us, that we cannot justity our- j iken Kuglisli, interlarding his remarks t is looked upon by his doc-ting dock u selves for talking evil of neighbors, by i wUh some choice Teutonic oaths. i a dear. : showing that we "only speak the truth!" j -If yu wish it," said tbe actuary of;. . , TTT ' We have no right to make any man an- j lhe insurance company, we will build "you 0 " lh:0,n tb.e celebrated vocalist was up- -comfortable, or to make him to appear: house Urger ,UJ better than the one j ?ct ooe JJ ,n bis carnage near Ldmburg. ridiculous in other men's eyes, or diiuin- j burned down, as we are positive it can be , A Scotch paper, after recording the acclUh his ii.flae.net. r.r iinnair the resnect of I .1 .., t., !,. h.i,.Ar.."' dent, said, "W 0 are happy to State that.

1 - - r theeoramunitvtowardhiui.or in any manner narm nis gooa name, oy reporting a a 1 . 1 .

trite thing even about nun. in suori, 11 jected, acd at last was compelled to take is held by many that Christianity requires the'six hundred pound., borne weeks alas to do good to men, to make them hap-(ter received the money he was called pv, to conceal their faults, to publish their um,n hv the same agent.' who wanted bitu

excellencies, to rejoice in ineir prosperity, t0 (aKe out a policy ot a lite insurance on , , , , f- , . : ,1. . frnhl. ml . - . V i and head, it may become warmer before it and to sympathize in their trouoies, ana,, hjnjf.elf or his wile. 1 , , , J , . in .11 things, to treat them as we should, .you insure your wife's life for 2,- ,,!.e ,u"f "il?"J in like circumstances, desire ourselves to 000 lhe agenl Lid, "aud she should Bbo.9 m"d .uddea ch,UB ?hlthl'"???? be treated. . ! die, y ou would have the sum to solace e.n l IBf pleuropneumonia, ir .1.;- .1 -;i,. A.,t.i, tMnc ' ... nous forms of disease. Never sleep with.

mio w v.-.. ... - ......0w vour nean.

are to bo said: K That there are very few men who have become Christian in their tongues, and, 2. That there was never a time when the gospel of an honorable and Christian tongue more needed to be preached. One of the express companies was placed io charge of a box, a tew days since, marked as fellows: - Thii package eon taint a clock of a bonnat; Eapressman, I pray 70a place nothin g poo it; 'Tia mal f a ribboa, a atrnw aud a farther, Tbe whole with a poataga (tamp fattened together The owner, a aamtet, it ;oothlul and fair, -Bat, like Flora M'Flinaey, has aothiag t wear. Beware, ihea Kxpresaaaaa! I warn job take heed, And forward thit bonnet with cre and with speed. A humorous old man fell - in with an ignorant and rather impertinent ycung convert, who proceeds to inform the old gentleman, in very positive terms, that he could never reach heaven unless he was born again, and added: "I have experienced that change, and now feel no anxiety." "And have you been born again?" said his companion, musingly. "Yes, I trust I have." Wall " saiil th nld crpntlAman tvf.n him attentively. "I don't think it would hart yoa to be bora once morel

WHOLE NO. 391.

. . . Female Printers. , The editor .of a Wisconsin paper, the Kewannee Enterprise, gives the following account of a remarkable instance of the ability ofv' woman to the work commonly monoplized by meo, and to take care of themselves without masculine assistance: , Nearly, five years ago. the printers em ployed jn the Enterprise office ' enlisted and went to war, leaving the office destitute of help " .The editor was not a practical printer, and printers could not be obtained for love or money. -Io this emergency Misses Amanda and iTanny Decker, relatives of the editor, volunteered to go into the office and do what they could to save the paper from the inevitable alter native of suspending publication the former giving up the .school she was teaching for that purpose,. . . r, - At this time they did not even know the boxes, and theie was no one from whom they could obtain instruction. ' incredible as it may see ra to those aces of the "art quaiuted with the luUicacres preservative, they succeeded in getting out the paper on tbe week following, anJ not an issue has been missed since. Daring all these years they have remained in the otfioe. uuaided and alone; have set tbe all the type, corrected proof, made up forms, put the paper to press and worked it off mailed it, cast rollers, and turned out job work that we will be content to keep as specimens of what we can do. If this be not a sermon in support of woman's fitness for the practical affairs of life, we never heard ot one. Farm Items. Cooking tbe food of cattle is a powerful agent in the extirpation of weeds. Soapsuds is an excellent fertiliser of

grass and grape-vine, aud should not be ; It is, wo hope, rate that a man thus favor -wasted. I ed has repaid it with such villainy. . Leached wood ashes make an excel- j The verdict would be unreasonable for a lent top dressing for old orchards, which simple breach of promise of marriage; bat' are denominated hide bound. it was for an attempt to escape the conse-'

A citizen of Brunswick, Main, has within three y ears taken niue hundred dollars' worth of squashes from a little more than an acre ot land. s : Fall plowing is for heavy clays which pulverize with frost, not for soils which melt in the rain aud become like niorter beds. It is a great error for modest households to prefer the best peices of inferior animals to the cheap bits of excellent beeves, calves or sheep. , . ; i ' it is eaid that one of the most powerful remedies for botjin horses is a strom de cociion of sage tea, made very sweet. It dislodges the bots instantly. It is now claimed that large orchards breed insects and disease after the manner nf UrtrA MltPt mill thl. tKii rpmpilvU farms and small orchards. Toads are t-old in Paris at the rate of fifty cents a d-.zen, and are used for protecting vineyards and gardens from the ravages of tho irvafsi tivt, wn tb birds. A farmer in Mliio bad a tbnny orrliard which blossomed freely, but bore no Iruu.' He washed twelve of the trees once a week with strong soapsuds, and was gratified by a fiue harvest the subsequent season . John J. Aator's Board and Clothes. ' t u Joha Jacob Atof . ,. , , ,- , v . - . . - - .. r i . K t . . his pile of bonds sod mai'B of property, at , ,- .w.,i.l L., lifc- , HIV CO IUb ft, Ui V I 11 VI VII I II if VUI4 J"w nv i. - A .a.?. a and The nian demuJred al tne . . nntinnd,A lrtr , , ...,- " ' ' ,. , t certain Dutchman, owner of a small house, had effected an insurance on it of eiuht hundred pounds, although it had ' .. - - .- . - . i been built lor much less. The house got Durut down, and tne uutctiuiaB t;.cu c.me& the full amount for which it had been insured; but the officers of the companv refused to pay more than its actual value about six hundred pounds, lie expressed his dissatisfaction in powerful ' UUIIC IUI Viva aoaaacsu 0 1 A uuuviivu n.on.U ' j ,. ....

'j0 this proposition the Dutchman ob-,'"

. r it . lt'il "I' "ou surrance fellows ish all tiefs! said

the Dutchman, v II 1 insure my vile, and , than on baJ iavj afl my vile dies, and U Ioes to the office to w-uhin ea rcach in case of m ' gits my two thousand pounds, do I gits all SU(Jdeo -..j t ctf of we.ther dar- ' de money? No, not quite. ou will say j c -nd m trt e- ;5fce vas 1 , v"1 t two bjuf .d ut out t f d...s, especially at street expounds; she vas vert bout six hundred. J,. a n If you don t like de six hundred poands, f tji . . . , we vill give you a bigger and better vile!" j c ' t . . ; ' . i The Paris shop keepers know how tu "My dear," said good, unsuspicious deal with kleptomaniacs. Not long since Mrs. Howard,"! think Mary is a decline. j an elegantly dressed lady entered a fasK "In a what?" inquired the startled butjionable lace store, and asked to look at " unroniantic husband, Valeuciennes lace. The patterns shown

"A decline, my dear in a decline. ou were far too steru with her iu regard to that little affair with Mr. Youog. . Girls, hearts, my dear, are not like those of great rough boys; they are fragile. Now 1 have noticed that Marv acts very queerlv: ebe

af "Sighed, did she, aud groaned? Uoiph! o ' . ... . Ain't you old enough yet to tell the dinerence between a breaking heart and a spell of the colic?"

eats nothing but peaches, or (canned quiuces j arived with a little package and the fol- -or something of that sort; and to-day, un-j lowing note: observed by ber, 1 was watching her sin j "Madam, Wte are afraid that the twelve .. gular movements, a spasm of paiu crossed yards of lace you selected to day is our . her features, she stopped in ber walk aad j store will not be enough to trim your dress clutched her hand over the region of her and therefore take the liberty of sending heart, and sighed, my dear sighed a if ! other piece of the same pattern, with the her heart was breaking," said the lady. bill for both. Please send word by the

TER MS OF A D V E R TtS lQ.

: , TKAKSIEStV (a-Mre, (If lineal oMJtrtia. Oaa aqaara, two iaaartioaa. Voe !' rtioij.... All a n W . . . " lasarateaa, par YIARiT. t . . 2" ' !! qaarurl Ona-Jralf of uiB. . m-ae tf M . s fa w awwrTf vae-iatk of a a TranaiatadTerti paid for in advare. 1 1 . ts aaaali is all as fc TJaleaa a partic-Jar ttaaa U rM wtra , a4rarti-vau will b pafcli.aed Saa dared oat and ekarxed eordia-.ly. TJnl SaatttttOue hundred thousand dollars is"ratheV a stunning verdict in a case of breach of promise, but it is no more than-' jastic seems to demand in the trial of the ease of Amanda Craig against E.S. Sprague, which has just been concluded at Wheatos, Illinois, by tins verdict. Sprague appear t a. be a cousuiuitoual hypocrite aad liar, wit? continued his promises aud postponements for years after he had determined not to fulfill, and who then set a gang of rascali. upon Miss Craig to fabricate testimony t6 bast her reputation. ' 'There seems to hatfe been an abundance of perjury oo bisaide. some of it cunniogly devised, and. eomw very clumsy. In the latter category is his story of Miss Craig's revelations to bin. Iu the former was the game of a witness f;oing to jail on pretense f professional confidence, after having told tbe worst ha could invent, and thus producing an effect' and escaping cross-examination. ' The id. j ry took tbis view of tfce case in their award; , and if the verdict stripped Sprague of all ihs property it would be but a moderate penally for his attempt to strip her of her character and make her an outcast. . It is thought strange that a woman ofso J much culture as is sbowu by Miss Craig'a ! letters could endure a man so illiterate as ( Sprague a letters show bim to be. Bus j Sprague seems to have appeared much bet-! ler iu person than by letter. Illiterate. ; persons are apt to iudulge iu extravagant : ces when they attempt to write letters, and j particularly love letters. It is likely thai1 Jtiss Craig regarded him as a maoot con siderable knowledge of the world, and of good practical capacity, and a good mio, but suffering from lack of an early education. It is not new that an illiterate man ; should be taken up by a woman of culture. j queuces of this by a conspiracy to destroy! , the character of the woman he had deceive ed, and for this there is no verdict too se vere. Gazette. Buying a Saddle. Monkeys are scarce in Michigan. A Saddler iu Detroit kept one for a pet who usually sat on the counter. A country' man came iu one day, the proprietor being in the back room. The customer ' seeing a saddle that suited him, ask the price. .Monkey said nothing. Customer said, give you twenty dollars for it," which i Moukey shoved into the drawer as the; man laid it down. The man took the, saddle, but monkey mounted the man tore his hair, scratched his face, and the frightened customer screamed for dear life,' Proprietor rushed in, and want's to know:. what's the fuss. "Fuss!" said ibe custo mer. fuss! I bought a saddle of your sod .a ..Sf setting there, and when 1 went to take it be wont let have it. pviogtzed for tne MOO itcy. but assured 1 Ui a The Miller and his Portrait. . . - . - "v A worthy Miller, wishing for a portrait of himself, applied to a paiuter to have it " accomplished. "But," said he, "as I am i a very industrious man, I tcish fobepattU,, ed on looking out of the windotc of niy mill', r but Leu any one looks at me, I wish to pop my head in, so as not to be thought l.i ry or as spending too much time at the window." "Very well said the painter..' it shall be done so." lie painted -tha Mill and the Mill windows. The Miller. j looked at it and inquired, "Where is my ' ! self looking ou'?'' "Ob," said the painter,' J "whenever one looks at the mill as yoa:' and I am doing now you pop in your head to prebeive your credit for industry,' - -Thai's rinht said the Miller; "I m conthai's right; that will do!" ' ' ,w j A young "buck" nowadays is curiously . j compounded; he has a beaver on his head . 'a goat ce on his chin, kids on his hands, 1 doeskin on his legs; casts sheep s eyes, and " . . . . . he was able toappear the following evening u' in thrn rnoov ' Never go to bed with cold or damp feet. In going into a colder air, keep the mouth resolutely closed, that bv compelling tha . 1 I- m. I..a-I en tbfl ilrult r On Anon illl r lilt 11 CO VA IU lil-O UI ail J I aif v'u u v a va . . K ,ui..r .- appeared to her too coarse and heavy, and she left without purchasing, but not without carrying any thing away. The vigilant eye of tbe dark detected her slipping , a piece of lace under ber cloak. She had scarcely returned home when a messenger bearer whether you will take it. t . .. . . - 1 A i 1 It is needless to add tnat ine iaay 100s - j the lace and paid the bill, only too happj at having to deal with a ma a of tisc.

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