Greencastle Herald, Greencastle, Putnam County, 7 January 1922 — Page 4

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•m;f. 4

THt GREENCASTU HERALD

SATURDAY, JANUARY 7.

AND THE AUTO WAS BOUGHT

t ll

t'opyriijhi.

By MAX MErtflYMAN 'l'h^ —• ,f 1,,p flyei» o*'i a'( n' ii

Ilf ill

Ciiautauqua Charlie

inch-,

1 don't spv I

hy w.< cnn't hart* t»»H* 1 don't be!i«»v*j that Htt*y tMir,- any ■ivoto- n'.i>ni“ thanj w<? aiid ili€y h'AVf a f wr-tmnt ; aand-dolla; t ar. Tht*y my you ran **» j a car of that pric«.' t>;- payinc only aj thotf'-and down. . Che Son \ th«i«*in*l 1 Tbt* auto; dtnirra would jump at the thtova to wall a font thot!»a«d-dotl*r tar fot huod'Pd down if they roi roAiI gpturi ty fot the foaSaitt ** 1 ^ t r,w a follow wlto *ot * fine cat by pay it:* only two handled down Vdo dralera ar* inn..:, and competition i* *o altatp, yott tan set any kind of an nceommodatlon if yon want to.huy a car. Th» Mothar. -I* tlta’ ao? I nt'iat *ay that 1 think it would he awfully Rice to have an auto. It would savn, a lot of i »' faro* and of course, w«, would learn to driwe it ourarlvrs They *ay that ytut can drive I for Ret how many miles on a s*1lo« of j taeolene. and it cornea vety cheap if j you buy U so large quantities. We, mish! at* in with some one el*e and buy a whole battel Seem* as though we ;a!shi afford one if thi Hiyhflyera and neatly ait of our othet nelghbora have omt W hat do you think about it

father?

rather —Htisitiess t« rotten. Itut whnt differentu* does it ntake what I think? If the rest of you ate set oo tetiins it I don’t count 1 never do, i notice, fio ahead don't mind me. The Mother. Now rather: The Daughter. We can economise In lots of ways, aud why couldn't we I»iit a small inorigag- on the house to make the first payment ’ Lots of folks do. Then I have often thousht that we don't <«ed ao large n house aa Ihta. We might lei two or three rooms. Or wr might mo*'' out and take h sqiall ttat that we could rec for a good deal loss than we could ge, for this house. The Mother.-—So we ‘ould' 1 dc cl*re, Mabel, you ougid to be in huaj ness. You have so many good Imaiiiesa ideas 1 have been wondering if we couldn't do as so ttian> a t v doing now j and have no hteakfast'? ft would save' a lot in the course of a year, and l do think ihat all of tt.s eat too much. Of course, father would have to have something; but I think tin* rest of ue could do without. Then I think that we could set a plainer table, and f'hc Father.—•Now see here. Maria: Yotl'vti not going to come down to po ' lathes and bread to buy an auto like' the Softheads did. The Mother No hue wauls you tot come dow n to bread and potatoes.! father. But I am sure that we could) do without some of out- expensive ticsertu, aud we could ea 1 leas meat, ‘••Melt is the costliest thing one has 0 buy. Theu. if you were willing, Ma bel. you and I could go without now 'prlug HtiiU. and Joe could do the

■hams,

The Daughter.—Why couldn’t we let the maid go aud do the work our *elvpn, rhantma? 1 am sure that l would tin willing to If wr come down ’o two meals a day it would lessen the work a lot and give us more time with the cat. I,el's let the maid go. The Mother 1 am sure that 1 ant willing to If you are. What we would save lu that wa> would buy both of us auto coats in a month or two. And there’s another thing: We wouldn't uwmI to go away next summer if we had nu auto. We could stay at bom? and take auto trips as so many do. Then there's lots of little ways we could save Mrs. Skinner was real sin prised when 1 told her the other day ibat you and I each gave fifty tents a week to the church. She said ibaL she thought twenty-five was enouv'n to give with our large membership. If you and 1 cut our subscription down to twentytire cents each it would be a sa.iug of fifty-cents a week right there, and with all the money pouring into the missionary treasuries nowadays 1 think that if we gave a dollar eai h it would be enough. There’s lots of little ways we could save if we bough* Ihat auto. What do you think father? Tb« Father.—I think that you will get it, no matter what 1 think The Mother.—Now, father.' The Sou. I bet I could learn to drive the thing in three days. I’d he willing to ctil down a good doa! on my cigars to help pay fot it aud I'd Just as noon as not cut out a lunch now and then when I don’t feel very nungry. If we can get the spondulix for the flrst payment I guess tve can manage the monthly instalments. Say, dad. why couldn't you borrow the first payment money on your life-in *t! ranee ? Mother. -Bur* enough' Depend on Joe for the right idea at the right

time.

Daughter .—Oh. papa, do! Father.—I’ve iborrowed on my lifeinsurance now until 1 have a‘tout reached the limit Mother.—Why not go to the limit and borrow enough for the p ; ,y me»t on the auto? It would really he a saving In many ways to have the auto. We could take you into huslneis* every morning ahd pick you up in the •venlng. It would give you a better standing In the business world if it was known that you had a are auto, it looks so prn«i>ei»HS. ,We might loot •t auto* and see wha* we can do

Copyright, puck By F. H WILLIAMS “Thank you kindly for your gen-t'«f-l Cbatitauqua salute.'’ remarked Chautauqua Chat lie. with an • xpan*:tin a* ie jp > 1 ! is feiT. c’ad wcti a hug-! t.judanna handkerchief. Charlie was one of the lecturers who are known as "popular." He was one of th" kind who believe in getting down to the minds or hearts of the simplest, in both his manners and his speech. My little gab-fest." continued Charlie. « ll be on tiie inoderu application of that truly touching tale of John Ableti and Priscilla. I will endeavor to point out the way in which we can derive much good from an examination of the same under our powerful verbal microscope It is only by grabbin.. the benefits to us, a* moderns. In y« ancient tales that we can proflttbly spend our time in working over them. “With this introduction, then, let me net down to the c&re of my subject, as the boy said when u* bit into a worm.* apple. You know the 1’risclila story too well for me to tepeat it in your hearing In fait, if I should do so, yon would probably heave a few cuspidor?* aud things at me for even suggesting that you didn't know it. But have you ever stopped to think that th» whole transaction is similar to our present day method of selling goods? Priscilla, you know, is the person!(lealion of the buying public; John \!don is the traveling salesman sent out by his employer. Miles Stand tsh In this case, however, John is sent out. to dispose of Miles. John goes into the buying public’s store, cracks a few jokes and then comes to the point. Tve tot a great piece of goods,’ he says, 'titai I can let you have at a bargain. It's that splendid young fellow, Miles Standifih. He’s about the best mat ever came down the pike. He's all wool and a ; ard wide He's got good teeth and he combs his hair twice a day. He’s a great provider -he can keep you in the style to which yoti'iv accustomed without the least trouble. You cun have hint, too. in c\c ; ange for a lifetime of love and devotion.’ 'Gee. you’re ;i a.*nii talker, John,’ says Priscilla. 'Been coming around here some time now selling me goods, ain't you, John?’ 'Yep,' say; John. Tve bei ii buying preety regular, too. ain't 1, John?’ ' You sttie hate, Priscilla.' “ 'Well, say, John, did you ever stop to think Ihat it’s not because your goods are so good llial I buy 'em? You know there' oilier goods as good i 'he goods you’re selling. Don't you !:ut>'.' it's because 1 like you that 1 buy the (foods you sell? Why don't you quit this working in .Mile’s inters’, John, and articulate a little on your own behalf?' " 'By Josh, I’ll do that! I'll go into business for myself!’ cries John, and he cops her out a.-, a bride. “Thai, ladies and gentlemen, is the ntiHleru applii-HMon of the old story. Success is only won by artiouln ing In out own behalf We must blow our own t rum phot, if we ever expect • o get t i The man who i<'t» his light shine only beneath ih< encompassing gloom of a half bushel never gets very far along in the tiowery pathway to success That is. thought 1 would leave with you, dearly beloved friends: . tlculate in your own behalf." AOieu TO ARiO ARKANSAW! We’re movin’ out of Arkansas, the rand Old Commonwealth; we’re exodustin' some’rs else, and goin’ for um health We've aold the farm and called tile dog- aad lied the cow behind the waggin. and a moislt-r land is what we 'low to iiud. We've packed the children In the rig. a-settin’ soft on hay: we don't know whur we’re goln' to, but we're shorely on our way Thar’s me and Jeff, Bill. Dick and Sal. inti Beauregard and Maw. and C.rovor, Dewey, Brav'on Biag*. ali leavin’ \rkansaW. And Kate anti Cute, two Hels o’ twins, and William Jennin’r Bryan, a-drivln' from the danam- zun*. and wisbiu’ we wan llytu’. They've pas. ed a probibi’lon luw, dov/n thar at Utile lloek, that’s laised more kinds of bally ho than would an earthquake shock. It's jarred the State front end to end, and twisted ... awrack, and made the moss si )o ■':111 up straight upon tratiition’s back, i a plumb ag’in ail pree-oeedent, our liberty it wrecks, and walks in tone t ( ,f thunder on the honest voter’s necks. The State will hooii a Sarah be. Just *‘!te that distant land whui Arabs rid< on camel's humps across the b un tu' sand Aw, yes. o' course, we hale lo bv.re; but josh-almighty, man! we’re hikin’ out to save our lives, and soi"' ■ h*i< we ran. We're aimin' for some otJber Rtato, some safer, saner land, whur snake bitea and their certain cure go gaily hand in hand. THE DIFFERENCE "Papa, what is the difference between a senator and u u.cm hoi of i on-

\ senator, niy son. is an aldm-van grown oie size lacgor, and a congi man 1:- aad alderman who has not prow li."

tTi|r Elarutimufft

She Removed Her Custom

"Bend * good jok* once.” said the old janitor, "in which a boy answered a question of hi* teacher’s by stating that elocution was * method employed in some States for puttin’ people to death. That was pretty far fetched, of course, but I atu here to say that, as lor me, elocution, of the < otmnon or domestic variety, comes nearer to throwin' me into nervous procrastination than ’most anything else that ever appeal* on the stage in this opery house. 1 do surely Uiink elocutionist* are the paltriest people on earth! One of ’em destroyed our elegant rocky gorge scene, years ago, by havin' a tit and wallopin' around all over the place with his bead stuck through the middle of it; and I haven't fot gotten him for it yet, either! But, anyhow, what kind of a way is it to get up aud recite some piece that was written for the Fifth Header by some infernal old Roman or othei and call that performin’? f-'ehucks! What 1 consider performin’ it either rescuin’ helplesH maidens from the clutches of designin' villains or buzz-saws, or such as that; or else spinnin' tight around on the top of your head in the middle of the stage, oi something of that sort that take* genuine talent. The elocutionist, when she ain't a lady, and therefore an object of pity, is generally a spindlenecked. desiccated young man with long, dark hair, who, instead of entertainin’ you, only makes you think ihat he'd be a heap sight more appropriately situated if he w-as hooked til' betwixt the handles of a plain but serviceable plow, aud causes you to ask, away down deep in your heart who it was that told him he had tal-

ent ?

"That is the question that always enters n»j mind when I see an elo cutionist approachin' the footlights and preparin’ to favor us with an imitation of a man edify in’ an audience— who told him he could do it? Ia>ok in’ at it another way, l sometimes con sider that, after ail. these paltry people are sinned against fully as much as they sin. It is not really they who are all to blame; part of the condem nation belongs to the person who told them they had talent. Havin’ been sc told, they honestly believe they arc cut out for entertainers, when in re alify they were predestined to be oc togenanaus or postage-stamp collect ors or something equally as harmless the real criminal is the demon who continually goes up and down the earth tollin' the round incompetents that they are exactly fitted to fill square holes and absolutely hopeless tizzies dial they are destined to accomplish great things. And while in so doin he Indicts a great injustice on the public, 1 he-lieto he does the poor, petty victims of his lyin' flattery a still more grievous wrong; the public tan .--lay away from the elocutionist If they . hoosc, but the elocutionist cnn’t get

away from himself.

"1 got to thinkin’, the other day of course it couldn't be worked but v hat a snap it would he if H only

Copyright. Fuck By BARBARA BLAIR It was In one of the branch ofbees of the Pennsylvania It. R. As the man ahead of her threw down bis money, grabbed his ticket and disappeared, she fluttered up to the counter. “I want to get niy trunk checked. t please." "Let me see your ticket, miss.’’ "Oh, Clare, we forgot to get my ticket,’’ turning to the girl with her. "So we did now- wc will have to go all the way back." "You can get your ticket here, misa.” "Oh, Clare, 1 can ret ruy ticket here. Isn’t it lovely?" "Just happened to bav a few odd lota on hand," gFup.'d some brute behind hl*r. U’a bargain djug you know. All tickets reduced to lOS!" "What docs the rude creature mean, Clare?” "1 don’t know dear. Don’t pay any attention to him.’’ "Where to. mlsa?" inquired 'he ticket agent at this point. "New York." "Round trip?*' "Oh, 1, wait a moment. Clare, I never thought about that. Would you get a round trip? You know the How arils may only be in New Y'ork a week, and 1 may go on with them tc Pittsburg. They have'been begging me to for weeks, but If Mabel’s wed ding should come off by the 20th, I’ll want to go to that. I shouldn’t be a bit surprised if she postponed it again, but ’’ "Round trip, miss?” asked the ticket agent again, while the waiting line of men and women stood on the other

foot.

"Oh, Clare, what would you do? 1 am wild to go to Pittsburg with the

Howards ’’

"Anti we are just wild to have you go,” suddenly yelled a man at the extreme end of the line, whoso train left

in twenty minutes.

"Yes, I am just crazy about you," simpered another brute mincingly whose chances for making his train were momentarily growing less. "Try Pittsburg," yelled another voice. "Y'ott have to change every thing there every hour or so. and you can include your mind without any

extra inconvenience.

Tiir: c irc i s prkss ai ;i«:Nt

Copyright, Fuck By MORRIS ANDERSON He Writes About the Cornvitle Graduating Exercises The Circus Press-Agent. -■ bile trying to kill t me waiting for a late train, accompanied the Cornvllle editor to *he graduating exerrises of the High School. As the editot was suffering from a felon the ptes*-ageut wrote up the events in his customary pleasing manner, end added fame if not fortune to the s< bool in question. Ilis remarkable lUerary effort appeared in the Cotnville Bugle next day

as follows:

Last night in the Odd Fellows' Mull. Cornvllle’a Pre-eminently Knormous New High-School closed the most pro* peroa* season of its career with the Most Fneqttaled. Unapproachable, and Notably Novel Graduating ExercincH ever conceived. No more Wonderful and Incomparable exhibition of oratorical achievements; Artistic, Astounding. Awe-inspiring Y'ocal ex ploits; Extraordinary. Pyramidal and Prodigally proficient musical effects, were ever offered on any Commencement programme in Sacred or Fro fane History in this or any oth u land. At 7.;;o the curtain ascended, displaying the Eight Young Ludy and Gentlemen graduates, the Board of Education, the Teachers and Members of the school surrounded hy potted plants and countless flags. Surely an eye-feaat of Sumptuous Kaleidoscopic Splendors. Never before has there been such a prodigal display of Spectacular interest: combining the Lux uriously .‘legunt costumes. Superb toilets, waving Banners, tropical foli age, Celebrities of Cornvllle life, teach era, scholars, scientists, church dig nitaries. historians, athletes, sages, and musicians all correctly costumed, making it a Most Transrendentally Beautiful. Substantial, Surprising, and Satisfying opening to the Pleasurabl. performances: to follow. Mr. Isadore Jones, the World’s Fa mous musical director end talented leader of the Methodist choir, m-xt weilded his baton over a corps ot more than thirty prominent s.ug-r-and soloists front the Fnited Cln

TESTING THE WIRE

The Stories of Famous Novels By Albert Payton Terhnae

"Ileilow, Central!”

"Number— ”

"Now. just a minute. This is A one-1 double-six-three talking. I am Mrs • With brave hen-til. and I want to make a complaint shout my telephone Before I give you the number which I want to call. 1 wish to tell you that there is something wrong v.Th our wire Of course, we do not propose to keep paying for t'c t:.*p of a telep .on<- when the service 1 vo pool, lu tin* fir.'I | lac*-. I do r.nt r.-.akc •ter thirty tails a day. .■ '1 v.c,i -.'-r I am right in the tn 'Tile of nnter ar.tion the conucc .on i *m!-le:>l; severed aud I am left talking without anyone at the other end of the line. As you probably know, thi:- will not do. It not only puts iite In an cm-baii.v-HlDg position, b it f-. queittly viy. I at.i at tending to a niattet of •he utmost importance I ant compelled to give it up altogether, merely becauRt. I cannot--- Eschanr.e: Lx-i cheugc-’ Can you hear mo no-.v?" "Yer. I hear you; but if you have a

(Oinplaini to ’’

"Well, i v. as itfraid that you were nui on tb« line, and I w;.-, talking to more space. Ah 1 was saying, the wire running to niy ’phone is in an imperfect condition, probably, or maybe | do not know anything about it 1 do know however, that I have nil >o;: of irouble, and'feel tbai I am ju.-iiitiec! in making a complaint. Only yesic-r day 1 was talking to Mis. Bnbyfoot, a neighbor of mine, o/ coiir-- ■ you have heard of her? She rec-'-utly secured ;t divorce from her husband, who is n prominent hardware dealer, and is said to be well-to-do. . . . Oh, yes. ebe secured alimony. ... I was telling her about the reception which Mrs. Red leaf, who l.ic* on Botrd Vvrnut', is going to give, jiud how I had been invited to reci-ivo. She had just irformed me that she was not i\en invited, and 1 replied to the effect that people v.ito mix up in divorce suits are In qiic-nth h ft out of ".’ut bi' i social evenis when there wa> a oudden burring in m> < Ht' and n> cor nection waa cut off. Now. I took par icular care to call up I'cninil and ask for Mrs. Itabyfoot's v.inaner, but i

u .u.eon,.»i m «.- j ssus "Oh, no,” shrieked another frantic' in kl>' grand, and opem d to it *> 1 - )!( , jf (lj(> t( .| P5 ,j lono p a( | individual, "go to Mabel’s wt-ddlng. J the Countless spectators s ’ -• ! "' a! *‘‘I working ordr-i such a thing would am dying to have yflu go. What. Ma I C.Ihz*' ol Glory and Music tinn cou.'.j , t .,. v n ,.*, ^ bel?” be evolved from the neoiw| when , met my j.^ghbor on the stre-cd

“Clare, did you ever sec such dread ful people. 1 shall report you at. thi main office,” and she glared at tbt ticket, agent. , "Yes, miss," returned that, individual in an expressionless voice. "Round trip?’’ "No, single.” haughtily. “What time? The next call is be tween eleven and twelve.” "On niy trunk Isn’t packed yet. 1 could never get it ready in that time.’ “Next call between three and four." "Very well, have the man call for rny trunk at throb, then 1 can take the two o’clock train." “You won’t have your check, miss?" “Why not 1 can get the choel: when

:<• ."iver v.hil.- site vvp* conversing; but you know that I would not' b-- sc impolite. Really. 1 think your com

that it would be a brilliant dis i tllP conies for my trunk.’

could! -

plav of poetic justice if a Peace Com tn lu ee could be formed in every com munily to ketch the elocutionists a® they come along, pop ’em into a hall tog. tlier ami make ’em ' loeute to each otuer. Think of the proceedin’* that would occur, with about 14—count hem 14 genuine man-eatin’elocution ists recitin' in unison, every one tryin' to make himself heard above all the rest: one tollin' about havin’ fought in the arena every form of man and boast that Rome's vast empire could tiring against him; another proclaimin that Curfew shouldn't ring that night; a third defy in’ Appius Claudius to go on with his trial; the next one moan in' about a lady whose name has always struck me as bein’ Mabelgentlemabelwithherfaceagninstthepane look in’ out across the wateis at what 1 have never heard called anything but the IJeaconlightutrembleintheralu, and an able bodied one gur-r-r-r-ratin’ through his clenched fists that somebody persisted in keepin’ him chained here day after day and night after night in this accursed dungeon and Rayin’ that he wls mad—not Just plain, common crazy, you understand, but iua-a-a-ttd, muh ad-d-d-d-d d-d d, bar, bar iinr-r-r-r-i-r-r! And so forth. "Of course, as I say, it is out of th* question and couldn’t be done; but If it was practicable and the law would permit, I—golly! that’s the kind of ar. elocutionary entertainment I’d Joyfully put up half-a-dollar to witness 'most any time' it would be pretty rough on the entertainers, but 1 Agger t^nt it would accomplish the desired result; taose of the elocutionist* who survi ved could have had enough. 1 Judge, to ratDfy 'em for the balance of their r. ultra 1 lives, and so, I should also presume, would them that didn't sur-

vive.’’

‘But you won't be there if you go on the two o’clock train aud he doesn't come until three.” "OH.” A long pause. "Clare, I won’t be there. What shall 1 do? Do you think I could get my trunk ready by twelve? You know they never come when they say they

will.”

"I think you could, dear. I'll park one tray for you and we’ll phone for Helen to come and help us and-—”

presentation of a acme oi < hoii>. . tn , i(l | u , : c-oU'h merely

Cornvllle’s most Lavishly .-plendid. of

Churches. .-.be thought that 1 had hung up lot

Display Number Two proved to b. a Distinctive and Distingubmed Nov elty entitled “the Class Will " \ p-r

feet whirlwind of fun s'ml hii r ot by j imuld mal:o sonn .tori of ex pin i,

the comical Miss Perkins,

A Wonderful and Incomparable ex hibition of Exhilarating, Dashing, and Novel elocution was next intraduet J by the Graceful and Accomplished Miss De Kelly, who recited the Ter rifle Real Roman Four-Horse ChariotRace from Ben Hur. The Marvelous and Magnificent talent displayed separates this supreme performance from

all other mere imitators.

The Crbwnihg culmination of the Commencement Sensation of the Cen

ution to Mrs. Babyfoot, bui no doubt teat is impossible, for a sou'less i-or port* i ion has no consideration for the let ling!', of people. A:.oth.-r insianceContral! are you listening? t an you understand what 1 am say ing "'

"Yes. 1 hear, bui- —”

"As 1 '.a- about lo remark, 1 ■pi-oped my husband two days ago at his office and had some more Irouble with the win , Th 4 ' nason 1 railed hi.u up was to t* i ; to 1).- sure and bring me home 'or. cents' worth

was laid hare to the mystified and breathless audience. Certainly a superb, Glorious, and original departure from the customary mediocre perform ances so often fostered upon the Com-

- mencement-Ioving public.

"Say. look here," shouted an excited: Th# Acmp j, nd idealization of O t person in the rear, whose hair was| torical Splendor, without peer or Pal standing wildly on end and whose eyes a ii e i was the Stupendous Oration tie appeared to be endeavoring to severe llvpr ' t>ll hy Th „ Peerless Pride ot tm

i' er'i r,t n"'.' a or" i' can indue t.<> • '-so:, v.i i ht r.

i’;r hi :nuii i 1

The old fashioned woman who used to cry for what she wanted acquired a lot more than the modern militant suffragette.

their connecting links with his face "I’ve just got twenty minutes to make my train In and it is a matter of forty thousand dollars to me if 1 lose it. Now if 'Clara' and her friend will re tire for a few moments and decide these momentous questions, the rest of us ean get our tickets before sh» has time to change her mind again." "Clare, I'll not stay here another moment and be insulted. 1 shall not get my ticket at this office, and I certainly shall report you, sir, at head quarters. 1 xvill never go on the Fenna. road again and 1 shall tell all my friends how I have been treated, and see that they take their custom elsewhere.” and then she and Clare swept haughtily from the ollice, w hUe

the crowd cheered.

As the two disappeared, the ticket agent winked at the crowd, and !':er. began throwing out tickets and making change, ns each man yelled his destination, tossed him his money, and snatching ticket sprinted out of the door with his coat-tails standing out straight, and his suitcase cutting long streaks out of the atmosphere.

tury was the unparalleled and scarce-j ©f !>:;by ribbon It took r>*- so;n time ly believable performance of Mi ; o explain .to him < . ietl.> v. here to go James Johnson In his Mystic Mystery) and how to indentify the eropei ihad' act entitled "the Class Prophecy " In) of ribbon, be.-m-m I intended to us» which the future life of his classma:es j it on a n.-w ihv*.; I am having made

by u prominent dressmaker She is Mr flu me Bulwark. 1 suppo**’ yo'i have beard of her. S!is one of the best modistes in th. cornunlty, and lias a reputation uiuonv, the social set. Well, to go back lo the .-object, I must have talked to my husband lor five minutes, go/n;. into detail* nboru the pun bn.-", and when . <.irn<' home in the evening he did not inn.- the rib bon! II.' told me eio'dir e ally that h*' did hot under.-tend* a word I snid

the ’pkon» ! You can readily see, -‘hen. tha; th*-:v is somethin

ter with our linV, r d P s jo ihJ be ,riven attention You kr.or, perfectly well. too. that the only reason house keepers have telephones la io aav* them little trips to tin grocery and - o tin store so my won't wear them .'•Ives out dro. ring every time Ili-y want to run some errand and- art you certain that you know wliai 1

am ”

"Yes. 1 he.il ll' you Rt|| tell me thi number you want, I will make tiir

onpection "

No 1 do not < ai ■ to make the call now The ’phone seems to be work hie very well to-day, although it. hn* .beep behaving wretblu'dly. Maybe you

Prodigiously Proficient Cornvilie High School on the subject of "Life, Lib erty and Justice; or. The Crime o,' the Nation ” A very important and Impressive part of this Grand Com poaite Exhibitional Enterprise. No writer, however skilful, can teil in words, no painter can produce on canvas, no sculptor can perpetuate in marble, the Impressiveness, the heart breaking sorrow, the dewy teai* the Absolutely Unparalleled agony displayed hy the Valedictorian of the Class in her beautiful farewell to th.' Teachers, Board of Education, and Schoolmates. At. the conclusion of her remarkable remarks the Gifted Young Lady, the Teachers, Officers, Classmates, and Audience joined in on.. Enormous. Utaited, and Colossal Sob The closing episode of this Stellar

Before marriage a man has a theory about managing a wife, hut after marriage he fan overs that it was a fuel and not a tfii ory that confront? him.

Good talk.

,ue h0( , } > ,, u ,. 1 . , d j . Esrux r.i ■rzx.z.z^zr,. mr:i of Exalted reputation and Proud and | . u , , ..... •' ol1 1 en Enviable fame, Th« Honorable Joshua ‘ ‘ - pen-ons test of th*

A -- 't> x<'c it it was working prop-

Every tt:n*' we hear a man say h ' lows his enemies or likes to work.j wo «r e tempted to speak up and say v.Liat wo tl.ink.

Whitiker, President of the Board of Education, who presented to each of the exceptionally talented gradual, the coveted diploma, and thus ended the Glorious Beauties and Delights of this Supremely Attractive and Super eminently Gorgeous. Grand, and M,*.s sive Graduating Exhibition, Exhaustively presented by Cornville’s HighSchool In the mos*. Elaborate and at

are u-:uaily poor quitters. J inactively resplendent manner possible

j in this age of Glittering Splendor.

Do ;-on try to do those you ate-*

du'.ncj by?

lr. n nrry cx ba-u

Gosrip is a deadly gas that is fata!) -u *

fr.uivD'ulp

JUST A THEORY

Stockholder; of railroad* who are cot getting their dividends -should remember that between appearing hetore the Lobby Investigating Committee ifi the Senate and the increasedrate hearings of the Interstate Commerce Commission and preparing statistics for the Physical Vdfciatlon Board and making reports of the Safety Appliance Committee and confer-

Just the same a girl with a fac llrg with the Attorney Cen. rnl over that would scare a gasoline truck up ( the amicable adjustment of Sherm.-ui

anti trust law suits and dl*. >]-. , ;

'rly.* 1

I »M»d I I Min 1 4-4-V^ C<.p; right, 1ft!?, hy Th« 1‘ie , Piibg.k lllg Co. **■ THE SCARLET LETTER By Nathaniel Hawthorne It was a festival day in the #eve - t'-enth century Puritan town of s a;flt| A festival day which wns about u* uHy a* would lie a day of universal rionm. ing in any oilier community iVir („ laugh or to *'io v any sign of gay^tj was regarded almost a* a sin by i!„ sour-faced, gloomy Puritans. Today they celebrated their femim In true Puritan style by torturinj , fellnw liuman being—a woman. \ throng of giurn men and of WMOj.-n | n i.t *U'!y plain Hot llCS c r ^ around the scaffold that stood in of the town jail. Out from the juji aud onto the scaffold was led a _y uuu< an I bec.utlful woman, a baby in her On Ute breast of the woman’s b’lirY dress was embroidered the le|t- r "i\ in scarlet. And hearing this red ba.||[. of infamy she was forced to stand on the ptatl'urm, facing the sullen holiday crowd. An official demanded'Rat g||* ••!1 the name of the man who was uer corfc'P-r-te in sin. She would not ftrmver. .Tiien .\rthur Dimmesdale, the - a |. lid fecoii young minister, wai ra'lpd upon to urge her to confess t - nouh 'lame. Dimoinsdule Imdo her, if a; l( i limit lit bed, to tell the name. the man should hy rights stand ot her .'uie on the scaffold. She refi].e',| Then, hy the decree of the court s'.» was set free, free to lead the life irf a shunned outcast, am! forced :cway* to wear the Scarlet Letter on her breast. It was a form of slow torture i:< It as was inexpressibly dear to tita Puritan mind. The woman waa Hester Prynne, fjiie had come out to the New England colonics from England some time earlier, leaving her elderly Puritan ntjfi bund to follow at his leisure He had been detained. Hester and Arthur Dimemsdale had met. and unknown to any one—had fallen in love with each other. It had been horrible to Dimniebdale to see iter stand there on the <«fluid alone, when bo know that by every right It" should have been pilloried at her side, to share the scorn of their narrow little provincial world. Only one person in all the toir.nimifiy guessed Arthur's dark secret. That .as a newly arrived English itnuiigrant, who called himself Rog-r CltHlingwhrtli, and who already possessed a strange malign influence over the young minister. Cl) tilings worth wm Hester's husband. He had readied Salem hi time to witness his wile's titsgrace. Making his identity knovni to no one, he set coldly to work to destroy Arthur by racking the latter’s on stive roiiueience. Hester, heedless of her neighbors' scorn, continued to live as best she could, doing odd jobs as a . rrn rist and bringing up her daughter, tittle Pearl, in a lonely but not unhappy fashion. Dimmesdale, harrowed and tormct)ted by Cliillingworth's insidious tenchin^s, grew to feel that it was himself and not Hester whose breast bore the firming Scarlet Letter Remorse, fed by Cliillingworlh, made the minister's life nn endless horror. His oliest burned as though invisible white hot irons were branding a letter there. At tlini's the agony was unbearab'e. One night, to ease his r ■morse, Arthur crept out to the scar.dd and • too I there alone In the darkn* *■.. sail pilloried before an imaginary multitude, “as if the universe were gazini; at a scarlet token on his naked breast, right over his heart. On that spot there had long been the gnawing and poisonous tooth of bodily pain." lie planned to lly to some dc.'ast refuge pbife with Hester and (‘earl, there to live in peace and love, ittd for- ' r et the ugly past. Rut ever ('liilline worth's crafty advice restrain 'd ld n i Otn- night ns the minister lay uneeailous Chillingworth opened th" 'ro n, of Arthur's shirt and stared gloaimBlj at something he saw on the v.liif * iImH of the chotit. At. lengtli Arthur Dlmmesda.’e 1 endure tltc inferno of in ut:i! a i i P' 1 ? slcnl pain no longer. He arose in d"’ pulpit one Sunday morning and ntnd* fs ll confeBison to Itis eongn. rtilli* n be sank back dead. CltHH*B worth raged Insanely at Lie sufferef* too easy escape from furtli'. r v '' 0 ' gennee. Eager hands tore op>‘fi , ? l ‘ collar of Dimnicsdale’s shirt to Rb'" hint air. Then, in horror, tire on '“ , ' t or hrank buck from what titny In rW upon iiis chest. Did they see there a srar'et letter, burred into the flesh by the tinge' ertnorse ? Or was it "merely a ^ ^ or some such hideous maHgA* 11 * row Hi that had ended tlte peritPP*'' life?

1 NATHANIEL HAWTHORN! **' bom in Salem, .Mass,, in 1804 He »>: '■ htcated at Rowdoin t'olloge, riftitu 1 W’here lie had among Ills fellow-stBtl ettls the poet, LongfHlow. and Franl 1 ' lin Pierce, afterwards President oi tb tiled StattiH. Leading for a tinip 1 sequestered, dreamy life, lie first n? pea rod as a writer, hit anotiymon f in 18.12 Five years later he 'publish 1 Ida TWICE TOLD TALKS. --'d IShk, he accept'd an appointmeti* t’.:e ei.stom Itottse at Ucston, t*

D-

worries on; c !c

R. O’ct of

-ri 'CBS' Pat* It

t lef 1.1.

an alley spends fully as much tir.i< In front of a mirror as a pretty g r!

does

j Success I* the mother of Imita

le&al mergers, th« Board of Direi ,, )rt , , probably couldn’t find tune to d' c!: -*. ;u dlvhl'ml or even f.od oat if then was train* tn* !>« ota.

Jtlrlt !' »>• 'd for tlii'cc ye n-s. In ’ riff l: ft vl3 rim t- | vqrveyi.t* in i' «•«*•* !tou. j H at Sclct t, b 't v.rn i n 1 d n n c]: i , I’ tt.'-i "M?'n tl’M