Greenfield Evening Star, Greenfield, Hancock County, 24 April 1906 — Page 4

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EOHATISMl

LUMBARO, SCIATICA, ^EORALfilA and TROUBLE

"5 ilROi'S" taUi'ii internally, nils the blood I 't tit poisonous matter and acids which are the utrect causes of these diseases. Applied externally it affords almost instant. r?l ef trorn pain, whilea permanent I uire is being effected by purifying the Diood, dissolrmsr the poisonous substance and removing it from the system.

OR* §. D. BLAND •tren Lon, Gtt., writes

Ii u! i.ften a tmirerer for a number of years I Itu '.nHil.apo ami Kluumatiem In iny arms '.mi leirs.aml fried all the remedies tlmtl could

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worltH. and also aonsulted

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THE NEW OFFICE BOY.

H? a moc'est little curly headed fellow. Whose Is scarcely greater than

1 h.- Uc-nce of locks of tr-wny yel-

Is of a halo born of nearer. V. i' were tten witn his most uu.oin* iT**»n beauty,

Ana v.e deemed hiin far too perfect for 1:s irth W leu ne modestly reported here for cUitv,

Aii unconscious of his transcendental a worth. si Oh, tue sweetness of his early morning greeting & In those rirst few days! How soft his ?*f. boyish tones

As he handed n:e my letters in the morning With "A lovely day!

Mr. Jones."

Good morninpr.

Ah, the period of all things that grow endear'ng Is as fieetmc- as the dew upon the grass! We haw felt it the misfortune we were fearing I

From the very first has come at length to pass. For our office boy has left us we are lonely.

He is merely now a memory of the past. He was with us but a fleetfng fortnight only ',i And has vanished, for he was too good «s to last.

We could tolerate his cigarettes and novif» els And his whistliner, which was constant, loud and shrill,

But 1 drew the line when he remarked this morning, "Gee. yer lookin on de hog dis mornin',

Bill!"

—T. A. Daly in Catholic Standard and Times.

AMUSING .!OKES.

Some That IIav«» Iteen I'layed on Members of Scientific Societies. m, Nothing is so funny—to the joker-as the development of a practical joke or hoax, and the most learned are sometimes fooled in this way, vo their great discomfiture. An amusing' hoax was perpetrated on the learned members of the Dumfries Antiquarian society of

Loudon, when an alleged (Jreek charm, 6aid to have heon taken from the dead body of a Bedouin, was presented for their inspection and admiration. Ii was said to have heen an heirloom ir the Bedouin's family for many centi ries and consisted of a scrap of skin on which was transcribed a myst^-ious legend. 11 was circulated among ft:e members of the auirust body of the An tiquaiian society until it 1 eil into tht hands of Dr. Seniple. who. amid much amusement, deciphered the hieroglyphics as "Old Bob I?idley. O,"' the refrain of an old song.

One of the best of tlsese jokes was practiced with considerable success by an eighteenth century wit. who pro fessed to have unearthed an ancient memorial slab on which this eplrapb was just decipherable:

BKXi: A. TH Til. ISST. f'XERK POS ET H. CI.AI 'D, COS TER. TRIP

E REJjERO. IMP. l.\ C-T OX AS. DO. TH HI SC. CX. SOR T. J. A. X. E.

In vain did archaeologists and in guists rack Their brains to find a solu tion of this cryptic inscription, which its discoverer "humbly dedicated to the penetrating geniuses of Oxford. Cambridge, Eton and tVie learned Society of Antiquaries."' and it was only when it had driven the c/everest men In England almost out of their wits that the following readintr was suggested by the hoaxer: "Beneath this btone reposeth Claud Coster, tripe sell er, of Impington, as doth his consort Jane."

That too. was a clever, if rarner heartless, joke which Steevens. ihe Shakespeare scholar, played on Gougli, known to posterity as the author of "Sepulchral Monuments." (Jough had criticised a drawing by Steevens rather mercilessly, and the latter forthwith planned a revenge which should hold up antiquity to ridicule. Proeuv ing a fiat piece of stone, he scratch^-.! on it, in Anglo-Saxon characters, tne Inscription, "Here Ilardcnut drank a winelioru dr,\, stared about him and died,"' and had it exposed in a shop which Gougli was in the habit of visitI ing.

A few days later Gough called at the shop, saw the slab, which, he was told, had been found in Kennington lane on the supposed site of Ilardieanute's palace, and, overjoyed at his good fortune, carried it off in triumph as a discovery of rare antiquarian value. He show^J it with pride to his fellow members of the Society of Antiquaries, a paper was written on it, a learned discussion followed and the inscription was published in the Gentleman's Magazine. Steevens' triumph was complete when he took the public Into his secret and laughed with them, but what, his victim's feelings and language were it would not have been possible to express in print.

Something over fifty years ago the Ingenuity of antiquarians was tested by a legend faintly traced on a time worn slab of stone which, so its discoverer said, had been unearthed during some excavations la Cumberland. This was the inscription:

TH. ISr. SAHAR. DNI7, TOC. RA C. K. But what language was it and what could it mean? The accepted opinion was that the legend referred In some way to Hardicanute or Hardnut, but beyond that speculation even was dumb, until the wicked joker had the effrontery to confess that he himself had chiseled the Inscription, of which the true translation was: "This is a hard nut to crack." And so it was.— tiondon Aii" vers.

iiie ensurer.

"I heard you swearing at an awful rate this morning. What was the matter?" said the first flat dweller. "Why, I was mad- at that coal man for swearing so at the poor horse he was trying to back into the court," explained the other, with flashing eyes. "It was awful."—Detroit Free Fresa.

.it

t)he Chzirch

At 'Zlobbindate

5* ^'T

V'*"TV

(OMsmal.]

YThen oi! an:l water meet there is nc mingling. The same is true of zeal and conventionality. At least, the Itev Frederick Forsythe found it so when he accepted the position, of assistant pastor of Christ church of Robbindale. The town and the church had been founded by I-Ioratic Bobbins, a man very set in his ways, and he had left his impress upon both, especially the church. If there ever was a young I man wrapped in his profession, it was

Mr. Forsvthe. Moreover, he was remarkably well fitted for it. "j But no one in Robbindale looked so far ahead. The clergyman was but twenty-six years old. and, though it was admitted that he had "the gift of gab," it was feared that he lacked that discretion necessary to get on with the members of Christ church. There was one essential to his retaining his position, and that was that he should take a wife from among the young girls of the congregation. lie was not told this. lie was simply informed when called to the church that his unwedded condition was an objection and that his permanency would depend upon his marrying.

Mr. Forsvthe found a congregation the membership of which had descended exclusively from parent to child. No one had ever joined the church from any other circle—that is, to remain. Several had tried it. but. not being noticed by any of the members, had quietly dropped out. Mr. Forsythe had scarcely entered upon his duties before he created an undercurrent of inquietude by drawing a number of outsiders into the fold. The worst feature of the innovation was that none of the new members was anything like the Christ churchers. Indeed, one of the oldest and most respectable ladies pronounced them "common."

When Mr. Forsythe found that his converts were being tabooed he preached a sermon on Christian fellowship, in which lie gently chided his flock for shutting themselves up in their little church when there was a Inmost waiting to be gathered in the broad fields, lie was surprised afterward to notice that his sermon had been received as a lmtter of course. No one thought it necessary to dissent from what wras the very essence of Christianity, but no one proposed to pay any attention to his exhortation except in a spiritual way—that is, they would feel the benefit of the spiritual admonition, but Christ church would go right on in its beaten path. One person ouly objected openly to the proposed departure. Mrs. MaePlierson said: "I'm Scootch mesel' and was a member of a church in Scootland. No one in the church there that didn't know me ever spoke to me, and I never spoke to any one I didn't

•i"*

iifgf

know." This was said to the pastor as a gentle admonition that he had better not go wandering about from Christ church traditions, but keep within them. Mrs. MaePlierson, being older than he and one of the wealthiest members of the congregation, could afford to speak thus plainly and to the point, but from no other of them did he get one word for or against his effort to make yi opening for the entrance of sinners in the walls of Christ church.

When Mr. F'orsytlie had preached the gospel to the Christ churchers an even six mouths one of the deacons called on him informally at his study ostensibly to discover if there was any prospect of his taking a wife, but really to make it plain to him that if he did not do so within the next six months the congregation would find it essential to call a pastor with a woman to perform those church functions pertaining to women. Mr. Forsythe said that he would take the matter under consideration in all its bearings, and the deacon left, feeling well satisfied. The result of the interview was soon whispered about through the members of the fold, and the young ladies were on a tiptoe of expectation.

few months after this the pastor gave out through the deacon that after the Wednesday evening prayer meeting he would make an announcement of importance in regard to his connection with the church. The members were puzzled. The pastor had not been observed to be paying attention to any of the girls of the congregation, though some minx might have caught him on the sly. This must be the explanation. The deacon had made him understand what was required of him if he kept his position, and "calls" for young men just out of seminaries at a salary of $1,200 a year did not grow on bushes. Besides, if a call had been made it would have been preferred by an exhibition sermon. Mr, Forsythe had been absent only one Sunday, and that was when his mother was ill.

On the evening of the expected announcement the prayer meeting comprised all the women of the church and most of the men. When the service was over, Mr. Forsythe. standing beside the pulpit, said I "I have long been anxious for a working field of the broadest character. Two have tempted me—foreign missions and the Salvation Army. But my elders of the clergy have persuaded me that I should remain in the pulpit. I have accepted a call from the Second church of M., where my mother resides."

Great was the astonishment at this outcome, but it was greater when the facts came out that the salary attached to the new position was $4,000 and

Mr. Forsythe is now one of the principal pulpit orators of America. FLORENCE ETHEL CROSBY.

Bil

Limitations.

He may be all right to face the powder, but when he kisses a lady the color leaves his face. St. Louis Post-Dis-patch.

Stndies of tlie Vernacular. "Saylil!" exclaimed the girl at the handkerchief counter. "Wotsmatter now?" asked the girl at the ribbon counter. "Aiutchoogittin nufteetV"' "Wojjaskin thatfur?" "Yooralookinkina thin." "Aintnuther!" "Yartoo. Betterficksher back hair. Scummin down." "Quitcherrubbe*iii. Mine jeroan biz."

But she fixed her back hair. "Saylil I" "Saycherseff." "Jevvergitclierforchun told?" "Yeh—wunsertwice. Ever gitchoors ?v "Yell. Ootolejuh?" "Erdkitsiuith sayinso. Cumtroo?" ms, "Notcliett." "Thinkitwill?". "Lykaznot. Letclioono tit does.'VS^ "Sayjen. Juno Kitte^bills keepin cumpny?" "Awka moff!" "Stroo /'una stannineer." "Howjeerit?" "Sallright. Yooleerabout it soonuff. Sayjen, canchooketch on"— "Say, there, you girls!" interrupted the floorwalker, who- happened along at this moment. "Go back to your customers.'"—Chicago Tribune.

VTHE"TOY INVENfOR.

ihe

Ufa Hardest Task Is to Catcil Fancy of the Public. The sinail inventor is an important factor in the mechanical toy business, and he earns all of the living lie gets in thinking up devices. He is most concerned with the small mechanical toys, and, in addition to the prime requisite of putting forth something novel, he must get something which costs as little as possible and which catches the fancy of the multitude. This last point is one which is most difficult to cover. No student of the subject has ever yet been able to discover or deduce the cycle in which the public taste moves, and it is still hit or miss as to whether a figure which walks on its hands, an airship with wings or an acrobat who works by gravity will be the best seller. Then, when the invention has been achieved, the inventor has still the problem of finding the maker who will buy it and pay a fair price. The inventor and maker are in much the same position as the writer and publisher both go through the same mental turmoil as to the timeliness of the output and both take the same risks.

The inventor who has been in the business long learns at last the best places at which to offer his wares and has more or less of an idea of what they ought to bring him, and once he has acquired this knowledge his entire energy is devoted to keeping up with the demand for newness. Something absolutely aifferent from anything else previously offered is in general better than an improvement of an old idea, and that is why in mechanical toys the same device is seldom seen two seasons In

succession.—Philadelphia Record.

A Modern Antique.

A story told of Pistrucci has its point for collectors. Pistrucci was an Italian and chief engraver a. the mint. It is, by the way, to him that England is indebted for the fine group of St. George and the dragon on the reverse of the sovereign. He insisted that modern work in cameo should be quite as fine as ancient work. A "potboiler'' head of Flora which he engraved and

pert would undoubtedly pronounce

Plstrucci's cameo

the clergyman was engaged to one of I waistband is snug. the members of the church that had I Most of the smart spring coats are offered It, a devoted worker In church charities,

SARTORIAL HINTS.

How to Alter f,nst Season's Costumes. Green the Smart Spring: Color.

No well bred skirt has an old fashioned placket. The up to date idea isi to fasten the skirt in the center underneath the middle plait. A row of invisible hooks and eyes is placed at the side where the plaits lap over from right to left.

The round waist is approved of la mode, and skirts that have belts cut down in a point In front are decidedly de mode. Waists are worn on the outside of the skirt, and .consequently the

high in the neck. To alter a last senson's jacket attach a triangular piece of velvet or cloth at the neck opening, and trim it with braid or some fanciful design. Then fit about the neck a two Inch turnover collar.

sold to a dealer for £5 was afterward sold as an antique to Richard Payne Kravoma," and is to appear exKnight for £500. Knight took the clusively in The Sunday Magraeameo in triumph to Pistrucci.

Where can you get modern work __ r' ., like that?" he asked. Herald, beginning, April 22. The mysterious country of

Pistrucci smiled and claimed the antique for his own. Knight would not believe him. "Examine the roses," said the artist, I tic region of southern Europe as "and you will see that they are modern Zenda, but the new story has no fl^tre' .n+ connection with that of the

The point was admitted by others. but never by Knight, who bequeathed famous Rudolph Kassendyil. the gem and the rest of his collection Its central figure is a still more to the nation. But for the roses an exintprestjno-

^l,»|l»jf«l|.»m-|. .MBpW.!!..j.

Style 407

YES,

ANTHONY HOPE'S NEW STORY

'Sophy of Kravonia," Said to Be More Thrilling Than "The Prisoner of Zenda," to Appear Serially-

Good news for lovers of stirring romance! Antony Hope lias written a new story in the style of '"The Prisoner of Zenda,'" and even more surpassing in interest. It is called "Sophy of

zine

,the Chicago Record-

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mterestin

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fine antique. ous and beautiful heroine, who

rises from lowly life to the 'throne. Sophy de Grouche is her name, and she loves the brave but unfortunate Prince Sergins, as she proves in a series of the most exciting events in modean fiction. Her trials and triumphs are due to the existence of two fractions in the court. One is loyal to the true heir apparent, Prince Sergius, and the others seek to place up on the throne the little son of Countess Edenburg, the kings morganitic wife. The conspiracy leads to many dramatic scenes, one of the most thriling being that in.which the old king dis]

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covers the guilt of the countess and drops dead at a moment when things are in a perilous condition for Sergius and his bride. How Sophy comes out of this turmoil of intrigue battle tears and joys. Anthony Hope reveals in his

ivn

inimitable

style. The first installment of "Sophy of Kravonia" will appear April 22. On accouuf of the great demand for this fascinating story it will be wise to orcter yoitr copy of The Sunday Retord-Herald well in advance.