Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 238, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 October 1920 — ON THE FUNNY SIDE [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

ON THE FUNNY SIDE

. SELF-tFFACEMENT. "Leonidas!” exclaimed Mrs. Meetton, “are you aware that I was reading my essay on politics aloud to you?" “Yes, my dear.” “But you went to sleep.” “Why not? You removed every ddhbt so thoroughly and solved dvery problem so completely that I saw no further reason for retaining personal consciousness.” Another Item. “This bill of yours—why, it makes my blood boll!” the Indignant patient stormed. “Ah 1” the man of medicine returned calmly, “In that case we must make a little change,” and, taking the bill ba added the Une: “To making blood boil and thereby sterilizing system, $25.” Painful Meeting. Bill —Just happened to run into an old friend Phil —Was he glad to see you? Bill—You- bet not. I smashed his whole right fender.—Cornell Widow. Smartness. “Don’t you think this is a smart gown?” asked the lady. “I do,” answered the gentleman. “Anything that looks especially foolish is spoken of as especially smart.” A Way of Theirs. “Bills have one queer quality.* "What is it?” “The more you contract them, the more they expand.”

THE NEXT IN ORDER. Mr. Cheerup: Too bad you lost so much money in that oil stock swindle. But brace up, man. Every cloud has a silver lining. Mr. Sappe: Yes, I’ve heard a rumor to that effect but I haven’t yet been offered any stock In the prospect. True. The road to fame Is long and rough They only win Who’ve got the stuff. A Suggestion. “Do you really believe a wife with good cooking can pull the wool over her husband’s eyes?" “Just try some nice flannel cakes.” Not Fastened to the Idea. "Is a wife bound to obey her hueband?” > "I must say I haven’t seen many who were tied down to the job.” Very Odd. "It seems strange that there should be so much industrial disturbance caused by coal.” "Yes, especially as by its very nature it must always be a minor issue.” Too Suggestive. "Why do dentists call their offices ‘dental parlors?* ♦ "I suppose they think it would make their patients feel too bad if they called them drawing rooms.” Not Certain. “You know, my dear boy, we really gain by our trials in life.” "That depends altogether on what kind of lawyers we get to try them." . * ....i । * , Cruel Comment. "Look at the engagement ring Will gave tne. He has such taste. “Yes; all the girls he’s been engaged to admit that in his favor.*,; * — ; Fitting Styles. "I see where they are making hats of shavings.” . “They ought to be particularly appropriate to wooden heads.” -*» * "■ r#' ’ ’ L v sometimes Difficult. Little Harry—Papa, what is politeness? . Professor Broadhead — Politeness, my son, is the art of not letting othe* people know what you really think of them.— Stray Stories. AN dtW W •WWW sw wwwi - "The poet I pointed out to you at the dog show Is very peculiar Ip somd ways. He has a perfect paastoa tod dactyls." “Did he have any of ’em on exhibh Won there?”