Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 212, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 September 1920 — GOT BILL’S GOAT [ARTICLE]

GOT BILL’S GOAT

He Simply Couldn’t Understand About Wife’s Hands. Doing Only a Small Part of House, work Allotted to Hie Helpmate Hie “Fine” Wen a Sight, but Hers, Never. Bill is wearing gloves! Any time you see Billwearing gloves know ye that something has occurred. It may be a death and Bill may be going to attend the funeral, or it may be that Bill is bound for a wedding, or else there is always the chance that the Improved Order of Joinits is going to have some sort of a ceremonial and that Bill is going to be a participant It was a knowledge of this peculiarity which caused all to look at Bill in an inquiring sort of way when he came in t’other night .and which prompted Joe to ask: “What’s the big idea, Bill, that yotf ve got yocr fins covered?? “Wife sick.” Bill said no more. You’ll agree that it was far from a satisfactory explanation. Joe voiced the sentiment when he remarked, petulant like, “that’s a b 1 of a reason!” “Huh!” It was plain Bill wasn’t going to be voluble on this subject of “them” gloves. Now if there is one thing in this world that Joe delights in more than another it is in pecking away at Bill, an<T Bill equally enjoys seeking to harass that person’s nanny. “I said that wasn’t much of a reason,” repeated Joe. “My wife’s been sick and I didn’t wear gloves; don’t see no reason on’ earth why you should be wearing gloves just because the Missus is ill, unless you’re expecting her to pass over and are making preliminary arrangements for- the services.” That nettled Bill. “Smart; aren’t i you,” he asserted. “It’s the great wonder of my life that some of the funny papers like the Undertakers’ Herald haven’t engaged you to condu*ct their humorous column. You’re about as funny, as, as—as a stick of wood. Now you’re so darned inquisitive, just look at them.’’ Bill peeled off the gloves and displayed tils hands. S|y, but you ought to have seen ’em. Red.! A fresh boiled lobster was a dark blue compared to those hands! I “There’s the answer,” says Bill. 1 “The wife’s been sick and I’ve been ' doing the housework. I didn’t mind , it much at first, sort of fun, you know. , Made me think I was some cheese ! around the house. Didn’t do it just ' because I wanted to, but because I : hafi to. Couldn’t get any help and the j wife had to be cared for, had to have a bite to eat and the houtee had to be 1 looked after. I did it; yes, I did. I ' cooked and I swept and I washed ' dishes and, believe me, I did some I chore, but gosh almighty, I don’t un- • derstand It yet, why my hands got so I blasted red. I “Just look at ’em.” Again Bill dis- , played those hands. “Look at ’em; 1 aren’t they beauties 1 Honest, the only thing I can think of every time I look at those hands is Joe’s nose before | the first of last July. | “Those hands, I say, began to get i red. They got redder and redder un- ■ til they're what you see displayed before you. Will they stop there? I i dunno. But this here is what gets 1 me: When the wife is on her feet doing the work, she does 100 times ' as much as I’ve been doing; she not only washes the dishes, but she scrubs ' the floors and washes the clothes and : cleans the house, and gosh only knows what and, by h6okey, I’ve yet to see her hands when they look even slightly red. What’s the answer? Tell me?” 1 —Sam, in Lewiston Journal.