Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 196, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 August 1920 — LIFE'S LITTLE JESTS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

LIFE'S LITTLE JESTS

HANDICAPPED. “Didn’t young Grabcoin go away to. college last year?” “Yes. He went to Harvard.* ‘Tine institution.’’ “So it is, but young Grabcoin carried along a Japanese valet a motorcar and a bulldog. He' may have picked up a few crumbs of knowledge, but I doubt it" News Item. “Pearls have gone up.” “What’s that?” Inquired his wife. “The pearl necklace that cost SI,OOO four years ago now costs $5,000 or more.” * “Thye, now, John. You see what you rmssed by not buying me one then.” Considerate. “I hope the movie stars you employ try to make your business as pleasant for you as possible?” “Oh, yes,” replied the producer, ironically. “They seem to have an Idea that the larger the salaries they demand the easier it is for me to figure out my Income tax.” Strangers. “Is that a popular novel you are reading?” - “Not with me,” replied Mr. Gllthersby. “I picked it up because I liked the picture of the heroine on the cover, but after reading a few chapters I discovered that the author and the artist had never met.” Artful Candidate. “But you can’t run for two offices st the same time.” “You dont understand politics,’’ said the veteran campaigner. “I’m going to ballyhoe for one office while Pm pussyfooting for the other. In that way I can’t lose.”

He —How would you like to live in a cottage by the sea? She—By the sea, yes, but why * cottage?

American. He has no need of greater pride Nor bigger work to brag Who keeps his conscience for his guide And serves his country’s flag. ——-»r-— — Simple. Mrs. A—l can’t understand why your daughter Jilted a rich man to marry a poor one. Mrs. B —lt is very simple, my dear. With the one she would have had everything to Ibse, but with the other jshe has everything to gain. 111 " ’ . - ■ T Busy Life. “You think eight hours a day is enough work for any man?” “Plenty,” answered Cactus Joe. “That leaves him only sixteen hours to play poker and get a little’ sleep." Great Execution. . “The violinists execution was simply marvelous." “Wasn’t it, though? You could see the audience hanging on every note." Educational. “Is this an educational film?" “Well, you. might call it so. Has •ome very interesting studies in'feminine anatomy.” The Varieties. “What are the fruits of practical politics?” » z ‘ “So far, I have come across only two varieties —lemons and. plums.” The Difference. “Last year old Slick was paying court to Miss Smarty.” “And this year he is paytag her alimony.” Why Not? “What are you working on?" “You remember those old remedies advertised as good for man or “Yes." Tm working on an anti-freezing mixture, good for man or BBton" “Why have footpad F “Your honor, I used to be a panhan. diet.” “I know that" “But nobody would listen to a hartU

HER IDEA.